Words are so weird.

Words can build cities, start revolutions, bring change and peace.

But they can also kill, oppress, you can wither someone's mind to it's bare basics and then make it crumble in just with your voice.

You can do so much with words, but sometimes you just can't seem to find the right ones and that's what I really feel like right now.

My name is Dave Strider, I'm 18 years old, I'm a senior in high school, and I thought my life would be at least a little less complicated. You see, my love life is majorly complicated, to put it into simple terms, I was almost dating a guy named Tavros, he was a good friend of mine and we decided to give it a shot, although we have an occasional fight it ends ok for the most part. Although I don't really love him I don't want to "break it off" with him. We aren't officially dating yet but we might as well be.

Then there's Karkat, basically he and I have a whole friends with benefits thing going on since Tavros isn't one for sex a lot of the time. I know my feelings for Karkat couldn't honestly surpass anything other than friends with benefits, his feelings might though, I'm not quite sure.

And lastly, there's John. I have a feeling that I really have solid feelings with him, he's been a friend for life, always by my side and I never want that to end. As I've said with words, they're weird, I wouldn't call my crush on John love since it quite possibly could be infatuation, and I would have tried to jump on the chance to go out with him, but I have to keep in mind Tavros. Karkat would be fine with a dry spell from me since he has his other fuck friend, Terezi, to keep him occupied but I have no idea what I'll do with Tavros. I contemplated just talking with him and John about it but easier said than done. Tavros is delicate and I'm pretty afraid if I step out of line something disastrous could happen with his confidence as well as his mentality. John is a long distance friend all the way from Washington so our relationship, although strong, is still weak in some respects and I don't know really how he'd feel about all of this.

So here I am, thinking about all of this as John waits for an answer, the blue text scrawled across my screen.

"EB: hey Dave...I know it seems super weird and all but I've had this stupid crush on you for a long time and I maybe was thinking that we maybe could give it a go...I mean you don't have to say yes! Just, if you say no I really want us to be friends still."

There it was, my heart felt like it would throb out of my chest. Honestly anything could happen, even though the thought of Tavros gnawed at the back of my mind, I didn't hesitate with my reply.

"TG: Yes! John yes I would love to go out with you."

And so started my long stupid tangent about some stupid feelings but my heart was still a flutter and my cheeks burned a bright ass red. I looked to the clock, 12:27 pm. Although I tend to stay up later for John, tomorrow morning I had to wake up at 4:30 am to take a shower and shit. I said bye to John and turned off my computer. My mind was still spinning and I started to think of Tavros. What would he think? Maybe I should just keep all of this a secret until either Tavros and I drift apart which very well could happen considering our relationship isn't quite strong. Maybe I should actually try and talk with Tavros about this.

I heaved a sigh and changed out of my jeans, not bothering with pants as I crawled into bed with my boxers and my red and white tee on. I decided that what the hell, I'll just slowly pull back from Tavros then after a little while I'll simply tell him what I actually feel. I hoped this would work as my eyes closed and darkness engulfed me until the following morning.


Goddamn mornings suck. my eyes were blurry as I blinked, trying to wake up. My alarm on my phone buzzed, chiming the the ring tone alarm sound. I groaned and slid out of the warm bed, turning off the alarm as I did so. The events of last night slowly crept into my head as the morning trudged on. Shower, aj for breakfast, shoving all my shit into my bag then heading out the door. There was a slight chill that nipped at me even through the red pullover hoodie that I had, the remnants of a restful winter. My red mustang sat waiting for me in the parking garage next to my apartment building and I smiled. I shot Tavros a text telling him I'd pick him up soon and I slid into the driver's seat.

It didn't take long and soon I was at the pale brown house that Tavros lived in. I shot him another text and he soon walked out, a piece of toast hanging from his mouth. He crawled in and gave me a small hug. We said our good mornings and I could almost feel his confusion. Every day I would hug him back when he got into the car but today I simply leaned into the hug, keeping my hands firmly on the wheel.

The drive to school was short and uneventful. Tavros was talking about his weekend, he had gone to a carnival with Gamzee and meanwhile I had gotten drunk with Karkat, had a little fun, then John asked me out. I sighed slightly as we pulled into the parking lot and started to head inside. We were early for once and so we decided to head off to the library to do homework.

I wasn't in the library very long before my phone buzzed in my pocket. My pesterchum notification blinked, telling me someone was pestering me. I curiously opened it and my heart swelled when I saw the bright blue text.

"EB: hiya Dave! sorry if you're in class or something, I know timezones and all, I just wanted to say good morning!"

I smiled softly through my poker face and quickly messaged him back.

"TG: Nah man I'm in the library like a nerd."
"EB: Hehe neeeeeeeeeeeerd."
"TG: Mhm look whos talking ya dork."

It went like this for a while and I loved every second of it. I couldn't help a sinking and horrible feeling in the back of my mind though. I knew it was preventing me from really enjoying this relationship. I sighed and headed out of the library once the ringing of the bell sounded in my ears. I told John goodbye and Tavros as well and I continued to my class. First block we didn't have together which sucked but at least I had a little time to think. It was a simple computer class that was easy as hell for me and my work was done quite fast.

