Notes 1: Title kinda inspired by that one scene in the sleepless elite which is a side story to 99 cent dreams.

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isolated thunderstorms

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Enlarge your world, mad world

Gary Jules, Mad World

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He's reading a paperback on his windowsill when he catches the sight of something blue in the corner of his eye.

Thirteen and far too mature for someone his age, Chase Redford turns and looks out of his bedroom window. Standing in his vision, in her own room, is his neighbour; one of the Charming kids, the only girl in the family. The Charming household had moved into the neighbourhood about a month ago, Chase thinks he's heard his mother mention the young girl's name.

He can't remember it right now … he thinks it starts with the letter 'D'? Which isn't much help because he heard that all three Charming siblings have names starting with the same letter.

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Darling, Chase suddenly remember one night as he's yet again sitting by his windowsill. That's the name of his neighbour – Darling Charming.

It's been three months since he caught a glimpse of her on that fateful day. Now it's December, a time when he's allowed to come back home for Christmas break.

… Chase and Darling, they might be neighbours but they've never talked to each other. Not once. And maybe Chase never will. It's not that they're forbidden to associate with each other, it's just ... he's not really bothered to.

Don't get Chase wrong, he's not asocial or anything. He has friends. And, though Darling looks friendly, Chase's sent away to a faraway boarding school, Wonderland Academy, and rarely returns home unless it's the holidays.

He's seen her and he's pretty sure she's seen him see her. It's easy to draw the curtains on him if she were to ever find his occasional fliting gaze invading. But she doesn't seem to mind. She's not once given him a dirty look but she's never once tried to reach out to him either – not to wave or to hold up sheets of paper with bold words on them like in that Taylor Swift music video.

Maybe she doesn't mind him all that much or maybe she just liked sunlight pouring into her room. After all, Darling's not allowed out. She's stuck in her room like a princess locked in a tower.

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(Will he be her knight in shining armour?)

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It's the Summer he's fourteen and it finally clicks to Chase that Darling's home-schooled (and, it turns out, so are her brothers) which Chase is secretly glad of because for the longest time, he suspected she was sick or something like the main characters in Everything, Everything and Midnight Sun.

The first set of evidence lies in the lack of caution Darling's parents take when inviting private tutors into the house. There are no bacteria-killing-walk-in machines at the foot of the entrance or heavy-duty masks involved or gloves needed. The second set of evidence is the fact that the whole family piles up in a car and goes to church on Sundays.

Though, Chase feels that the environment in the Charming Household is a strict one (but that's none of his business).

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Fifteen and he's back from Wonderland Academy for Easter Break, the April showers come as they do.

He notices her more. Up until now, he's never realised how his window perfectly overlooks at her cluttered desk. Now that he's really looking at it, it seems to be her entire life, it looks like she spends hours of her youth there – jolting down notes from her private tutoring, painting her nails and crocheting.

From those activities alone, Chase deduces how diligent and girly she must be.

Right now, Darling's looking out her window and admiring the rain. Or, perhaps, even just the outside world alone. She's dressed in her usual outfit of the day; comfortable silk pyjamas. Her platinum blonde hair is tied in a messy bun and her fingers are curled around a mug of hot tea (he can tell it's tea because the teabag tag is spilling from the side of the cup).

Chase pretends to rearrange the books by his windowsill to see if she would notice him.

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She doesn't even blink.

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One June afternoon when he's sixteen, Chase chokes back a laugh. He thinks he might just die laughing.

He didn't mean to see it, he had run upstairs to grab something from one of his drawers and saw the embarrassing sight – Darling Charming, dancing her heart out with music blasting and a hairbrush in her hand. She twirls and bops and does the cha-cha slide, completely unaware of Chase catching her in her silliest moment.

She's silly. Chase thinks, adding another trait he thinks he'll associate her with.

Though Chase is a gentleman, even he can't help but chuckle at her dance moves. She looks she's kicking invisible ninjas while flipping equally invisible pancakes, it's completely ridiculous!

... but who is he to laugh? Chase can't dance. Like, at all. Not as well as her. Not now and not in a million years, everyone who knows him knows that Chase Redford's got two left feet!

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It's three AM and her bedroom lights are still turned on. It's not that he's checking up on her, it's just that he can't sleep tonight. And apparently neither can she.

He sees her sitting hunched on her swivelling chair, blanket wrapped around her tiny body like a burrito and a steaming mug of tea in her hands.

Chase sighs, both from exhaustion and from a science fact. Doesn't she know that tea has caffeine? She'll never get to sleep at this rate.

Sensing his gaze, Darling turns to him, blinking her tired blue eyes at him. She makes a gesture that asks him what's up, tipping her chin since her hands are full.

Chase merely shrugs at her, probably looking like a mess with his tossed bed hair and rumpled pyjamas.

A smile plucks on her lips, it's bright enough to light up this whole town, and she raises her mug like she's making a toast for him. 'Cheers,' She mouths.

If this was a 2009 love-struck Taylor Swift music video, they would have probably been in love by now. He's practically been watching over her for the past three years (or maybe he's just obsessively in love with a girl he knows nothing of?)

