Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek or "Tied Together With A Smile" by Taylor Swift
A/N: I promise I am working on Life with Shakespeare and Country Ladies Tribute to Dasey. I will update soon, but this was just...sitting there, in my mind, refusing to go away. So here it is.
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you...
My dearest Casey,
I don't know how to say this, how to write what I know I need to write. I saw you yesterday, in your room. You didn't know I was watching, but I was, and I heard you and it broke my heart. You were almost crying, looking at your reflection and obviously not seeing what you should see. You complained about how fat you are, how your nose is too big, your ears stick out, your mouth is too big…the list could go on and on of all the things you found wrong with yourself. I don't understand how you can't see what the rest of us see. You are absolutely gorgeous. You are amazing on the outside, with your long hair, and laughing eyes and dancer's legs. But you are even more amazing on the inside, and that makes you radiate beauty. You don't think I see it, but I do. You're my baby girl, how could I not see it? I've watched you grow up. I've seen you when you are at your worst, selfish and cruel and acting like a drama queen. And I also know that it doesn't happen very much. Far more often you are considerate and helpful and always thinking of others. You work hard and you protect your younger sister and stepsister. I can't tell you how much I admire you, honey.
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
I've been so worried about you lately. I know you don't think I've noticed, that you've done a great job of hiding it, but, as I said before, I'm your mom. I've watched you from the time you were born, and I know when your smile is fake. It has been happening more than usual lately, you smile at everyone like life is beautiful, but there is a little quirk missing in your lips and your forehead doesn't crinkle. I haven't missed the signs, Case. I've seen everything. I got a call from one of your teachers a couple of weeks ago-he told me that you had been forgetting assignments lately. I didn't know what to do. You have always been so concerned with your grades and your performance at school, and something's changed.
The day after that phone call, I came upstairs to kiss you goodnight and I saw something else I hated. You were on your bed, crying into your pillow. I wanted more than anything to go in there and rock you like I did when you were little, but I felt ashamed. I didn't know what was wrong, so I couldn't fix it. So instead of being a good mom and protecting you and holding you, I sat in the hallway outside your room and listened. And I cried too.
Later I (and I'm not ashamed to admit it) went in to your room and read your journal. I know you think you have it hid so no one (especially Derek) will find it and read it, but I'm your mother. I know where it is-I always have. I read it and my heart broke again, baby. I couldn't believe that you have felt so alone, so rebellious, so scared, so torn. Reading that journal finally opened my eyes to your real problem.
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay...
I guess I should have guessed it. All the boyfriends, none of them lasting very long. All the fights and the yelling, the looks and touches. I noticed them, but I admit I ignored them. I didn't want to see what was in front of me eyes, but not for the reason you think, baby. I'm not weirded out by your feelings. I guess I should have expected something like this-after all, George and I did put two teenagers in the same house, sharing the same bathroom and coexisting in such close proximity. I should have realized one of you would develop feelings. But I didn't want you to, Casey. I hate seeing you trying to give yourself away so cheaply on the off chance he will notice, he will pay attention, he will love you back. You are so precious and beautiful, and it hurts me to my very soul that you don't see yourself that way. You deserve so much more than what those boys have been giving you, than what Derek is giving you. You deserve someone who will look at you and treat you like the princess Derek is always calling you. Because you are. And you deserve to be treated that way.
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
I know that you are feeling like nothing is right in your life right now. I know that you are feeling overwhelmed, hurt, scared, and in more pain than I can imagine. And I am sorrier than you can possibly imagine that I can't do anything to fix it. I can't make Derek love you. I can't make you see how beautiful and precious you are. But I can't just watch you destroy yourself anymore. No matter what happens, no matter what you do, sweetie I am always here for you. I will always be here to hold you when you cry, even if I can't make it better. I will always be here to listen when you need to talk, and I will always be here to take you away when things get to be too much. I just wanted you to know that. So I hope that when you read this letter, you will come find me and we can go for a walk and talk like we used to. I hope that you will remember that you are never alone-your mom will always be there for you.
You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone... oh
Goodbye, baby
Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby
Don't fake a smile with me, honey.
Love,
Your Mom
A/N: Moms are pretty cool...at least, the moms I know are (especially mine). So should I continue, or not?
