"If you're going to confess, back off."
I am unsure where my courage came from, but once upon a monday afternoon, during our class' lunch break, an 17 year-old average boy stood in front of one of the popular girls in school. And that average boy happened to be, well.. me, I guess. Yeah, yeah it was me.
"I'm..."
"Didn't I tell you? I'm not interested, save your voice. And saliva."
She is beautiful... and complex. That sums it up, at least for me, at least from what i've observed. Her physical beauty could be simplified by the words, what you see is what you get. The latter was what i'm definitely most concerned, for some reasons, my curiosity wanted to peek inside that complexity.
"N-n-no! I'm not here to do that."
"Then, what do you need from me?"
Now, now.. How am I going to tell her I want to know her without sounding way too creepy?
WAIT.
I wanted to know her. I'm interested in her personality. I'm attracted to her eeriness. If I say things like, can I taste your apple pie? Isn't that confessing! Guess not, that was more maniac. But. But. No! Waaaa! Hurry. Think!
"Uhmm..."
"Hmmm?"
She's impatiently playing with her hair, twisting few strands around her slender fingers.
"Do you like guro manga?"
There's a long pause.
I know I said something odd.
Man! What an awful thing to ask a girl!
My whole body was statued in place, I began to tense up, I feel sooo cold.
My lips were twitching like crazy, I was trying my very best to laugh it off, walk away, forget this ever happened, and never to talk to her again... But I couldn't even force a small grin!
Setting my thoughts aside, I began to take more notice of her reaction. The moment I realized I blurted some stupid question, I was totally expecting her to stab me with every curse she knows. And, in every possible language if that'll satisfy her. She could slap me, too! With two hands! In unison! Her feet may join in, as well.
Nothing of that sort happened.
Wait, wait.
Is this a new way of taking revenge? As what they say, silence kills.
Those eyes, the way they stare back at mine, they were probably talking right now, "You insensitive, son off the beach!"
Then my gaze travelled down to her nose, what a small, cute nose.
To her lips, so red and it parted. Sheet! She's going to say some-
*Bell rings.*
A vintage saying but whatever, "Saved by the bell!"
Hmm, did I just say it out loud?
I mouthed sorry not once, not twice, definitely not thrice but I think I chanted it while I bowed before her.
All eyes were fixed on me even as I take my seat, still chanting the word sorry.
"Yo, Shinji! What was that you're doing talking to her? Never thought you got a huge crush on that new girl."
"I just asked her something."
Nosy as ever, my childhood friend, Touji Suzuhara. He is a member of the school's varsity, not bright, let's be honest, but totally lively, down to earth and fun.
"Meh. Liar. She is hot, no doubt you fancy her."
"You, too? I told you, I came up to her and asked, nothing more."
Another childhood friend of mine, Kensuke Aida. The founder of the Filmmakers Club, he loves to vlog a lot, anytime, anywhere. He's not as cheerful like Touji but he is witty.
We all share different interests but we are best of friends. How the heck did it happen, who knows. Life is pretty tricky, after all.
Any further discussions were cut, the professor entered the room, same old routine as the second half of my day takes place.
I wanted to completely erase our previous encounter, but I could feel her fixed stare at my back. her eyes were assumably speaking again, "Someone's going to make you spend your every day a living hell, freak-o."
Of course she wouldn't let me off the hook just like that.
The day ended, nothing else happened. I caught a glimpse of her empty seat. She would always leave class right away, and today was no difference. I wanted to inwardly rejoice but I felt disappointed. I don't exactly know why, but I am.
xxx
ooo
xxx
I was late, walking slowly, peacefully, in the middle of the street filled with cherry blossom petals. There's no need to rush, run like there's no tomorrow. I did it on purpose, anyway. Hah! Yes! I'm a lowlife! I did this to avoid her, so what. Tch.
"HEY!"
That voice!
You must be kidding me.
"Wait up!"
I pretended I didn't hear her and walked a bit faster than my previous pace.
A hand grabbed my left shoulder, strong, firm. How on earth did she catch up. I halted, body bumped against my back, I felt something sof-
"Whoa. Suddenly stopping like that. Are you okay? Are you by chance ignoring me?"
