The Quistis Trepe Show
Episode XII - Maternity Tests
Zell: NO YOU STUPID *censored**censored**censored*!!! MY
HOT DOGS!!!
Quistis: Calm down, Zell. We're on the air.
Zell: Really?
Quistis: Yep.
Zell: Really?
Quistis: Yes.
Zell: Really really?
Quistis: YES NOW SHUT UP!
Zell: Ok...god...
Quistis: Let's get on with the show. Let's welcome our first
Guest, Lucrecia.
Lucrecia: Hi everyone!
Everyone: Hi, Lucrecia!
Lucrecia: *smiles*
Quistis: Now, why are you here today, Lucrecia?
Lucrecia: After 25 years, my estranged husband is
saying that Sephiroth isn't his son...*sobs*
Quistis: Well then, let's meet this evil man...
*Hojo walks out**Crowd boos*
Hojo: What? He's a freak, and he's not my son!
*Hojo sits down but out of nowhere Sephiroth comes fling out of the sky and kills Hojo*
Quistis: OK then...
*Selphie comes in**Sephiroth screams and runs away as Irvine comes out*
Irvine: Ack! It's Selphie!
*Pulls out gun and shoots Selphie*
Irvine: Oh no! She's using her limit break!
*Selphie puts flowers in Irvine's hair**Irvine dies*
Quistis: Aww... the hippi died...
*Duo and Heero come out, beat up Selphie, and drag her off*
Sephiroth:*smiles*
Rinoa: Let's have a picnic!
Quistis: Where did you come from? And a picnic in the middle of the show?
Rinoa:*shrugs**pulls out blanket*
*Sephiroth skips along and sits with Rinoa*
Quistis: What's with Sephiroth? He's supposed to be all evil and stuff.
Zell: He retired and died his hair.
*Quistis looks over and realizes that Sephiroth's hair is green*
*Irvine scrounges the picnic for beer**finds some**drinks beer**passes out*
Quistis:*sigh*
Carbuncle: Isn't this supposed to be about maternity tests? We haven't even started! We were off topic since the beginning!
Quistis: TOO BAD HAHAHA
Aeris:*walks up to Quistis*
Tifa:*also walks up to Quistis*
Aeris: IS THAT *censored* CLOUD CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS *censored* ???
Tifa: HE IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU WITH ME!
Aeris: IS TOO!
Quistis: Umm...I have no say in this...
Tifa: Who do YOU side with, Quistis?
Quistis: Er...umm...Oh, there goes my pager.
Aeris: You don't have a pager. And if you did, I would hear it.
Tifa: Me too.
Quistis: LIARS!!! *Quistis runs away*
*Vivi sitting on couch*
Vivi:*looks scared* HAHAHA *looks evil*
*Garnet sits in Quistis' chair*
Garnet : Welcome to the Garnet Jesse Raphael Show!
Zidane: Why were we given a set with a bunch of messes of other FF characters? This is a downright *censored* mess...
Vivi:*smiles*
*no one notices cuz they can't see his mouth*
Vivi:*looks suspicious*
Freya: Let's go kick some serious *censored*!!!
Stiener: No...cuz...i'm just a drunk hippi...where's Woodstock?
Freya:*rolls eyes and goes and fights monsters*
Eiko: Lalala!
Amarant:...
Beatrix : Dressed in hippi clothes and drunk* Lez get married...*hic* c'mon stiener...*hic**passes out*
*The Turks come*
Amarant: ...
Rude: ...
Amarant: ...
Rude: ...
Amarant: ...*smiles*
Rude: ...*smiles*
*Rude and Amarant go frolic in some flowers*
Vivi: ?
*Reno and Tseng walk over to Sephiroth*
Reno: Wanna go for a beer, Sephiroth?
*Tseng goes insane*
Tseng: NOOO!!! *runs around in circles* LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU!
Reno:*censored*, I just for got that he JUST got out of that mental hospital...well, let's give him his medicine...
*Reno pulls out Ritalin and beer*
*Rufus is in the fetal position in a corner singing little rabbit fufu*
Reno: OK, I'll do it...*gives Tseng and Rufus beer and Ritalin*
Reno: There. Is ANYONE around here sane?
