If I Only Had One Day More
It was a stupid thing to do, I will admit that.
Getting drunk beforehand didn't help either.
All I can think of is how I let him down, my Enjolras.
*Beforehand*
"Grantaire. Just. Shut. Up!" Enjolras' voice tore through the laughter of the Café Musain and Grantaire slowly slipped off of the top of the table where he stood loudly singing obscene songs while acting them out with his now empty bottle of alcohol. Too afraid to say another thing because it would worsen his situation, he slowly sat down in a chair near Jehan.
"Tomorrow is more important than you could possibly imagine. Tomorrow we will be free." Enjolras stood while the others sat, regally and passionately telling his tale of the freedom they will never have. "Monsieur LeMarc is dead, and we no longer have someone representing the people. We must be our OWN voice now! For FREEDOM and LIBERTY!"
All around the Les Amis de l'ABC cheered their fearless leader in red. Even Grantaire gave a half-hearted little 'hooray'. He didn't believe in fighting for freedom, freedom was a gift and a privilege, one that he as a drunkard did not have. Freedom needed to be earnt with hard work. Despite his beliefs Grantaire did nothing to earn himself freedom. He didn't have a job and he had no money for charity, all he has was a big book of never-to-be-seen sketches and the lady at the bar who unwillingly gave him the alcohol he used to drown his sorrows. It didn't take too much for Grantaire's mind to drift from what they were talking about to something of a future he wished for himself. A future he probably wouldn't work to see come true. Even though he hated how useless he was he couldn't do anything to save himself. All he was good for was art and he wasn't even that good, or at least that's' what he thought.
There was a sudden shuffle of moving feet around him causing Grantaire to snap out of his day dream. Everyone was moving about. The formalities of the meeting were over and Enjolras was turning to check the Café entrance.
"Enjolras! Wait!" Grantaire called out to him as he followed him down the stairs.
"What do you want Grantaire? You're breath smells of alcohol and I swear if you interrupt another one of our meetings with your drunken outbursts I'll be forced to throw you into the streets where you belong!" The instant the words left his mouth Enjolras regretted them.
"Oh 'Taire, listen, I didn't mea-"
Grantaire held up his hand to swiftly (but drunkenly) in an attempt to cut Enjolras off from his apologetic ramble.
"Listen Enj, I know I am a screw up but just let me. . . Just let me not be a screw up anymore."
"Grantaire…"
"NO ENJOLRAS! LET ME DO THIS!" Grantaire's arms slumped to his sides, "Let me do this, for you okay." He said gripping Enjolras' shoulders tightly.
"Man the entrance and the corridor." Enjolras said simply.
Grantaire's mouth split into a wondrous smile and for a moment Enjolras' heart fluttered. A thunderous booming sounded as Grantaire made his way down the stairs loudly in excitement.
"Ace of Spades." Marius grinned as Bahorel slammed down a card quickly before Feuilly got the chance. The room erupted with laughter. A tired Enjolras stood at the window, silently watching Grantaire as he slumped against the doorframe singing to himself.
Behind Enjolras Combeferre smirked.
"Up for a game Don Juan?" He smiled knowingly. "Keep your mind off things?"
"Come on Enjolras!" Marius called, leaning back on his chair.
Sighing Enjolras sauntered over to the table and Feuilly dealt him in.
After what seemed like hours of heated card playing a loud eruption of sound like a cannon fire burst into life. Screams from the streets below were loud and frightening causing Joly to jump and drop his drink.
"Grantaire!" Enjolras darted down the staircase and tore into the streets below.
"They're early! It's an ambush!"
"YOU AND THE KING CAN BOTH KISS. MY. ARSE. SCREW YOU AND YOUR GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO STEAL OUR MONEY! FUCK YOU!" Grantaire stood on the top of the barricade with a bottle in one hand and the flag of the Revolution in the other.
"You have till the count of three son."
Grantaire smiled smugly and drained his bottle before throwing it at the line-up of government soldiers who stood guns at the ready.
"GRANTAIRE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Enjolras screamed from the doorway of the Café.
"One!"
Combeferre held Enjolras tightly so he wouldn't run towards the barricades.
"Two!"
"GRANTAIRE! COME HERE! COMBEFERRE LET ME GO!"
"THREE."
"VIVA LA FRANCE!" Grantaire bellowed thrusting the flag into the air. Enjolras broke free and sprinted to his friend. Gun fire sounded and the world came crashing down.
The fearless leader in red crouched over his bloodied friend who lay dying in front of him, crying his broken heart out.
"I-I'm sorry Enjolras. I let you down."
"No, no 'Taire. Listen, you'll be fine. JOLY GET OVER HERE!"
"Enjolras." Grantaire whispered grasping onto his hand. "Take this." Enjolras took the bloodied key from Grantaire's cold hands.
"Don't change. Okay." Grantaire whispered with shaky breaths. "Enjolras, I-I just want you to know that I …"He inhaled but the rest never was to be finished as Grantaire took his last breaths at the foot of the barricades, the friends he tried to protect all huddled around his body, crying and holding one another. No longer was there a Grantaire to break the pregnant pause with a witty joke or comment.
Enjolras bowed his head to touch that of his fallen friend, heavy sobs erupting from him as if some-one had just broken his heart, which in a way was exactly what had happened.
Months had flown by since the passing. Despite his ambitions and desire for freedom, Enjolras was too miserable to continue with the campaign that tore him apart. Life had flown by even faster than time. Marius was heartbroken to have not only one but two empty eats at his wedding, both friends that had died physically and mentally.
Without Grantaire nothing was the same but no one was as affected as Enjolras who had finally admitted to himself what he feared the most.
"I can't be weak. But he made me weak. At the knees that is." He muttered to himself quietly as he sat at Grantaire's favourite table in the corner of the Café Musain. "I loved him."
Finally, from the encouragement of the rest of the boys Enjolras took his untouched key to the one place Enjolras knew it belonged. To Grantaire's home.
Opening the door to the dirtied apartment Enjolras was surprised to see the inside was much more different, cleaner in fact. There were only two rooms in the apartment, one being a Spartan bedroom and the other being an art littered study containing a desk, chair and chest. On opening the chest Enjolras found a hundred (if not more) letters with Grantaire's hideous scrawl peppering them. Picking up the first one he read to the bottom of page before a sob made its way from his dry, cracked lips.
'Dear Enjolras,
I'm sorry for dropping your coat on the floor today. But when you turned around to face me you're beautiful face stunned me into losing my grip. Stupid I know, but you don't understand how much I love and adore you. Although I will never be able to say it out loud, you are my sun, the God Apollo and I a fallen Dionysus. I just wish you would understand. I'm sorry for being such a screw up.
Forgive me my Angel.
-R'
Enjolras lay curled in a ball with all the letters around him on the floor, sobbing for the loss of the man he loved.
"Grantaire. I love you. Why did you leave me?."
If I only had one day more with you.