Im certain it was her, its the same voice but at the same time, it felt quite different.
Recurrently, I stood still, wasn't able to flex a single muscle. Meanwhile, she walked past me and for the second time, we're face to face. It was undoubltedly her. This was planned. She's waiting for me!
"Hi. I know you're already aware of who I am but I believe we're not properly introduced. My first day in class was crappy, actually my mondays are always crappy. Tuesdays are okay, sometimes great, other times not really. Rei Ayanami, by the way. You are?"
Is this a trap?
Was what I wanted to ask her, and was rude than the question I asked her yesterday, so no. Of course I didn't say it out loud. In the smallest part of my brain, I was thinking why she's completely different from yesterday.
With a sweet smile planted on her angelic face, she's extending her arms, offering her right hand. To shake or not to? Might as well take it, even if at the back of my mind I was creating scenarios such as blades hiding inside her palms. That'll frigging hurt, dude. And if I don't shake hands with her, she might shove the blades inside my mouth! That's possible man, she knows I love guro!
We shook hands.
Dayum.
It hurts!
IT HURTS!
ITS THE SOFTEST HAND I EVER TOUCHED THAT IT HURTS!
How could I doubted her genuine kindness.
"S-Shinji. Shinji Ikari."
I completely misunderstood her. She's kind, and sweet, and beautiful, and really beautiful, and extremely beautiful. She is not the ice princess, she is the shining, shimmering, summer sunshine.
"Uhm.. Ikari-san... About yesterday..."
I was gleefully building a small sand castle but then the ocean took it away. Its fun while it lasted.
"Waaa! Sorry! I'm really sorry Ayanami! I didn't mean to sound rude or anything."
"My, my.. Ikari-san. Stand up, please. You don't have to do that. Your uniform is going to get dirty."
I was bowing, down, flat to the ground, almost kissing it, literally.
"I swear. It wasn't to make fun of you or to-"
An attractive lady like her would never tolerate that kind of behavior! I was out of the line, shame on you Shinji! Shame on you! Really, guro manga? Guro manga!
"I like it. I like guro manga."
Of course she likes guro manga!
HUH?
Holy broccoli.
"What? What was that?"
"First, stand. Come, i'll help you up."
She did. I started building my sand castle once more, my dazzling sand castle.
"Did I heard it right? Do you? Hmmmmm... Are you suuuuuure?"
"Haha! Ikari-san is so funny. Yes I am! Don't play dumb. How did you know I like guro manga?"
Jackpot.
Faster than preparing an instant ramen, who would've thought that careless, stupid mistake will bear fruits. We share the same interest, this is exciting.
"I... don't really know. I happened to like guro manga and was engrossed in reading the other night, it kinda sticked to me, and then I asked you that. I'm... happy. We are very much alike."
She blushed a faint pink, soooo cute! She softly smiled, way waaay sweeter than strawberry shortcakes and gelato with a cherry on top.
"You don't find it... bizarre? A girl reading guro."
"I love guro. Bizarre for me is... attractive."
"Haha! Thanks Ikari-san. I never expected anything like this. I mean.. to make friends. I'm happy, too. Ahhh... Well... We're super late, do you want to spend a guro day with another guro freak?"
Oh.
My.
Lungs.
I can't breathe. Did she? Did she! She did! She asked me!
I nodded. Of course that's given, who wouldn't?
With our backs facing the way to our school, I was thinking I was about to spend the best Tuesday of my life. Screw you school, screw the boring professor and his bland class. Hahaha! I'm spending the day with one of the hottest girls in the campus. I don't know why she flipped, or maybe she's naturally snobby when it comes to boys? And girls. As far as I could remember, during the first day of class, some of our classmates tried to approach her and she showered them with death glares and curses. I was absent so I didn't witness how awful it was.
