A/N- For one reason or another, I'm making a squeal to "A Hellsing Halloween"! Yes I know the Europeans don't do Easter, it least I don't think so, for the sake of argument, lets say they did. Well, onword into the road of light!

Oh, and I own zip, zero, nada, in this story. The characters are owned by Gonzo. So leave me alone!

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                                    A Hellsing Easter Ch.1 "Evil bunnies… but they're so damned… cute!      

           Well, after the events of the "Halloween fiasco", as dubbed by Integral, all was peaceful in the Hellsing estate…. well, except for the fact that Integral lost every single bet that had to do with holidays to the Queen. Not to mention, on her last visit, she "accidentally" left her photo album entailed "Integral's Embarrassments".

            … Not to also mention, Alucard found it…

            "Master, I just love this one when you wore dressed as Baby New Year. What was that? Loss number 127?" Alucard said, holding a picture of Integral, vary well, dressed as Baby New Year. Stash and all. Needless to say, Integral was not-too-happy with it. "Well, I would have won, if a certain lazy vampire wouldn't "mysteriously" vanish into thin air!" Integral yelled. "Hahahaha! Hey, Master, it's April 11th, do you know where your stash is?" Alucard said, once again reminding Integral of the date, and the holiday associated with it.

            "WHAT?! IT'S APRIL 11TH?! I HAVE A BET ON THIS HOILDAY WITH THE QUEEN ON THIS ONE TOO!!" Integral yelled.

            "Oops…"

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            Just outside Integral's office…

            "Oh…. Crap…" Seras muttered as she heard Integral's yell. "Master, you didn't, did you?" "It appears he did. I suggest we run, Victoria." Walter said, magically appearing with suitcases at his side. "AAAHHHH! HOW'D YOU GET HERE?!" Seras exclaimed. "Don't scream Victoria, I'm right next to you. And don't ask how I got here. I don't know myself." Walter responded. "Oh, sorry. But Master reminded Integral of the holiday, again! What are we going to do?" Seras asked.

            "I'll tell you. You're going to get the Easter decorations from the basement, and Walter is going to put fliers about an Easter Egg Hunt around the area. Got me?" Integral said as she appeared behind him. "Yes, Sir" they both said, with one thought in mind. 'I'm going to kill Alucard/Master…'  

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            At the Exorcist Depot…

            "Hmmm. I don't know which one to go with." Father Anderson said to himself, pondering on whether to go with the "Vampire be gone" Vampire killing kit or the "Vampire be gone PRO" Vampire killing kit. But, then again, what's the difference? Father Anderson wondered to himself for some time. "Well, maybe I can help!" said a voice from the back of our (somewhat) loveable priest. "WHAT THE HELL!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!" Father Anderson yelled. "Well, I was stacking some 'Evil Spirits be Gone' kits, and heard your dilemma." The employee named Tom said, smiling.

            "One question, why are you smiling like that?" Father Anderson asked. "It's procedure. The boss thinks it helps with moral. The liar." Tom said. "Anyway, what's your problem?" Tom asked. "Well, I don't know which one to go with. The 'Vampire be Gone' or the 'Vampire be Gone PRO'. And anyway, what's the difference?" Father Anderson replied. "Well the 'Vampire be Gone' has good quality, it's not the best. Now, the 'Vampire be Gone PRO' has, probably, the best quality, and top-notch materials. Not to mention, all of the 'be Gone PRO' kits are on sale! So it's a bargain!" Tom said.

            "Hmmm… I think I'll get that, just because it's on sale." Father Anderson said holding the 'Vampire be Gone PRO' kit. "Good luck with you problem!" Tom said as Father Anderson went to pay. 'Sucker! He he he!' Tom thought.

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            "Victoria, if you see Alucard dead in the next twenty four hours, I didn't do it." Walter said. "Um, okay… I'll go get the eggs… now…" Seras said, freighted. "Oh, sure! Leave me with the hard job! It's not enough I do everything around here!" Walter exclaimed angrily. 'Well, it's not like I'm going to actually by the eggs. I'm going to steal them. It's just easier!' Seras thought evilly as she went outside to get eggs for 'free'.

