Author's Note: This story is basically telling what I think might have happened before Julia died. It's not just the night of her death though. It's about a year or so leading up to it. It's AU a bit. One of the things that is different in this than from the show is that Eli has always attended Degrassi. He's not a new kid, and Julia attended it as well. This first chapter is mainly a long prologue of Eli explaining what happened. The rest will most likely be switching back and forth from Julia's POV to Eli's POV in the third person. I just love this pairing, and after seeing last night's episode, it kind of inspired me to write something like this. Let me know what you think! Second chapter should be up today, mainly because I have nothing better to do and I want to write. :p

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Degrassi or Degrassi itself.

Shattered
Chapter One: My Best Theory

For as long as I can remember, I've always had Julia. Hell, even before I can remember. I met her the day she was born, merely three months after I was born. Our mothers were best friend's, and they were in the same birthing class together. They used to hang out constantly, and soon, our fathers became pretty close too. They were like one big happy family, and when I was born, it was no surprise that Julia's mother, Lauren, welcomed me into their family as well. She and Julia's father, Steven, were my God parents. (Ironic, because I don't believe in God, especially not now.)

When Julia was born, our parents had already decided that we were going to be best friends. I had no choice in the matter, not that I minded. It wasn't like I had the choice to become or not to become friends with her. They set up play dates for us when we couldn't even lift our heads. They laid us in the same play pen to take naps. If my family went on vacation, so did Julia's. When Julia was sick and couldn't come outside to play, I felt like someone has stomped all over my heart. She was my other half, the love of my life, my best friend. Now that I think about it, I wish I would have had the chance to tell my parents I didn't want anything to do with her. I wish I'd never met her.

She's made my life a living hell.

I guess you really can't say that she has. It's more like her death, and the fact that she existed before her death, and the fact that she had every part of my heart. I'll never admit to that though. I'm too good for that. It's too hard for me to admit it, because without Julia Culler, I'm completely broken. I'm lost. I'm pretty much slipping deeper and deeper into depression, but it's not like I mind Like I've said before, I would much rather feel the pain then nothing at all. I wasn't always like that. I wasn't always dark, and I wasn't always dressed in black. In fact, I guess at one point you could have called me a pretty normal kid.

Julia had been the more outgoing one for the longest time. After her first year of high school, she just kind of started to with draw herself. It wasn't because of the first year of high school though. Grade nine was blissful. But the summer before grade ten was the worst summer of all for Emily. Her mother died in a car accident, and only a few months later, her father was married and all ready to make a new family. Obviously, Julia was completely against this. She hated her step-mother with a passion. She said she was nothing like her real mother, nothing like her at all, and it caused problems for her. It changed her. I think something else happened besides just her fighting with her step-mother.

But when we were kids, she was the one who taught me everything. I never once listened to what my parents said, but if Julia reiterated it? I listened to every word she said. I loved hearing her voice. It was like a choir of angel's to me. But that's besides the point. My earliest memory of Julia Rayann Culler was not only one of the best, but my first kiss. I can still remember it so plainly.

She was wearing a pink peter pan collared shirt with denim overalls on over top of it. Her feet were bare, with just a dash of pink nail polish on them. Her hair fell in deep red ringlets all the way to her mid-back, and her emerald eyes sparkled so beautifully in the sunlight. It may sound completely creepy to say that now, especially since she was only six years old, but even then, she was the most beautiful girl I knew. Julia had a sprinkling of freckles across her nose; just enough to be noticeable. Her left front tooth had just grown back in from loosing It, and she had a butterfly clip in her hair. She sat across from me in the sand box, grinning like a fool. "Eli, you did it wrong," Julia told me, giggling.

"I don't know how to kiss a girl, Jules. Other than-"

"Other than your mommy?" Julia teased, sticking her tongue out at me.

I blushed a bright pink, sighing. "I guess,"

"Eli, put your lips like this." She told me, puckering her lips up and pointing to her mouth. Once I followed her command, she leaned forward and pecked me on the lips just once. "See? That's how you kiss." She added, still giggling.

She's in each and every one of my memories, up until the day of her death, and even then in a few afterward. I loathe her now, and everything about her. Leading up to her death, everything changed. Our relationship went from perfect, to rocky, to shit storm. I didn't know how to handle It in the slightest. We fought constantly. She cried for no reason. I was the most confused boy on the face of the earth.

This is the story of the year before Julia's death. This will explain any questions you have, and anything you've been wondering. This will explain the reason as to why I think I killed her.