The Quistis Trepe Show

Episode XII - Maternity Tests

Zell: NO YOU STUPID *censored**censored**censored*!!! MY

HOT DOGS!!!

Quistis: Calm down, Zell. We're on the air.

Zell: Really?

Quistis: Yep.

Zell: Really?

Quistis: Yes.

Zell: Really really?

Quistis: YES NOW SHUT UP!

Zell: Ok...god...

Quistis: Let's get on with the show. Let's welcome our first

Guest, Lucrecia.

Lucrecia: Hi everyone!

Everyone: Hi, Lucrecia!

Lucrecia: *smiles*

Quistis: Now, why are you here today, Lucrecia?

Lucrecia: After 25 years, my estranged husband is

saying that Sephiroth isn't his son...*sobs*

Quistis: Well then, let's meet this evil man...

*Hojo walks out**Crowd boos*

Hojo: What? He's a freak, and he's not my son!

*Hojo sits down but out of nowhere Sephiroth comes fling out of the sky and kills Hojo*

Quistis: OK then...

*Selphie comes in**Sephiroth screams and runs away as Irvine comes out*

Irvine: Ack! It's Selphie!

*Pulls out gun and shoots Selphie*

Irvine: Oh no! She's using her limit break!

*Selphie puts flowers in Irvine's hair**Irvine dies*

Quistis: Aww... the hippi died...

*Duo and Heero come out, beat up Selphie, and drag her off*

Sephiroth:*smiles*

Rinoa: Let's have a picnic!

Quistis: Where did you come from? And a picnic in the middle of the show?

Rinoa:*shrugs**pulls out blanket*

*Sephiroth skips along and sits with Rinoa*

Quistis: What's with Sephiroth? He's supposed to be all evil and stuff.

Zell: He retired and died his hair.

*Quistis looks over and realizes that Sephiroth's hair is green*

*Irvine scrounges the picnic for beer**finds some**drinks beer**passes out*

Quistis:*sigh*

Carbuncle: Isn't this supposed to be about maternity tests? We haven't even started! We were off topic since the beginning!

Quistis: TOO BAD HAHAHA

Aeris:*walks up to Quistis*

Tifa:*also walks up to Quistis*

Aeris: IS THAT *censored* CLOUD CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS *censored* ???

Tifa: HE IS NOT CHEATING ON YOU WITH ME!

Aeris: IS TOO!

Quistis: Umm...I have no say in this...

Tifa: Who do YOU side with, Quistis?

Quistis: Er...umm...Oh, there goes my pager.

Aeris: You don't have a pager. And if you did, I would hear it.

Tifa: Me too.

Quistis: LIARS!!! *Quistis runs away*

*Vivi sitting on couch*

Vivi:*looks scared* HAHAHA *looks evil*

*Garnet sits in Quistis' chair*

Garnet : Welcome to the Garnet Jesse Raphael Show!

Zidane: Why were we given a set with a bunch of messes of other FF characters? This is a downright *censored* mess...

Vivi:*smiles*

*no one notices cuz they can't see his mouth*

Vivi:*looks suspicious*

Freya: Let's go kick some serious *censored*!!!

Stiener: No...cuz...i'm just a drunk hippi...where's Woodstock?

Freya:*rolls eyes and goes and fights monsters*

Eiko: Lalala!

Amarant:...

Beatrix : Dressed in hippi clothes and drunk* Lez get married...*hic* c'mon stiener...*hic**passes out*

*The Turks come*

Amarant: ...

Rude: ...

Amarant: ...

Rude: ...

Amarant: ...*smiles*

Rude: ...*smiles*

*Rude and Amarant go frolic in some flowers*

Vivi: ?

*Reno and Tseng walk over to Sephiroth*

Reno: Wanna go for a beer, Sephiroth?

*Tseng goes insane*

Tseng: NOOO!!! *runs around in circles* LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU!

Reno:*censored*, I just for got that he JUST got out of that mental hospital...well, let's give him his medicine...

*Reno pulls out Ritalin and beer*

*Rufus is in the fetal position in a corner singing little rabbit fufu*

Reno: OK, I'll do it...*gives Tseng and Rufus beer and Ritalin*

Reno: There. Is ANYONE around here sane?