            Walter sat down in his favorite chair, in front of a roaring fire. 'Strange. I could have sworn I was in a hallway… oh well…' Walter thought as he pulled out a notepad and a pen. And started to think as what to say for the filer.

            2,794 crimpled pieces of paper and three hours later…

            "Yes! I've got it! The perfect flier!" Walter exclaimed. The flier read like this:

Come one! Come all!

Come to the Hellsing Easter Egg Hunt!

Food! Fun! A surprise in every egg!

So come on down! (Please?)

We're not hard to miss!

We are the creepy castle… yeah that one…  

            "Well it may not be perfect… but I don't care! I'm going to the Bahamas and leaving! I'm not having any part of this dare whatsoever!" Walter exclaimed. "Oh, no your not, Walter. You have to make copies of those fliers." Integral said creepily and suddenly behind Walter. "Yes sir…" Walter said. "Good. I'll be getting that lazy vampire that goes by the name, Alucard. He'll be distributing the fliers. You're going to help him. Got me?" Integral said. "I understand Sir." Walter muttered underneath his breath.

            "I hate Alucard…" Walter said to himself when Integral was gone.

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            'Note to self, check the date before making a joke on Master. It will save a lot of trouble in the long run…' Alucard thought as he lay in his coffin… hiding… from Integral. Suddenly, there was a knock on the top of the coffin.

            "I'm sorry, but Alucard is not here!" 

            *Knock, knock, knock*

            "The vampire you are looking for is not here! Can I leave a message?"

            "Alucard I know you're in there! So get your ass out, NOW!" Integral yelled.

            "¡No habla ìngles!" Alucard said.

            "I've got silver bullets, and I'm not afraid to use them!" Integral threatened.

            "Fine! You win! What meaningless job do you want me to do, oh ruler of the universe?" Alucard asked. "Don't take that sarcastic voice with me! And you are to help Walter distribute fliers to the bast- I-I mean children." Integral said. "I have a sinking feeling we've had this conversation, or something like it before." Alucard said. "And I don't care. You have a job. Now go do it!" Integral yelled.

            "Bitch…" Alucard muttered.

            "I heard that!"

            "Yeah, yeah whatever…" 

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            "Oh, wow! That community center is having an egg hunt! I think I'll just take there eggs. I'm sure they won't mind if I take them all… he he he! MWH HA HA HA!" Seras "thought"

            "Mama, why is that weird lady laughing mechanically like that?" a kid asked. "Don't look at the crazies dear." The kid's mom responded. 'AGH! CRAZY?! I'LL SHOW THEM! ...after Easter. Sir is scary enough, now…

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"Oh! The Vampire BE GONE PRO! That's a great choice!" said the casher. "Could you speed this up? I'm in a hurry." Father Anderson said as he handed the amount of 23.99, grabbed the kit, and left.

           "Yeah, have a nice day." The casher said watching the cloud of dust that was  Father Anderson. "Wait, did he scan it? No, he didn't, but he paid. But what do priests want with those things anyway? Can't they just purify the thing? Oh well…" the caser said. "Next!"

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            Somewhere in the fields of happiness…

            "Bunnies! Rabbits! Lend me your floppy ears! It's finally here! The day we've been waiting for! The day we take over this planet! It's Easter!" The General Rabbit yelled to a cheering crowed of bunnies. "Sir, this is bad! Our reports show a crazy girl stealing the eggs!" said Lt. Bunny. "What?! SHE'S TAKING THE SPY CAMERAS!? THIS HAS TO BE STOPPED!" yelled the general. "That's not all. Look at this." The Lt. said as he handed the flier. "Bunnies, in order for us to have world domination, we must get rid of obstacles! There is one standing in the way. Bunnies, our first stop is to the Hellsing Manner!" 

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A/N- Yeah, I know, it's crap. If possible, worst then the last! Don't bother reviewing. Just don't…