Adrien was feeling very exhausted and very guilty.

He was fresh and clean from the shower, but he did something in there that he regretted almost as soon as it was over.

He had hurt himself, again. Scraped a razor across the top of his thighs, high enough that his boxers would hide all the evidence, and no one ever saw him in less. He might be a model, but he was a little too young to do anything more revealing than a swimsuit.

Today had been pure hell. Kept from school because of a modeling appointment, getting scolded at by not only his father but also Nathalie, and not even being able to talk to Nino about it in the evening because he was with Alya. He didn't want to hate Alya, in fact he liked her a lot, but he was jealous. He wanted to grab the attention of his best friend. He needed it. He was so broken, and Nino was a bit of glue that helped…

But without that, he fell apart and resorted to the old habit. The new cuts were scattered amongst the scars and still-healing blemishes, quick and uncontrolled. There were too many, he didn't even try to count. He just put on black pajama pants so the blood wouldn't show if it seeped through, and made his way out of the bathroom and into his room.

Plagg was sitting on the edge of his bed, for once looking very serious.

"Kid, I don't like this." The kwami said, startling Adrien. He couldn't be talking about the cuts, could he? He thought he had hidden them from even the little cat.

"Did you get some bad cheese? Though in my opinion, based on the smell, all of it's bad." Adrien tried to joke, to make light of the situation, because he didn't want to deal with anything heavy right now. He didn't want to deal with anything. He wanted to go to his bed and lay down, do nothing but lay and not think, and maybe sleep. It was late enough to sleep, wasn't it? He didn't care. He wanted everything to stop for a while, and that was the perfect way.

"No. You know." Plagg said. "I ignored it for a while, after I realized what you were doing. I have better eyes than humans, you know, and I know blood when I see it." He floated over near Adrien. "But you haven't stopped. It's gotten worse. You need some help."

Adrien just blinked. He didn't grace the other with a response, instead ignoring him and laying down. He had been doing this for a long while, since before him and Plagg ever met. He knew that the little god knew that something was up, but he was hoping that Plagg would be oblivious, not know and just not say anything about it.

"Don't ignore me, Adrien. You know I'm right."

In response, Adrien hid his head under the covers.

"Fine, don't talk to me. But you have to tell someone."

"No one cares." Adrien whispered from his place under the covers. He doubted that the kwami even understood what he was saying, but he didn't care. It was the truth, and it hurt to say it.

"That's not true." Plagg said, getting a little angry. "I care. Nino cares. Ladybug cares."

"And what am I supposed to do? You don't know how to help, Nino would just judge me and not understand, probably abandon me, and Ladybug would probably hate me. They would turn on me because of my habit. No one needs to know."

"Tell someone."

"No."

"Fine, I will."

"NO!" Adrien almost yelled, but caught himself. He was still a little loud though. Wouldn't want to wake his parents.

"Adrien, this is serious."

"It's not that bad. I'm not suicidal, I never do it to harm more than bringing blood to the surface. They're not that deep. I'm safe."

"Harming yourself isn't safe, kitten…" Plagg said, sympathy in his tone.

"Who would I even tell? I- " But Adrien was cut off.

"You tell Ladybug."

Adrien scoffed. "I told you, she'd hate me."

"Trust me, I know her and her kwami better than you. She wouldn't hate you. She would find a way to help you."

"I have bad luck though, so knowing that, she'll turn on me."

"You tell Ladybug or I will. You have until the end of your next patrol. If you don't tell her, I'll find her after we de-transform and let her know. Either way, she'll be knowing."

"Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I care."

Do you? Adrien thought, but didn't say out loud. He was tired. He shut his eyes and forced himself to sleep.

He woke up the next day very tired still. He didn't sleep well at all, and it took all of him to get up and get dressed for school. That took longer than it should have due to his wounds needed to be cleaned, but it he still managed to make it on time. He ate a very light breakfast – as always – and headed out to the car with the Gorilla, and sat quietly in the back.

Plagg poked his head out of the bag, a look in his eyes that Adrien knew was meant to be a reminder. It would happen tonight, whether by Adrien's mouth or Plagg's. Tonight was patrol night, and he was worried about it.

