AN: From the beginning I will warn you that Luke Snyder is dead. I am sorry if this is disappointing for any readers, but I am not forcing you to read it so don't get mad at me.
Noah Mayer opens the door to his dark apartment. He doesn't even bother turning on the lights. Instead he shuffles to the back room, the bedroom; their bedroom.
As Noah flips on the lights in the bedroom his eyes fall upon the disarray that has accumulated over the last couple of weeks. Noah has practically lived in this room, hardly venturing out, since the accident. That accident had changed his life forever.
Noah drags his body to the bed. He crawls under the covers on the left side. The right side of the bed remains untouched, the sheets not lain upon, and the pillows still fluffed. All of a sudden Noah utters a simple, pained moan.
"Luke how could you do this to me? You always swore that you'd be with me and never leave, but here I am and you are gone," Noah mumbles as he grabs a pillow from the right side of the bed and hugs it tight to his chest.
Noah closes his eyes and breaths in the scent of the pillow. Luke's scent is still there, even though Luke hasn't lain on this pillow for two weeks. Noah wonders how long this pillow will hold Luke's scent. As if he was in the room Noah hears Luke's voice.
"Noah, bubby you've got to pull yourself together. Look around you; it's not like you to let our apartment become such a mess. I mean sure I'm a mess, but you are such a neat freak. This is not the Noah I love. You've changed, bubby, and I don't like it."
As Luke's voice fades from Noah's mind, Noah is reminded of what his therapist suggested he do to deal with his grief. With a sigh Noah pulls himself out of the bed and shuffles over to his laptop. Noah sits down at the desk where his laptop is located. As Noah waits for the laptop to start up, he glances around the room.
He sees two weeks' worth of his dirty laundry scattered all over the floor. Noah mentally adds laundry to his list of things to do. Noah's eyes fall on a navy blue polo poking out of the bottom of the nearest dirty laundry pile. Noah grabs the shirt and looks at it.
The polo belongs to Luke. Noah brings the shirt to his nose and closing his eyes he remembers the first time Luke wore this shirt.
Noah was cleaning some tables at Java when Luke saunters in. Noah is a little surprised to see him here only a few hours after their fight. Luke walks slowly over to Noah.
"Look I want to apologize," Luke glances down nervously, "I have been pushing you away lately and I'm really sorry." Luke then shoves his left hand into his pocket and places his right hand on the counter.
"I-I know things have been really hard for you lately," Noah sighs as he takes a few steps closer to Luke.
"I wanna move back home." Luke forces a small smile and gazes at Noah hopefully.
"To the apartment," Noah doesn't want to get his hopes up, no matter how much he wants Luke back.
"To our apartment," Luke emphasizes the joint ownership of the apartment before continuing, "Do you remember when you asked me to come get you when I figured out what I wanted you around for?" Luke gives his signature "Noah smile" as his eyes begin to lovingly twinkle.
"That was only a few hours ago, so, yeah." Noah grins as he lets his hopes rise.
"Well I want you around for everything," Luke gazes intimately into Noah's eyes.
"That's what I want too. Why do you think I act so crazy sometimes," Noah chuckles happily.
"I don't know," Luke laughs, "but maybe I make it harder on you." Luke grabs Noah's hands and grins from ear to ear.
"Yeah," Noah chuckles, "Yeah, you do, but you're kinda worth it." Noah's tone turns serious as he returns Luke's intimate gaze.
Luke gives a little chuckle.
"So when you going to move back in," Noah finally gets to the question he's been dying to ask. Noah's hand reaches out and rest's on Luke's right shoulder.
"Well my bags are in the car. So, uh, when's your shift over," Luke responds excitedly.
"Not soon enough," Noah mutters as Luke pulls him into a romantic kiss.
The sound of Noah's computer starting up brings him out of his memory. Noah sighs and wishes he was back at Java on that day two years ago. He wants the zestful Luke back. Heck he'd even take pissy, bratty Luke if it meant having him back period. Noah turns back to the laptop, lets the polo fall to the ground, and opens up a new word document. Heaving a sigh Noah begins to type.
September 21st, 2011
My dearest Luke-
Hey babe. It's been two weeks since the accident. Remember when I told you that I couldn't imagine life without you? Well now I don't have to imagine it because life without you is now a reality.
The day after your funeral I started seeing a therapist. Dr. Elridge has been a big help. She has been seeing me every day for a little over a week now. She doesn't ever push me to talk to her.
Gosh Luke, you were never this patient with me. I know you tried but you're impatient by nature. I can just see you now, begging me to talk to Dr. Elridge. I want to talk to her about you and everything that happened, but you know me I can only ever talk about intimate stuff with you.
So Dr. Elridge suggested I write to you about anything and everything. She figures if I do this every day, eventually I'll be able to open up. I don't know if she's right. You were the only one I could talk to. So I don't see how writing to you letters will help, but I figure I would give it a shot.
