Author's Note: Hello, it's nice of you to give this story a try. I won't keep you from reading this story for long, but the main purpose of this note is just to Warn those who have yet to finish the game- As this will contain very Heavy SPOILERS. Especially regarding Makoto's confidant route since this story is intended to be a character study for her and a re-imagination of some sorts regarding what her childhood could have been like. More on that, I've also considered this to be an Alternate Universe as well because certain scenes will diverge far from canon with this story being part of my other two persona 5 fics as well.
And just another little thing; some of the few italics you'll find here mean that those dialogues are said from the past.
Disclaimer: Lastly, I'll just say this once for formalities sake but as you can probably tell, I am not affiliated with Atlus in any way and Persona and it's characters belong to their respective owners/creators... and they are awesome.
~~~ Whims of Fate ~~~
: I: Prologue :
= Chapter One: The Ties that Binds =
- 11/19/20Xx ( Saturday - Early Morning ) [ Cemetery ] -
Despite that the weather was fairly even for a mid-November Day, the cemetery was still quiet and mostly deserted- save for a solitary female student from Shujin Academy that is. She stood underneath the patches of grass, her head hang low while her eyes was focused to the stone tablet in front of her.
She said nothing, her gaze distant as if remembering a sad, painful memory.
A moment later, the girl felt a gust of wind pass by and her short dark brown hair glide with it for a moment. She also faintly heard the soft rustling of the tree's leaves overhead.
Soon she wrapped her arms around her as she felt cold. Feeling lonely and tensed.
She then sighed softly as she thought that there really wasn't supposed to be anything new to the feeling. She had already felt like this at times for the last few years and yet, she doesn't know why she can't get used to it or better, finally get over it.
After all, it wasn't like she was alone. Despite no longer having her parents around, she does still have an older sister. Who, despite her hardened exterior and blunt words, she still believes that her sister truly cared for her well being as well.
But something change within her sister. Someone had even said that she had become a cold-hearted person who doesn't care about anything other than her own success and that she was beyond help unless they force her to change.
Then she let her hands on her sides close to a fist as her gaze slowly became fierce. "That wasn't true."
She knew her sister was better than that and she believes that she could still change without forcing it themselves.
"I expect things will calm down a little once this case is over." She recalled her sister speaking softly to her the day before, "Once that happens... why don't we go on a trip to some hot springs? Just the two of us." She had added with the same sweet smile on her face.
Makoto clenched her hands tighter and close her eyes shut while slightly gritting her teeth. "Sis...!"
By the time she opened her eyes, she looked up to fight back the tears that threatened to fall as she continued to muse that; 'Her sister was kind. Sure she can be bossy, nagging and strict.' But to be fair, so was she to an extent. "...It was probably a family trait." She find herself saying to humor herself.
Sae had always tried her best in everything she did.
She was a hard-worker and she always kept her ground while she fought with her head held high- even through all the mocking and pressures she had receive from her colleagues. Even more so, with some of her recent cases as her superiors feel like she was lacking in the field just because of her gender and her recent failures to deliver in the Phantom Thieves case.
'I've been partly responsible for it too...' Makoto thought before shaking her head once. Regardless of that, she had long been convinced that she never regretted being part of the team.
Pushing aside the Phantom Thieves case, She had heard that some of her sister's old cases seem to find their way back to her desk as well. Thanks to that, Sae had very little time for herself and lately, she always comes home looking very exhausted.
'But then again... she'd always been overworking herself,' Makoto sighed and looked dejectedly at the skies, letting another soft gust of wind pass by her face without any protest as her thoughts lingered on something else.
"...and it was mostly for my sake." She said to no one in particular and closed her eyes shut once more.
Many where against Sae raising her young 14 year-old sister by herself after all.
That time, Makoto was devastated of the prospect of not only suffering from the loss of her mother at an early age and losing her father to a crime not too long ago... Adding the very thought of also being separated from her sister was just too much for her at the moment.
She could still recall how she was nearly at tears during that time- but her sister held her hand tightly, looking straight to her eyes and told her that everything would be all right. That she would never, ever let that happen.
