YEAH! My second story! I am so proud of myself! So, this is (once again) an Amian one-shot. It is kinda sad because, you see, it is raining over here and rain kind of affects my mood…ANYWAY! I really hope you'll enjoy this and I really hope this story will be much better (by any mean) than my first pathetically written story, Puzzle. Please enjoy…and leave a review! I am a beginner and I need your opinion to improve myself!
"Ian?"
Ian opened his eyes, raised his head from the pillow and looked down at his wife. He was expecting to meet her eyes, but she was looking down, gently drumming her fingers on his chest.
"Yes, love?" he replied, his head falling back on the pillow with a barely audible thud. A few seconds of silence followed until her voice was heard again.
"Do you remember our first night as a married couple?" she asked, cuddling up to him, leaving no space between their bodies. A brief smile appeared on his lips. It always felt so good to have her close to him. Then, he remember her question and his smile got bigger, as memories of that night flashed before his closed eyes.
How could he ever forget that night?
It was the most unforgettable and most magnificent night of his life. It was the night when they revealed their selves to each other with no shame or embarrassment. It was the night when they broke down every possible existent barriers between them. It was the night when they re-vowed their wedding vows. It was the night when they promised to each other that they would never let anything and anyone pull them apart.
It was the night when they finally became one. One body and one soul.
He slowly opened his eyes and looked down at her. Dark amber met jade green and he couldn't help but stare. Even after all those years, even after everything they'd been through, even after all this pain and death and sadness she had suffered and was still suffering, her eyes were still shining, giving off all the warmth, kindness, liveliness and beauty she had inside. He simply couldn't understand it.
She was under so much pain and yet she was looking at him, her eyes wide and full with concern and worry for him, just because he was too silent for some time. She was impossible and that was what was making her so special. He raised his hand and tucked a piece of hair behind her ears. It was his way to saw her that he was fine and that she had no reason to be worried. She smiled back in relief.
"I will never, ever, ever forget that night." he whispered, the honesty and sincerity evidence in his amber orbs. She smiled in the most loving way, before leaning in to kiss him on his cheek. He smiled and she noticed the dimple forming on his cheek, right where her lips were a second ago. She wrapped her hands around his waist, using all the strength she had left. She firmly closed her eyes, as an attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
He felt her sobbing and immediately understood there was something wrong. He sarcastically laughed in his head. Was there ever a time in the Cahill's life when something wasn't wrong? He sat up on the bed and rested his back against the wooden headboard. He pulled her towards him and sat her on his lap, his movements slow and gentle, not wanting to cause her any more physical pain. She wrapped her hands around his neck, he wrapped his around her waist and they stayed like that for a few moments.
She pulled back and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She looked at him and took a deep breath to calm herself down. She placed both hands on each side of his head and pulled him closer to her until their foreheads touched.
"At that night," she started "we promised to each other that we would never leave each other. That we would always be by each other's side and that we would never let anything pull us apart. Remember?"
How could he ever forget that promise?
"Yes, I remember." He responded, looking at her. She had both of her eyes closed and a small, sad smile was playing on her pink lips. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. And she could feel them again. Her tears threatening to fall. But she didn't care. All that mattered for her, was this moment. The moment when she would break the promise she so much wanted to keep.
"I can't keep my promise any longer."
Just like that. She blurted it out just like that. He couldn't understand. What the hell did she mean? He couldn't understand. But when the first tear fell and landed on his arm, he understood. He understood what she meant. She meant that she couldn't fight anymore. That she was finally giving in.
It would be a lie to say that he wasn't expecting it. To say that he had never seen that moment coming. She had been in so much pain for the past four years, but always tried not to show it. She always tried to look strong and as if there was nothing wrong. And she was doing very well. Until that moment. The moment when she finally let it all go.
"Yes, you can." he said firmly.
"Ian…"
"No." he interrupted her. "You're a fighter. All your life, you've been putting the pain and the tears aside. You've been trying to be strong. You've been trying to be the kind of person that never gives up. You've been trying to prove to the world that you're not as weak as you used to be. And you have, Amy! There's is no person out there that thinks you're weak!" he cried hopelessly. He knew he might not be making much sense, but he didn't care. She knew what he wanted to say. The tears that were about to fall from his eyes, were telling her everything his mouth couldn't.
