AN: THIS IS A SERIES: The "Once Upon a Time in the Magic Kingdom" Series. HOWEVER, some of the stories will take place in other parts of the park, mention other parts of the park, or have their titles taken from attractions NOT in the Magic Kingdom (ie, Epcot Center, Typhoon Lagoon, etc). There will be multiple pairings. I will list the name of the couple in the drop-down chapter menu so that if you do not care for a particular couple, then you can skip them. This is not a continuing story, it is a collection of one-shots about different Hetalia couples at Disney World.

PruCan Human AU—While at a family reunion at Disney World, Matthew gets dragged along on another one of his brother and cousin's harebrained adventures, and finds himself perp-walked through the Magic Kingdom. When he finally meets the Head of Security, Matthew is completely swept off his feet by the handsome guard. The quiet blonde never expected that breaking the rules would change his life—for the better.

Relationships: PruCan (main); small mention of USUK (established).

Characters: Matthew (Canada); Gilbert (Prussia); Alfred (America); Christian (Australia); quick appearance of Ludwig (Germany) and Elizabeta (Hungary); mentions of Francis (France) and Arthur (England)

Rated T: It would have been K+ but Gilbert decided that he wanted to swear and Mattie decided that he wanted to check out Gil's butt and they BOTH decided that they wanted to kiss. Plus, Gilbert had to go and make that freaking innuendo so…to be on the safe side we are going with T.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia (if I did then Canada and Prussia would hold hands during all of the World Meetings—not that anyone would notice—but it would be crazy adorable.) I also do not own Disney, or anything therein such as the theme parks, Epcot, Indiana Jones, Iago, etc.


Once Upon a Time in the Magic Kingdom:

Splash Mountain Shenanigans

Matthew honestly thought that he may throw up. His hands were clammy and clasped so tightly in his lap that he was involuntarily shaking. Why did he let Al talk him into stupid things like this? They always ended badly. The only upside to the endless string of shenanigans was that whenever his headstrong brother got them into trouble, usually Matthew avoided punishment. It was almost as if their parents, and teachers knew that he had been coerced into whatever scheme landed them in detention or in front of campus police (it was one time). But Matthew was worried that this infraction may be a bit more serious than their previous 'adventures.'

The young blonde looked over at the chairs next to him in disbelief. His brother and his cousin were lounging in their metal folding chairs as though they hadn't a care in the world. How could they be so calm? They were being detained! At the Happiest Place on Earth! This was a complete disaster! Not only were they going to be late for their grandmother's birthday dinner, they were probably going to be denied access to the park for the rest of their vacation! Or worse, the rest of their natural born lives.

Matthew couldn't even think about that—if they were cut off from the park forever, he would never get to see Epcot Center. The nineteen year old knew that it was a bit unconventional, but the quiet teen had always wanted to see the park that boasted different countries. The unobtrusive young man wasn't too keen on going off on his own, and hoped that his ridiculous brother and cousin would join him at Epcot, at least for a few hours. It was now their second day at Disney and they refused to go, stating that it looked "super boring dude." He wished that Alfred's boyfriend Arthur had been able to come on the trip with them—he knew the slightly stuffy Brit would be happy to accompany him to Epcot and wouldn't make fun of him at all. But Arthur had taken a summer internship at their university with the literature professor and had declined Alfred's invitation—which consisted of begging, pleading and pouting—much to Matthew's dismay.

When Matthew and Alfred's parents had first informed them that the family reunion this year would be taking place at Disney World due to the fact that most of their other cousins were quite young, the brothers were almost as excited as they would have been if they were five. Alfred was basically a big kid as it was, and Matthew was the first to admit that he still watched all the Disney movies and knew all the words to his favorite songs. They knew that as college students, they would be given free reign over the park and only expected to show up for dinner occasionally, which meant they would be able to ride the rides, eat to their hearts content and have no one to answer to, for the most part. Plus, a family reunion would give them a chance to see their cousin Christian, who, living in Australia, rarely made it to family get-togethers.