With that thought in mind, Makoto opened her eyes. There was a sad look on her face as she wrapped her arms over the other once more. Her gaze down and seemingly still in deep thought.
Though she said nothing, Sae fervently worked herself to the bone so that she could keep custody for her younger sister for this past three years.
They had their share of struggles and misunderstandings this past few months... Makoto knew that it was just from fatigue and because she still cared about what she'll become for her future.
Her older sister had done so much for her. Knowing that all to well, Makoto had always admired her sister for it. 'She is strong, considerate... She was a good person.'
...But regardless of that, She also cannot deny that the same sister she had always looked up to has her very own Palace...
Sae had this hatred within her, which was no doubt born from the constant injustice that humanity pushed against her. Perhaps also a deep feeling of enviousness of the power and freedom from the people she had been around with. 'Frankly enough, that even includes myself.' Makoto realized.
To her sister, life was rigged in which that one must win at all cost, even by using illegal means since to her, defeat means losing everything. As dreadful it is to even think about; a Casino for her Palace does make sense.
'The whims of fate can be too cruel.' Makoto thought before she raised a hand up to her chest and gripped the fabric as it felt like it was on fire.
She knew that wasn't all that's been really unnerving her. She had already known for some time now that her sister has a palace.
What really bothered her is the very thought of why she didn't do anything to prevent it from even forming in the first place.
She then finds herself looking down to her father's grave and wondered on why couldn't she had seen the signs earlier. 'Surely I could have done something with her cognition- especially in these last three years, right? I should have fought with her during the start of all these problems and not just depended on her...'
Makoto bit her lip, feeling quite disappointed in herself as she thought that during that time, she had been selfish.
She only thought of her own losses and felt powerless.
Feeling like a part of her just died alongside her father, she quickly let herself be engulfed in the darkness of society's whims and in turn lost her childhood ideals and bright smiles.
As the time continue to pass her by, Makoto couldn't help but slowly keep losing confidence in herself.
Afraid to make a mistake, she eventually just let the other people make some choices for her since she felt like if she did something by herself... it would just go wrong or worse.
That was when she started doubting her own abilities and felt incapable...
"Useless..." Voicing that word out left a very bad taste in her mouth. But it has been true. She had once simply resigned to her fate because she felt like she lacked any means to stop it and thought naively that it was for the best.
Makoto then closed her eyes once more and thought that doing nothing was also a mistake... or worse, as she didn't even stop to think how her sister was going through with all of it.
Because in that resignation, she had unknowingly let her sister get too influenced by the unfairness of society... with the stress from overworking and high expectations to deliver slowly pushing her over the edge.
Then Makoto opened her eyes, and they were now burning with determination. She might've lacked the resolve before, but now, she has the power to make it right.
She will not let this go without doing anything again. "Sis... This time I-I'm on your side..." Her voice slightly cracking as tears once again threatened to fall from the corners of her eyes.
But she strengthened her resolved and stood firm, "...This time, I won't let anyone do anything to you!" She repeated what she told her sister last night.
"He he, what an odd girl." Upon recalling her sister's reply to her declamation last night, Makoto soon finds herself letting out a short chuckle despite herself;
"Odd is right. Here I am seemingly glaring so hard to no one in particular, when I had intended to come here in hope of seeking some comfort... and yes, I'm apparently talking to myself." She said softly before kneeling down closer to the stone tablet in front of her.
She let her right hand fall to it's cold, rough exterior. Then using her other hand, she reflexively trailed a finger up over the cursive words for reasons even she doesn't know why.
Then she stopped her hand at the end of the scribbled name and letting out a sigh as she pressed her palm over it, "...Father." She breathed out softly and leaned in closer to let her forehead rest atop the back of her right hand.
Closing her eyes, she let her mind wander about certain things. Seemingly having a conversation with her father without using words.
She always did this when she had a lot of things in mind. Though they were rare since she hardly has any free time lately, she usually drops by whenever she wants to let out a few cooped up feelings that she may have repressed that punching Shadows can't seem to relieve.
