Author Note: Set pre-war of the ring, this fanfiction is about the little, hopefully amusing, adventures of Merry and Pippin in the space of one week. There's not much plot in this chapter; it's more an entertaining introduction. This fanfiction was a long time in the making, and I hope you enjoy it!

Concerning the character's ages, I'd say Merry and Pippin are in their early twenties (possibly late teens for Pippin). And going against Tolkien, I've made Merry and Pippin's sisters and little closer in age to Pippin, as follows; Merry and Pervinca are five years older, Pimpernel is seven years older and Pearl is eleven years older. I've also put names to nameless characters on the family tree, such as Paladin's eldest sisters.

Oh, and I've also used both the films and the books as sources of information for various things. Anywho, that's enough of my babbling. Enjoy! And be sure to tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's all J.R.'s work/characters etc.

Chapter One- Saturday

Brandy Hall was an impressive sight for anyone's eyes. Rising out of the gentle hills with breathtaking enormity, it seemed to dominate the countryside of Buckland. In this giant hill were many cosy rooms connected by rounded tunnels, forming a maze of rustic comfort. The only place comparable to it was the Great Smials, ancestral home of the Tooks.

But currently, the distinctive Took accent could be heard ringing through the corridors of Brandy Hall; usually there was only one (Merry's mother, Esmeralda, who'd been born a Took.) But now there was a clamour of them.

That's right. The Tooks were visiting. Not all of them, you understand. Not even Brandy Hall had that many rooms. Just Esmeralda's three sisters, Amethyst, Opal and Holly, and her brother Paladin. Oh, and all their children. Which, I suppose, was still a fair few people and consequently some of the more distant Brandybuck relations had been asked to keep out the Banquet hall for the evening, much to their annoyance.

The Tooks first afternoon had passed pleasantly enough. Except when a bird with a chronic case of diarrhoea emptied its bowels onto the kitchen ceiling window, where everyone had been eating lunch. Pippin's eldest sister Pearl, who had been sitting directly beneath, had been put right off her turkey sandwich and wasn't helped by Pippin's comment of, 'It's a good thing the window wasn't open.'

It was now evening and Brandy Hall was vibrating with merry music. The Banquet hall (only used about twice a year because it was quite far to walk to and Hobbits didn't like to exert much more effort than necessary) had been cleared of its tables and now Brandybucks, Tooks, and a few family friends were dancing an energetic jig. Pimpernel, Pippin's second eldest and most hyperactive sister, was bounding around the room, dragging her cousin Nicko behind her, who looked a little queasy.

When the song finished, Pimpernel came back to the little tables set around the room, panting. She plonked herself down next to Merry and Pippin, who were playing a game of 'who can balance an apple on their nose for the longest time.'

'Hello boys,' she said. 'You should have danced that last one!'

'No thanks, Nel,' replied Pippin. 'It was one where you have to change partners, and as much as I love you all, I didn't want to end up dancing with one of my sisters.'

Nel grinned. 'Fair enough. What's your excuse Merry?'

Merry's eyes darkened. 'Melilot.'

Melilot Brandybuck had a rather unhealthy obsession with Merry and wanted him to eat, dance, talk with her, pretty much constantly.

'Done,' announced Pearl, who was sitting opposite them. She looked up from her piece of paper. Pearl, when she wasn't helping with household tasks or mothering her siblings, liked to sketch. She'd declined to dance, mainly to spare her male partners the embarrassment of often being taller than them. But watching the dancing was evidently very inspirational, art-wise.

'Let's have a look,' said Pippin, hand outstretched. With Merry and Nel at each shoulder, he examined it. A few moments passed.

'Who's that?' Pippin asked, showing Pearl.

'Uncle Saradoc.'

'You've drawn him without a nose.'

'Oh Pip. I really don't think that matters.'

Pippin's eyes widened. 'But if he tried to sneeze, his face would blow up.'

Merry managed to speak through his laughter. 'No! Your eyes, nose, mouth and ears are all connected, so the pressure would escape elsewhere.'

Pippin thought for a moment. 'So the phlegm would shoot out his ears instead?'

