Jess was always aware of the insignificance. Even at times when she thought she'd rid herself of the idea, it would make its way back to the front of her mind at stay there until she could no longer bear it. She was always aware that what she was doing didn't matter. It didn't matter to her teachers in school, it didn't matter to her parents and it didn't matter to the starving children in Africa or the men and women fighting in the military. Or anyone, for that matter. It didn't even matter to Jess.

There were some moments when she felt such a strong sense of desperation it nearly crippled her. The worst part was that she wasn't even desperate for anything – she was desperate for everything. She wanted excitement and she wanted adventure. She wanted to walk out of her house and not come back until she'd infected every person in London with the same passion she had. Because that's what it was, it was passion. Burning, body-chilling, nearly paralytic passion. Passion for everyone and everything yet nothing she could direct it towards. Nothing seemed to warrant her passion or even acknowledge its existence. And so she would shove it down and "keep it together" as her friend Sally would say. She suppressed her thoughts and felt as though the outside world was suppressing the rest of her. Suppression was all she had for now. She was just getting tired of waiting for something to relieve her.

But for now she was content in her own way, although what a gloomy way it seemed to be. She spent her nights alone barricaded by books and drowning in herbal teas, sealing herself off from the outside world with a thick wall of old records to top it all off. If she couldn't find anything of significance to do, then she may as well just surround herself with the things she enjoys.

"But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough"

She leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the hypnotic beauty of Gotye's record flood her mind. As she was in the midst of losing herself completely in the music and her thoughts, her cell phone went off. It made her cringe, feeling almost like an alarm clock waking her from a beautiful dream. Seeing as it was nearly two in the morning, she was going to wait for the morning to check the message. But then again, who would be texting her at this time?

Happy Birthday girl! Can't wait for tomorrow night ;)
xoxo - Sally

Shit. How could Jess forget it was her own birthday? Her 18th no less, and she had agreed to go to the clubs with Sally and some other girls. The only saving grace, and the real reason she'd gave in so easily was that John might be there, floating in the sea of mindless, immature zombies.

God, he was perfect. They were perfect. They were such a cliché that it hurt to even think about. In all honesty she wasn't even sure what she'd say if she saw him. They'd only broken up about a month ago, shortly after school started. But it was the summer that destroyed them. It was summer that took Jess's heart out and ripped it to shreds; when they'd both made new friends and faded out of each others' lives and unintentionally given up everything they had. Jess spent most of the summer in France with her father and his husband at their chateau. She'd begged John to come with her but he spent all summer obsessing over getting into a good medical school once he'd found a flat to move into. Of course he'd found the strangest flatmate, but she didn't even want to think about that right now. All she could think about this very moment was getting into her bed and preparing for the next 24 hours of hell.