AN: I had this idea after 4x03 and couldn't let it go, so I started writing it down...and this is what it became.
As ever, thanks so much to crazygirlne for reading this over and her invaluable feedback, love ya!
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"Today's your lucky day, Harry," Cisco declared as he strolled into the cortex, two cups of coffee in hand, one of which he set on the desk in front of Harry.
"Thanks," the older man said, slightly wary, then took a careful sip; to his surprise, it was exactly the way he liked it. Then he remembered Cisco's greeting. "You quitting, Ramon?"
"No, but I'm tempted to take that coffee back."
Harry set a protective hand over it. "Stay away."
Cisco held up his hands to indicate it had been an empty threat. "After thinking it over, I've decided to help you."
"First, I'd never need your help. With anything," Harry said easily, as he turned in his chair so he could face Cisco. "Second – merely out of curiosity – what do you want to help me with, exactly?"
"Your new life!" Cisco's voice was too bright for Harry to take this early in the morning. "Remember our conversation a couple weeks ago? That you want to make a life for yourself on our Earth since you have no life on Earth-2?"
"I don't recall saying I had no life –"
"Semantics," Cisco said, waving him off. "The point is, I want to see you succeed. And that means getting a few pointers and dating tips for this Earth."
Harry laughed, somewhat caustically. "The day I ever need dating advice from you, Ramon, is the day I might as well not bother since I clearly have an inoperable brain tumor."
"I love the way you kid around," Cisco said cheerfully, as he took the seat next to him and spun his chair to face the older man. "However, your potential dates probably won't – so rein that in, okay?"
"I don't need help," Harry repeated, switching his attention back to the monitor in front of him. "Dating or otherwise. So forget it."
"Harry, did you or did you not agree to break up with your daughter's boyfriend for her? And using some kind of device that you had no idea didn't exist on our Earth?"
Harry set his mouth into a disapproving line. "I fail to see what you're getting at."
"My point is that you're woefully unaware of some aspects of our Earth. Such as how hurtful your actions were towards Wally."
"Yeah, sure, but…" Harry shrugged, hardly concerned. "It was Wally." Upon seeing Cisco's clear unhappiness, Harry sighed. "He's a tough kid. He'll bounce back. Or whatever I have to say to get you to leave me alone."
Cisco was shaking his head in disappointment. "And while the old me would have been happy to send you out into our world and laugh as you crashed and burned… For some reason, I don't want to see that anymore."
Harry tilted his chair back, considering Cisco's (almost painful) honesty. "You mean that?"
"I do, man. I didn't ask you to stay just for you. I asked you to stay because…we like having you here. And…it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you found a reason to never leave."
Harry almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're actually serious."
"Yes! I figure the two of us can start going out at night. I mean, I'm a taken man now, but I can be your wingman if need be."
Harry shuddered at the mere thought. "I don't think that's necessary, Cisco. Really."
Cisco clicked his tongue a few times in apparent thought. "As much as I hate to admit it, I think you're right. My techniques for getting dates take a lot of sophistication to pull off. Like, a lot."
Harry stared at the ceiling. "Right, so…thanks but no thanks."
"I probably can't help you on the flipside either, since I don't think I'm the demographic you're looking to impress." He tipped his head, squinting at Harry. "Am I?"
"Ramon, you're barely anyone's type. Let alone mine."
"Tell that to my smoking hot girlfriend," Cisco smirked.
"I do," Harry shot back, "every time she shows up! She's somehow never swayed."
Caitlin entered the cortex, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief that he was saved.
"Morning guys," she said, taking a seat at the main desk next to Harry. "How's it going?"
"Actually…" Cisco began slyly, looking between them, "know who is your demographic, Harry? Plus or minus twenty years?"
Harry tried to keep Cisco quiet with his deadliest possible glare, but the younger man obviously ignored him.
"Caitlin!" Cisco answered his own question, with great delight.
The younger woman had glanced up at him, only half-listening to their conversation. "What?"
"You're exactly who Harry is looking to date."
"Huh?" she asked ineloquently, as she turned to Harry. "You want to date me?"
"Not you!" Harry exclaimed. "I'd never date you, Snow. That'd be…strange."
He wasn't sure if it was his imagination that her expression shuttered a little. "I don't know how much of an insult that is."
"It's not one at all," he rushed to assure her. "This is Cisco's fault. He thinks I need help dating on your Earth and 'generously' –" he made sure to use air quotes, "– offered to help me. Before realizing he can't even help himself, most of the time. So now he's volunteering your services."
"I'm confused." She'd been looking between the two men and stopped on Harry. "You want me to help you pick up women?"
