He Knows
The world spins under one absolute premise: Aaron Hotchner knows everything. He knows when you're tired, upset, happy or nervous. He knows how to boost your confidence, how to calm you and what buttons to push. He knows if you lost weight, if you're dating and if you're going to explode due to all the work you've got to do.
He doesn't just have the knowledge, though. No, Aaron Hotchner uses it. He may not speak much but he says a lot. It's about content, not quantity and with a few words he can make you feel appreciated, ashamed or respected. It may seem as if he's watching from a distance but truth is, Hotch is paying extreme attention to his team. What they need, when they need it, how they need it and why. He does everything to protect his people from strangers and from themselves. This is what makes him a great leader, not to mention a good boss.
You can't hide anything from him, ever. Maybe he'll never tell you he has some knowledge about you but you know he knows. It's always like that with Hotch; a silent understanding. A silent promise that he will never use that knowledge to humiliate or hurt you. Because you can trust him. He has showed time and time again that he keeps said promise and that he keeps other people's secrets as guarded as his own. That is why you don't feel vulnerable with him, you feel safe.
The safety that you know doesn't exist because you've seen what happened to people who were "safe". And yet, his dark eyes, his soothing voice, his calm demeanor assure you that your deepest hopes and fears, your ambitions, your feelings, your dreams and your past are protected. Protected within that huge wall that is Aaron Hotchner. For once, you're glad that he's an immovable object, you're glad that he doesn't break or weakens because it means your life is secure in that head of his.
And that's another of his personality traits: he never forgets. No matter how much he sometimes wants to, no matter how much people hope he does; Hotch does not – under any circumstance – forget. You wish he didn't remember your mistakes but he does. He may overlook them or warn you that he won't let it happen again but they're still filed in that enormous filing cabinet that is his memory. Now that you think about it, his memory sounds like a very dark place, one you'd never like to visit; full of hatred, violence, darkness and misery. You feel sorry for him, thinking that nobody should live with that weight on his shoulders but you also know that if someone has to, he's the perfect man for the job.
Because Aaron Hotchner is a hero. In every sense of the word. Always has been, always will be. He's a hero. A man who's been fighting demons since childhood and who made a very successful career out of it. A man who can't sleep peacefully at night knowing that there are many monsters out there who have yet to be caught. And God knows there are too many of them. But he wakes up every morning knowing that when his head hits the pillow again that night, there will be one less monster plaguing people's nightmares. He can sleep with that math, those are odds he takes. Because the other option is just too scary. And Hotch is most definitely not a scared man.
He's a tired, restless, strict, demanding man. But not scared. That word isn't even in his vocabulary. Because the smallest tinge of fear that he could feel always takes a backseat to his courage. It's in his bones that need to protect, to serve, to give. He wouldn't have it any other way, he wouldn't know how. And that is another adjective that could describe him perfectly well: selfless.
Those around him know how he focuses so much in helping people that he forgets about his own needs. His marriage was ruined because he couldn't stop working at the BAU. Truth is, Aaron Hotchner has to save everyone. Or at the very least, try.
He's not easily satisfied, though. He pours himself into every case and pushes everyone else into giving their best because that's the minimum effort he requires. Trying isn't always enough and neither is giving all you've got but at least there's that feeling that you couldn't have possibly done anything more. That's what he wants for his team; for them to know at the end of the day that they did everything in their power to catch the unsubs, save future victims and help the families. Sometimes that knowledge is the only thing that eases your conscience and it's the reason why Hotch asks so much from them.
He does his best to protect his team from the monsters they encounter every day. Sometimes those monsters are the very people they hunt but every so often, they come from within the agents. Those are harder to destroy because how can you easily extinguish fear or guilt or self-doubt? How can you protect people from themselves? How long can you think like a criminal without becoming one? He knows it's a difficult task, a difficult job and though he's confident about the team's abilities, he's always attentive to the signs.
Because Hotch knows when you're happy, sad, tired, frustrated or on the brink of a nervous breakdown. He knows if you haven't slept for days and if you can't remember when was the last time you ate. He knows if a case is getting to you, if you need a break or if you need to work until the unsub is caught. He knows what drives you, what upsets you and what made you become who you are. He knows why you act a certain way and make certain choices and why you have particular opinions. And though he may not confess it or tell anyone about it; you know he knows.
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