He looked away, shaking his head. He refused to believe that this is it. He might be expecting it, but he wasn't ready to come to terms with it. Besides…
"…the doctors gave you at least four months." he finished his thought out loud. "They-"
"-don't know everything." She finished and took his head in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "The doctors don't know in how much pain I am. They don't know how much it kills me to even sit here, hold you and talk to you. They don't know how much effort it requires to do anything." she said. She tried to smile, but even that hurt her. "They don't know, Ian. They can only assume." she finished. She saw his lips trembling and pulled him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her neck. He breathed in her scent and that's when he couldn't take it anymore. He broke down and felt the hot tears running down his cheeks. He had never cried so much in his life. But what could he do?
Amy, his wife, the light in his darkness, the sunshine at his grey sky, the spring at his ever-lasting winter, his breath, his savior, his only reason to keep living,…
…she was dying.
And he could do nothing to prevent it from happening.
She pulled away and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. She smiled at him. It was a sad smile, but still a smile.
"Why are you crying?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Through his water-stained eyes, he glared at her. Seriously? She laughed, but it turned out into a cough. It didn't last long though, and she looked at him once again, the smile not on her face anymore.
"I don't like seeing you like this." she said, her brow furrowed with sadness, worry, concern and love. He chuckled warily and brought her hand to caress her cold, soft cheek.
"And how do you like seeing me?" he asked. She smiled and slowly positioned herself in way so that she was between his legs with her back leaned against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rested his chin on top of it. She smiled and gently took his hand in hers and started caressing it.
"I like seeing you happy and carefree, like there's nothing that's worrying you. Because this is when you smile and laugh in the most genuine, most unique and most beautiful way." she said and brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. "I like seeing you like that because…it is when I can't help but wonder how lucky I am for having you in my life and most importantly, for having you as my husband." she purred, her voice deep with sentiment. She looked up at him and he looked down at her.
He would miss her.
He would miss waking up in the morning and seeing her, sleeping peacefully beside him. He would miss coming back from work and finding her in the kitchen, working wonders. He would miss holding her in his arms and breathing in her scent. He would miss staring into her jade green eyes and getting hopelessly lost in their green hues. He would miss all those endless nights, sitting at the balcony and talking about whatever came to mind. He would miss seeing her excitement whenever he bought her a new book. He would miss her touch, her delicate lips capturing his, her soft hands caressing his body, her slim fingers running through his dark hair. He would miss her enchanting laugh, echoing in his ears.
He would miss their arguments about the most pointless things. He would also miss their fights, their strong and serious fights, when painful and bad things were told, things that helped them find out more about each other. He would miss her flushed face whenever she shouted at him. He would miss that painful and bitter sentiment of regret and remorse whenever he made her cry. He would miss her tears running down her beautiful face and eventually wetting his shirt, as he held her close, desperately trying to make her pain go away. He would miss her frustration whenever he didn't understand her or didn't do as she said or wanted. He would miss her shouts and screams, as well as her sobs.
He would miss her kindness, her gentleness, her tenderness, her liveliness, her spirit, her excitement, her passion, her stubbornness, her frustration, her annoyance, her confusion, her complication, her sensitiveness, her single-mindedness, her pain, her easiness, her difficultness, her clumsiness, her hate and her love.
He would miss her.
"I'll miss you so much." he whispered. He saw her trying to say something, but finding it too difficult.
"I-Ian…I…I can't…" she whispered, her eyes fluttering close with pain. She looked at him through her barely open eyes and tried once more. The same.
"Sshh." he purred, shaking his head. He smiled at her, sadly and lovingly. "Don't speak anymore. Just…close your eyes and relax." he whispered and tenderly kissed her forehead. The ghost of a tiny smile appeared on her lips. She mouthed him a thank you and looked down at their locked hands and interwined fingers. Ian placed countless, soft kisses on top of her head, making her smile just a little bit more. He leaned down, his lips right next to her ear.
"I love you so much." He softly whispered. She tightened her grip around his hand, using all of her strength.
I love you too…I'm so sorry…
He placed a long kiss on her temple.
You have nothing to apologize for…
And then, her grip on his hand relaxed and her quiet breathing stopped, as she left her last breath.
He brought her closer to him, tightly, and let his tears run down his face.
"I will never forget you…"
How could he ever forget her?
Oh my God…I have no idea why I wrote that…if any of you out there is crying, just now that I'm crying too…a lot…God, I have to go. Please leave a review. It is really important to me…
