I tried to look back at my life and figure out when it happened. I was sure I still knew what goodness was – I saw it in Peeta after all. And my poor, harmless prep team. Sometimes even in people so unexpected as Effie. But why did I not see it in myself? Was that part of me gone? Cut out, cut off like Peeta's leg? I thought that must be it. I must have been good and kind once, or I'd not recognize it now. I tried to imagine what it must have felt like, to rip that part of me away, but found I couldn't. It was gone, I was certain, but not so cleanly. Maybe that was why it never quite healed. It must have just shrunk; withered away bit by bit, eaten by the necessities of life in 12. And in its place, a small, hard rock. Shiny and smooth, where nothing could find purchase. Bitterly, I realized that Effie had been right after all. Put coal under pressure and it really will turn into a pearl.