'I'm not even going to ask,' said Pervinca, the third sister, catching the last bit of the conversation. She sat down next to Pearl, somewhat grumpily.

'You alright?' asked Pippin.

'Fine,' said Pervinca, bluntly.

'No, you're not,' said Merry. 'You look like this.' He stuck his bottom lip out in mock-misery.

'Oh, leave off me, Merry.'

'It's that time of the month,' Nel whispered to them.

Pervinca threw a grape at her, which went down Nel's blouse.

'Oh great,' said Nel, looking downwards. 'I'll never find that now.'

At that moment, Pippin's mother Eglantine walked over.

'Merry. Melilot wants to speak to you, darling,' she told him, with seemingly great glee.

'Oh, lord,' mumbled Merry. He slowly rose and trudged to the other side of the room, where Melilot was waving both hands enthusiastically.

Eglantine settled down in his place. 'I say! His seat's very warm.'

Pippin gave a matter-of-fact nod. 'He's probably pumped on it.'

Meanwhile, Nel had dislodged the grape and was now walking around, brandishing the fruit, asking, 'Is there a dog anywhere?'

'Strange girl,' commented Eglantine, watching her daughter ask Old Rory if his budgie liked grapes. Well, Nel was sort of shouting it, mainly because Old Rory was a bit deaf.

Eglantine sat with her children a while, admiring Pearl's sketch, ignoring Pippin's concerns about Saradoc's nose, listening to Pervinca's gossip, and dragging Nel away from Old Rory, who looked a bit frightened. Merry wandered over at one point, looking visibly exhausted.

'How many jigs?' was all Pippin asked.

'Too many.'

As the evening wore on, there were more dances danced, songs sung, food eaten, drinks drunk. In fact, it started to get rather embarrassing, especially when Paladin and Saradoc decided to start singing a rousing chorus of a rather crude tavern song. Merry and Pippin took this as their cue to Get Away. Unfortunately this meant near to Melilot's side of the room.

'For goodness sake, Pippin. No over there,' hissed Merry, dragging his cousin away from her table. 'I can't dance anymore!'

'Where shall we go, then?'

But just at that moment, Melilot stood up purposefully.

'Hide me,' hissed Merry.

'Where?' asked Pippin.

'Anywhere.'

'What about under Grandma Goold's skirt? I heard she fit five children and her cat under there once...'

But Merry had already yanked him behind the ale kegs, where they both crouched as quietly as they could.

'We can't stay here Merry,' fretted Pippin. 'At parties, Cousin Nicko always throws up behind the ale kegs; it's tradition.'

'Just a few moments longer.'

A shadow fell across them. 'Oh there you are,' boomed a voice. Merry winced and prepared to die.

But Pippin dug him sharply in the ribs. 'Open your eyes, it's only my Mum.'

'Pippin darling, could you try and find Nel. I think she might have followed Old Rory into the toilets.'

They agreed, glad to leave the threat of Melilot. They found Nel coming out the toilets.

'Nel,' said Merry wearily. 'Please stop following my granddad around.'

'What? Oh, no. That's some other old man in there. He dropped these.' She showed them a pouch containing pipes and pipeweed. 'But he's taking a long time, so I'm just going to give them to his wife.'

Merry thought quickly. 'Oh, that's okay Nel. We're going to the toilet now anyway.'

'We are?' asked Pippin.

'Yes,' said Merry firmly, giving Pippin a look. 'We're desperate.'

Pippin's confusion cleared, and he obligingly hopped around on the spot, crossing his legs.

'So, we can just take it to him in the bathroom,' said Merry.

'Okay!' said Nel brightly. 'I'll save you both a slice of Auntie Opal's sponge!'

Making sure she was out of sight, Merry pocketed the pipeweed and turned away from the toilet door.

Pippin paused halfway through the doorframe. 'Oh, so we're not going to the toilet anymore?'

'No.'

'Aww, I sort of want... hey, wait!' exclaimed Pippin, pointing at Merry's pocket. 'Did you just put that pouch in there?'

'Yes.'

'That's stealing!'

