Dear Asshole, Lelouch, Zero, Idiot

At first, I kind of supported Zero. I understood what he was trying to do for Japan, what he wanted. What you wanted. But at first, I hated you so much. I hated you. White walls? Roses? There were none! Your pretend games and your noble status, your petty problems and well fed body. I hated you. I hated you. I hated you.

But I learned about you, Lelouch. I learned about the real you and I came to like you, so much. You were my best friend. I knew everything about you, and your sister Nunally. I was actually happy when I ended up attending your school, you know. I wanted to...I wanted to see you every day, like it used to be. And then there was that woman. Why did you have to get a geass, Lelouch? It trashed you. It trashed the world. It trashed my world. Literally, trashed it. (Or maybe you did.)

Though I guess I should be grateful, shouldn't I? It kept you alive for just a little bit longer, it kept me fooled for just a bit, and even when I wasn't, I could pretend. (And if I couldn't do that, I could hate you.)

That's not why you are an asshole, Lelouch. When Zero killed Euphemia…well, you know what went down. I hate you for killing her, Lelouch. I hate you, so much. I don't care if it was a mistake, I don't care if you loved her. You killed her. You killed everyone, everyone I cared about. (And then you made me finish the job with you.)

I could have put up with you a little bit, just a bit, if you hadn't kept me living, if you hadn't cast that damn geass. It's human nature to want to die, Lelouch. Yet you suppressed my human nature. You wouldn't let me have the one thing I wanted, the one thing I truly wanted, in the entire world. All I wanted was to die, I knew I wouldn't go to heaven. (In cleansing the world, you become the dirtiest.)

I would have lived without the geass if you didn't kill so many people, if you didn't go batshit. If you had stopped. But you never did stop, Lelouch. You never stopped. Not until I gave up. (Gave up on happiness.)

When I ran that sword through your chest, Lelouch…I was supposed to feel some sort of satisfaction. That you were dead, that the person who killed everyone was dead, that Euphemia finally had vengeance. (Even though she would never want it.) But I didn't, Lelouch. I just wanted to die. How come you didn't mention anything about that? Maybe I will pass on someday. If you keep me dead forever, well, you know what will happen.

Sincerely, Suzaku

PS:

I hate you.


AN: I know the font is funny on this, Word was being a tard so I could either have normal spacing or normal font. Gah. Anyways, this is like 625 words of angsty stuff. I really need to learn how not to condense things now...-_-; Useful in school not in fanfiction. But anyways, comments and crit are loved~ :DD