Please note, this is a parody story with some profane language, so if you're someone who dislikes this stuff, I suggest you GTFO now.
On a cold and stormy night…
"HAHA! LOLCATS ROCKS!" I exclaimed.
"But what the hell is this ad that keeps coming up?" I said, squinting my eyes to look at it.
"Breaking the boundaries on MMORPGs…"
- New York Times
"Stepping onto new ground, and taking total control of it…"
- Game Informer
"Simply put, it's better than two Twinkies and a hot dog deep-fried together inside a hot pocket with World of Warcraft Mountain Dew."
- Fat Gamer Weekly
RUNESCAPE
THE BEST MMORPG IN EXISTANCE!
JOIN THE EPIC STRUGGLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL NOW!
"The fuck? Runescape?" I questioned, clicking on the ad.
A pornography ad showed up, and I quickly exited out. Soon I found out it would be better than the horrors that awaited me…
Weird music played as the game loaded.
"CREATE ACCOUNT"
The button said.
"Alright." I said, clicking on it.
"Username…" I said.
"UBER1337SASUKE"the text read in the username section.
"THE USERNAME YOU REQUESTED IS ALREADY TAKEN."
The pop-up explained.
I sat in amazement for a few seconds.
"" I typed in....
Again, it was taken.
I had to think of a good one…
""
Somehow, some fucked up way, it was taken.
So I typed in "Bill Cosby," just to try it out, unfortunately it was not taken and it took me to my password input.
"WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN" I typed in, and my "epic struggle between good and evil" started.
I made my man an old African American with blue hair. Of course he would be a mage.
My character, err…Glob of pixels showed up in some shitty 3-dimensional vortex of unspeakable tragedies. This was the tutorial.
After half an hour of terrible dialogue, controls, and everything else that exists, I had passed the tutorial. Talk about User-Fucking-Friendly.
I ended up in Rune Town, or whatever the hell it was called. My chat bar was spammed with "TYPE 719 IF UR A HOT GIRL UNDER 12"
"719"
"719"
"719"
"719"
"719"
"719"
"719"
And: "TYPE 911 IF U WANT HOT SEX"
"911"
"Oh yeah baby"
"This feels good"
"-touches p3n us-"
Remember that porn ad? Yep, still looking better.
A glimmer of hope for this game showed up after hours of doing the same fucking things over and over again. But it was ruined when I got the message.
"h3y u wnt ur rune armur"
"Huh?" I replied back.
"RUNE ARMUR R U DUM"
"…"
"a1l I n3d is ur pass n i can gt u amur"
"My password?"
"yeh"
I pondered it for a second…This was going to be a tough decision.
"OK, it's WHATISTHISIDONTEVEN"
"ty lol"
I logged out and stared at the website.
I then purchased a new computer.
THE END
