A/N: I read the summary of Episode 10 after seeing Never Been Kissed and it kind of made me (more) mad. So I wrote this story to make myself feel better. It kinda sorta follows the spoilers but then goes off track.
Update 12/9/10: I started writing this after Episode 6 so it really doesn't follow the real plot after that.
"Okay guys, since we just did great at Sectionals and the holidays are coming up, I thought we'd take a break and do Christmas songs!" Mr. Schuester announced to the glee club.
"Mr. Schue, with all due respect, this is a public school," protested Kurt. "The ACLU might have a problem with that."
Rachel perked up. "I have contacts if you need them," she said to Kurt.
"Hello? Jew?" Puck said, waving his hand and pointing to himself.
"Well okay guys, well how about a holiday season week where we do holiday songs, that don't have to be about religion, and in fact you can just sing about the season or Santa Claus if you like." There was some grumbling and some murmurs of excitement.
Brittany said, "I don't want to. I hate Christmas." Everyone was shocked into silence, and Artie reached out to hold her hand. Santana's hand twitched, but she was sitting all the way across the room.
"But why?" asked Tina.
"Last night she saw Sue's Corner," said Santana.
"The holidays. A time of goodwill on Earth, and peace among men. Well, Northwest Ohio, I say bah humbug to that. Call me a Scrooge, but everywhere you go it's peace and joy, joy and peace, ho ho ho. I can't even wear my favorite red and green tracksuit without someone saying, 'Merry Christmas!' at me. It's disgusting. And Santa Claus! A judgmental glutton, if you ask me. If there's anyone who should be judging the moral character of the children of Earth, it's me, Sue Sylvester. And by the way kids? Santa? Not real. Nope. That ugly snowman sweater came from your spinster aunt Millie in Dayton. That digital picture frame from the Sharper Image that you'll put in a corner and never use? Your great-uncle Philip in Kalamazoo. Oh you say you got a new football, little Jimmy? That's from your dear old Dad, who desperately hopes you're not gay. Santa is no more than a bloated figment of the collective imagination of millions of greedy, materialistic tykes with weak willed parents. And that's how Sue sees it."
"She said Santa wasn't real," said Brittany sadly. Mr. Schuester and the rest of the glee club were slack jawed.
"Brittany, you mean you think Santa is real?" asked Mercedes.
"Isn't he?" Brittany said uncertainly.
"Uh, n- oof!" Sam rubbed his side where Santana had jabbed her elbow into it.
Artie spoke up. "Maybe Sue was just kidding, Brittany." He looked around to everyone else with a "come on, back me up here" expression.
"Yeah! Yeah, Santa is totally real," said Finn. "I saw him at the mall just last week."
Rachel and Finn walked through the Lima Mall, holding hands and oohing and aahing at all of the fake snow, tinsel, and giant plastic ornaments hanging from the ceiling. "Isn't it wonderful Finn, all the Christmas spirit? Even though I'm Jewish, it gives me so many reasons to sing in public."
"Yeah." Finn smiled down at her and turned to see the line of children waiting to tell the mall Santa what they wanted for Christmas. "Hey, isn't that Mr. Ryerson?" His face screwed up in confusion. They walked closer to find out.
Santa – aka Sandy Ryerson – adjusted his fake beard and waved his hand at the next child in line. "Why little girl, you look like an absolute porcelain delight, just like one of my vast collection." The little girl prattled on for a while, and Mr. Ryerson clearly was getting bored. "Yes, yes, Hannah Montana karaoke, I just do not understand the taste of kids these days, very good, next!"
"Hey Santa!" Finn and Rachel stood beyond the red and green rope barrier and waved. Mr. Ryerson started and tried to shrink behind his giant candy-cane striped Santa chair, but to no avail. Giving up, he dropped his Santa facade for a few seconds and swooshed his Santa-caped self over to the rope.
"Shh! Now that the arts department has been snatched from my loving grasp, I have to live somehow. Those dolls don't dress themselves you know. Now get away from my stage, please!"
"Yes, we did indeed, we saw Santa," nodded Rachel.
"That's not Santa at the mall, that's Mr. Ryerson. I'm not that stupid," Brittany sniffed. "But Sue wouldn't lie..."
The others looked at each other. "Well actually -" started Mr. Schue, but stopped when he saw Santana's glare. "I'm sure Artie's right, she's just kidding."
"Okay," said Brittany, but she sounded skeptical. "Thanks Artie." She gave him a hug. Santana narrowed her eyes.
A/N: Chapter 1 done! I bet this will turn out nothing like the real episode but it made me feel better to write it. Thanks for reading!
