Paul Blart vs. The Zombie Hoard
The husky mall security guard rode his Segway through the floors of his beloved West Orange Pavillion Mall. He had just returned from a long trip from Las Vegas. The mall had opened a new store while he was gone, a Bass Pro Shop. Baffled and curious Paul got of of his Segway and decided to check out the Bass Pro Shop.
"Man, this place is a security guard's wet dream!" Paul said to nobody in particular.
He browsed around the store and stood in awe when he saw it: The Firearms case.
Paul rubbed his hand like a racoon that had just scored a free meal out of a Taco Bell dumpster, exposing his teeth in devilish delight. He strolled over to the counter with his hands behind his back whistling a tune.
"Is this the way to the gun show?" He said flexing his flabby arms.
He began to laugh nervously to nobody in particular, his jolly gut giggled with each breath.
He seductively placed his index finger over the counter and began to walk around the display case with it touching the glass. When he got behind the counter he smacked his hands together in celebration and began to rummage through the hand guns that were on display.
He pulled a S&W Model 29 revolver and aimed it at a manniquen.
"Don't worry it's not loaded." He said closing the chamber
"Are you feeling lucky punk?" He said aiming the gun at the manniquen again.
A deafening boom emitted when Paul pulled the trigger of the gun. The manniquen exploded into pieces.
Paul attempted to blow the smoke from the barrel and accidently pulled the trigger. The bullet grazed his mustache and smashed into the above ceiling.
"Make my day!" He chuckled.
He began to frown when he noticed a secuirty camera had recorded the whole thing and nervously waved.
After Paul hid the destroyed manniquen in the woman's room of Bass Pro he returned to his segway and carried on with his patrol of the West Orange Pavillion Mall. Paul stopped his segway in terror when he saw faces at the front entrance.
"Oh my God! It's a zombie invasion!" Paul screamed in terror.
He flew back to the Bass Pro and geared up with a few shotguns and the trusty S&W revolver.
He returned to the entrance of the mall and began to discharge his weapons into the plate glass watching as the zombies fell one by one. Their heads being shot in one by one with the powerful weapons. Blood stained the white marble tiles. Men, women and children were mowed down by Paul's vollies of lead.
When Paul's relief came in he told him to watch out for the zombies, he had a rough night fighting them off.
"Umm, Paul, it's black Friday buddy. Did you shoot the customers up again this year? Jesus Christ you have issues man.