Honestly, she's been quite apprehensive this last few days.
Being one of the Phantom Thieves, it probably didn't help that aside from the high stakes and tension in this heist, they were supposedly trying to trigger a change of heart in her own sister- with a plan that she herself made with the others.
It felt so surreal. She felt really stressed out on that fact that she could hardly sleep last night.
Then she finds herself up so early today that there was still at least an hour and a half at best left for her before classes start at Shujin Academy.
Makoto figured that since she was already dressed and prepared for the day- both for school and their supposed heist and counterattack plan. She quickly decided to use this time to pay her dear father a visit to let out some stress and worries she's been keeping to herself.
A part of her knew that she could have also let this repressed thoughts and feelings out with the other Phantom Thieves- with her friends and with him, but... she didn't want them to worry so much about her. They probably had a lot of things in mind too. It was easily seen in everyone's weary eyes.
So not wanting to appear confused or disheartened since she is still the Phantom Thieves chief strategist and advisor. Makoto put on a front and reassured her teammates that everything will be all right and she kept her weary thoughts to herself.
It didn't kept silent for so long however, since a certain someone can seemingly read her like an open book.
She hadn't said anything to anyone and had been careful not to let her personal feelings get ahead of her judgement.
But before she even had the chance to leave Leblanc with the other members to deliver her sister's calling card yesterday- their Leader suddenly stopped her by holding a gentle, yet firm grip on her left arm.
That sudden action concerned her a bit.
Did he saw through her? Did he knew that she was hiding some repressed thoughts and that he was angry at her for being secretive about it?
They had made a promise to always tell one another what was bothering them after all...
Makoto took a deep breath, finding the courage to turn back to properly look at him.
She was quite taken aback upon not seeing him angry, but instead show a genuine look of concern on his face.
He said nothing at first and briefly wondered if he was considering what to say.
To her surprise, Ren didn't pry into asking what was bothering her and simply offered her a loving smile.
A moment later, he let the hand that was holding her arm slowly fall down to her hand, squeezing it tight once in assurance before saying, "Makoto, I believe you can do this. But, please don't carry all the burden by yourself..."
"Besides, I am still living right next door to yours for tonight, right?" Then after a brief chuckle, he gently pulled her towards him and tenderly held her in his arms.
"Remember that I'll be by your side so you don't have to do this alone and I promise you, we'll get through this together." He added reassuringly as she returned his embrace.
Makoto finds herself smiling at the memory.
Instinctively she raised a hand to her chin and said that, "He's really... something."
After a while of pondering however, her worried expression returned, "How can he say things so casually like that? Among all of us, he's the most at risk from this heist... What if he..." She closed eyes and soon shook her head, pushing the negative idea out of her mind. "...Here I am overthinking things again."
The smile on her face soon returned- though this time it was a sad smile.
Makoto opened her eyes and stared absently at the grassy terrain with thoughts lingering back to her boyfriend.
"He did say that he believes in me... I know I should believe in him for this mission too..." She stopped for a moment and let out a deep breath, "...But I'm still worried about him. Sometimes I really wonder were he gets the guts to be willing to go head first to tight situations like these..."
Makoto soon recalled thinking out loud that question to Ren himself once and of course, he had the wits to even bother a reply.
He casually stated that certain clinical trials he had undergone to get the team medicine helped with that. Then she could even remember his usual grin and how he adjusts his glasses while adding that devouring gigantic burgers and staying so long at the bathhouse during rainy days for the charm had done wonders to his guts... He even went far to claiming that he appeared smoking hot- literally, afterwards.
She shook her head and this time let out a soft chuckle.
Ren was brave, cunning, hardworking, intelligent, kind, and supportive with always the best interests of the team and all the other people close to him in his mind... all that and still, he can say the most wittiest of things or the most ludicrous puns and jokes out of the blue at will.
The code name Joker fits him, figuratively and literally she thought to herself.
