So I've written a Gabpay much like this one so enjoy, its Demena of course. This was a spur of the moment idea when I was walking home and wished I could stop and just type, I'm just that dedicated.

This is a title somewhat like the novel I'm going to write.

I started this about three to four weeks ago.

It was the same thing every Tuesday after school. My mom would drive me to a freaking shrink, as if I was crazy…. to talk about things. And not just anything, but something very specific. Its no big deal to me because I know I'm not sick, I know that there is nothing wrong with me, but my mom believes different. I'm her only girl, okay fine, but I don't have to be like all other girls to be normal. Okay I'm into one girl at school, she should just be happy that I trusted her enough to tell her. I could of lied and said I liked someone and left out the details that she was a girl. But I didn't, I should have, and if to this day I would have known that, I would have kept my mouth shut.

I leave my mom in the waiting room before passing through a pale white narrow hallway. No pictures hang against the wall, no other doors lay open except for the one at the end where I will soon reside. I shuffle along the dark gray carpet, making pictures in my head out of the designs before I gently knock against the door with my index and middle finger.

"I'll call you back my four o'clock is here," a woman says into her phone before she hangs up and waves to me. I walk in the room and close the door. Its just as white as the hall, the curtains are open exposing the view of the river, the sky is blue, birds are flying and I'm stuck inside this place for an hour. I roll my eyes towards the woman, she motions for me to sit across from her dark desk. As far as I can see she's in a black suit with her hair pinned up. I toss my backpack in one of the chairs and sit in the one next to it.

"Good Afternoon Alex,"

"Yeah….you're allowed to say that," I sigh before grabbing a piece of chocolate out of a bowl on the woman's desk. I unwrap it slowly, ignoring the fact that I hate dark chocolate and place the thing into my mouth.

"So where did we leave off last week?"

"I don't know, you wanting to know what made me like this girl. I don't know and I really don't care," I tossed the paper into her bowl and watched her pick it out and flick it in a trash can that I couldn't see next to her feet.

"Please don't be mad at me. So did you bring it?" she stared at me. Was it creepy that my mom thought there was a cure for being a lesbian and that somehow Mitchie turned me? I didn't even speak to the girl more then once and I fell for her.

"Yeah I brought it," I say opening my book bag. I stare at the contents inside before pulling out my yearbook. We were going on summer break in at least three weeks and had school projects due in two. I flipped through the pages, passing the freshmen's and sophomores of our school before landing on the Juniors. Everything was in color, I passed Harper's photo on the first page and flipped past Dean and other kids I knew. Kids with Mohawks, straight hair, bangs, curls, until I ended up spotting my picture at the top of the page, and below it, as if by magic….or fate, was Mitchie's picture. I smiled at it before sliding the book over to Tracy. She glanced down and I suppose read over the names before saying…

"Ah….I see," she looked up from the page and pulled a pencil into her fingers. I watched as she placed it near my book.

"You write on her face, you die," I pointed at the woman as she rose her eyebrow at me. She scribbled something and handed me the book before a blank sheet of paper.

"Answer that question," she told me. In my book next to Mitchie's picture, which the girl wore a light pink shirt and jean jacket with a skirt that the picture couldn't see… was the question, what attracts you?

"I'm not writing anything down," I dropped the paper onto the floor and slid my yearbook back into my backpack.

"Okay, then tell me, what makes her attractive to you?"

"I don't know," I lied. I knew what I loved about the girl and just thinking about her made me bubbly and tingly inside.

"You don't know? Then are you really attracted to her?"

"Look, I love a lot of things about her, there none of your business"

"She doesn't even know you exist"

"Yes she does," I defended my heart. "We have the same science and math class"

"And yet, neither of you talk. Its just a crush, but we need to find out why?"

"Does anyone else besides me ever say they want to smack you?" I really did. She was looking at me like I was below her, and that she could fix something in me that was never broken. She didn't know me.

"Please Alex, your mother wants to know why, and I'm a little curious myself"

"Why what?"

"Why are you attracted to this girl. You in-fact went with Dean before correct?"

"Yea"

"Then what makes him different then her? What makes them different? What does she have that he doesn't?" Obviously my mom told her that I broke up with the boy but it was for more reasons then Mitchie.

"Look you know nothing about me and Dean"

"Then tell me, what made you break up? Was this girl who doesn't know you exist truly worth it?"

"You're so high and mighty, you tell me," I plucked more chocolate into my hands before sighing. I wish my mother would just accept that I liked Mitchie. I didn't say I was in love with the girl but there was just something about her, something different that Dean could never offer.

