I do not own South Park. If I did, Stan and Kyle would be gay lovers, and Cartman would be dead.

Rivalry - Stan

Kyle's always been hotheaded, even back before we were in school. He used to get mad at such simple things. And a lot of the times they were really stupid things, like not being able to find a certain toy he wanted to play with. Or not being able to go outside to play with me and Kenny. Or not getting a cookie at snack time. God, if I had a nickel for every time he got pissed off at something stupid…

Then Cartman came along. Smart-mouthed, sharp-tongued, anti-Semitic Cartman. He's a very spiteful person, always purposefully pissing people (namely Kyle) off for no apparent reason what-so-ever. Honestly, the first time he and Ky got in a fight, I found it quite hilarious. But after that… No, I didn't like it. It was repetitive; so much so, it became a morning ritual by the time third grade rolled around.

Kyle: Hey fatass.

Cartman: Oh, hey Jew.

Kyle: Nice comeback. Did your mommy come up with that for you? (This was generally said with a sarcastic tone.)

Cartman: (Who, by this time, is severely pissed.) FUCK YOU!

Trust me. It gets old. Fast. I think even Cartman got tired of it after a while, which is saying something. He stopped using lame comebacks and actually started to get Ky back. It was generally in an out-there way, but still. Better than lame insults. By fifth grade, he'd tried killing Ky several times and even gave him AIDS. By eighth grade, he nearly did succeed in killing him. I was ready to keelhaul his ass for that, but then Ky pulled through and I didn't kill the fat fuck. I did, however, kick his ass so hard it landed him in the hospital.

However, I think he only did these things to try and gain Ky's begrudged respect. His whole ego is built on other people's respect for him, so that seemed only natural. But it seemed like he just had to cause as much harm to Ky as possible just to prove himself. It's like he absolutely had to have his respect and nobody else's. He obviously didn't care about my opinion of him (which is very low), and he obviously didn't care about Kenny's opinion of him (which is very high.) The only one that mattered was Ky's.

I think that's what's made their rivalry last for so long. You'd think that by time they got to high school, they'd grow out of their petty fighting and just avoid each other instead. But no. They're still at each other's throat, even today, fifteen years after they first met. It's rather annoying, really.

One of these days, I'm going to snap and tell them to just shut the fuck up when they're fighting. And Ky's going to get really upset, which will, in turn, make me feel bad. He's my best friend, for crying out loud; I'm not supposed to upset him, I'm supposed to make him feel better. But his and Cartman's fighting is getting to be too much for me to handle on a daily basis

But I've grown to ignore it the majority of the time and hope that one they'll grow past it.

At least, that's the plan.