Harry tried to explain. "I don't want anything –"
Cisco immediately cut him off. "I want you to give Harry a few pointers about dating on this Earth. Such as what women here want – though that's probably anyone's guess. Basically help him out, you know? If that's possible?" He looked at Harry, somewhat sternly. "As for you, just be yourself." He paused a moment. "But not too much."
Harry ignored that, because to his immense surprise, Caitlin hadn't reacted to Cisco's request with disbelief or humor – in fact, she was merely looking him up and down in such a way that he was suddenly self-conscious, crossing his arms in front of him. For good measure, he sent her as intimidating a look as he could manage, right then. (Which was to say, probably not intimidating at all.)
She was entirely unaffected. "Harry, when was the last time you went on a date?"
"The eighties," Cisco loudly coughed, then lurched back in reflexive surprise when Harry and Caitlin turned twin glares on him.
"I thought you wanted to help," Caitlin scolded. "Your snide comments are not helpful, Cisco. So if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
"Sorry," he mumbled. And he didn't miss the appreciation in Harry's eyes at Caitlin's defense of him – it was enough to distract Cisco from part of their next conversation. (Well, it was either that or outright denial by his conscious mind of what he was hearing.) By the time he registered their words again, Caitlin was actually telling Harry that his clothes "weren't that bad, even if they were always black."
"Really?" Cisco bit out, unable to stop his laughter. Though when Caitlin fixed her eyes on him again, he immediately sobered. "Really, I…happen to agree."
"Save it, Ramon," Harry said, swiveling in his seat and kicking a foot out to shove Cisco's rolling chair a few feet away. "At least someone around here is serious about this." He sent Caitlin a smile that lingered, and Cisco was once again fascinated – had he ever seen that expression from Harry before? (If so, he couldn't remember.) "Caitlin and I have come to an agreement."
Cisco was a little afraid to ask, but forced himself to do so, anyways. "An agreement?" How long had he been tuned out of their conversation? Perhaps he'd suffered a minor seizure upon realizing how well they were getting along.
"I'm going to go out with Harry a few times – we'll go on some dates to make sure his behavior is appropriate for this Earth and that he's not doing anything wrong without realizing it."
"On this Earth, you people do a lot of odd things that make no sense," Harry explained. "It won't hurt to have someone help me navigate that."
"We do odd things?" Cisco protested, in disbelief. "We do odd things."
Caitlin had reached over for Harry's coffee, trying a sip of it and nearly choking on how bitter it was. "God, this is terrible. Have you ever heard of sugar?"
"Things like that!" Harry yelled, pointing at Caitlin and then Cisco, glad she'd proven his point. "Stealing my coffee is odd. Not to mention illegal." At their confusion, he explained. "On Earth-2, I could press charges for that."
"No you couldn't," Cisco scoffed, though he honestly had no idea. (But where Harry was concerned, he was embellishing about 95% of the time, so it was most likely a safe bet.)
Caitlin blatantly ignored Harry's continued protests, sliding his coffee back to him and facing Cisco again. "It's also been a while since Harry last seriously dated anyone, so he'll be able to brush up on those social skills."
"I still object to that part," Harry protested. "My social skills are fine." When they seemed not to believe him, he scowled. "I don't steal people's coffee, do I?"
Caitlin bit back her smile and challenged, "Quick, say something about Cisco that isn't sarcastic."
"He…uh…there's…" He slapped a palm on the desk in front of them. "Damn it, Snow!"
"Hold up, I didn't say anything about the two of you going on dates," Cisco said, slightly appalled, as his gaze shifted between his two friends. He was having immense trouble following what had happened. "And wait a minute, Harry. When I made a suggestion to help you, it was the last thing you wanted. Then Caitlin comes along and agrees, and suddenly you're perfectly fine with it?"
"That's because I trust her judgement, Ramon. Not so much yours."
"Yeah, but – I mean –" Cisco sputtered, before staring at Caitlin. "You're going to date Harry?"
"Pretend to date him," Caitlin corrected.
He shot his gaze over to Harry. "You're going to date Caitlin?"
"Fake dating," Harry stressed, as he exchanged an amused glance with Caitlin. "I think he's having trouble processing this."
"You two are going to date!" Cisco shouted, voice unnaturally high-pitched, and by now the other two were looking at him with no small amount of concern. "Am I the only one who sees the potential problems here?"
"This was your idea," Caitlin reminded Cisco, and to his frustration, she seemed completely unconcerned with his objections. "You're the one to blame, really."
"Yes," Harry said gleefully, no doubt recognizing how distressed Cisco truly was – and reveling in it. "You essentially came up with it, so thank you very much." He got up to leave, and when he walked by Cisco, he patted him on the shoulder. "I appreciate how much you care."