We took the train, shut ourselves inside our own little universe, we just don't give a sheet while people shot us with their weird and disgusted looks. We chatted about loose limbs, rotten flesh like we're eating the tastiest meatballs, ever. Yeah, that's how delicious our convo was. Throughout the time, people hearing us seemed sick to their stomach, little Shinji was thrilled and well-entertained, as if a child watching Sesame Street and Spongebob. And the rest of the day was a free trip to Disneyland. Awesome day is awesome!
xxx
ooo
xxx
"Good morning Ayanami-san!"
"Morning."
And that was it.
Mothercooking.
A single word and she walked off. Nooooooo! A well-spent lottery win I won't forget my entire life.
My 101% positive attitude took a 360 degree turn. She is someone complicated, a huge labyrinth brought to life. When you thought you're about to reach the end, you're actually lost, and that sucks.
"I saw that Ikari-kun. You two are close?"
Gimme a break. Why do they make such actions a big deal. People are hungry for issues. By the way, it was Hikari Horaki, Touji's unofficial sweetheart (lol) and our class representative.
"We're not."
I put my shoes in the shoebox and disappeared from the sight of a stunned Hikari.
I feel down. Ayanami made me uneasy, anxious, then cheerful, ecstatic and right now... gloomy as ever, happy all saints day to me.
First class and I'd like to call it a day. I was bursting with sparkling happiness last night, I didn't want to sleep. Now that my high spirit's gone, I feel garbage. I would occasionally steal glances at the back, 2 rows away, that's her seat, she's looking straight ahead, eyes fixed at the board. Who is this girl. Is there an alien invasion at their house? Yesterday was such a blast. Grrrrr. Gimme back my tuesday Ayanami, wednesday Ayanami is... empty.
*Sigh*
"I don't feel well, can I go to the infirmary?"
"Is that so. You may excuse yourself Ikari."
"Thank you."
I bowed and made my leave. Not my day, indeed not my day.
I arrived at the infirmary, no occupants, great, no school doctor, awesome. Now, off to dreamland.
*After an hour*
I opened my eyes and Ayanami was there.
"Hi Ayanami."
"Hi."
"Geez! What are you doing here?"
There are no tricks, no illusions, I don't do drugs, I often hallucinate but not today. She's most likely the real deal.
"Looking after you. Are you sick?"
"No. Just lack of sleep, don't tell the teacher. His lessons are far worse than sleeping pills,."
Nah, she didn't smile. The entire time, she remained composed, straight-faced, very doll-like.
*After several minutes*
"You could go back to class Ayanami. I'm not sick anyways."
"Its okay. Classes are boreshows."
A lot of questions were battling inside my screwed head. I wanted this, I should be able to handle this well. But she's way too complicated. The questions were giving their best shots, fighting with all they got, but they lost, all of them. I couldn't ask her. I'm in no position to question her behavior, we're not in that stage, not yet.
"I know how astonished you are. I'm going to explain everything tomorrow. Hopefully I could."
"Okay."
The only word I could come up with. Its as if yesterday didn't exist, my mind's buffering, its an on and off internet connection. Given the chance to travel back in the past, back last Monday, I know I will still do the exact same thing. Mind-boggling, yes yet no regrets. And later, i've yet to experience sleep deprivation like never before... for the second time.
We spend the rest of the day in the infirmary... in peace, quiet... tranquility.
xxx
ooo
xxx
A new day unfolds. I've created every possible scenarios that might take place later when revelation time comes up. The professor joined in, Ayanami's not yet here.
"Due to high fever.."
No. It can't be.
DON'T SAY IT.
"Ayanami is.."
My silent pleas are of no use.
"..absent for today. Attendance check. Akito."
That woman. She is doing things on purpose.
She sure loves to make me go psycho!
*After classes*
*A man standing in front of Ayanami's apartment*
*Doorbell*
"WAAAIIIIIITTT!"
*Door opens*
"Who is- Motherbaker."
"Caught you! I knew it!"
You can't fool me. She isn't sick at all! She's strong enough to play tug-of-war, Ayanami's apartment door special edition. She was a bit hesitant yesterday so I was kind of certain this'll happen. Yep, one of my worse case scenario predictions.
"Fact! Ikari! Let go! What are you thinking barging in someone's home!"