"Alex….please just…"

"Listen," I cut the woman off. I tossed more wrappers onto her desk before speaking. "Dean was a total idiot, he didn't care about me, he only cared about his jock friends. And the last time I checked I'm not a girl that whores around, and so he decided that he could go off and get something from other girls that I wouldn't give him"

"Sex?"

"What do you think? It sure wasn't rainbows and sunshine," I sighed and bit into another piece of chocolate. The three open pieces left in my hand were melting a bit from my body temperature.

"So that's why you broke up?"

"No," I stared at the woman, her gray eyes giving me false concern. "He forced himself on me one day," I bit into the last piece of chocolate I could before dropping the rest, un-care-ly on the woman's papers. "And no one forces themselves on Alex Russo. I punched him in the jaw, he slapped me, and I…" did I really want to tell her my entire story? I decided against it. "I just got away from him and told him it was over and went home"

"And that's when you broke up?"

"That's when I broke up with him, in his little mind we're still dating until he gets what he wants from me. Its not going to happen," I clean my hands and stare at the clock. We still have ten minutes left. I sigh out loud.

"Why didn't you tell your mother? A friend? Someone?"

"See how much you know me? A very little. I've told Harper, my best friend"

"And what did she say?"

"Does it matter?" I sigh and grab a water bottle off her desk and begin sipping on it.

"Please I'm just trying to help. So after this incident with Dean, that's what made you like Mitchie?"

"What?....No," I studied her face before grabbing my book bag and sliding it over my shoulders.

"I felt something even before I saw her, it was like a pull I suppose. My heart was beating fast and I faced Harper who was in her locker and asked if she felt it too, but she didn't. I felt something in me beating hard, and I leaned against my locker.." I watched as the woman leaned forward in her seat, her elbows hitting the table and her crossing her fingers before her chin lands on top of them. "And that's when I saw her, she was staring at me before she knocked into some boy. I stood up and went to help her, the boy did as well. I was trembling when I helped her get her books. Her eyes stayed on mine before Harper grabbed my arm for class. I didn't even say goodbye. That was the first day she arrived," I was smiling now, but then again I was feeling a weird pain in my chest. Her little clock rang and I stood up.

"Gotta go," I let out standing and leaving.

"But Alex we should…" I didn't hear the rest of what she said. I was just glad to be heading home. My mom was reading a magazine in the waiting room, I ignored her and made my way to the car. She soon followed and she was the one driving a few miles back to our house. I was in the front seat breathing slowly, the sun felt amazing against my skin. I couldn't get that stupid thought of a few months ago out of my head. Dean and me, it was horrible what he tried to do to me. But I was never the type of girl that gave in, no matter how much pain I was in. I closed my eyes and took a few more deep breaths, the warm air made me fall to sleep, and it was peaceful at first, before memories came flooding back in.

I stood in Dean's room waiting for him to find tickets to the school's basketball game. He wasn't moving very fast. His bed was all black, his floor had clothes everywhere and his school books were holding up a pizza box. I was disgusted but decided that I was tired of standing and sat on the edge of his bed as he came over to me. He looked under the thing before staring into my eyes.

"What?" I asked as he smiled and showed me the tickets. "Finally we can go"

"Not just yet," he said. His door was open, but his parent s weren't home. In a swift motion he gripped my arms and leaned me back. I was use to him doing this so I played along and giggled before he kissed me hard. I could barley breath and his grip grew tighter. I did my best to speak but it was hard, his tongue going into my mouth and at the first moment I could, I forced my head away from his.

"Dean get off," he was silent, kissing my neck. "Dean get off," I got louder but his nails only dug into my skin. I leaned more into him and bit onto his jaw and he pulled back and slapped me hard. My face was stinging as I tried to focus on him, he shook my brains a bit and I was all loopy for a few seconds. He tried to climb back on me but I shoved him away by kicking his leg and standing up before pushing him onto the floor. I knew his intensions, I'd seen it in his eyes before.

"Dean, I can't do this again. I'm…I'm breaking up with you," I began walking out of his door before I went back for the tickets, pulled them into my pocket and left. For weeks my face was bruised. I hid it with make up, shaking every time Harper covered it for me.

I woke once we made it a block near my house. I kicked the floorboard before staring at my mom who parked the car.

"So what did she say?" she asked as I pulled my back pack over my shoulder.

"She said stop paying her cause there's nothing wrong with me," I left the car and made it into the house without saying a word to anyone. I was stressed out, I hated everything at the moment, but maybe it was me remembering Dean. I dialed Harper, I had to tell her everything that happened at the shrink, which I still didn't see why I needed one. If that was the case my mom needed her more than me.


So I have mostly all of this typed up…maybe another twenty percent and it'll all be up. Posting another part when I wake up…