"Keitaro Urashima: Burn Notice"

By cdc100

Summary: Keitaro Urashima used to be a spy working for the Japanese government… until he was burned. Now, the girls of the Hinata Apartments must help him find the ones who burned him. Possible self insert! Not a Burn Notice cross-over.

Disclaimer: This is a work of pure non-profit fan fiction. I do not own any of the characters, their weapons, their abilities, or any of their universes, nor do I own any of the lyrics that will appear in later chapters, or any of the products mentioned in the story such as Coca-Cola, or Playstation.

Chapter One

"Keitaro Urashima"

My name is Keitaro Urashima. Currently, I'm working as the manager of my Granny Hina's apartment building turned all-girls' dorm. My tenants include an ill-tempered girl with a mean punch, an ill-tempered girl with a mean katana, a frequently drunk freelance writer who likes to con money out of people, a hyperactive foreigner whose wacky gadgets pose quite the threat to anyone around them, a shy girl with a crush on me, and, sometimes, the bratty adoptive daughter of an employer of mine. Oh, and a scatterbrained girl prone to fainting spells sometimes visits the apartments.

I grew up in Hinata City, trying to live up to a promise that I made to someone when I was five years old that I would get into Tokyo University. To this day, I am still trying with endless effort to get into the prestigious institution, and fulfill my promise.

Or… so everyone thinks.

See, one day things took a dramatic turn in a different direction. It's difficult to explain, even for someone like me, but somehow, I ended up becoming a spy working for the Japanese government. It'll probably be the last time that they let someone so young become one of their operatives. In my hometown, I was well-known for my clumsiness and my proneness for accidents. After the first few years of my training, I gained more control over it, learned how to defend myself, and even learned how to go on the offensive. My friends, Haitani and Shirai even became trainees in the program.

One day, I was on a mission on the Indian Ocean. My job was to get my hands on a flash drive held by North Korean operatives. It was Haitani and Shirai's first mission as newly-graduated agents. They both did their jobs well, and in the end, I was able to get my hands on the device that the government needed. We were on our way back to HQ, when I got a phone call. I can still remember the words that came from it:

"We've got a burn notice on you. You've been blacklisted."

What happened then changed how everything in my life had been going. Long story short, I woke up in my Aunt's tea shop in Hinata City. Since I'm most likely the only spy in this conversation, you probably don't know what a burn notice is. Normally, if a person gets fired, they're just handed a pink slip, a severance package (if you're lucky) and you just go about your normal life until you can find another way to retain an income. But if you were a spy, and were fired, you would be left with no credit, no money, no job history, no connections, basically nothing to support yourself with. And, you're stuck in whatever city the agency decides to dump you in.

Things can go crazy, and you get pretty desperate, so you tend to rely on anybody with whom you're still on speaking terms. I, myself, rely on my chain smoking aunt, my batty grandmother, my infatuated adoptive sister, the two best friends who used to be on my team, my aunt's chain smoking love interest, and an American friend who used to run covert operations with me.

In layman's terms, as long as you're burned, you're screwed… unless you can somehow find the people who burned you.

After I explained the situation to my aunt, reluctant as she was to believe it, she took me to see my Granny Hina, the landlady of the aforementioned dorm. Seeing the jam that I was in, she provided me with the only possible source of income to help finance my mission to find the people who burned me, i.e. her position as manager of the Hinata Apartments. It's been two years since I was burned, and still, the knowledge of my past still remains among the people I mentioned. I had to adopt a cover before I accepted the job. Since I had lived in this city prior to becoming a spy, this was relatively easy. All that was needed was for me to assume the same persona that I had become famous for before I had left the city. Since I adopted a cover as soon as I assumed the position, you can be fairly certain that my tenants are ignorant as to the truth about me. And I intend to keep it that way.

(Page Break)

Myself, and my friends, Christopher Maxwell, Haitani Masayuki and Shirai Kimiaki were driving slowly down a street in the southern part of Hinata City. We decided to take Shirai's Nissan Almera. When you're twenty to twenty-two years old, and you drive in cars that you can't find at your local dealer, i.e. ones that are custom-made, in a rural community, people tend to get the impression that either you stole the car that you're driving, or that you're doing exceedingly well, financially, and that you are doing so off the books. In other words, unless you want to be stopped by a cop every other block, you're better off driving in a car that doesn't look like it costs an arm and a leg.

The main objective of this little journey was to meet a person that Chris had met, and who said that they would like to hire me. We finally came to a stop outside of a small Mongolian restaurant. Before I got out of the car, Chris turned to me and spoke.

"This is the stop, Kei," said Chris. "It may not be the most expensive place in town, but it's his favorite place to dine. Especially around lunch time."

"What should I look out for?" I asked, putting on my sunglasses.

"Just look for a guy in a light blue button-up. Should be easy to find. If that doesn't help, he's usually eating something that doesn't have any vegetables on it."

"No vegetables?"

"No vegetables."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah. He's not much taller than you are, and he's a pretty friendly kind of guy. If he's not even here yet, just have one of the hostesses seat you, and he'll find you himself."

"Suppose he's already left?"

"He said he'd be here all the way through lunchtime. Lunch doesn't end until one o'clock, and it's twelve-o-one right now."

