TWDG Characters review video games:

EPISODE 1: The You Testament

Character: Kenny


(Kenny walks into a room and sits down in front of a computer.)

Kenny: Why am I here again?

Me: You gotta play this game!

Kenny: Which game?

Me: JUST READ THE DAMN SCRIPT!

(Kenny turns into a little mouse and squeaks in fear then magically turns back to human.)

Kenny: Ok that happened.

Me: Just go and play!

Kenny: Fine!

(Kenny boots up the computer and begins talking.)

Kenny: So as you or may not know, I'm a christan and I'm proud. Now this game we'll be playing is a biblical game. It's called the You Testament.

(The computer opens to the desktop and Kenny selects a tab that says "You Testament")

Kenny: So the game is about you following Jesus from John the bapist to his crucifixion and resserection. It was made by a man called Matt Dickie or MDickie for short. He is mostly known for creatiing wrestling games. Which strangely enough, this game about runs on the wrestling engine. Yes, a game about the bible was made on a WRESTLING engine. What the fuck?!

(The game starts up)

Kenny: Ok so this is...one ugly title screen...

(Kenny looks at the guy in the left)

Kenny: Oh god are those going to be the graphics?! If so, then I don't think I want to play this!

(I hold a razor to Kenny's stache)

Kenny: Ok! Ok! I'll play!

(I take the razor away from his stache)

Kenny: Huh, there's some quotes there, let's read them.

(Kenny begins reading some quotes of some famous people until...)

Kenny: OSAMA BIN FUCKIN LADEN?! HE HAS A QUOTE IN THIS GAME?! BARACK OBAMA?! KAYNE FUCKIN WEST?! THIS GAME IS A FUCKING WTF! THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS!

(Kenny selects start game and now he gets to create his character)

Kenny: Ok now I create my character. I want to create me. But where's my hat? I want my hat!

(After a minute of raging Kenny settles down)

Kenny: Ok, so we have some pretty bizarre options here. I can make a character a midget or...A DAMN GIANT! HELL YEAH IM GOING GIANT MODE!

(Kenny becomes a giant and continues until he gets to his eyes.)

Kenny: Wow, those are some derpy eyes. How can someone keep their eyes crossed?

(Kenny finishes his character and enters the game)

Kenny: Wow, this is one ugly game...

(Kenny begins walking around until he finds a person and interacts with him)

Kenny: Oh...my...god...

(Kenny looks at the eye animation)

Kenny: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE EYE ANIMATION! ITS STARING INTO MY DAMN SOUL! WHAT DID I DO?!

(Kenny runs as fast as he can until he finds Jesus)

Kenny: Hey, its Jesus! I'm gonna talk to him!

(Kenny interacts with Jesus)

Jesus: Touch me again and I will kill you!

Kenny: O_O

(Kenny interacts with Jesus again)

Jesus: I BET I COULD FIRE MISSLES OUT OF MY HANDS!

Kenny: WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS THIS?! FIRST THE QUOTES! THEN THE EYES! NOW JESUS IS THREATENING ME?!

(Kenny exits the game shivering)

Kenny: Ok, this game isn't a comedy...it's a serious bible game.

(Kenny goes to options)

Kenny: WHAT THE FUCK?! THERES A FUCKING GORE OPTION?! What happens if I set it to extreme?!

(Sees blood everywhere)

Kenny: WHAT THE FUCK?! And my game is lagging...

(Kenny turns off blood again and continues and later in the game)

Jesus: I will show you how to throw fireballs!

Kenny: AM I PLAYING FUCKING MARIO NOW?! Also wow, Jesus is a ungrateful dick in this game...

(Later Jesus teaches Kenny to throw knives)

Kenny: AM I HIGH?! OR IS JESUS TEACHING ME HOW TO THROW KNIVES?!

(Later Jesus needs help becuase he needs to pay taxes)

Kenny: Ok ill help him

(Kenny finds a guy holding a bag of money. Kenny punches him and takes the bag.)

Kenny: Ok I got Jesus out now what?

Jesus: I am going to show you the truth of the world...

Kenny: Ok what is it?

(Game goes into wireframe mode.)

Kenny: ...Wireframe mode? That's it?! THAT'S IT?! THIS GAME IS UTTER SHIT! THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

(Kenny's legs explode)

Kenny: FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT!

(Kenny returns to the quote screen)

Kenny: OK NOW THERE'S SOME FROM DOCTOR WHO, CAPTAIN AMERICA, STEVE URKEL, MR.T, THE POWER RANGERS, DARTH VADER, C-3PO, BATMAN, RAIDEN FROM SOLID SNAKE, TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN, KNUCKLES FROM SONIC, CHARLIE BROWN, GOKU, HULK HOGAN, SHEAMUS FROM WWE, NICHOLAS CAGE, CARL FROM UP, SEVERUS SNAPE, BARNEY THE DINOSAUR, PIKACHU, HULK, MARIO, MIKE WAZOWSKI, MEGA MAN, SOLID SNAKE, BRUCE WILLIS, AND ADOLF HITLER?! JESUS CHRIST IM DONE!

Jesus: Done with what?

Kenny: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK


Ladies and gents that was the first review done by Kenny. The game is called the You Testament and yes it's a real game. And it's free and easily moddable. I don't think this is the worst game ever, but it's close to worst biblical game.

Leave me a comment on which TWDG character should review a game! Here's the format:

Let's have _ play _

Also, I would like to see games be reviewed that no one talks about, like Hong Kong 97 (I really want to review that)

There we go! SOTDB OUT!

Cue the FNAF comments... :(