But this is not a cheesy music video, it's real life, so Chase guesses he just has to settle with the fact that this will probably be the closest thing he'll ever get to having a conversation with her.

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"What's wrong, Bitterford?" Alistair Wonderland ask.

Chase and Alistair have a funny friendship. They're arguably best friends or soon-to-be rivals. Who knows? Chase has been a prefect for as long as he can remember, and Alistair is infamous around Wonderland Academy for skipping class to go exploring. Since they've befriended each other, Chase has made it his sole mission to track Alistair down and make him have an education.

Right now, Alistair is at that stage where he's watching too much anime and coming up with ridiculous nicknames to provoke his 'foes'.

"I'm just thinking." Chase says, decorating his living room with party ornaments.

They're celebrating his birthday today. Chase doesn't know if it's truly his birthday or not, on the account that he's adopted but he guesses he can't really complain about it, at least he gets to celebrate. Besides, it's the date he's been celebrating for years now and he's been inviting his friends over to his house on the same day too so he can't really change it so suddenly. It's too late for an identity crisis.

"About what?" Alistair asks, blowing a balloon.

"Stuff." Chase answers, deep blue eyes drifting out the front door and towards the Charming household.

Maybe he should have invited the Charming kids? It would have been a nice gesture. Well … Chase probably would have ... if he hadn't caught the sight of Darling working diligently at her desk, surrounded by colourful gel pens and highlighters and sticky notes.

He remembers thinking about how hard working she must be. Is? Is. She's definitely hard working, Chase tells himself. Especially after he saw her studying like that. She probably works harder than him, and that's saying something because Chase is Headboy and President of the Fencing Club.

"Say, Bitterford, are you aware that Lizzie Hearts likes you?" Alistair says out of nowhere, drawing Chase's attention back to the conversation.

Lizzie Heart – The principal's daughter. Wow.

Chase raises a dark brow, "Is that why you've been acting really weird lately, Al? Are you jealous?"

At this, Alistair's face reddens. "No!" The blonde exclaims and throws a balloon in Chase's way, the thing doesn't even make it halfway across the room. Then Alistair shrieks, "You're embarrassing me!"

"No, you're doing that all by yourself." Chase rolls his eyes.

Alistair's freckled face morphs into an irritated one. "Take that back!"

"You know," Chase says, mimicking Alistair's earlier tone, and this settles Alistair's moodiness. "I heard that Bunny likes you."

"Bunny?" Alistair blinks, not recognising the name. "Bunny who?

Chase replies, "Bunny Blanc."

More confused blinking.

"Short, white hair." Chase describes as Alistair types Bunny's name on Facebook. "She's kind of new, she moved here three months ago. I heard she's shy. You should talk to her." And maybe he's saying this to get Alistair off his back. Do best friends even do that? Wish for their friends to go away? Does he want to be alone?

Wrinkling his nose in reply, Alistair asks, "Isn't she vegan?"

Chase makes a face. He can't believe Alistair's so judgemental! So what if she's vegan? It's not like she's going to shove an unwashed carrot down his throat (or maybe she will. Who knows?)! But Alistair hasn't even spoken to this girl yet so he shouldn't just assume all these things. She could be really nice! Alistair is so –

"You're unbelievable." Chase shakes his head.

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Spoilers, Bunny threw a tomato at Alistair's head when he made a snide remark of her tiny rabbit-like teeth.

(And they go steady like five months later, he doesn't understand his friend at all. He thinks they're all mad)

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{ Happy birthday

Made to feel the way that every child should, sit and listen,

Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me }

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He finally catches her outside her room one day. And it's strange because he thinks it shouldn't be that way. It's dark, past midnight and she's not dressed in her pyjamas for once. She's snuck out and dressed up.

He's only seen her around Summer time or occasions where he gets to come back home during the holidays so he's a little surprise to see her sneaking out of the house. He really thought she was this prim and proper girl who reads books and stays at home.

He sees Darling leaning into the window of the driver seat. Though it's dark, Chase notes that the car is in a shade of cherry red and the person behind the wheel has blonde curls.

Darling doesn't catch him catch her.

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A week later, they meet in person, but the location and situation is not ideal.

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{ And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take }

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A funeral is held for the mayor's daughter, Apple White, and it's mandatory for the townsfolk to come to the wake. There are flowers and black clothes and soft whispers.

He recognises her among the many people in the wake and among her brothers and her parents, and that's because she's folded in a corner, more than just a teary mess. His heart skips eight beats and there lies the problem, he thinks of her too much.

Oh my God, it's her. Chase couldn't help but think as he stares at her; she's crying hard into her wet hands, so much so that anyone with eyes must know that she has a personal connection with the mayor's daughter.

He makes sure not to lose sight of her as he walks around the church with his mother and utters his rehearsed apologies. The whole building is filled with faceless people.

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{ All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces }

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"I'm sorry for your lost." He says and makes sure she hears it as he sits next to her.

Darling sniffs, sounding very conjugated, lost in her own world until she whispers, "Thank you."

She's back to a sobbing mess not even a second later and Chase does not dare do anything because he doesn't want to break her any further. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know Darling's history with Apple. He didn't even know she had friends until a week ago.