Their Leader can be so serious and delivers extremely well in any situation, even when faced with the worst scenarios and then, he turns to be such a punny guy when he wants to be. "Did I just thought of, punny...? Darn, he's rubbing his wittiness on me. That dork." She said without malice, a genuine smile now gracing her face.
Just thinking about him with that smug face look on his face whenever he thought he was being extremely funny was enough to cheer her up a little bit.
With a soft sigh, Makoto looked back up to her father's tomb and noticed that, "...Ren reminds me so much of you, Father."
They shared so many qualities, both good and bad.
They share the same leader like qualities she had always admired and aspired to be. That and they can randomly spout the most ludicrous of things in an attempt to be funny. No matter how corny they could be- But they do always managed to cheer her up though with reasons she doesn't know why.
Perhaps they were trying so hard. Maybe that's why she finds them funny? Regardless, she was grateful for it.
Apart from that, both had the same strong sense of justice and fairness as her, but they were both reckless... then again, so was she so she's not really one to talk, but...
Taking her aside, Ren and her Father were so alike that it scared her.
He had even said something not unlike to what Ren said to her last night.
Before her Father had to leave on that... certain night, he had told her that she shouldn't worry and just believe that everything would turn out right.
Makoto hang her head down low to the ground and she couldn't suppressed the tears any longer as she could still remember her father's reassuring smile that came with that painful memory; "You... promised me... that you'll come back."
She let her her knees fall slowly to the ground and she instinctively used her left hand to balanced herself upright while her right arm was still extended to the stone tablet with her palm flat against the rough surface.
Makoto breathed in deep as she thought about how her Father had always been supportive and the memories she had with her Mother was just as pleasant.
But what had she given in return? She couldn't do anything for them.
Her feeling of uselessness resurfaced as her left hand clenched the soil beside her knees in frustration.
...And now, three years pass her Father's incident; Ren was offering her the same reassuring smile and words. With the plan they formulated with the rest of the Phantom Thieves, he was fighting a Just cause and as the saying goes, he's planning on fighting fire with fire.
The same kind of fire that made her unfortunately lose her father.
She had known that her Father would be at risk that time and yet she didn't stop him from going.
Makoto couldn't do anything to keep him away from harm. Her Father insisted that he had to do it for the safety of others.
And now, their Leader wanted to do the same with their counter attack plan too. She couldn't stop him either as Joker had insisted on playing this role since he's the one person the enemy wants to get, then he told the team that this was the safest way out for everyone else for their current predicament.
Ren was doing this for them, but if something- even the slightest of things goes wrong. Then the Phantom Thieves will likely be brought down to false justice and to be laughed upon the traitor.
If the plan fails, Makoto would not only just lose her sister's faith, but Ren will ultimately die in the process as well.
Would she just do nothing about it as well?
"...Never." Makoto closed her eyes shut and stood up with clenched hands on her sides. "...I will NEVER let that happen!" She added with more conviction.
The very thought of losing someone she loves once more- made her feel sick.
But letting herself resign to that feeling is like admitting to herself that they couldn't stand a chance against the opposition.
Like she lost heart and gave up without fighting.
Just like before...
"I will not lose heart again! Ever!" She made that promise when she first awakened to her persona and she planned to keep it.
Not just for her sake- but for the whole team and for her sister Sae as well. Makoto knows where her loyalties lie.
She then slapped the palms of her hands to either sides of her cheeks once; 'Focus! Queen, Focus! Rather than thinking about negative things- I should think about ways to ensure that our plan will not fail!' She thought to herself with a new resolve.
A soft gust of wind pass by prompting her to open her eyes and she finds herself looking straight to her father's tomb once more.
It was a warm, comforting breeze that made her smile. It made her feel that her Father had been listening to her thoughts and approves.
It was like, he was still here, silently supporting her.
Like he always does.
Makoto's gaze soften as the happier memories of her past resurfaced on her mind.
She could see her Mother's warm smile, her Father's unyielding support and her Sister's genuine concern and beliefs they had once shared- No. Still share. They just need to find a common ground to see it once again. She knows there's still good in her older sister's heart.
