I do not own Syfy's Alice.

But we've already been through that, yeah?

Bloody Maddening


I almost didn't answer me office door that day. Wouldn't that have been a laugh.

No story, no adventure.

No Charlie.

No Stone of Wonderland.

No uprising.

And worst of all, no Alice.

At least not for me anyways.

So I guess I'm glad Ratty's so persistent and annoying.

You know, the guy doesn't give up easily.

Also the smell's helpful.

As in, you know, being so bad it makes you more than willing to do near anything to get him to leave.

Not that he's a bad guy.

Just, well, not really aromatically pleasing, as it were.


"Down by the docks . . . just appeared outta the lake . . . dripping wet and ready for a fight . . ."

Sometimes when Ratty got excited, he had trouble forming complete sentences and making himself understood.

"green paper . . . to shake my hand, even . . ."

Patience all run dry, I held up me hand to the jabbering, smelly old ratcatcher.

"Slow down, Ratty. What're you on about?"

His beady little eyes were shiny and a little mad.

"Alice!"

Alice. Right. Didn't know any Alice. Knewa Carlotta. But she'd never . . .

"Of Legend."

Wait. What?


Blimey, she sure was a looker alright.

Spotted her as Ratty was bringing her through crowd of shouting, desperate Teaheads.

Long, dark hair. Piercing blue eyes.

To go with her very wet dress.

Yeah, she cut quite a striking figure.

And sure not some little girl Alice the tales spoke of.

I was intrigued, to say the least.

But I was a showman.

So I got ready for the show.


"Would you like a cuppa tea?"


'Ello, all!

Interested?

Leave a review if you like.