Looking back on it, Matthew knew that he should have seen this entire situation coming a mile away. Whenever Alfred and Christian got together, something was bound to go horrifically wrong. Two summers ago, when the reunion was at a lake house, they had 'borrowed' a rowboat from the neighboring cabin and promptly capsized it, causing their parents to pay to replace the small watercraft. When they were fourteen, the boys had convinced Matthew that no one would mind if they slipped out of the reunion and raided their uncle's liquor cabinet—not realizing that the bottle they chose was a scotch that cost over four hundred dollars. In fact, Matthew was almost surprised that Alfred and Christian were even allowed at family reunions any longer.

"That was so much fun," Alfred laughed, breaking the silence. "I can't wait until we're back at school and I can tell everyone how we infiltrated Disney!" The blonde laughed louder, joined immediately by their brunette cousin.

"We didn't infiltrate Disney Al," Matthew's voice was quiet even by his usual standards. "We got caught. Sneaking into a closed ride."

"I think Mattie's got a point," Christian waved his hand. "I don't think it counts as infiltration if you're caught."

"Yes it does," Alfred insisted. "Indiana Jones got caught all the time, but he still managed to come out on top—and it was still infiltration."

Matthew turned slightly away from his brother and cousin as they began to talk about the Indiana Jones Stunt Show that the three of them had been to earlier in the day before they decided to be stupid and reckless. There was no point in trying to talk with Alfred about the consequences of their actions. Matthew would just have to worry enough for all three of them. His stomach turned again and he began to breathe very deliberately in order to squash the feeling of bile beginning to rise in this throat. He had never been very good with stress—that came with the territory when your twin seemed to lack a moral compass when it involved having fun.

The heavy wooden door to the office slammed open, startling the three boys for a moment before Alfred and Christian regained their composure; although Matthew was still quite twitchy. A tall, imposing man dressed in a park security uniform entered the room and strode toward the desk with authority as he perused a clipboard.

"My name is Gilbert Beilschmidt, the Head of Security here," the man's voice was deeply accented German and the deliberate pronunciation of his words had Matthew's heart beat speeding up. He had always had a thing for German accents and tall men—what can he say, it was a weakness.

Matthew felt his eyes widen as he took in the snowy white hair and broad shoulders that were barely contained by the security uniform. He immediately blushed as he found his eyes wandering down to appreciate the guard's incredibly tight rear end. The head of security was gorgeous! Matthew had never been so completely consumed at first sight by someone's looks and physique before—he was more the type to fall for another man's personality. But there was something about the white haired man before them that had Matthew struggling to catch his breath as he openly stared in obvious attraction.

'Thank you, Walt,' Matthew thought as he admired the fit of the uniform. Whoever had picked them out deserved a raise—despite his fear at their situation, he found himself almost drooling as the older man crossed behind the desk and sank down into a large black leather chair. When their eyes met, Matthew actually gasped out loud—the man's eyes were red.

There was a moment of complete silence as the guard's eyes met Matthew's. The albino man's mouth was hanging open in shock as he stared at the young blonde in front of him. 'This little delinquent was cute!' Gilbert couldn't stop the thought from running through his mind. And if he was totally honest with himself, the little blonde shaking in his chair was probably not a delinquent. The other two looked like the real problems in this situation. 'Too bad,' the security head thought, the trio looked like they would be fun to hang out with in another life—especially the cute, scared one.

Despite his prominent position at the park—Head of Security—he wasn't very good at his job. Gilbert had been quite a troublemaker in his own youth, which wasn't that far behind him, and he always seemed to have difficulty reprimanding people who were detained in his custody—at least, with the kids and teenagers. He had no trouble losing his temper when it was a serious matter—especially when it was an adult who should know better. He glanced down at the clipboard in front of him. The three boys in front of him were all nineteen—technically adults, but he still felt a pang of understanding. He probably would have been trying to break into a closed ride when he was nineteen as well—he probably would have been doing it today if he wasn't the Head of Security. Gilbert may be a 'respectable adult' but he wasn't much older than the three boys in front of him either.

In an attempt to be a professional, Gilbert cleared his throat, narrowed his eyes and stared down each boy in silence for a full minute before saying, "What the fuck?" It was the best he could do.

The three teenagers in front of him looked surprised at the adult's foul language, but once they started to think about it, the man was probably only a few years older than themselves. Alfred immediately relaxed and grinned at Gilbert.

"Well, Mr. Beilschmidt," Alfred smiled. "It was an accident."