Then she wondered if it was getting late... With that, Makoto took out her phone from her skirt's pockets and glanced at the clock shown on its screen. She saw that hardly any time had passed since she last checked.
She had briefly considered formulating new ideas to further ensure their plan will go without fail- but soon thought that it might be better doing it with the other team members of the Phantom Thieves, this time or else she'll likely overthink this again.
But she didn't want to go to school early either to avoid doing some meager student council duties. She wasn't in much mood for it as she does have her thoughts all over the place at the moment.
Makoto did however made a mental note to herself that she'll be more focus on her council duties once this day passes. She needed to act the part anyway, might as well do it on her own terms.
While going back home would be silly since she's already out. Besides, nobody was home anyway. Her sister left their apartment earlier, stating that there's this nagging feeling in her mind that she needs to do something and go somewhere despite being told to be on stand by.
Makoto understood, so she told her sister to be careful. Sae had offered her a warm smile and she even lightly patted her head a couple of times again. Then she told her to do the same and assured her that she'll be fine.
After her sister left, Makoto also had this urge to visit their dear neighbor and go see how their Leader is fairing... But he had told her of his plan about making some infiltration tools all night regardless of Morgana's mewling protests about him needing more sleep for this operation.
She had to stifle a laugh at the very thought about letting their beloved not-a-cat take a good look of her restless face as well. She'll probably received the dreaded go-to-sleep scold that Ren had always told her about with how tired she seems to look right now.
Speaking of her boyfriend, if he had indeed made infiltration tools all night, it would probably be best to let him rest for as long as he could.
Today would no doubt be a very long, tiring day- especially for him. So after sending a quick message to him regarding her plans for today, she then proceeded on this short trip to the cemetery by herself.
Makoto then turned to look back to her father's grave and pondered about what to do.
Apart from letting out her stress by seemingly talking to her father about recent happenings in her life. Simply just being here usually makes her mind wander about the times they had shared together as a happy family.
Thinking about it now, that may not be a bad idea.
She did have some free time left to herself and letting her mind be filled with both the happy and sad, life-changing memories she had regarding her family might let her gain more strength.
Her family is one of the reasons why she's fighting to reform society after all.
Makoto soon leaned further down just beneath the patches of grass and let her hands dust off the littering pile of dried leaves of autumn away from her father's tomb before she set her shoulder bag down and sat down on top it herself.
As she got comfortable, she soon began to reminisce the times that their family was whole and happy. Beginning at a day before any of the unfortunate circumstances that first came to her life.
It'll always be a time where she will look back to fondly.
For once, rather than seeing how hard life can be as a teenager- Makoto soon let herself think back and look at the world through the innocent eyes of a young child.
~~~ End of Chapter One ~~~
Author's Note: By any chance you've read my other Persona 5 stories; Twist of Fate- then this is finally the fic that I had briefly mentioned on the end notes of the fourth chapter and this will act as some sort of companion fic as some of the details here will serve as a prequel for it as well. Like for instance; this is also where A young Ren and Makoto would meet and will become childhood friends who frequently writes letters to one another. This is also some sort of sequel to the other one called, Bond between Sisters. But to be honest, I just want an excuse to write more about a young Sae and Makoto. Mwehehe~ That cover art I did was also inspired by that. :3
By the way, although all these stories are connected, you can choose to not read either of them first as this fic is potentially capable on standing on it's own. In fact, this was originally supposed to be the one that I should've posted first of the three, because most of the early drafts I've written for the other two actually came from here. I don't know why this has been the case, but I guess I won't complain about it either. I personally just find that thought funny. You know, the main reason why this was delayed was honestly because I have no idea how to end it properly. This added impromptu 'prologue' chapter came to be because of that thought alone.
Fair warning, this will have a somewhat random update schedule since I'm currently focused on updating my other p5 fic. I posted this early as a sort of compensation since I missed an update for the other one. Ha ha. This will be updated more regularly once I finalize the entire story and that may take awhile. Still, I like to think you'll see an update soon enough so hope you keep an eye out or follow the story if you're interested. Thanks for reading and Have a nice day. :D