"I…what…no…" Cisco trailed off, since he really had nothing he could say.
"And thank you to our lovely Caitlin Snow," Harry added, winking at her over Cisco's head, in a move Cisco knew was only meant to aggravate him.
Caitlin was grinning so widely that the insult Cisco was going to toss at Harry died in his throat. The two of them were looking at each other – smiling at each other – in a way Cisco had never seen before.
And he began to wonder exactly what he'd done.
XXXXXX
"Alright, Harry," Caitlin said, as they entered Jitters on the Thursday evening after they'd made their arrangement. "For our first night, let's run through the very basics. I'm curious how you'd introduce yourself to a woman that you're interested in. I picked a coffee shop on purpose, figuring it'd be the perfect atmosphere to try this out." She studied him, truly curious about how this might go. "I'm wondering if pick up techniques are much different on Earth-2."
"I don't think they are, but we'll find out."
"I'm going to sit at one of the empty tables," she told him, "and then you come up and see if you can get me to invite you to sit down."
"Easy enough," he said, smugly.
"We'll see," she told him, picking a random table as he trailed along after her. There weren't many people in the coffee shop tonight and she chose a table along the aisle near the counter so they could have easy access to coffee and snacks, if needed.
She sat down and pretended not to notice him hovering a few feet away.
"I would like to sit here," he announced.
She inwardly sighed. "There are a few dozen other tables that are empty."
"Is that – have you rejected me already? I only said…" he counted, "six words!"
"Exactly. And none of those six words told me why I should let you sit with me."
"On Earth-2, assertiveness is a highly-valued trait and is preferred over questions." She swore he almost shuddered when he said that last word. "Questions are a sign of weakness when it comes to dating, for the most part."
She waited for the punchline, but he was simply staring at her, and she honestly had no idea if he was serious or if he was putting her on. Either one might well be the case. She decided to avoid the potential debate, instead asking, "Are we on Earth-2?"
"Unfortunately not. If so, you would have veritably swooned at that opening line."
Now she could tell he was kidding and she glanced away to hide her smile. She could not encourage him. "I somehow doubt that, Harry. Try again."
"I would like to sit…here?" He pitched his last word higher in what she could only assume was a desperate attempt to make it seem like he'd been asking a question.
"No. Do it again. And this time, don't try and disguise your demand as a question."
He heaved a sigh, mumbling something under his breath she couldn't quite hear, and when she glared at him, he made an effort to let go of his irritation, clearing his expression. "May I sit here?" he asked, so politely that even he was surprised at himself.
Caitlin beamed at him in such a way that he could suddenly understand the appeal of following this Earth's rituals when it came to the mechanics of dating. "You may," she said, waving at the empty seat across from her, and he sat down. "Another common approach is to ask if the seat is taken."
"Why would I ask if it's taken when I can see that no one's sitting in it?"
Instead of looking exasperated, as he expected, she merely folded her arms and rested them on the table. "I could have been waiting for someone, but it's mostly a formality, Harry. A socially polite way of indicating that you'd like to join someone without having to outright ask."
"You people and your subterfuge," he complained. "I think a lot of things would run more smoothly on your Earth if people just said what they meant."
She thought about that, realizing he had a fair point. "You might be right, but that's not how it works. Blunt honesty is often seen as an insult here."
"Tell me about it," he griped, and she ducked her head to hide yet another smile. Of course that was a topic of which he was more than aware.
"Okay, so you've secured a seat at my table. Now what?"
"You tell me. What's normal here?"
"Tell me your name, for starters. A little about yourself. Remember, I don't know you."
"I'm Harrison Wells," he began, and just from his tone, Caitlin knew she'd made a mistake. "I'm a genius engineer and physicisist who single-handedly revolutionized –"
"New idea, let's skip the introductions for tonight," Caitlin cut in, ignoring his huff of disappointment. "Don't put your date to sleep in the first five minutes by listing all your achievements."
"I resent that," he told her, crossing his arms. "It'd take a half hour, at least, to list all my achievements."
"Keep it short and simple, Harry," she urged. "Trust me. Now let's move on."
"To…?"
"Try an icebreaker to start up a conversation. Or ask me about myself, like if I come here often, what I do for work, why I'm here so late on a Thursday evening…"
"I know you come here often and you work at S.T.A.R. Labs and you're here to help me with dating on another Earth. The last of which, I think I'm pretty –" he broke off at her look, reconsidering, "– adequate at?"
