DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, however much I wish I did. I do however own myself with a fake last name. I do not also fancy Sirius Black. End of. I love Remus Lupin. XX Enjoy!

40 Things Sirius Orion Black Is Not Allowed To Do

By James, Remus, Lily and Phoebe.

1. Pretend to be gay.

2. Wear a skirt.

3. Cover himself in chocolate.

4. Say that Snape is in love with Voldemort.

5. Sing 'I'm Too Sexy' while dancing naked on his bed.

6. Say Snape and Voldemort have a son, who is known as James Potter, which is sick, but also impossible.

7. Empty Slughorn's cauldron over Snape's head…

8. Causing him too itch himself in strange places…

9. And then saying that Peter told him to do it.

10. Admit his undying love for McGonagall at breakfast.

11. Stroke Dumbledore's beard…

12. And say it looks very sexy on him…

13. Then ask to sit on his lap at dinner.

14. Try to kiss Phoebe.

15. Or Lily.

16. Or any girl who doesn't like him for that matter.

17. Tell everyone that James had sex with Lily's hair straighteners.

18. While screaming, 'you're so hot!'

19. Call childline on Filch.

20. Then the RSPCA because he abuses his cat.

21. Wear Lily's underwear.

22. Or Phoebe's.

23. Steal James' broomstick.

24. And then attempt to 'ride' it.

25. Announce at breakfast that he has undying love for Remus.

26. OR Phoebe.

27. OR Lily.

28. Hey, you forgot me! OR JAMES.

29. Steal Remus' class notes.

30. Then draw sick things all over them.

31. See what happens when a cat and a rat mate. And I don't mean Peter and McGonagall.

32. Shoot Dumbledore with a water pistol during his speech.

33. Tell everyone he had sex with Professor McGonagall.

34. Call McGonagall 'Minnie baby!'

35. Announce to the whole school that he had sex with Phoebe.

36. Announce to the whole school that he had sex with Lily.

37. Announce to the whole school that he had sex with Remus.

38. Announce to the whole school that he had sex with James.

39. Pretend to be deaf.

40. Draw disgusting pictures of well, us with you and place them all around the school.

Yours Sincerely,

James Potter, Remus Lupin, Phoebe Murray, and Lily Evans. XX

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Hope you like the story!

Sorry if it's not very funny, I tried my best.

Imagine Sirius wearing Lily's underwear, or Peter and McGonagall, ahem, getting it on.

Then you might just laugh.

Toodles!

Phoebe E. Lupin XX

Ps. Please Rate and Review, it means so much! Thanks!