A little drabble on what Sherlock Holmes's driving lessons must have been like.

Obviously, I am not Arthur Conan Doyle, Mark Gatiss, or Steven Moffatt. Therefore, I own none of the characters. Well, actually, I own the driving instructor.

Read, Review, Enjoy!


Driving Instructor: If you could turn left at the lights, please.

Sherlock: Why? It's clear to anyone with a brain that going left will only make our journey longer.

Driving Instructor: And why is that?

Sherlock: Did you not see the queue of cars two roads back? There's been an accident nearby, hence these roads are becoming more congested. The road you are suggesting I take leads towards the scene of the accident, meaning we would be stuck in traffic while the police try and restore some semblance of order. So unless you want me to spend the next half an hour of my lesson crawling forward at less than five miles an hour, I recommend we go straight on at the lights and left at the next roundabout. That will avoid the accident.

Driving instructor: But - how did you know there was an accident?

Sherlock: Quite simple. Five minutes ago I spotted two police cars and a fast response ambulance, all speeding in the same direction. This would mean that there has been some sort of incident; severe enough that it needs two police cars. The fast response ambulance means that there are people injured; the most likely cause of that would be a road accident. And also because I just heard a traffic bulletin about a minute ago stating as such.

Driving Instructor: Okay… wow. You do realise the light's green?

Sherlock: You haven't told me which way I'm going yet.

Drivers start beeping their horns.

Sherlock: SHUT UP. Now, left or straight on.

Driving Instructor: Er, straight on.

Sherlock: Gladly.

10 minutes later

Driving Instructor: Now, next turning on your-

Sherlock: Are you sure?

Driving Instructor: How did you even know what I was going to say? No, I don't want to know. And now we've missed the turning. Great.

Sherlock: Oh, well I can always-

Driving Instructor: YOU CAN'T DO A U-TURN ON A DUAL CARRIAGEWAY.

Sherlock: Why not? There's no one else about and-

Driving Instructor: At the moment. And it's against the law!

Sherlock: Oh, dull. Rules are meant to be broken.

Driving Instructor: Okay, I've had enough. Just do as I say, or I shall make you pull over and I'll drive us back.

Sherlock: What would be the point in that? Aren't I supposed to be learning how to drive? And how can I do that from the passenger seat?

Driving Instructor: Just listen to – LOOK OUT THERE'S A CYCLIST.

Sherlock: He shouldn't be there anyway, did he even look at that junction-

Driving instructor emergency stops.

Driving Instructor: Get out. Get out, I'm driving you back.

Sherlock: But why, I am perfectly capable-

Driving Instructor: GET OUT.

Later on

Mycroft: Oh, Sherlock. Not another one?