It was harder for Shepard to sleep nowadays. The nightmares just get worse and worse as the days go by. It's even worse now that she's about to take back Earth from the Reaper's grip. Even for the seemingly unbreakable commander, she has a lot of lives on her shoulders. The nightmares are just a constant reminder of the people she had lost along the way, even if it wasn't her fault. She doesn't take that weight very lightly.
A harsh sigh escaped her lips as she sits on the edge of her bed. Her quarters had always been quiet. She hated listening to music; it reminded her of a past she could never take back. So there was only the sound of the fish tank filters, and she could stare into that fish tank for hours. She always wondered how simple life would be if she had been a fish instead. However, that fish tank also brought up memories that stabbed her every time she was brave enough to relive it. A lot of things reminded her of the pain she had to deal with for the past thirty years. Maybe the relentless torture will end soon enough.
No, but Shepard is too stubborn to even think about dying. Miserable? Definitely. Perhaps sad? No. She'd never admit it, even to herself. The walls she built around herself were practically made of steel; she refused to let anyone get too close to her. No one would get in her way, and no one would get hurt. It was as simple as that. Only one person was strong enough to break those steel walls down, and he didn't even need to try.
Shepard closed her eyes shut as if to turn off her train of thoughts. Her fingers ran through her short, blonde waves as she stood up. She began stripping her clothes one by one, only leaving her bra and underwear on her bare body. She returned to bed, sitting up against the pillows before slowly lowering herself down. Her green eyes gazed up at the window above her, looking at the dark and vast empty space. It was comforting, but also eerie. An endless void awaited her beyond the glass. Nothing is scarier to her than the uncertainty that lies ahead.
She suddenly shifted herself to lay on her side. This was a decent position. Although she hated sleeping, her body finally gave into the toll of her never ending battles. Her eyelids drooped heavily, and every muscle in her body relaxed as they were. It was like she was sinking into the bed, inevitable and slow. She'd protest against sleep, but she was so tired. So, so tired. She just accepted it and expected the worse like with everything else.
But she didn't go where her usual nightmare awaited her. No, she was still in her quarters. She was still laying down, eyes closed, but was still aware of what was going on. It was like she had two sets of eyes- one pair closed and the other watching her from above. The line between imagination and reality was so blurred. She couldn't even tell what's real anymore. Suddenly, she heard footsteps approaching her. They were so gentle, but loud enough to know that somebody was there. She wanted to open her eyes and see who it was, but it was like her eyes were glued shut. Even the extra set of eyes somehow blocked the view of the intruder. Her lips quivered as she also struggled to speak.
Then she felt a weight press down against the bottom edge of the bed. She could feel the warmth emitting off of the other person's body and onto her bare feet. Multiple steps were taken beside her as if this person was crawling. They sat and settled beside her, and she felt their fingers trace the curves of her body. A sudden jolt ran up her spine as their fingers touched her skin. Though their touch seemed so familiar, she just couldn't recognize who this person was.
Shepard hated this. She hated feeling vulnerable. Who is this person? Who are they to take advantage of this ruthless warrior? A warrior who couldn't even move against her own will. Although her eyes were shut, she could feel this person hovering over her. Their hands gripped onto her shoulders, turning her to lay flat on her back. She could feel their warm breath over her head. Their breath was slow but steady, and soon the sound of their breaths were centimeters away from her ear.
Though for some reason, Shepard wasn't panicking. She wasn't concerned or even angry. This felt... natural. Comforting. It just frustrated her that she didn't know why. And as sudden as this person's intrusion, she felt their lips gently grazing against the lobe of her ear. She heard a soft chuckle, and she can definitely confirm that this was a man, but a man she knew. His lips traveled down to her neck, placing agonizingly soft kisses onto her skin. She wanted more. She craved more. The scaly texture on his chest brushed against her own bosoms, and that felt unusually arousing to her.
Her breaths slowly began to get more shallow and heavy. Shepard generally had no shame in her actions, good or bad, but she definitely had no shame in rubbing her groin against his thigh. She felt him progressively pressing against her, returning her gesture as she felt a longing growth beneath his pants. She let out small, pathetic whimpers as her need for him grew stronger by the second. The worst part was that he was grunting with her; oh, how that turned her on.
But as soon as she thought they were going to the next level, he just stopped. He got off of her and stopped. She let out an displeased groan, but suddenly, she can open her eyes. Her vision was blurry, and the light that shone directly above them didn't help. All she got was a silhouette of this man. And just like that, the puzzles just pieced together. Her eyes widened, realizing who she was with. She reached out to touch his face, but no matter how much she reached, he just got further and further away into the light. What little she saw was the corner of his lips, and he just... smiled.
"Siha,"
And just before he was completely engulfed in the light, Shepard was finally freed from her invisible shackles. She immediately stood up, staggering from her loss of balance, and reached out to him with one last push.
"-Thane!"
Her eyes shot open, and the name was released in a desperate shrill. She sat up just as she did only seconds ago, frantically scanning the room for Thane. It was empty, and it was quiet. Shepard was panting now, struggling to find her breath. She was so confused and disorientated. What just happened?
Her breathing got more erratic than slowed down. She grabbed her head with both hands, digging her nails through her hair and into her scalp. She needed validation. She needed to know if this- that- was real. But somehow, deep down in the darkest pit of her existence, she knew it was just another dream. As the realization settled in, tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.
She absolutely hated it when she cried; it was a sign of weakness. But this pain, this deep laceration, was too deep to conceal. It cracked to every part of her being, and it shattered into an emptiness that she feared so much. Tears trickled one after another down her cheeks, letting it roll down and soak into a puddle on her bed sheets. She dug her nails deeper into her scalp, and she was partially tempted to just rip her hair off. Instead she just released her grip on her head and curled her fingers into tight fists. With on hand, she punched the bed with full force, and with the other, she covered half of her pathetic face. Her lips parted and she released a rageful wail.
She dropped to her side again, curling herself into a ball as she cried and let her walls crumble.
Right when she thought she was freed of her nightmares, this one was the worst of them all.