Vivi: I am.*looks evil* or am I...
Reno: Er...
*Sephiroth dies for no reason at all*
Reno: FINALLY a climax!
Vivi: YAY! ^_^;;
*Aeris and Tifa still fighting over Cloud*
Aeris: MY CLOUD!
Tifa: NO, HE'S MINE!
Aeris: MINE!
Tifa: MINE!
*a hole appears in the ground and Tifa and Areis have to go through the whole lifesteam thing again*
*Barret comes out from nowhere and he has amnesia for some reason (I'm too lazy you pick a reason) and thinks he's none other than...
Mr. T!!!*
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who goes in da lifestream!
*Jerry Springer pops up out of nowhere*
Jerry Springer: And today we will talk about dysfunctional Talk Shows.
*Sephiroth and Barret (aka Mr. T) come out on the show*
*Everyone hears Vincent in the background*
Vincent: WHOOOOO IM BATMAN *like a little kid* WHOOOO!!!!! WHEEEE!!!!!
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who don't know me foo!
The Audience Of Sephiroth Clones In Black Cloaks: YES WE DO KNOW YOU
*Barret (aka Mr. T) just disappears*
Sephiroth: You don't know me! *to crowd*
Quistis: Don't you dare cut off our air time Sesame Street...-
END
Quistis: TOO BAD WE'RE CUTTING INTO SESAME STREET!
*sesame street music comes on in background for about 2 min*
*turns off*
Quistis: NO MUSIC!
*Jerry Springer comes back on but everyone's left*
Elmo: I'm gonna *censored* sue your *censored* *censored*!!!
Sephiroth: Er...what?*Sephiroth is back alive for some reason*
Tseng: LOOK BEHIND YOU! *to Big Bird*
Reno:*shrugs**hits Big Bird on the head with a frying pan*
Reno: What's with these guys?
Cloud: I dunno...
Vivi: FINALLY CLOUD HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY! *cough*...lozer...*cough*
Rufus:*jumps on helicopter and makes a drunken speech*
*Rinoa still on picnic blanket eating Oreos*
Carbuncle: At it again, making da ratings go up... OH YEA WELL I CAN DO IT TOO!
*Carbuncle puts on suit and hat and staff and sings like on Broadway*
Vivi: ^_^;;
*Rinoa and Edea start playing risk and everything gets really confusing and everyone falls asleep except for Rinoa and Edea who stay up until 5 am playing risk then they fell asleep*
Quistis:*yawns*um...why are Edea and Rinoa asleep on the risk board...and why does Rinoa have a dice up her nose?
*Quistis knocks her chair over on her way standing up and wakes Edea and Rinoa up suddenly and the dice shoots out of Rinoa's nose and dents the wall*
Rinoa: You can't prove it!
*Rinoa runs away*
Quistis: Ok...
Vivi: I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT TAPING YOU
Quistis: What? Why?
Vivi: Someone got lucky!
Quistis: WHAT? WHO?
Vivi: You gotta say I'm your god and all that stuff (I know it's true just I want to hear it)
Quistis: NO!
Vivi: Then I guess you'll never know...
Edea: Cool! My homemade movie should be done now!
Quistis: Why were you making a movie?
Edea: To prove that outside is REALLY boring!
Quistis: What purpose would that serve?
Edea: I don't know cuz its fun, I guess...
*Edea pulls out camera*
Edea: My plan was to point it up during the day outside, and see what happened.
*All that was on the movie was a bird flying and a dog licking the camera*
Quistis: ok....
*Selphie dies again*
Quistis: What is WITH this show?
Edea: I have NO idea.
*Zell starts to eat an orange with a spoon*
Zell: ITS NOT WORKING!!!
Quistis: Zell, get some pants on...
Quistis: Actually...
Quistis: You are the weakest link, goodbye!
Zell: But...what?
Quistis: You have been voted off the show and GOOD BYE!
Zell: OK...*wanders off confused*
Quistis: For no reason, other then I can't think of anything , THE END!