Luke I can still smell your scent all over the place at our apartment. At first I resented it because I didn't want your scent I wanted you the person. Now when I smell you I find myself stopping to take in as much of it as possible. It gives me piece of mind I guess. Just today I found myself smelling a shirt of yours that I found. I remembered the first day I'd seen you wear it. Luke you have no idea how gorgeous you look in blue it really brings out the vitality in your skin.
I miss you so much that sometimes all I want to do is curl up and die so that I could be with you again. Anytime I feel like this all I have to do is look at that picture of you and I remember that you would have wanted me to move on with my life.
Luke just so you know I am not ready to move on yet. You think you could give me some time? You are after all the love of my life and I am still trying to find my way through everyday things without you. So please be patient with me I am only half the man I used to be.
Well I have to go do two weeks' worth of laundry. Until next time my love. I will always love you more than words can express.
Love-
Noah
Noah saves the letter and sighs. He doesn't know why but this exercise emotionally drained him. Noah feels an aching in his chest. However, Noah isn't even fazed by the ache; it shows up at random moments ever since Luke died.
He gets up and begins to gather up all the dirty clothes scattered across the bedroom. Noah takes the dirty laundry to the washer and dryer. He is loading up the washer when he hears a cell phone ring.
Noah looks around for his cell. He finds it on the dresser in the bedroom. The ringing sound continues as Noah realizes it is Luke's phone. Noah picks up the phone tenderly as if it might explode. A million thoughts are racing through Noah's brain as he pushes the "TALK" button.
"He-hello," Noah stutters nervously.
"Hello, Luke?" the voice on the other end asks.
"No, this is Noah. Who is this?" Noah asks keeping his voice guarded.
"My name is Becky. I am calling in regards to Mr. Snyder's watch. It has been repaired," the chipper female voice explains, "So is Mr. Snyder available?"
"Ma'am Luke is…" Noah trails off as his voice chokes with emotion, "Luke passed away two weeks ago."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I know this might be difficult to do, but could someone come and get his watch from us?" Becky asks sympathetically.
"Oh, umm, yeah I'll come and get it." Noah mutters in an unfeeling numb tone before hanging up.
Noah sighs and drops the cell back on the bedside table where Luke had left it that morning two weeks ago. Needing some sort of leverage, Noah collapses onto the bed and heaves dry sobs. He stares into nothingness as he swallows the lump in his throat. The watch. Noah remembers how the day before the accident Luke had been flipping out because his watch had broke.
Luke was pacing animatedly with a hint of agitation, the sight of which made Noah chuckle which was a bad thing to do at the present time. Luke, hearing the chuckle, spins around to face Noah, who is leaning against the counter nonchalantly.
"Oh sure laugh, but I figured you would be upset too. After all you were the one that gave it to me as a gift, remember?" Luke snapped at his boyfriend.
"Babe, calm down. It's just the watch band, which I might add is replaceable," Noah sooths.
"Yeah but how am I supposed to go into this foundation meeting I have today without my good luck charm," Luke mopes.
"Well just think of me if you're really that worried about it." Noah reasoned.
The watch. Noah remembers giving Luke that watch three Christmas' ago. That day had been a big deal because they hadn't seen each other since the election scandal.
Making up his mind, Noah grabs his keys and leaves the apartment. He drives his truck to the watch repair shop. As he walks through the door a bell overhead jingles. A woman standing behind the counter, reading a magazine looks up at the sound of the bell.
She sees that the customer moves as if he is a zombie. The man's features are haggard and worn from an obvious sadness. Becky wonders what the man looks like when he is happy. The man walks up to the counter and Becky notices the man's sorrowful blue eyes. She suppresses the urge to hug this man.
"Umm…you have a watch for me," Noah mumbles.
"Name," Becky asks as she turns to the customer reference list.
"Luke Snyder," Noah says as he swallows a lump in his throat.
"Ahh, yes! Here you are sir." Becky says cheerfully as she passes a small red box to Noah.
Noah wordlessly grabs the box and heads out of the store. He is almost out the door before he remembers something and turns back.
"How much does this cost," Noah asks emotionlessly.
"Oh, sir, Luke already paid for it. He did that when he brought the watch in." Becky answers with a hint of energy in her tone.
Noah merely nods in understanding. Then he starts to leave again. Before he's even reached the door however, he hears the woman's voice.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Luke had been adamant about getting the watch repaired. 'It's a gift from my boyfriend, Noah,' he had said. I could tell he was crazy about this boyfriend of his." Becky states softly.
Noah just glances back at the woman. He gives her a small forced smile.
"He loved me more than you will ever know," Noah simply mutters as he leaves the shop.
Once back in his truck Noah takes the watch out of the box and he is again reminded of the day he gave it to Luke. Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, Noah turns the watch over and reads, worth the wait. Silently Noah puts the watch on his wrist and allows the tears to fall.
