Please note, this is a parody story with some profane language, so if you're someone who dislikes this stuff, I suggest you GTFO now.


On a cold and stormy night…

"HAHA! LOLCATS ROCKS!" I exclaimed.

"But what the hell is this ad that keeps coming up?" I said, squinting my eyes to look at it.

"Breaking the boundaries on MMORPGs…"

- New York Times

"Stepping onto new ground, and taking total control of it…"

- Game Informer

"Simply put, it's better than two Twinkies and a hot dog deep-fried together inside a hot pocket with World of Warcraft Mountain Dew."

- Fat Gamer Weekly

RUNESCAPE

THE BEST MMORPG IN EXISTANCE!

JOIN THE EPIC STRUGGLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL NOW!

"The fuck? Runescape?" I questioned, clicking on the ad.

A pornography ad showed up, and I quickly exited out. Soon I found out it would be better than the horrors that awaited me…

Weird music played as the game loaded.

"CREATE ACCOUNT"

The button said.

"Alright." I said, clicking on it.

"Username…" I said.

"UBER1337SASUKE"the text read in the username section.

"THE USERNAME YOU REQUESTED IS ALREADY TAKEN."

The pop-up explained.

I sat in amazement for a few seconds.

"" I typed in....

Again, it was taken.

I had to think of a good one…

""

Somehow, some fucked up way, it was taken.

So I typed in "Bill Cosby," just to try it out, unfortunately it was not taken and it took me to my password input.

"WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN" I typed in, and my "epic struggle between good and evil" started.

I made my man an old African American with blue hair. Of course he would be a mage.

My character, err…Glob of pixels showed up in some shitty 3-dimensional vortex of unspeakable tragedies. This was the tutorial.

After half an hour of terrible dialogue, controls, and everything else that exists, I had passed the tutorial. Talk about User-Fucking-Friendly.

I ended up in Rune Town, or whatever the hell it was called. My chat bar was spammed with "TYPE 719 IF UR A HOT GIRL UNDER 12"

"719"

"719"

"719"

"719"

"719"

"719"

"719"

And: "TYPE 911 IF U WANT HOT SEX"

"911"

"Oh yeah baby"

"This feels good"

"-touches p3n us-"

Remember that porn ad? Yep, still looking better.

A glimmer of hope for this game showed up after hours of doing the same fucking things over and over again. But it was ruined when I got the message.

"h3y u wnt ur rune armur"

"Huh?" I replied back.

"RUNE ARMUR R U DUM"

"…"

"a1l I n3d is ur pass n i can gt u amur"

"My password?"

"yeh"

I pondered it for a second…This was going to be a tough decision.

"OK, it's WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN"

"ty lol"

I logged out and stared at the website.

I then purchased a new computer.

THE END