*Irvine wakes up*
Irvine: Well folks, that's the end of season one. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now gimme *hic* beer...*Irvine passes out*
The End
Episode XII - Maternity Tests
Zell: NO YOU STUPID *censored**censored**censored*!!! MY
HOT DOGS!!!
Quistis: Calm down, Zell. We're on the air.
Zell: Really?
Quistis: Yep.
Zell: Really?
Quistis: Yes.
Zell: Really really?
Quistis: YES NOW SHUT UP!
Zell: Ok...god...
Quistis: Let's get on with the show. Let's welcome our first
Guest, Lucrecia.
Lucrecia: Hi everyone!
Everyone: Hi, Lucrecia!
Lucrecia: *smiles*
Quistis: Now, why are you here today, Lucrecia?
Lucrecia: After 25 years, my estranged husband is
saying that Sephiroth isn't his son...*sobs*
Quistis: Well then, let's meet this evil man...
*Hojo walks out**Crowd boos*
Hojo: What? He's a freak, and he's not my son!
*Hojo sits down but out of nowhere Sephiroth comes fling out of the sky and kills Hojo*
Quistis: OK then...
*Selphie comes in**Sephiroth screams and runs away as Irvine comes out*
Irvine: Ack! It's Selphie!
*Pulls out gun and shoots Selphie*
Irvine: Oh no! She's using her limit break!
*Selphie puts flowers in Irvine's hair**Irvine dies*
Quistis: Aww... the hippi died...
*Duo and Heero come out, beat up Selphie, and drag her off*
Sephiroth:*smiles*
Rinoa: Let's have a picnic!
Quistis: Where did you come from? And a picnic in the middle of the show?
Rinoa:*shrugs**pulls out blanket*
*Sephiroth skips along and sits with Rinoa*
Quistis: What's with Sephiroth? He's supposed to be all evil and stuff.
Zell: He retired and died his hair.
*Quistis looks over and realizes that Sephiroth's hair is green*
*Irvine scrounges the picnic for beer**finds some**drinks beer**passes out*
Quistis:*sigh*
Carbuncle: Isn't this supposed to be about maternity tests? We haven't even started! We were off topic since the beginning!
Quistis: TOO BAD HAHAHA
Aeris:*walks up to Quistis*
Tifa:*also walks up to Quistis*
Aeris: IS THAT *censored* CLOUD CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS *censored* ???
Tifa: HE IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU WITH ME!
Aeris: IS TOO!
Quistis: Umm...I have no say in this...
Tifa: Who do YOU side with, Quistis?
Quistis: Er...umm...Oh, there goes my pager.
Aeris: You don't have a pager. And if you did, I would hear it.
Tifa: Me too.
Quistis: LIARS!!! *Quistis runs away*
*Vivi sitting on couch*
Vivi:*looks scared* HAHAHA *looks evil*
*Garnet sits in Quistis' chair*
Garnet : Welcome to the Garnet Jesse Raphael Show!
Zidane: Why were we given a set with a bunch of messes of other FF characters? This is a downright *censored* mess...
Vivi:*smiles*
*no one notices cuz they can't see his mouth*
Vivi:*looks suspicious*
Freya: Let's go kick some serious *censored*!!!
Stiener: No...cuz...i'm just a drunk hippi...where's Woodstock?
Freya:*rolls eyes and goes and fights monsters*
Eiko: Lalala!
Amarant:...
Beatrix : Dressed in hippi clothes and drunk* Lez get married...*hic* c'mon stiener...*hic**passes out*
*The Turks come*
Amarant: ...
Rude: ...
Amarant: ...
Rude: ...
Amarant: ...*smiles*
Rude: ...*smiles*
*Rude and Amarant go frolic in some flowers*
Vivi: ?
*Reno and Tseng walk over to Sephiroth*
Reno: Wanna go for a beer, Sephiroth?
*Tseng goes insane*
Tseng: NOOO!!! *runs around in circles* LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU!
Reno:*censored*, I just for got that he JUST got out of that mental hospital...well, let's give him his medicine...
*Reno pulls out Ritalin and beer*
*Rufus is in the fetal position in a corner singing little rabbit fufu*
Reno: OK, I'll do it...*gives Tseng and Rufus beer and Ritalin*
Reno: There. Is ANYONE around here sane?