'Pippin,' said Merry, placing an arm around his shoulder and guiding him away from the toilet. He unfolded the pouch, and showed him. 'Look. It's some pieces of wood and pile of mangy leaves.'

'But it's his pieces of wood and his pile of mangy leaves.'

Merry shook his head wearily. 'Pippin, my good friend. One day you will learn that if a Hobbit is careless enough to leave his belongings lying around for anyone to pick up -least of all your crazy sister- then they can't be that bothered about them.'

'But what do we need them for? Oh, of course,' said Pippin, excitedly grabbing one of the pipes and waving it about. 'We can use them as pretend swords! They're a bit short, mind. I had better ones when I was a kid-'

They were interrupted by the emergence of the old man in question. He bumbled out the bathroom, buttoning his trousers up and humming.

'Now look,' whispered Merry. 'Does that look like a man who's missing his lost items? No. And anyway, we can return the pipes to him.'

'What are we going to do with them though?' asked Pippin.

Merry just tapped the side of his nose. 'You'll find out tomorrow.'

Later on in the evening, when everyone had mellowed (e.g got to the slurring/drooling phase), Merry and Pippin found themselves also feeling tired, mainly from the abundance of food they'd eaten. In fact, Pippin was starting to feel queasiness set in. And the adults' conversation wasn't helping matters.

'Oooh, I know what you mean Eglantine,' said Merry's mother, Esmeralda, sympathetically. 'I can't eat too many parsnips either. They really upset my stomach.'

'I used to be okay with them, but it's age, isn't it darling?' said Eglantine. 'Sprouts are alright with me, though. I only get mild gas, but Paladin just about explodes. Don't you, darling?'

'Sorry?' said Paladin, looking like he'd just woken up. Which he probably had.

'Sprouts don't agree with you, do they?'

'Oh no,' agreed Paladin, his Tookish brogue stronger after a few ales. 'Definitely not. My digestion really suffers. Later on, it's like pushing out crossbow bolts...'

It was at this point that Pippin walked over to Esmeralda, interrupting this delightful conversation.

'Auntie Es,' he said in a pained voice. 'Do you mind if I be excused? I'm not feeling well.'

'Oh, of course you can, Pipsy-pops,' cooed Esmeralda, feeling his brow. 'Hmm. You've not got a temperature.'

'I think I just ate too much.'

'Well, you're in Merry's room as usual, though I wouldn't bet on the bed being made.'

Armed with a bucket, Pippin walked out the Banquet hall, down the corridor and towards Merry's room.

There was an abundance of spare rooms in Brandy Hall for Pippin to have his own, but there seemed little point, as in instances when they had been in separate rooms they'd spent the night scampering across the hallways, visiting each other. This had caused Pippin to once tread on the cat, and another time Old Rory (who was a paranoid gent at the best of times) to think they were thieves sneaking about, and had almost decapitated Merry with a frying pan. And besides, Merry's bed was huge and could easily accommodate another person. The bed had been left to him when he was seven years old by some distant aunt, who was a very large lady. The Brandybucks had been puzzled as to why she'd left such a large bed to a seven year old, and had come to two conclusions. 1) She'd had no children, and perhaps thought children liked to sleep diagonally, or 2) she thought Merry would grow to be an equal width to her. Neither, unsurprisingly, had come true.

The problem was finding Merry's room. The Brandybucks lived communally, but more intermediate families had their own private apartments to preserve privacy. This system made the whole place even more complex, and Pippin had still not memorised the layout. The feeling of sickness was growing, and Pippin was desperate to get to bed before he ruined the carpet. Frustrated, he experimentally opened a few doors; one revealed a library, and another a bedroom with a couple who were having a good time. They yelped when they saw him, and Pippin hastily shut the door.

After a few more cautious door openings, Pippin eventually found Merry's room. He made a mental note that it was Next To The Potted Plant. Flinging the door open wider, he collapsed onto the unmade bed, and fell asleep a few seconds later. So deep was his sleep, he did not wake when Merry stumbled in an hour later, belching loudly, before slumping down next to him.

That's day one complete! I hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear some feedback, as this is my first ff in the Lord of the Rings fandom.