"Adequate is quite the compliment to your skills so far," she told him, as he frowned at her. "And you're going about it all wrong. You're thinking of me as 'Caitlin Snow' when you should be thinking of me as 'anonymous coffee shop woman that you want to get to know better'."
His mouth turned down at that, and he glanced at the table, running his fingers over it in absent movement. He didn't want to pick up some anonymous woman in a coffee shop. He never had, and he never would. But that seemed to be how they did things on this Earth – that and online dating (which he was never going near). So what choice did he have except to try and get better at this particular method?
He shook himself out of his self-pitying thoughts and glanced back up at her. "I'll try. So, Snow…uh, I mean, random woman at this coffee shop, can I get you some coffee? Or something to eat, perhaps?"
Her brilliant smile told him he was doing something right, and it was enough to put him more at ease. "I would love some coffee. And a chocolate scone, please."
"Am I supposed to pretend I don't know how you like your coffee?" he asked. "Since we're not supposed to know each other?"
"Okay, fine," she relented. "There are some perks to knowing each other already, I'll admit that. I'll take my usual."
He nodded and went to get her usual order (extra cream, extra sugar) along with a scone for her and a decaf coffee for himself. When he returned to the table with their order, she was watching him in a way that threw him off-guard.
"What?" he asked.
She leaned back, expression clearing. "Nothing," she claimed, stirring her coffee and avoiding his eyes. He let it go (because he knew all too well how it felt to be caught in the middle of thinking things he shouldn't be thinking).
"Why are coffee shops so popular on this Earth?" It was something he'd always wondered. "I mean, we have them, too, but not one on every block. You people are almost obsessed compared to my planet. Do you all need that much help to stay awake?"
"It's not so much the coffee," she said, as she thought about it. "It just gives a calm, quiet atmosphere to talk. And coffee is such a universally popular drink that it makes sense it'd become an excuse for casual dates."
"But it's past 8 pm," he pointed out. "How do you people drink coffee so late ?" He was genuinely baffled. "Do you want to stay up all night?"
At his question, Caitlin pressed a hand to her mouth, like she was seriously mulling over his question. "Maybe I do want to stay up… all night."
It took him a few seconds to catch her innuendo. "Caitlin Snow."
"Hey, you asked."
"And you answered with a joke."
"Is it really a joke?" she challenged.
"I have no idea," he admitted, as he rubbed his hands over his face. "But whatever you're suggesting, if it lasts all night then I'm tired just thinking about it."
She had to laugh at that. "Clearly you need more coffee." She tapped his mug in disapproval. "And not decaf."
Their conversation slipped into the usual topics – projects at work and various meta-humans they'd recently come across. If there was one thing they never ran out of, it was things to talk about. Caitlin knew she should have steered them back on course at some point – talking about things they already knew were each other's interests was basically like cheating when it came to this, but she was enjoying herself too much to remind him that they should be practicing small talk about mundane topics instead of having in-depth discussions about things that fascinated them both.
When the conversation finally lulled a bit, and Caitlin was pulling apart pieces of her scone, Harry asked, "What would you have been doing tonight if you hadn't decided to help me?"
"A whole lot of nothing," she told him, and upon seeing his disapproving glance at what she was doing to her food, she pushed the rest of it across the table to him. "I'd probably be at home watching TV. Gypsy's visiting, so Cisco's with her. Barry and Iris took Joe and Cecile out for a congratulatory dinner." Her face slipped into a smile. "They wanted to celebrate."
"You think they'll get married?" He took a bite of her scone, surprised at how much he enjoyed it.
Caitlin nodded. "It's definitely possible. They're so happy, and now with the baby..."
"I feel like their relationship happened pretty fast," Harry remarked. "Granted, I haven't been around that much in the past year –" he tried not to react to how unhappy she looked at that statement, "but I'm talking about from what I've seen."
"It was quick, but it also wasn't, in a way," Caitlin said. "What matters is that they love each other. When you know, you know."
"What I want to know," Harry said, tapping his fingers on the table, "is how the two of us are the only single people on a team that includes Barry Allen and Cisco Ramon."
"I don't know about you," Caitlin said, propping her head on her hand, "but I have very high standards, Harry."
He was definitely amused. "What a coincidence! So do I."
"You?" she asked with feigned shock. "Noooo. Not Harrison Wells, the genius engineer and physicist who single-handedly –"
"Alright," he interrupted, with no shortage of humor, once he realized she was mocking his earlier introduction. "I get it, Snow."
She leaned back in her chair, assessing him. "What do you do if no one ever measures up?"
"You keep looking."
"That's your only suggestion?" she pressed. "The perfect woman isn't going to magically appear out of thin air."
He eyed her speculatively. "She just might."