"Avoiding me much? You don't have to confess what you wanted to confess if you don't feel like it. Not that much of a big deal anyways."
"Shut it, moron! Then what are you doing here if you're not bothered!"
"Man, the attitudes getting a lot complicated and-"
"Whaaat! Irritating? Nerve-wrecking? Hate on me, go on! I don't give a fridge!"
"I don't accept fridge either. Got one, i'm more than satisfied."
Our little game went on for who knows how long. I don't want to use all my strength and hurt her you know, with these muscles... my pride and joy. HAH! And, she's stronger than expected.
"FINE!"
She let go and I fell, quite hard, on my butt.
"Finally. I don't want to use force on you. Hehehe."
"Ohhhh. No wonder thy hands are shaking, huh. My gratitude to you sir. But whatever. Let's settle this once and for all. Ask me anything and everything you wanna know."
Invading Ayanami's space was cool, not because I enjoy home crashing. Its just that her stuffs are totally fascinating. Visiting her was beyond expectation, it didn't even cross my skull, so when our professor held out the print-outs for today's lesson, I saw a little bubble of opportunity and before it pops, I grabbed it.
I'm not in the mood to explain how her unit looked, where is where, throwing out every possible adjectives to describe each corner. This feels dreamy, its not sinking in. She's not miss more than meets the eye, that's patterned in every story its getting dull. When you constantly keep an eye on her, which is kind of stalkish at some point, you'll get a vibe there's something strange about her. Whether its good or bad, its pretty unpredictable but still, you wanna push forward and play Sherlock Holmes. Ayanami, most of the time is intimidating, she's got this thick barrier hugging her, its too threatening to touch. That's why standing right on the floor of her apartment was a limited edition, once in a blue moon, jackpot prize.
"Sit anywhere you like. Drinks?"
"Thanks, but i'm good. You got awesome things."
"My little treasures. Zip it. If you tell a single soul about them i'll give you one-way ticket to the afterlife."
"Aye, aye ma'am!"
Her little treasures inside her big treasure chest are composed of a huge collection of guro manga, obviously, anime and western action figures, a bit surprised by that, a corner with anything blue like a blue alarm clock, a blue teddy bear, then there's a cabinet filled with origami and cube art, another one with matryoshka dolls, a table filled with black candles of different sizes and shapes with... holy macaroni! Is that a voodoo doll?
"Okay, let's start... Hmm..."
"Why are you behaving the way you... behave?"
"Haha! Blunt aren't we. Well... i'm sick. With an incredibly, crazy unique disorder. Every day, I live with a different personality. Nothing else changes, just the way I behave and my mood. I still know the same people, I still love the things that I love."
"Where are your parents?"
"I killed them."
I tensed up, she sounded too serious and... terrifying.
"HAHA! Gotcha."
"HAHAHAHA. You're such a joker Ayanami-san. Hahahahaha."
My heart skipped several beat, I packing swear. Is this what I get from having intense curiosity? I'm right! So damn right! Ayanami Rei is a labyrinth in human form. Insane multiple personality disorder? She's ultra mega sweet and then when I flip the next page she's going to stab me with her fingernail, she doesn't even have to think twice.
"I don't live with them since last 5 years. I'm such a pain in my mom's fat ass and dad's manly boobs they can't handle me well. They sent me in a psychiatric ward when I chopped off Katy's head. It wasn't on purpose, honestly. I was holding a knife and it slipped off my hand, Katy happened to pass by and I don't know how but the knife went freaking nuts and cut off Katy's head.. like a mad psycho. My poor cat. I tried to stich it back, promise but it was a huge failure. They thought I butchered Katy, it was the knife!"
Unconceivable, what the hell was she saying, my thoughts were scattered and my skull's gonna explode anytime soon.
"O-of course! It wasn't your fault. It was all that stupid knife's doing! How could they do that to you. Tch."
Ride on, ride on. That was all I could do, but I'm entirely sure I don't know what she might do if I object her.
"Isn't it? My gosh! Thanks Ikari! They wouldn't believe me! you're the only soul!"