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{ Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression,

Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow,

No tomorrow }

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When Darling finally raises her head and looks at him, really looks at him, she finally notices who she's talking to. "… I know you."

"You do." Chase nods, looking at her too. Her irises are as light as her hair and there's a beauty mark under her right eye.

"You're …" She blinks her wet eyes. "You're my neighbour."

"I am."

"Your eyes ..." Darling says. "… they're so blue." Like the wide sky.

"Yeah, uh, I get that a lot." Chase says, offering a nervous smile.

"I'm Darling Charming." She tells him but the conversation is so stiff that it's almost hard to follow.

"Chase Redford." He introduces himself and it's … very awkward.

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{ Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson,

Look right through me }

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Darling stares ahead, at nothing or maybe just slightly to the right of his face, and begins spilling details he didn't ask for. "Apple was my girlfriend,"

Oh.

"We met at the Forbidden Forest."

Oh.

It's forbidden for a reason.

"I was there when she died." She says, still sounding wet but also mad. Mad at herself, fuelled with rage. "She choked on the food served at a party, I tried to perform CPR but I couldn't save her." She reminds him of a thunderstorm.

The world is crashing on him in a form of words, though, her world is crashing faster than his.

'It's not your fault,' Chase wanted to say. 'I heard it was an allergic reaction,' but every excuse he thought of just felt like he was rubbing the fact that Darling couldn't save Apple in her face.

The Forbidden Forest? Sneaking out? A girlfriend? Chase never had any of these thoughts cross his mind when he looked at Darling. He never would have known if he hadn't heard it with his own ears.

There's nothing he can really say to Darling. After all, he's judged her wrong. He doesn't know anything about her. He shouldn't judge a book by its cover. He's been delusional all this while, or maybe he's just as mad as his friends.

So he repeats, "I'm sorry for your lost."

This was not how things were supposed to go.

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end

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tldr: Chase slowly goes mad from loneliness and self-isolation, building feelings/some one-sided romance for Darling but when he finally gets to meet Darling, his dream girl, it turns his sweet dreams into cruel reality, he breaks at what she really is instead of who he thought she was.

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Proof

(1) Chase spends all day cooped up at boarding school and then does nothing but stay at home and read when he has rare free days says something.

I used to be an introvert, now I'm an ambivert, so I understand that spending time with yourself is important and self-medicating but yo I would want to go out. I would want to go out SO BAD if I was stuck in some stuffy boarding school with uniforms and rules outside of class time. I would want to go to the mall with my friends or even just take myself on a date to the movies if I had no one to chill with but with Chase, he is deliberately choosing to spend his time alone when it's so painfully obvious that he's lonely. Why are you rearranging your bookshelf in this dire need to get attention when you can just knock on a door and ask to borrow some salt or something, start the conversation!

(2) Chase's friends suck, he admitted himself that he doesn't understand them, and that he even contemplates how he doesn't even want to hang with them

We know he has friends as shown in the birthday party scene but we also know that Chase is making friends with the wrong people. Like, he admitted he doesn't understand how Alistair and Bunny could go from arguing and food fights to going out. Maybe something could have happened OTW to their relationship but it sounds like an unhealthy one from the short exchange of what Alistair thought of Bunny. But despite this, Chase would rather push other people away than his friends. It's reasonable for Chase to push Alistair away but instead, Chase is pushing Lizzie away, a girl who fancies him, over a boy who seems easily jealous and judge-y. It's just mind blowing that Chase would rather choose this version of Alistair over Lizzie because who in their right mind would wanna make friends with this version of Alistair who doesn't take school seriously, name calls Chase and is in the delusional world of anime. Wonderland Academy is filled with TONS of kids and judging by Chase's title as Headboy and his ability to catch Lizzie's eye, he's quite well known, he could befriend legit anyone but he doesn't.

(3) He normalizes loneliness

Judging by how Chase is used to being alone, he's normalized his mom's business trips. So not only does he understand that he's alone at school but he's also alone at home and he just makes it okay. He just decides it's okay that he's literally isolated.

So, logically, he builds a fake friendship with Darling. Like, he assumes and declares traits of Darling before he even meets her – she's hardworking, girly, funny. Keep in mind, he only sees her during holidays, so he doesn't even see her a lot. He doesn't once talk to her despite the fact that he could if he wanted to but nope. Five years, five years, he spent watching her, learning about her, like how students learn from teachers. He's spent so long making up all these things about her that when he finally does meet her, he's crushed – Darling's not a princess that needs Chase's help, she's not the 'good reserved church girl' he thought she was, she's not looking at him that way, no because she likes girls.

I hoped that the song help tie things together but the ending was a split second decision so idk if it made sense to you. I just wondered how Chase be the only normal one in Wonderland because everyone else seems literally mad and he's just not? Idk when he got adopted but bruh, I would get mad after a few months.

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Notes 2: Stop haunting me, Taylor Swift. I've already got like two fics inspired by you already and another one waiting to be published! I know I'm twenty-two but you don't own me just because I blasted that song of yours on my birthday!

Notes 3

I hate the ending.

28 July 2018