Chapter 2- Decision

As much as I adored and loved Mai-Len, I had to know what was wrong with her. I didn't care if it meant betraying out friendship or causing pain to myself, Mai-Len, or other people. The first step to find out what was wrong was to talk to her and see if she would tell me. If I'm really her friend, she'll tell me right?

I've been logging all this in a journal of my own. I don't really know if it will help, but it's a way to tell my story. I keep it locked in a drawer so Mai-Len doesn't accidently take it. Today is June 13, 2010. I hope this works out, but I am determined to win this inner battle of curiosity.

My first step-talk to her. I wonder how this will work.

That night. . .

I walked to her bed while she was just playing on the computer. "Hey Mai-Len! How's it going?"

"Hello Alice! I'm doing just fine today, and you?" She forced herself to look happy.

"I'm doing great! You've looked kinda down lately so I was worried about you." I knew that would trigger some emotion into her.

"What? Me? No. I'm just fine! I'm not sad or anything. Please don't worry about me. You're too kind. I'm not anyone you should waste your time on worrying. Please don't. I'm very happy!" Alice played along very well. One word about being worried and she snaps. She is so kind that she could never have anyone worry.

"Mai-Len. The more you say don't worry, the more I worry. Something is wrong, but you won't 'fess up! Just tell me already. I can barely sleep 'cause I'm so worried. If you tell me, maybe I can help." I told her the truth. I never want her to be unhappy.

"Really? Is that how you feel. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was so readable. I've been having bad dreams lately, and to make them go away, I have to do some religious things, but I know how much you don't like it. So I don't do it because it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for making you worry." She told me. I was amazed she told me, but that wasn't everything. It was all she would say though. That was enough. I had more plans.

"That's all. If religious ceremonies are necessary to make them go, then do it. I don't care. I know it should be weird, but truth is, I don't care. You shouldn't make those assumptions. Go ahead and do the rituals, and spells. I will go on happily as ever." Mai-Len was a Wiccan. She practiced modern witchcraft. It didn't bother me one bit, and she was worrying it would.

"Thank you Alice. You're too kind to me. I really don't deserve this kindness." She always said that. She has a pure heart.

"No problem. When are you starting? If you need any help, tell me."

"Oh. Since you said it was ok, I was starting now if that's okay. Oh, and I'll need your help."

"Now is fine Mai-Len. What do you need me to do?'

"Follow me." Mai-Len seemed happy. She looked more relieved.

I followed Mai-len and went into the closet. We had a big walk-in closet. One side was Mai-Len's and one side was mine. She pushed aside some clothes, and turned on a light switch. "I never knew there was a light switch there." I said curiously. She looked at me.

"It's not a light switch. Watch." I watched as the wall slowly pushed open. It was a secret entrance. I was shocked. Alice saw the expression on my face and laughed. It was nice to hear her laugh. She had such a nice high pitched voice that had a hint of honey to it.

Inside was an alter room for her craft. She turned to give me instructions.

"This won't hurt. But I need you to cut your thumb and give me some blood in this." She smiled weakly. She knew I would freak out at the sight of blood, but I didn't make a face. This was for her. I took the bowl, and the knife. Then I asked my question.

"Is there a certain way I need to cut myself with this knife? Or do I just cut myself?" She smiled and then realizing what I just said, she frowned.

"That...is not a knife! It is an athame! Cut yourself in between thumb and index finger. If you don't really want to do this, you don't have too."

I took the "athame" and pointed it toward my hand."If I didn't want to, I wouldn't be here. I would have left a long time ago." Then slowly I made a slit. I let blood drip into the bowl. Then she gave me a band-aid when she thought it was enough. She also gave me a box.

"Put this on, and then come back here." I left and opened the box. There was a beautiful white dress in it. I put it on…perfect fit! I went back in the room.

"Now what Mai-Len?" She took my hand and led me to a table.

"Lie on the table, and relax. I'm going to start the spell." She said softly. She turned off the lights and pressed a button to close the entrance. I lay on the table. I watched as she turned candles on, five of them in a circle. No. Not a circle, a pentagram. She looked at me. "This is your last chance to leave." I nodded my head "no". I can do it. I faced the ceiling and waited.

She started to murmur something. I couldn't tell what though. It wasn't English. Slowly, my body started to feel numb. I started to rise off the table. I leaned my head back to see her. She nodded at me, and smiled. That was her way of saying that it was ok. I trusted her and looked up again. My body started to quiver and rise more. I felt a little pain that increased. I can do it. My body twitched more and more, and finally I grabbed the athame next to me. I didn't do it on purpose, my body did it for me. The dress I wore had a designed hole in the stomach. I pointed the athame toward my stomach and cut a pentagram. I felt the pain surge through me. Tears formed in my eyes. Then under my belly button, I started to cut a symbol, I don't know well. I remember hearing Mai-Len speak in Swedish for a bit. I could understand Swedish.

"Ta athame och punkt det under naveln. Känner tårar Stream som du skär välsignelse på dig. Du skall bli välsignade." I understood it. She said "Take the athame and point it under the navel. Feel tears stream as you cut the blessing on you. You shall be blessed." So I was blessing myself. Here are the things I've cut into myself.

The pain was unbearable. I started to cry. I even started to scream. My eyes rolled back and I looked at Mai-Len. She was smiling. Her eyes looked red, but it could just be the candle light. She walked around the table to wear I was floating, and holding the athame. I stared at her afraid of what might happen next. She said something in Latin, "Dea spins inter nos , bona nos una. Ut remuneror suus est nostrum iucunditas. Lucunditas ex unus alius." I didn't have a clue what she said. I knew the first sentence. "The goddess spins around us." The rest, I was clueless. She said something else, and I felt my arm raise the athame. I stared at Mai-Len. Why did she look so evil? Why were her eyes red? She wasn't herself. I watched as my arm involuntarily slashed my dress off in a fraction of seconds. Mai-Len's flowing dress rose, and she got onto the table with me. She continued repeating the same latin phrase. My body fell back onto the table and I felt weird. Mai-Len was on top of me. She was straddling me blankly. Her dress was ripped off from the athame, and my body had a sudden desire for her. I slowly recognised what she was saying in latin. "The goddess spins around us, blessing us together. To reward her is our pleasure. Pleasure from one another." Mai-Len was going to rape me. . .