She jumped onto me and hugged me with all her might. I was frozen in place, hard as a rock. Should I hug her back? Shoot. I'm brain-dead, I don't know how to respond!
Screw it. Its not School Days, I can't take such risks.
"Uhmmm. Ayanami? I need to go. Its getting late. Hehe."
"Huuuuh? You idiot. 7pm is late for a guy these days?"
"Ehhh.."
"Fine.. Fine.. You can go. Its not like I invited you to come anyways. And it looks like its going to rain anytime soon."
She smirked and let go, we stood up in unison and I can't believe she let it slide just like that. I literally dragged my feet, I was deeply disturbed, worse I might've been scarred,
Ayanami turned the knob, I turned to look at her. I was preparing myself at any possible attack she might give me. She smirked and ruffled my hair.
"You look anemiac! Haha. Get a grip Ikari. Not of those are real."
EH?
"What do you mean?"
"I killed no kitty, you dummy. But who knows.. one day I might. My disorder was the only legit thing I told you. I've never been in a psychiatric place, too. I'm visiting a doctor every now and then, though. I'm in a stage where I could still control my emotions but my doctor told me my case might get worse as time passes by."
"Ayanami..."
"Shut the hell dude! I don't need sympathy, believe me. I took the day off because I'm having second thoughts about our friendship. I had fun the other day but I couldn't risk it. To hurt you, and myself as well. But thanks! Damn. Before I get too cheesy you need to get going."
"I'm... Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks a lot."
"You understand what this means right?"
I nodded.
"Can I bite your lips?"
"Wha-?"
She gave me no time to protest. No, no.. I won't elaborate what she did. Let's just say there's two letter Ts involved. And its wet.. bloody... hot.
I was completely blown away, next thing was I felt the cold railings against my arms. I opened my eyes, I didn't even remember closing them! Ayanami broke the kiss, if you call that a kiss, and did something ridiculous.
"What the fu-"
I saw her grinning, intently watching me as I descended down the apartment complex. Yes! The biatch pushed me! Right after kissing, uhm... biting me, she's killing me! Or so I thought.
*Slam!*
"How does it feeeeelt?"
I fell on the dumpster.
I was laughing my ass off.
It was breath-taking awful, horrifying but I've never in my entire life experienced such a demented adrenaline rush, I was soo thrilled and... happy.
"You crazy!"
"You called me crazy! Yes I am! You fvckface! BLEH!"
"Haha! You don't have to push me if I suck at kissing! I fall from, what the hell, that's the 4th effing floooooor!"
"HAHAHA! You enjoyed it moroooon! You're welcome! That's my farewell gift Ikariiiiii!"
The shouting ceased. We look at each other's faces. I couldn't really tell what's her expression. We stayed like that for several minutes when a droplet of water hit my cheek.
"Hm? Rain?"
I looked up again and she was gone.
I tasted the waterdrop, way too salty, and then it started raining.
xxx
ooo
xxx
It was the last time I saw her.
Meh.
That's a lie.
I was absorbed into the darkest part of the labyrinth I couldn't find my way out.
We've been dating for a month, which seemed like an eternity for me, its a deranged stage of my teenage life.
"Shinji! Where on earth did you come from, you're 5 minutes late!"
Yeah. Its monday and for some unknown reasons she's behaving the worst during mondays. But this i'm certain, every effing day of my life is something i'll look forward to, with a big surprise waiting for me.
"Sorry Rei. I kinda overslept."
"Do that again and i'll fvcking kill you, I mean it."
"I'll rape you before you could kill me."
"Stupid rapist!"
"Drop dead gorgeous murderer!"
Rei Ayanami is my personal guro manga. A guro manga made only for me. I know how crackbrained she could be, and yet I find her as an extremely huge page turner, I just couldn't get enough.
And what Am I to her?
Right now I'm a stupid rapist.
But yesterday she said I'm her strawberry shortcake.
Hehe.
END.
A/N: First one-shot fanfic. Wrote it today. Its totally random because I got a lot of stuffs running inside my head. Haha. Thanks a lot for reading sweetheart. Until next fic!