"You have a lot more faith than I do," Caitlin said wistfully, glancing around the coffee shop; she wondered if there was anyone in there she could stand to go on more than one date with. (Never mind spend a lifetime with.)
"It's not about faith," Harry was telling her. "It's about keeping your eyes open so that when you find someone you're truly compatible with, you don't let them pass you by. You take a chance."
"That's what this is about, then?" She waved between them, and he was momentarily speechless until she added, "Wanting to get comfortable with dating someone? I never thought that you of all people would have to build your confidence to ask someone out."
"Cisco basically strong-armed me into doing this," he argued.
"Please. When was the last time you did anything you didn't want to do?"
He clasped his hands together, resting his forearms on the table so he could lean slightly over it. "Fine, you're right. As usual." He really wondered, sometimes, about her uncanny ability to so accurately read him. "I did want to go over things with you, not to build my confidence, but because I trust you."
"I'm not following, Harry."
"You'll tell me the truth," he said simply, leaning back. "If I do something idiotic or awful, if I come off as too arrogant or sarcastic or acerbic – you'll tell me. Because I am serious about wanting to date, wanting to find some kind of life that's my own and not just about our team. The last thing I want is to unintentionally drive away a woman that I think I might genuinely come to care for. And as much as I hate to admit it, that's the kind of thing I very well might do." He was staring at her with an intensity that she kind of understood. "So I'm trusting you not to steer me wrong."
"I wouldn't," she promised, "but honestly, Harry, I don't really think you need me." At his confusion, she continued, "You can be sweet and funny and charming – when you want to be. I've seen it – rarely, to be sure – but I've seen it. The problem is you never seem to want to be." Come to think of it, she'd only ever seen it when the two of them were alone. "So dating is just about trying to highlight all those qualities in yourself. It's about showing another person what you could offer them in a relationship. Which is you."
"What if it takes more than that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I know on your Earth that grand gestures are usually part of dating. Elaborate gifts or surprises, planned romantic evenings and trips. I'm not…great at that kind of thing. I don't really know how to be."
"Sure, all of that stuff is nice, but what it comes down to is if two people want to spend time together. If who you are as a person is lacking? Then none of that extra stuff matters. It's more a bonus than anything else." She stole back a piece of her scone. "Plus, you could always learn to do those kinds of things."
"I guess I could," he agreed, "but what I can't do is pretend. I can't be that fake person who puts on a persona of what I think other people want from me. I don't want to do that, because it would mean the person I was with didn't know me at all. I'm aware that I'm not the most…social person in the world. So what if the way that I am is just…not enough?"
"If someone's getting to know you and you allow them to see who you are, who you really are, Harry – the man who cares about the people in his life, his family and friends – the man who has decided to dedicate his life not only to helping them, but helping to save strangers, as well? If anyone ever told you that who you are is not enough?" She paused as a dozen images flashed in front of her mind – every time he'd ever saved them or someone else. Every time he'd been hurt or nearly died because of it. "Then they don't know what they're talking about. And they sure as hell don't deserve you."
Upon finding that he had no idea what to say, he reached across the table to put his hand over one of hers. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me," she answered, flipping her hand over to grasp his. "I'm only telling the truth."
He gripped her hand tightly for a few seconds before pulling away, and ignored the fact that he really hadn't wanted to let her go. "Everything that you just said about me? You might as well have taken the thoughts from my head, because that's exactly how I feel about you. I hope you know that."
She blinked at him in surprise. "I do now. Thank you."
"Just telling the truth," he said, echoing what she'd told him. Their eyes met for too long and Harry tried to remind himself why they were there. "How am I doing?" he asked, in a bid at distraction.
It took her a moment to remember what he was referring to, and as she thought back to their earlier teasing conversation, she broke into a grin. "Adequate, Harry. Definitely adequate."
"What a flattering assessment."
"Hey, you've more than earned it so far," she quipped, and she saw the exact moment he registered the backhanded compliment. (She also felt it, too, when he kicked her chair under the table.) "Very mature."
"I never claimed to be," he pointed out, sure he wasn't hiding his smile as effectively as he hoped. "You're also a very harsh judge, if you ask me."
"You could try and sway me more," she suggested. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Harry."
"Hey, I thought we were supposed to be helping me," he said, suspiciously.
"Consider it your most important lesson so far: compliments go a long way when you're dating someone."
"I'll keep it in mind," he said. When she watched him expectantly, he frowned at her. "Don't think I'm going to waste my best ones on you!"
She couldn't help laughing again and they subsequently fell back into an easy conversation.
They ended up staying there for another two hours…which went pretty much the same as the first thirty minutes had gone.
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