From my time of struggling to a dramatic recovery...
iNeed a Doctor
I lay in silence in a quiet, cold room. My body is still, and my breaths are slow and close to hushed. All expression has left my face; my eyes are closed tightly, all stress has disappeared from my forehead, and my mouth is silent. The sterile sheets that cover my boy are without the wrinkles and creases that my restless nights always used to leave. Several wires and tubes monitor my heart and brain activity; they are slow.
Pushing open the door, then walking in with a black hoodie on to protect her from the cold, a young woman entered the room. Her name is Carly Shay, and she made her way towards the bed, looking at the stilled body in it. The two had known each other for a long time, and this was agonizing; Carly first met Emerald when the two young adults were happy, carefree dreamers with ideas, aspirations, and hopes that couldn't be grounded. They were close friends, and nothing could change that...But now...
I'm about to lose my mind...You've been gone for so long. I'm running out of time.
I need a doctor. Call me a doctor. Bring me a doctor, doctor. To bring me back to life...
Growing upset and angry, Carly walked around the hospital bed under the dark, dim lights of the room.
We told the world, one day we would pay it back...
We'd get our words out there, scream 'em loud, and one day we would play them back.
The two sat around, talking about the world; how it could be different; Beautiful things people miss that they saw, ways they could point them out, opinions they could make known to everyone. So long ago; they knew everyone would listen, and everyone would be better off; happier, more at peace, and deepened. If only...
Now, I don't even know if I believe it,
When we're saying that.
Doubt's starting to creep in, and every day is just so gray and black.
Hope? I just need a ray of that.
Cuz no one seems to see my vision when I play it for 'em.
They just turn and don't look back.
Things seemed so different now; So distant. Emerald and Carly were separate from one another, and things weren't going good. Happy ever after wasn't coming, and that dream seemed like it had just ended; unable to be touched on again. Life wasn't what it used to be. It was darker, more empty and painful. The body was still without motion.
All I know is,
You came to me when I was at my lowest;
You picked my up, breathing life in me;
I owe my life to you.
But for the life of me, I don't see how you don't see like I do.
But it just dawned on me, you've always had your weak spots;
Demons fighting you, it's dark.
Let me turn the lights on; Brighten me and enlighten you; The light in me is the light in you.
I don't think you realize what you mean to me; not the slightest clue.
Cuz you and me were like a crew. I was like your sidekick.
Carly remembered Death in the Family. How Emerald sat up at night, going over what to write; wanting to make it perfect. Once all the stress of the story was done, the two went for a ride in Carly's car, singing, laughing, joking, telling stories, and just enjoying the city around them.
You might wanna fight when I get off my mike,
Or you're gonna wanna hug me,
But I'm out of options! There's nothing left to do cuz...
Now things were desperate; Emerald was dying like this. This wasn't right. Everything was spiraling downhill. Emerald and Carly; friend until the end, and the end couldn't be coming now; not when Emerald brought it on like this.
I'm about to lose my mind; You've been gone for so long...
"I'm going away," Emerald told the girl. The author's voice was colder now, especially as the lights began to fade. With that, the young dreamer departed from Carly.
"Are you coming back?" the brunette asked.
"...I don't know," the author answered. "Maybe some day. Thanks for being my friend, Carls."
I'm running out of time.
I need a doctor. Call me a doctor.
I need a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life.
Emerald felt what was once a dedicated, strong, dreaming mind slipping away from its body and into a void. Still, the author remained still and silent. All the while, it was never as bad as Carly witnessed now...
It hurts when I see you struggle.
You come to me with ideas; you say they're just pieces, so I'm puzzled.
Cuz the stuff I hear is crazy, but you're either getting lazy or you don't believe in you anymore.
Based on everything that was said recently, the letters and personal documents, Carly could plainly see that her friend had lost all self-confidence, and was giving into self-doubt. Now, everything was piling up so badly, and Emerald was taking it all so hard. Every attack the young adult made was on themself. Carly felt it, and felt all of Emerald's pain; especially as the author lay dying.
Seems like your own opinions, not one you can form;
You can't make a decision, keep questioning yourself;
Second guessing. It's almost like you're begging for my help.
Like I'm your leader. You're supposed to be my mentor.
Well, I can endure no more; I demand that you remember who you are!
This wasn't Emerald; this was a broken little thing. Self-loathing, having fallen into fear of their own decisions and actions. Those things that used to make that kid happy were now burdens and sickening stresses. In their conversations, Emerald had lost all self-confidence and the will to keep going. Carly used to love that about her friend. Now, everything was broken and scattered. Regrets and remorse were scattered along every wall in the author's house.
It was you who believed in me
When everyone was telling you, 'don't bother'.
Almost everyone out there. Let's tell the truth;
You risked it all for me.
Emerald's face flinched for an instant. The heart monitor began to move alittle faster.
I know it as well as you; nobody wanted to deal with that little girl crying in her room!
You saved my life, so maybe it's time for me to save yours.
But I can never repay you; what you did for me is way more. But I'm not giving up faith,
And you're not giving up, on me, E.
Get up, bud, I'm dying here!
I need you, just for my sake!
I'm about to lose my mind! You've been gone for so long! I'm running out of time...
I need a doctor. Call me a doctor. Bring me a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life!
Suddenly, the heart and brain monitor flatlined. Emerald dropped the disconnected wires onto the ground, standing in front of Carly. The two warmly embraced; without fear. It had been so long, but the young author was back, and fear could no longer restrict her dreams and hopes.
It literally feels like a lifetime ago
But I can still feel those times like they were just yesterday.
You walked in, told jokes, said your piece, but then when you walked into the booth, it all got real.
I know I've been gone, my heart's been blurred out, and at times, I never thought I was coming back.
I've been beaten down, tore up, thrown around, and I never did jack.
But now, look at us; you can tell the world I'm back...
No wait, I'll do the job myself; I'll never leave you guys again.
Thanks to all those who believed in me,
And to those who never did, there's the door.
I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I'm walkin' back on the high road with my past and my dreams and my scars in hand, and I'm going back to make this place home again.
Recovering from so many nights of doubt, lost sleep, fears, and worries about a once-conquered future, Emerald typed, wrote down ideas, thrust fist after fist into a punching bag, felt gravel digging into every knuckle with every gruff push-up, and felt a burning in the once-cold heart with every pull-up. Emerald and Carly threw their hands together, and shook like they used to back in the good days, which were going to come back.
Together, the two old friends walked down the long and empty road; hand in hand, especially during times of weakness.
Where were all those fair-weather friends? Now, I don't see any of them; all I see is Shay.
They said they would rise above us. I don't see that now.
Now, we're all feeling the wrath of the aftermath, but those of us who chose it are facing it with friends.
Now, we're packing up our bags and moving to better times and never looking back.
I'm about to lose my mind. You've been gone for so long. I'm running out of time.
I need a doctor. Call me a doctor. Bring me a doctor, doctor to bring me back to life.
Special thanks go out to Tessie13, SeddieShortBus, Harper loves Alex, SkinnyJeansAndAnorexia, , schillingklaus, my Father in Heaven, and all those who supported me and missed me while I was away. You're the best, guys. Thanks alot, and know that I'm here to stay.