When he got out of the car at school he tried his best to smile to the fullest, but he couldn't. It just didn't reach his eyes, and he was scared someone would notice. If Nino did he didn't say anything, and Alya just smiled and waved at him like she always did, with a Marinette with an odd smile and mechanically waving as well.

That girl mystified him. She seemed so kind, but she never talked to him. She was friendly enough with everyone else in the class, but to him she acted strangely. Maybe it was the fact that he was a famous model? And she was a designer, maybe she idolized his father and didn't know how to act towards him? He wasn't sure, but he knew that the chances of getting close to her were slim. She didn't seem to be too keen on staying close to him at any time.

He took his seat in the front, and when class started, he couldn't focus at all. He drew lines on his paper, doodled circles and swirls, but didn't actually take any notes. He just couldn't pay attention. He'd have to get the notes from someone later.

All too soon it was lunchtime. The day was half over, and it was closer and closer to the time that he would be on patrol with the love of his life. Normally he was excited on patrol days, counting down the dragging minutes as it got closer to the time to see his Ladybug, but today the clock was moving too quickly. He wasn't excited. He was scared.

He ate a quiet lunch with Nino. He was quiet, at least. Nino gushed about his night with Alya, how they went to see a movie and how the dinner afterwards was perfect for a three month anniversary. Adrien nodded and tried to be a good friend. Nino didn't notice anything was off, which Adrien was relieved about. He was a little too busy remembering his good times. Normally he would be a little frustrated about that – he needed attention, after all, the dirty attention seeker that he was – but today he was glad. Today he didn't want anyone to realize that something was wrong.

The second half of class passed too quickly again. On his way home he closed his eyes, finding a happy place with Ladybug still oblivious and absent of the pressure that Plagg was putting on him. He was home all too quickly. Chinese lessons passed way too quickly. A lonesome dinner passed way too quickly.

He stared at his clock. It was nine on the dot, the time when he was supposed to meet up with his partner before they split up to search the city for any signs of akumas. He was still in his room, not transformed. He was delaying the inevitable, he knew. He just… didn't want to do this. He wanted to stay home and hide.

But Plagg wouldn't let him.

After a few minutes of nonstop pestering, Adrien transformed and headed towards their meeting point. Ladybug came into view, and she smiled upon his arrival, like normal. Everything seemed normal. To her, it was. But it wouldn't be for long. She would hate him. She would abandon him, like his mom did.

"You're late, kitty cat." She accused, using his pet name that she had given him. Normally he loved it, but today, like everything else, it made him uneasy.

He couldn't patrol. And he couldn't let Plagg tell her. He had to tell her.

He didn't want to.

He really didn't want to.

"Ladybug…" He trailed off.

Her smile dropped. She realized something was wrong. What did he do? Did he brush it off, pretend it was nothing, and lock Plagg up back at the house? Or did he sit and tell her? She didn't respond, however worried her face looked. She waited for him.

"I have something to tell you, that I really don't want to tell you."

She stayed silent, but nodded.

This was it, the last moment before she'd hate him forever. The last moment that she would look at him with care in her eyes. The last moment that he could spend with his bug.

"I've been doing something… something bad." He said, looking away. He couldn't bear to see her face.

"Chaton, what's going on? What have you been doing?"

He fidgeted with his gloves. "I've been hurting myself."

She didn't say anything. He couldn't look at her.

It was silent.

That was it. He ruined everything. He turned to run when a pair of arms wrapped their arms around him.

"Oh Chat, I'm so sorry." Ladybug said. Why would she say that?

"Why?" He said, voicing his concern.

"Because I'm your partner, and I didn't even realize anything was wrong."

"I didn't want you to find out. I didn't want anyone to find out. The only person who knew was Plagg. He told me to tell you."

"I'm glad he did."

There was nothing but their breathing and the background noise of the city for a few moments.

"Chaton? Look at me?" It was a question, not an order. He didn't have to. He could keep looking anywhere else.

But he didn't.

"Tell me when you feel like doing that." That time it was a demand.

He scoffed. "I can't contact you outside the suit, milady." He joked, his relief that she didn't hate him starting to set in.

