A/N

Backround info: Isabelle Lightwood-Nurse at the mental section of a hospital

Alec Lightwood- Nurse at mental section of a hospital

Jace Wayland- Solder, now menta paitent (for good reasons I might add)

Clary Morgenstern- Mental paitent

Hodge Starkweather- Phsycaritrist

Mangus Bane- Mental paitent

Joclyn Wayland- Jace's mother.

Sebastian Morgenstern- Clarys older brother

Valentine Morgenstern- Clary's father.


All human, M for some mature content and language. quite a bit of both.. So. Disclamer: I own nothing, only the idea of insaine shadowhunters.

*This is an updated and edited re-post. Not a new chapter. All mistakes are fixed*


Sight was one thing we all took advantage of, being able to walk was another big one. But once you lost both, suddenly and violently you miss all the bad things: getting dirt in your eyes, crying, charley horses, you missed all of it.

Being a solder I was always prepared for the worst. I figured that something bad would happen at least once, but I never, ever expected what I got. The doctors tell me I'm lucky to be alive, to be able to think, and talk. But sometimes I wish that I were dead.

The dreams killed me more and more every night. My eyes may not work, but my brain sure does like replays. Especially while I was sleeping. Every night, I relived the worst day of my life.

"Wayland! What are you doing?" Sergeant Jakens demand.

I looked out the binoculars again, trying to see if I was right, "Come see sir, I'm not sure," I said, handing him what I had been using to see off into the distance.

"Oh come on Wayland, can't we just get back?" Someone complained. "Yeah, let's just go, he's been seein' things since we left that last place," Someone else echoed.

"Shush," Sergeant Jakens demanded, "There's something there. Let's go, but eyes peeled men!"

We all got back in the jeep and started back across the hot sand. I watched carefully ,not liking what was going on, something wasn't sitting right with me. I looked around at the six guys I had just fought for my life with. We saved some kids on a "regular routine tour". I myself was on my third tour of duty. Most men were itchin' to get back home, to their wife's, children family's. But I didn't really have much family.

"What was that!" Someone to my left asked.

We all heard the click. "Abandons Ship!" Someone yelled. I hardly had time to think, I, like a few other men jumped over the side, just to be thrown into the air by a massive blast. A land mine. I blacked, only snippets could come to me, pain, my legs being broken. Glass, something in my eyes. Crying out for pain.

The next thing I knew I was in a hospital, "Jace, Private Jace Wayland." Someone said.

"Why can't I see, what happened?"

Someone took my hand, a woman. "My name is Beth, I'm a doctor, you're in the United States. Don't you remember?"

"No. What happened?"

"Your Jeep went over a land mine, you're the only one alive sweetie. You suffered from some injury's. You were blinded, you'll be able to see eventually, but not right now. Your legs, you'll need special therapy to possibly be able to walk again."

It took a lot of time for that to sink in.

Every night, that ran though my head. Trying to think of what I could have done different came next.

After every noise, even the slightest I would freak out. Then other things started. I could hear them, my team. At first I thought it was just a phase, but then I realized it was something more. So I had myself checked into a mental facility.

They would oversee my rehabilitation, and my dreams, and my Post traumatic stress disorder. I hated it all, having to rely on other people. I was supposed to take care of people, not be taken care of.

Seeing them, my team. I saw him in my head. I heard them. They tried to talk to me, tell me to do things. I just didn't understand it. Why were they in my head. I met with a therapist, who tried to help me. I just didn't know.

It was four months in the mental hospital before I was allowed to have time with the other stable patients. Of course just sat in a corner of the room, hoping that someone would come talk to me. The only people who usually talked to me were the two nurses who helped me most of the time.

They were brother and sister, Isabelle and Alec Lightwood. Both were amazingly patient, especially during my episodes. When I was completely lost somewhere in my mind. They were there, helping me, like they were supposed to. Isabelle and Alec often came to visit me when they weren't working.

Sometimes a woman, would come sit with me, she never spoke, but Alec would call her Clary, when he came to bring me back to my room.

One day I decided to ask about her, "Alec?" I asked as he pushed me down to my room, "Who is that Clary? Why won't she speak to me?"

"She hasn't spoken to anyone in almost three years. But maybe you should try talking to her," Alec suggested.

Alec wheeled me to my room, for some 'alone time' for some people, they could read, but since I couldn't see, I usually just slept. Until therapy time.

Isabelle got me for therapy, brought me to the regular hospital, I would work on walking. I always felt proud when she would say how well I was doing on the way back to my room. It was in my blood suppose. To want to please others.

After therapy I had dinner. Then I had some more alone time, then would go see my therapist. Hodge Starkweather. I also worked with Celine Horndale, she was a specialist in P.T.S.D.

After therapy I went to my room, completely tired, I would fall asleep almost instantly after my bath. I hated bath's. I longed for a shower. To be able to do things myself. Alec thought it would help to inform me that he was gay. It didn't. I had nothing against him, he was still Alec, my nurse. And my only friend. But the fact that he had to help me in the bath didn't really help me.

After breakfast I went into the group room. Isabelle took me, because Alec was helping someone else at that time. We got about halfway to the group area when Isabelle stopped. "One second," She said. I heard Isabelle run down the hall. "Who's that?" Her voice as hurried.

"Penelope Garroway, she hung herself last light. Her father will be heartbroken," A male voice said. I heard wheels go down the hall. I figured a stretcher.