The period ended too soon and next was history. I headed just down the hall to the class, this was the first class I have with Tavros and though we sit at the same little group of desks, we couldn't sit next to each other, even then we chatted here and there and he mostly paid attention to a chick named Meenah I was intently focused on my phone, sending snapchats back and forth between John with music swirling through my earbuds and into my ears, making my foot tap. It was incredibly fun honestly and I enjoyed it. It was a sub teaching today so I didn't even bother with work. The period once again ended far too fast and up next was gym.


Psst, go play the song "Tell her you love her" by Echosmith


The crowded hallways seemed to smother me and Tavros and it was a hell of a relief to be outside in the breezeway to the gym. Something surprised me though, Tavros offered his hand for me to hold. Usually I was the one to ask him to hold his hand so for him to just present it like that was pretty groundbreaking but heart breaking as well. It meant he was growing more and more attached to me and it would be harsher when we had to break it off. I still took it nonetheless, Tavros still chatting with Gamzee. A breeze ran through my hair, fussing it up but I tilted my head up, music still playing through the ear buds. I felt restless but also at peace. not because of the hand clasped to mine, not because I had a feeling something would work out but simply because of the warmth blowing across my skin and good music in my head. I would have sat there all day if I could, but sadly I couldn't and gym had to start.

Tavros, Gamzee and I all agreed to skip out on gym and simply sit out. If you didn't dress out, you didn't do anything other than the warm up, you just sat against the wall. We finished our stupid warm up and then sat against the wall. Tavros wasn't the most physically akin, even if I was. Today was something very easy anyways, easy to pick up so one day wouldn't matter. John and I were still snapchatting and eventually I got tired of sitting up and tapped Tavros' shoulder, nodding to his leg. I wanted so bad to resist the urge to lay my head down in his lap but I couldn't help it and he accepted, laying his legs down for me to put my head on. I put my sweater down as extra cushion and continued to snapchat John, sending things back and forth until surprise surprise, all of our phones were taken away.

I was lacking a phone all day, all through literature class, my last class, which I had fallen asleep in. We were put in the library and I was sitting away from Tavros, he was sitting near a guy named Sollux who I didn't absolutely hate but I didn't like all that much either. I put =my forehead onto my arms and slipped into a light sleep. My body felt more and more heavy as I drifted into unconsciousness and the teacher's voice became white noise.

"Dave!"

I woke up to the hushed yell of a familiar voice. I blinked and looked up, the two familiar girls sitting in front of me giggling. I yawned, the kitty like girl and the bubbly fishy chick were both looking down at a slip of paper.

"The hell?"
"Look what I drew fur you!"

Nepeta handed me a picture, an actually very wonderful drawing of me and my turntables. I chuckled lightly and nodded at her.

"Nice work."
"You can k33p it!"

I nodded gratefully and folded it up to put safely in my bag. The bell rang again and I stood, heading over to Tavros. we had to go pick up our phones from "coach can suck a dick.". we walked through the breezeway once more and paused. We both got our phones with a short lecture from him and we gladly bolted from that mess and back to my car.

"Hehe well that sucked!"

Tavros laughed and I nodded, quickly checking my phone and sending John a reply before starting up the car.

"Oh hell yeah that was bullshit."

I agreed and started the car, heading out. I was obviously being more distant which I hoped Tavros didn't notice and if he did I hoped he didn't mind. It was a quick and silent drive to the light brown house and Tavros waved a glad goodbye to me before heading inside his house. Once I knew he was home safe I leaned back in my chair, groaning and pinching the bridge of my nose. What was I doing?

My phone snapped me from my thoughts when the little notification sound chimed. I picked up up and was eased slightly when I saw it was John.

"EB: hiya Dave! sorry you got your phone taken! I'm off to lunch now!"

I smirked and sent him another reply, starting up the car.

"TG: Sucks for you, I'm heading home."
"EB: Are you driving?"
"TG: Nah man I'm parked."
"EB: Oh good! Well I'll let you get to driving, message me when you're home!"
"TG: Can do egbert."
"EB: Oh and Dave?"
"TG: Yeah?"
"EB: Love you!"
"TG: Love you too dork."

I smiled a little and shook my head at his dorkness. with the car's engine already purring, I headed down the streets to my house, the slight bit of traffic I hit was nothing too rough but I was very glad to be back home again.

I passed by Dirk's room, he sounded like he was arguing and I knew just who with. His older brother D, and technically my uncle lives in California at the moment. Dirk has been trying to get him to come live with us ever since bro died. Bro's death hit me hard and Dirk flew in from California to stay with me. D sends money now and again for the both of us but we both have jobs, I'm not complaining though. Bro died about 3 years ago and although it's painful, I almost hate him. He died of an overdose and I didn't even know he was doing, or selling drugs. It pisses me off but what makes me even more mad was that it was intentional. He committed suicide and didn't tell why or leave a note. Nothing, just up and offed himself. I took a deep breath and walked into my room, throwing my bag onto the floor and flopping down onto my bed. my eyes started to feel heavy and I slipped into sleep, to which, I yet again have a nightmare.


"Dave...I am so sorry..."