She grabbed his baton, hit a few buttons, then handed it back. "My civilian number is in there. You have my permission to text me anytime." She smiled.

She could still smile at him? He thought he was dreaming.

"What about our identities? You don't want us to find out who we are…" He trailed off.

"I'm not giving you my name or anything. Just a number. But your safety is more important."

His heart swelled. She was going out of her way to help him. Making herself uncomfortable just to make sure that he was. He hugged her, hard. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

"You're important, Chat. Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you're not."

He didn't mention that he only felt like an important tool, not an important person. There was a very distinct difference, but he didn't want to mention it to the girl who finally made him feel something positive for the first time in a while. He just nodded. "I'll try." Because that's all he could promise, and even that would take most of his effort.

Trying was hard.

"Let's skip patrol tonight. I'm scared to leave you alone." Ladybug said, finally letting him go.

He was scared that if he spoke he would start crying, so he simply nodded again.

Ladybug sat down directly where she was, and Chat followed suit, curling in on himself. They chatted about harmless things the rest of the evening, from their favorite and least favorite fights, to some of their favorite jokes (which Chat enjoyed a bit too much, but Ladybug only smiled and kept on talking) when Ladybug asked him about his favorite food.

"These cookies." He said automatically. "My classmate brings them in from time to time, from her family's bakery. They're chocolate chip-y and perfect." He beamed. "My father doesn't let me eat sweets much, so they're a nice break from the norm." His face fell a little, and the look on Ladybug's face made him a little upset. "Did I go too far?" He was confused.

"You're a student?" She asked, her face lightening up a little bit, but still not to how it was before.

"Yeah, I thought you could have guessed. I'm not very mature-looking." He looked down at himself. He was tiny and frail-looking, though the whole of Paris knew that in his suit he could kick quite the ass.

"Oh. I hadn't noticed." She said, though she looked distracted.

"I'll bring you a cookie next time Marinette brings them in." He said, looking off into the distance. He realized the mistake he made when Ladybug didn't say anything. "….that was too much." He said, putting his face in his hands. "I always screw up." He sighed.

"No no, Chaton, please." She put his hand on his shoulder. "The name just sounds familiar. I was wondering if we knew each other outside the masks."

"I don't know." He said, because he didn't. What else could he say?

She just shrugged. "Let's not worry about it. But it's getting late, we probably need to go home."

His demeanor fell even more, if that was even possible at this point. He didn't want to go home to that empty house, where he would be tempted to do the thing that he just promised he would try not to do anymore.

"You can text me, remember?" She said with a small smile.

"…yeah" He said after a minute. He didn't know how, but he had forgotten that fact completely. He should be ecstatic, not forgetting information like that.

She pulled out her yoyo and attached it to a building. "Talk to you in a few, Chat Noir!" She then jumped, and was flying off into the distance.

He didn't want to go home, so he didn't. He quickly memorized the number that Ladybug typed into his staff, and kept repeating it so there was no chance of him forgetting. He de-transformed, then typed it into his phone.

[Hey, it's me, milady.]

He hesitated over the send button for a minute, but then clicked it and hoped for the best.

[Hey Chaton :)]

He smiled.

[Miss me yet? ;)]

[It's been like five minutes.]

[That's five minutes without this purr-fect feline in your life.]

[Ha ha. I'm glad you're feeling better.]

[Yeah. Thanks to you, my ladybug.]

It took her a few minutes to reply, but he didn't mind. Adrien simply stared off into the horizon, smiling at the feeling of being free at his favorite place.

[I'm here for you Chaton. Always.]

A tear almost escaped. This was Ladybug, the girl who made his heart flutter from the first minute that she had fell into his life. And she cared for him, cared enough to do what she was doing. He didn't know what he did to get so lucky, especially when black cats weren't known for their luck.


A/N: Hi guys! This is my first Miraculous Ladybug fanfic! I've only seen the English version, but the French name for Chat just gets me every time. It's just something I love. So let me know what you think, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks so much!

Also this is unbeta'd and a little rough, I hope you guys don't mind;;;; sorry loves