The attractive blonde's smile was disarming to say the least, but Gilbert kept finding his gaze drawn towards the quieter blonde, despite the fact that the two boys were obviously identical twins. "Really?" Gilbert raised one eyebrow and his voice took on the lilt of sarcasm that Alfred should have been better at picking up on, what with Arthur being a master of the craft.

Unknowingly, Alfred plowed on, "Yup, we were just trying to find Splash Mountain and all of a sudden we were in that closed ride!" Alfred's bright voice and smile were at odds with the tension in the room. Christian just kept nodding and grinning, trying to back up Alfred's ridiculous excuse as best he could. Matthew tried to sink lower into his folding chair. 'Why were they giving such a stupid excuse?' He was going to look like an idiot by association and he really didn't want to look like a moron to the incredibly handsome man interrogating them.

Gilbert shook his head. 'An accident, really?' It wasn't even a plausible excuse. Gilbert took a moment to mourn how sad it was that kids today had slipped so much in the fine art of lying. He and Francis would never have used "it was an accident" as an excuse to get out of trouble. They were much too awesome to throw out such an over-played and obviously un-true statement as a defense. The albino sighed and grimaced. "You could have been seriously hurt, which would have been un-awesome and it would have pissed me off," the white haired security guard glared at them.

"But we weren't hurt," Alfred spoke up, unable to tell how tense the room had become in the last few moments.

"Speak for yourself," Christian laughed, gesturing toward his nose which was sporting a bright white bandage. Their perpetually adventurous cousin and misjudged the space between the fence and a large tree branch while they were trespassing and banged his nose up bad enough to break. Once they had been "captured," the on-site physician had tended to Christian's nose before the three boys were escorted to the security office.

The thought of a broken nose made Matthew's stomach turn again, but Christian and Alfred had found it funny and were still laughing about the Australian's "new battle scar."

All three boys jumped when a hand slammed down onto the desk in front of them. The albino man's red eyes gleamed as he stared them down and for the first time, Alfred and Christian seemed to take the situation as seriously as Matthew had been for the last hour. "This isn't fucking funny," the adult growled at the trio. "That ride was closed for a reason, it needs repairs and is considered dangerous. If one, or all of you had been hurt—hurt worse, that is—the park, and by extension—ME—would be held responsible!"

The three boys gulped as silence engulfed the small office. Without warning, Gilbert groaned and put his head in his hands. "I suck at this," he moaned. Lifting his eyes to stare down the troublemakers, he grunted and said, "Two years ago I would have been right there with you. I seriously don't know how to yell at people about shit like this."

Blinking in confusion, the three boys glanced at one another as Gilbert stood up, went over to a small cooler next to his desk and pulled out several cans of soda. He handed one to each boy, Alfred and Christian immediately opening theirs and drinking half the can in one gulp. Matthew just rotated the cool metal can in his hands and kept his eyes averted. Gilbert smiled. 'The cute one is shy.'

Clearing his throat, Gilbert waited until at the prolonged silence, the blonde lifted his head and looked at the security guard staring at him. Their eyes met and both men caught their breath for a moment. "So Birdie," Gilbert looked directly at Matthew, "You want to tell me what happened?"

"What?" Matthew wrinkled his nose in confusion. "Birdie?"

The head of security chuckled and waved his hand at Matthew's shirt, indicating the Disney character prominently displayed on the younger man's chest. "Birdie," Gilbert grinned. "I like Iago too."

For the first time during their trip, Matthew wished that he was wearing a different shirt. He looked ridiculous. The Head of Security was incredibly hot and he looked like a little kid. The blonde ducked his head as he felt a bright blush spread across his face. "I don't know really know," he mumbled.

Alfred turned back towards Gilbert and grinned. "So, can we go?"

Gilbert looked both confused and impressed at the young man's brazenly nonchalant attitude. "No. In fact," he leaned back into his chair. "I'm inclined to keep you here until you tell me what the hell you were thinking."

"That could be years," Christian joked, causing Alfred to chuckle.

Without warning, Matthew sat up and glared at his brother and cousin. "Damn it!" Matthew shouted over the other boy's laughter, cutting their glee short.

"What Mattie?" Alfred asked innocently. He recognized the tone in his twin's voice, and he didn't want to set the younger man off—but he also didn't think that the situation was all that serious to begin with.