"Cool," I said.

Shirai turned around in his seat in the front and faced me. He handed me a cellphone.

"Good luck, man," he said.

I took the cell phone, and got out of the car.

When I entered the restaurant, a hostess came up to me.

"May I help you, sir?"

"Yes," I replied, taking off my sunglasses. "I'm here to see a Mr. Takashi?"

The hostess took a quick look behind her before looking back at me.

"Right this way, sir."

She led me to a table where a man a little bit older than me was sitting, looking at a menu.

I sat down, but the man seemed not to notice me. Before I could speak up, however, he spoke himself.

"So, you're the infamous Keitaro Urashima," he said, putting down his menu.

"I am indeed," I said.

He smiled and offered his hand to me.

"My name is Haru Takashi."

"I figured as much," I said, shaking his hand. "Tell me, Mr. Takashi. What can I do for you?"

"Wow," said the man. "You don't waste any time. Good policy."

"In my old job, you couldn't afford to waste even two seconds of time."

"Then, Chris was right. You're just the guy for the job."

"We'll know for sure when I hear some details," I said.

"Well, to the point, then. Mr. Urashima, do you know anything about the computer industry?"

"Some."

"I am the head of security for a software company. Our software company is famous for its high quality. We mainly produce security programs like antiviruses, or firewalls, and accounting programs. We even have a program that's basically like an at-home bank."

"I'm guessing you didn't call me to test one of these programs out?"

"Far from that. I'm sure you're aware that 'secret' doesn't always mean 'secret' in the computer world."

"Common knowledge."

"Well, every single program that's ever been used by our company has a password that its users use to access it. When the password is entered, it is passed through to the company to make sure that it's a legitimate password. All of the passwords are kept on a certain part of our company's computer mainframe. I came to speak to you because that particular hunk of data was stolen."

"Stolen?"

"It literally just disappeared overnight. One of the company's workers found the problem and came to me with it. Nobody other than the select few of us know about the theft, but it's only a matter of time before the higher-ups find out about the breach. When I got off work that day, I did some searching, trying to find out what happened to our data. Obviously, the search didn't help us much. So, we decided to go on one of my co-workers' hunches. He guessed that a rival company of ours stole the data. I sent one of my co-workers into the company to see if they had stolen it. He did some searching, and eventually found out that his hunch was right after all."

"Have you gone to the police?"

"We would need to prove that they had stolen the data, which we couldn't do without simultaneously proving that we had trespassed on their property. And, I don't know when the last time was that you dealt with the police, but they don't tolerate breaking and entering any more than they tolerate theft."

"So, you'd like me to steal back the data?" I asked.

Takashi smiled.

"Yes. An oversimplification, but yes."

I maintained my posture as best as I could. Even the slightest change in posture can make a person doubtful of what you really are.

"So, what are you offering?" I asked.

"I'm offering you five million yen before the job," he said, throwing a large yellow envelope on the table, "and five million yen after."

I looked down at the envelope. I set my jaw, picked it up, and looked inside. Seeing that it was genuine cash, I set it back on the table, and nodded my head.

"Mr. Takashi, this is an acceptable offer. However, before I can do anything, I'll need to hear some more details."

"Such as?" asked Takashi.

"Well, for starters, where is the base of operations for this 'rival company?' Also, do you have any idea what they would need this information for?"

"We believe that they intend to sell the account information on the black market. As for their headquarters, they're located in the more urbanized part of the city. You can find them, oh… seven blocks past the Hinata Apartments. Should be easy to find, especially for someone like you."

I nodded.

"That'll suffice. I'll see what I can do."

Takashi offered me his hand again, and I promptly shook it.

"Good luck," said Takashi.

I got up to leave, when Takashi stopped me.

"Oh, and Keitaro. The clock is ticking. We need that data back as fast as humanly possible. Within two days," he said.

"So noted," I said.

I walked out of the establishment and put on my glasses. I stepped to the edge of the sidewalk just as Shirai and the others drove up in the car.

"What are we going to do about the girls?" asked Chris, as soon as I got in. "I mean, aren't they going to notice if this car drives right by the apartment carrying you, along with all of us?"

"Not going to happen," I said. "True, it may be unavoidable that we'll end up driving right by the apartments, but we'll do so unnoticed."

"How are we going to do that?" asked Haitani, in his usual gravely voice of boredom.

We went back to the garage that we use as our workplace, and began working on tinting Shirai's car windows.

Normally, only the high-priced, celebrity-material cars offer tinted windows, and it's unusual that you'll see a regular car that gets you from point A to point B with tinted windows. However, in a city like Hinata in the summertime, nobody would ever pay attention to a car with tinted windows, or they would simply dismiss it as an attempt to reduce sun glare. So, in situations like this, feel free to go out and spend some of your cash on a box of tinting film from an auto parts store.

When we finished tinting the windows, we drove past the Hinata apartments and made our way to the "corporation" that Takashi had directed us to.

To Be Continued…

A/N: I came up with this idea while I was talking to Bladed Alchemist about his "I Am Iron Man" story. His story is coming along swimmingly, and I thought that this would be kind of interesting. So, what do you think, everyone? Like it? Don't like it?