"Sorry," Isabelle said when she started pushing me again.

"You know, I could push myself, I have memorized the way. All you have to do is tape a sign that reads 'extremely attractive blond man is blind, if your close enough to read this then im going to run you over'?"

Isabelle laughed, "No, I'm sorry Jace. I can't do that. Your stuck with me for now."

I fake sighed, "I guess I can deal with that for now," I wanted to roll my eyes. But it would do no good. I wore really dark glasses, no one would see. It was more for my own good, so the patches that covered my healing eyes wouldn't get damaged, or showed. I imagined I looked either really cool or really stupid. I hoped for the first. Of course it's the first Wayland, what else would it be? Someone inside my head asked.

Isabelle pushed me over to my usual spot, "Hello Clary, what's that? Oh, is that Jace?" Apparently Clary nodded. "Well Jace, looks like you have a friend. Clary drew you, it looks like you a lot. When you can see you'll love it. I'll put it in your room," Isabelle said before she left.

I turned to where I hoped Clary was sitting, "Thank you. I'd let you know what you think, but I'm temporarily blind. But im Jace Wayland. Who are you?"

A soft hand touched my arm, from the opposite way my head was. The same hand picked up mine and flipped it over. She traced letters on the back of my hand. "C.L.A.R.Y?"I asked.

She just started to trace again, "M.O.R.G.E.N.S.T.E.R.N?" Clary tapped twice on my hand.

"Two for yes? One for no?" Clary tapped twice. "How long have you been sitting with me?"

She traced a question mark on the back of my hand, "How old are you?" 20, she traced on my hand. "Oh, im almost 22."

She traced Solder on my hand, with a question mark. "Yes, I was. Before my jeep hit a land mine... You don't care," Two taps. "You do?" Two taps again. I told Clary what had happened. She traced 'I'm sorry' on my hand. "Nothing that can be helped."

"Will you ever speak to me?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

I heard Clary sigh from beside, 'Maybe'. She took her hand off mine and started to write something down. She ripped it out and took my hand. 'Open when you can see' she spelled out. Clary was very cold, her hands anyway. Oh come on Bitch, just speak, stop sulking about your problems. Someone in my head said. I pushed the voices back down into my head.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" I asked her. Two taps. I shoved the paper into my pocket. "Good."

Clary and I spent the rest of our group time talking, or communicating. She avoided any questions about her, she answered about her birthday, and color preference. But anything deeper than that she would just tap once.

As Alec pushed me back to my room I told him about my experience with Clary. "Did she really communicate with you? She refuses to communicate with everyone else. She only ever draws. You should try to get her to talk."

Time passed slow, everyday doing the exact same thing, the only thing I had to change it up was Clary. I couldn't help but wonder what she looked like. Judging by how small her hands were she was small.

Talking to Hodge also passed time, he was very interesting. "Jace," He said slowly when I was wheeled in by Isabelle. "Your nurse said you were talking to yourself, were you actually talking to someone else?" He asked.

"Uh huh. I was talking to Jonathan."

"Who's that Jace?"

I shrugged, "He talks to me."

I heard Hodge make a noise, "What does he look like, Jace?"

Oh my, some doctor. "I'm blind," I said in an obvious tone.

"Oh yes, about that, you have an appointment with an eye specialist tomorrow during therapy time, you just might get your sight back. But Who is Jonathan? Tell me more about him?"

Don't tell the old coot about me, I'm your brother. "He...He doesn't want me to."

"It's okay Jace, just tell me a little bit about Jonathan."

Don't you dare!

"He really doesn't like the idea Hodge, maybe another time."

"Of course Jace. So, I heard you made a friend? Clarissa Morgenstern," Hodge asked.

Of course we did, doc. Bet she's hot to. "Yeah, why doesn't she talk?"

"You'll have to ask her Jace. Alec told me that she writes on your hand to communicate. All I can say is that she has not spoken to any doctors in almost three years."

Crazy Bitch. Jonathan's voice echoed around my head, making my head hurt, when I flinched back I could hear Hodge shift in his chair. Whole bunch of crazy's here. Crazy fucks. Jonathan's voice was loud.

"May I go back to my room? I don't feel well," I said quietly. Jonathan was yelling for me to return, the power in his voice suggested I listen.

Hodge called for Isabelle, I heard her bright voice and soft shoes. I had gotten good at remembering what people sounded like when they walked. Alec walked with long purposeful strides. Isabelle came with quick hurried steps. Clary had light, almost silent steps. One of the other nurses, Ariana had heavy steps, leading me to believe she was bigger.

When I got back to my room Jonathan started to yell really loud, blocking out any of my thoughts I had left. The only thing I could think to do was yell back. But he kept going, he was getting angry.

Then everything was blank, the next things I knew I was strapped to a bed, Alec and Isabelle talking quietly at my side. I pretended to be asleep, I must have had some drugs in me, because I couldn't hear much, only little snippets. "Psychotic." "Multiple persons" "Skitz" Nothing I really understood.

I slipped back into sleep, the medicine the had given had made Jonathan leave me alone, for now. Maybe it was Alec. He seemed to always seemed to go away when Alec came in, or maybe Alec just scared him. I didn't know. I just let the silent, dreamless sleep wash over me. Like complete bliss.


Hope you liked. Let me know, review please! I'll update faster! XD - M