"You always do this Al!" Matthew's voice went up a few octaves. "You're always saying 'won't this be fun?' Or 'come on Mattie, don't be so boring.' It doesn't matter how many times Arthur or I tell you what a stupid idea it is—you do it anyway! And it always, always ends with us getting detention or yelled at! And now we can add arrested to the list!" Matthew's face was taking on a deep red that didn't have anything to do with embarrassment. The younger twin with just angry at this point.

"Oh, come on Mattie," Alfred began.

"No!" Matthew yelled, which caused the other three men to start a bit. "No Al! You do this to me constantly. And I go along with it because you're my brother and I love you, but I am putting my foot down right now! We are going to miss dinner and everyone will be mad at us. What if we get kicked out of the park? What if we have to spend the rest of our vacation sitting in the hotel room because you wanted to go behind the scenes?"

Alfred and Christian both paled at that statement. Being kicked out of Disney World hadn't even crossed their minds when they had first decided on their little excursion.

"Yeah," Matthew huffed. "That got your attention, didn't it? No more Disney—no Disney magic for you! Or any of us! I knew it," the blonde was starting to lose steam and began to shake his head as he glared at his twin and cousin. "I knew I should have said something, but I didn't because you wouldn't have listened to me. You never do, Al. All I wanted to do on this trip was go to freaking Epcot Center and see all the countries but NO!" Matthew pointed a finger directly into Alfred's face, causing his twin to involuntarily shift backwards in the small folding chair. "Now I'll be lucky to still buy a postcard before they dump us out at the monorail and say 'sayonara' because you can't just be satisfied going on rides like a normal person!"

"Wow," Gilbert said, cutting him off.

Matthew's breath was coming in short gasps from his outburst and the red on his face was now a combination of anger and embarrassment for losing his temper in front of a total stranger. The quiet teen rarely spoke above a whisper, but when he finally snapped, his anger was legendary. Unfortunately, he had finally snapped—and in front of the most attractive man he had ever seen.

"You're really not the quiet one, are you?" Gilbert glanced over at Alfred and Christian's wide, shocked eyes. "You're a bit feisty." The albino grinned as Matthew came down from his adrenaline rush and put his face in his hands. "I like it."

Matthew's head shot up in surprise and his eyes locked onto the older man's face which was contorted as he attempted to hold back his laughter at the familial dynamics.

"Well," Gilbert stood up. "Since you two have had your asses verbally handed to you by Birdie here," he said as he glanced over at Matthew. "And I'm pretty sure the whole thing wasn't his idea anyway—" The albino paused and locked eyes with each boy. "You're free to go."

"For real?" Alfred blinked.

Gilbert nodded slowly, staring the boys down. "For real."

"You're not going to kick us out?" Christian asked hesitantly.

"No. Not today." Gilbert stated. "But," he held up a finger, "I don't want to see any of you in this room again—and I especially don't want to hear about you trying to get in that ride anymore. Got it?"

The boys nodded silently. "I said, got it!?" Gilbert raised his voice a bit.

"Yeah, totally dude," Alfred shouted back enthusiastically.

"Uh huh," Christian kept bobbing his head.

"Yes sir," Matthew whispered.

"Oh no," Gilbert shook his head and squinted his red eyes, wagging his finger at Matthew. "No Birdie, don't call me that."

"What?" Matthew looked confused.

Gilbert pressed a button on his desk and two well-muscled, uniformed security guards entered the room. "If you will excuse us for a moment boys, Ludwig and Elizabeta will escort you up to Main Street USA—Matthew will join you in a moment."

The boys blinked as they realized the shorter guard was indeed a woman—a woman who looked much more dangerous than either the tall blonde introduced as Ludwig, or Gilbert. Alfred and Christian stood, unusually silent and followed the two guards out of the room, giving Matthew worried glances as they left.

"Now, as I said," Gilbert crossed around to the front of his desk and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked down at the delectable younger man seated before him. "Don't call me that."

"Call you what?" Matthew looked a bit confused, he kept glancing toward the door his brother and cousin had left through.

"Sir," Gilbert stated firmly.

Matthew's head whipped around and he looked directly at the older man. "'Sir?' You don't want me to call you 'sir'?"

"Nein," the albino's German finally surfaced, making Matthew internally swoon. "Makes me feel old, like my grandfather. Call me Gil."

"Gil," Matthew tested out the word. He smiled when he realized how much he liked it.