Vivi: I am.*looks evil* or am I...
Reno: Er...
*Sephiroth dies for no reason at all*
Reno: FINALLY a climax!
Vivi: YAY! ^_^;;
*Aeris and Tifa still fighting over Cloud*
Aeris: MY CLOUD!
Tifa: NO, HE'S MINE!
Aeris: MINE!
Tifa: MINE!
*a hole appears in the ground and Tifa and Areis have to go through the whole lifesteam thing again*
*Barret comes out from nowhere and he has amnesia for some reason (I'm too lazy you pick a reason) and thinks he's none other than...
Mr. T!!!*
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who goes in da lifestream!
*Jerry Springer pops up out of nowhere*
Jerry Springer: And today we will talk about dysfunctional Talk Shows.
*Sephiroth and Barret (aka Mr. T) come out on the show*
*Everyone hears Vincent in the background*
Vincent: WHOOOOO IM BATMAN *like a little kid* WHOOOO!!!!! WHEEEE!!!!!
Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who don't know me foo!
The Audience Of Sephiroth Clones In Black Cloaks: YES WE DO KNOW YOU
*Barret (aka Mr. T) just disappears*
Sephiroth: You don't know me! *to crowd*
Quistis: Don't you dare cut off our air time Sesame Street...-
END
Quistis: TOO BAD WE'RE CUTTING INTO SESAME STREET!
*sesame street music comes on in background for about 2 min*
*turns off*
Quistis: NO MUSIC!
*Jerry Springer comes back on but everyone's left*
Elmo: I'm gonna *censored* sue your *censored* *censored*!!!
Sephiroth: Er...what?*Sephiroth is back alive for some reason*
Tseng: LOOK BEHIND YOU! *to Big Bird*
Reno:*shrugs**hits Big Bird on the head with a frying pan*
Reno: What's with these guys?
Cloud: I dunno...
Vivi: FINALLY CLOUD HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY! *cough*...lozer...*cough*
Rufus:*jumps on helicopter and makes a drunken speech*
*Rinoa still on picnic blanket eating Oreos*
Carbuncle: At it again, making da ratings go up... OH YEA WELL I CAN DO IT TOO!
*Carbuncle puts on suit and hat and staff and sings like on Broadway*
Vivi: ^_^;;
*Rinoa and Edea start playing risk and everything gets really confusing and everyone falls asleep except for Rinoa and Edea who stay up until 5 am playing risk then they fell asleep*
Quistis:*yawns*um...why are Edea and Rinoa asleep on the risk board...and why does Rinoa have a dice up her nose?
*Quistis knocks her chair over on her way standing up and wakes Edea and Rinoa up suddenly and the dice shoots out of Rinoa's nose and dents the wall*
Rinoa: You can't prove it!
*Rinoa runs away*
Quistis: Ok...
Vivi: I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT TAPING YOU
Quistis: What? Why?
Vivi: Someone got lucky!
Quistis: WHAT? WHO?
Vivi: You gotta say I'm your god and all that stuff (I know it's true just I want to hear it)
Quistis: NO!
Vivi: Then I guess you'll never know...
Edea: Cool! My homemade movie should be done now!
Quistis: Why were you making a movie?
Edea: To prove that outside is REALLY boring!
Quistis: What purpose would that serve?
Edea: I don't know cuz its fun, I guess...
*Edea pulls out camera*
Edea: My plan was to point it up during the day outside, and see what happened.
*All that was on the movie was a bird flying and a dog licking the camera*
Quistis: ok....
*Selphie dies again*
Quistis: What is WITH this show?
Edea: I have NO idea.
*Zell starts to eat an orange with a spoon*
Zell: ITS NOT WORKING!!!
Quistis: Zell, get some pants on...
Quistis: Actually...
Quistis: You are the weakest link, goodbye!
Zell: But...what?
Quistis: You have been voted off the show and GOOD BYE!
Zell: OK...*wanders off confused*
Quistis: For no reason, other then I can't think of anything , THE END!
*Irvine wakes up*
Irvine: Well folks, that's the end of season one. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now gimme *hic* beer...*Irvine passes out*
The End