Vivi: I am.*looks evil* or am I...

Reno: Er...

*Sephiroth dies for no reason at all*

Reno: FINALLY a climax!

Vivi: YAY! ^_^;;

*Aeris and Tifa still fighting over Cloud*

Aeris: MY CLOUD!

Tifa: NO, HE'S MINE!

Aeris: MINE!

Tifa: MINE!

*a hole appears in the ground and Tifa and Areis have to go through the whole lifesteam thing again*

*Barret comes out from nowhere and he has amnesia for some reason (I'm too lazy you pick a reason) and thinks he's none other than...

Mr. T!!!*

Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who goes in da lifestream!

*Jerry Springer pops up out of nowhere*

Jerry Springer: And today we will talk about dysfunctional Talk Shows.

*Sephiroth and Barret (aka Mr. T) come out on the show*

*Everyone hears Vincent in the background*

Vincent: WHOOOOO IM BATMAN *like a little kid* WHOOOO!!!!! WHEEEE!!!!!

Barret (aka Mr. T): I pity da foo who don't know me foo!

The Audience Of Sephiroth Clones In Black Cloaks: YES WE DO KNOW YOU

*Barret (aka Mr. T) just disappears*

Sephiroth: You don't know me! *to crowd*

Quistis: Don't you dare cut off our air time Sesame Street...-

END

Quistis: TOO BAD WE'RE CUTTING INTO SESAME STREET!

*sesame street music comes on in background for about 2 min*

*turns off*

Quistis: NO MUSIC!

*Jerry Springer comes back on but everyone's left*

Elmo: I'm gonna *censored* sue your *censored* *censored*!!!

Sephiroth: Er...what?*Sephiroth is back alive for some reason*

Tseng: LOOK BEHIND YOU! *to Big Bird*

Reno:*shrugs**hits Big Bird on the head with a frying pan*

Reno: What's with these guys?

Cloud: I dunno...

Vivi: FINALLY CLOUD HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY! *cough*...lozer...*cough*

Rufus:*jumps on helicopter and makes a drunken speech*

*Rinoa still on picnic blanket eating Oreos*

Carbuncle: At it again, making da ratings go up... OH YEA WELL I CAN DO IT TOO!

*Carbuncle puts on suit and hat and staff and sings like on Broadway*

Vivi: ^_^;;

*Rinoa and Edea start playing risk and everything gets really confusing and everyone falls asleep except for Rinoa and Edea who stay up until 5 am playing risk then they fell asleep*

Quistis:*yawns*um...why are Edea and Rinoa asleep on the risk board...and why does Rinoa have a dice up her nose?

*Quistis knocks her chair over on her way standing up and wakes Edea and Rinoa up suddenly and the dice shoots out of Rinoa's nose and dents the wall*

Rinoa: You can't prove it!

*Rinoa runs away*

Quistis: Ok...

Vivi: I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT TAPING YOU

Quistis: What? Why?

Vivi: Someone got lucky!

Quistis: WHAT? WHO?

Vivi: You gotta say I'm your god and all that stuff (I know it's true just I want to hear it)

Quistis: NO!

Vivi: Then I guess you'll never know...

Edea: Cool! My homemade movie should be done now!

Quistis: Why were you making a movie?

Edea: To prove that outside is REALLY boring!

Quistis: What purpose would that serve?

Edea: I don't know cuz its fun, I guess...

*Edea pulls out camera*

Edea: My plan was to point it up during the day outside, and see what happened.

*All that was on the movie was a bird flying and a dog licking the camera*

Quistis: ok....

*Selphie dies again*

Quistis: What is WITH this show?

Edea: I have NO idea.

*Zell starts to eat an orange with a spoon*

Zell: ITS NOT WORKING!!!

Quistis: Zell, get some pants on...

Quistis: Actually...

Quistis: You are the weakest link, goodbye!

Zell: But...what?

Quistis: You have been voted off the show and GOOD BYE!

Zell: OK...*wanders off confused*

Quistis: For no reason, other then I can't think of anything , THE END!

*Irvine wakes up*

Irvine: Well folks, that's the end of season one. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now gimme *hic* beer...*Irvine passes out*

The End