"Better," Gilbert grinned at the younger man. "I can't have you making me feel old when I ask you to join me for dinner."

Matthew looked up at the handsome, smiling man in front of him. "Dinner?" his voice dropping back down to his normal volume of a whisper.

"Ja Birdie," Gilbert held out his hand. "You said you wanted to go to Epcot."

Shyly, the younger man slipped his fingers into the offered palm. "I did say that. I was so excited for Epcot—but it really isn't Al's thing." His breath caught as the albino pulled him to his feet and slipped a hand around his waist, drawing the younger man closer.

"Well, that's good," Gilbert murmured into Matthew's ear. "I'm not really in the mood for a chaperone."

Leaning down slowly, Gilbert closed the distance between their mouths and pressed a soft kiss to the younger man's lips. Matthew immediately reciprocated, pressing his tongue to Gilbert's lips and deepening the impromptu kiss. Matthew wasn't one for kissing strangers, but he couldn't stop himself—the German tasted so wonderful. It was only a few moments before they pulled apart, Gilbert's hands tangled in Matthew's hair and the younger man's fingers gripping the muscular biceps of his partner.

"That was," Matthew started. "Unexpected."

"Awesome!" Gilbert echoed.

The two men stood, locked in their impromptu embrace a moment longer, smiling at the opportunity that neither one had expected when they woke up that morning. Disney World certainly was full of unexpected magic.

"I'm off in an hour—let me take you," Gilbert panted the request as he pressed another kiss to Matthew's cheek. "The World Showcase has a 'Biergarten' in the Germany pavilion. Great wurst."

"I've never had wurst," Matthew stated innocently.

"Really?" Gilbert's smile grew predatory and he winked at the blushing man in front of him. "Well, I'll make sure to change that."


Deus ex Machina

Matthew transferred to the University of Central Florida, which had a decent biology program so that he could finish out his studies in Wildlife Sciences. Within a year of his academic transfer, he and Gilbert bought a condo near the university and the park where they spent their free time decorating their new place and spending a ridiculous amount of time cuddling in their king size bed.

The night Matthew graduated, Gilbert took him to dinner at their favourite restaurant, run by the albino's close friend, Francis, and proposed with the help of an elaborate dessert that looked like Iago along with a lot of blushing and stammering. Matthew accepted immediately.

With his degree, Matthew took on an internship at Disney's Animal Kingdom working with the polar bears, which turned into a full time job once the staff zoologists discovered his talent for dealing with the large ursine creatures. The two men stayed working at the most magical place on earth, and were married in front of the ride that Matthew, Alfred and Christian were caught sneaking into.

Matthew's twin and his cousin were his co-Best Men…because, as the quiet blonde put it, "Without you two and your stupidity, I would never have met the love of my life." Gilbert gave the two boys a Lifetime Fast-Pass as a 'Thank You' for introducing him to his precious Birdie.

And they lived Happily Ever After…


AN: I doubt that a "Lifetime" Fast-Pass is a thing, but if it was, you know that Gilbert would totally have access to them and that he would think it a suitable "Thanks For Making My Life Awesome" gift to his childish brother-in-law/cousin-in-law—and you know that Al and Christian would be thrilled.

Yes, Matthew freaking out on Alfred and Christian was a reference to the "Three-Hour Rant." I think Gilbert would like feisty Mattie. A lot.

I have been to Disney World and Disney Land BUT I am not completely versed in the day to day activities of the Disney staff. So apologies for any inconsistencies with protocol, security, etc. I just really wanted to do something with Disney World and I REALLY wanted to see Gilbert in a uniform. XD Also, I am quite sure that the Animal Kingdom doesn't have polar bears, but I wanted a Kumajiro reference for Matthew. Apologies for any OOC-ness.

I never mention the ride they try to sneak into because I wanted it to be a 'Reader's Choice' sort of thing. I guess whichever attraction is your favourite—it was having technical difficulties that day and the boys thought it would be cool to see it 'backstage.'

The title is from Alfred's lie saying they were trying to get to Splash Mountain.

Deus ex Machina is a theatrical term meaning "God from the Machine". It is a shitty plot device to bring about a happy ending when you paint yourself into a corner. That isn't what happened here, I just really wanted to use the term. It is more of a joke. All of these little stories will end with a Deus ex Machina.