Summary: She is dead. Everyone knows him as L, the greatest detective in the world. The man, who stole my heart and doesn't know it. If I can bring him back, then everything would be alright. I can die happily as many say I will. "So do we have a deal?" LXOC and other pairings, Kira case will be going on.

Rated T For: Misa being a complete idiot, foul language, possibly BB and well tons of other crazy crap

This is the new version of If I Brought You Back! Hope you guys all enjoy and you might see something new to this story so don't just not read it. Please read and review and I love all of you people, thanks for putting up with my weirdo self!

Love ~ Heartmakerpuppeteer

Kanjou Wa Shinda

Chapter One: Unraveling Thread

We are all connected. I never actually believed that when he had first told me. I mean its insane to think that everyone you have ever walked by, driven past, or haven't even met was somehow connected to you. He watched me laugh, correction, he watched me laugh at him. And now, now when I look back and remember I can't help but let him get to me. My eyes going red as I try to stop them from leaking out those God forsaken tears. If only I had taken the time of day to tell him how I truly felt. That he inspired me in more than just one way.

We are all connected. L had been right of course, for here we all were standing at his funeral, mourning.

Our team was unraveling. L had been the stitching which had held everyone so perfectly close and snug together. But now he was gone, the stitching was gone and the thread was unraveling. One against the other, everyone fighting for the new position of becoming L number two.

Near stared at me darkly from across the room making swift, hard movements as he was stacking dice into a tower. I didn't let him get to me, ever sense L…was murdered his mood seemed to gradually grow darker with the passing months. As I looked around Mello had no chocolate with him and he was scooted as far away from Matt as the small couch would possibly let him. Both Matt and Mello had been in more than enough fights to ruin their relationship as a couple, though Matt didn't look to be too shaken because there he sat playing his DSi completely calm smoking a cigarette.

Light had vanished from Japan while Mikami had committed suicide, and Misa's body was found well dead of course. Cause of death you ask? Suicide by clawing her neck open with her nails; it wasn't pretty. I slowly tapped my fingers in rhythmic motion thinking, letting my gaze wander over to a picture of L that laid face down on my desk. I missed him…so much.

Bang!

Everyone's attention focused in on Near who had slammed all of his dice across the floor. His angry eyes directed at me - more like my fingers- which had stopped tapping against the desk after the loud commotion. Mello winced after Near had slammed the door when he had quickly fled the room. I felt those tears of guilt and weakness coming to my eyes and I quickly grabbed a tissue and dabbed under them. But no tears had fallen, why?

"Your body says its time to stop grieving, and get up off that ass of your's and do something with your life."

Mello looked over at me, trying hard to smile only for it to look like he was grimacing. I looked back at the photo of L and flipped it up to face me. We were both in the picture.

"I remember that day so well. I had convinced L to take a day off on the Kira case and we went to a carnival. They had a photo booth there, where you can take tons of pictures and pick the best one after…"

I couldn't help but let a small, sad smile spread across my face as I grasped the picture frame between my fingers. L was sitting in his usual fashion except I was leaning over him on his back making a goofy face while wearing black horns on my head. It was Halloween that day and I dressed up as a shinigami. L was smiling an actual smile in the picture, but none of his teeth were exposing. He had on his usual attire but he had a strawberry painted on the side of his cheek. L never was one for dressing up.

"Me and him had gotten so close, and that day I knew, I just knew that my feelings were true. I-I…I miss h-him so much!"

My knuckles went white as I grasped the picture and the tears finally slipped free from my dark lashes.

"I-if only I had told him. I could've saved him, that day I could've! But I had been to stupid. I had been blinded by my own insecurities and that's what got him murdered! If only I had paid more attention."

I touched L's face in the picture wishing I could go back. Wishing I could have another try.

"I wish I could have a second chance…to make things right. To tell him how much he meant to me, to save him!"

I hadn't noticed that Mello had moved from his position over at the couch to where I was until he was wrapping his warm hands around my cold ones. Trying to pry them away from the picture. The picture frame fell from my grasp and hit my desk before going flat again, hiding L's smiling face. Mello put his arms around me tightly and I took the invitation letting my head rest on his chest as I sobbed. I let it all come out, my guilt, sorrow, pain, everything until the tears ran dry and I became silent.

"Yuki you need to move on, you're our leader. You took over L's position and you've been here for all of us…maybe you need to take some time off and help yourself."

"I have no where to go and have nothing to do."

Matt walked over and patted my shoulder. This was probably the first time sense Mello and Matt were standing so close to each other. Its amazing how people can come together when someone they love is in need.

"Well we'll have to send you out somewhere. Give you something to do."

Matt said, as I pulled away slowly from Mello's embrace and grabbed my coat and keys.

"Alright."

Home is one hell of a nightmare.

I sat in my car, keys out of the ignition ready to get out. But I didn't want too. My home looked cold, the front door casted over with shadows as though large hands were waiting to envelope me. I know that its only a house, I understand that. So with swallowing down my fear, clutching to my off duty fire arm I got out of my vehicle and left into my house.

Everything was quiet, dark and ultimately lonely…like always. No sounds were being made by anything else other than my heels against the tile. I switched on the lights to my kitchen and put down my gun on the counter. This was my fear, nightmare, my life, being alone. Coming home to nothing, when I desperately wanted and needed someone.

L was everywhere, and no not in the way where I built shrines of him. God, no. I took pictures of all of us while we were working on the Kira case. I always took them when no one was looking so it was more real. I even caught a few moments of when L and Light had been fighting, punching each others guts out. See, what I was going to do was put all of the pictures onto a c.d. so when the case was over and L departed, he would remember all of us. But it never got that far, I made the c.d. and all…only for the ending picture instead of all of us waving goodbye to the camera it was the picture of L's grave at the funeral…

I looked at the photo of L and Light fighting, glaring at nothing in particular. That day had been so hilarious but who would've guessed that, that same week we would lose L…to a shinigami.

My rage built up in my body like a flame and in a quick flash I was throwing all of the framed pictures around. The glass breaking and slamming against the walls before settling on the ground where I also ended up. I ran my hands through my hair as I let more tears fall, I hated this world. If God were real how could he let such things happen, let so many innocent souls be murdered. It just wasn't fair!

I looked up and wiped away my tears and stared up at my ceiling, just staring. Why live in such a world where only evil wins? Standing up and walking out of the room my bare feet walked over the glass. I didn't scream or even grimace in pain. I felt like I wasn't in my own body but watching from the side lines. I was undeniably cold as I touch my bodies arm and I stood away from myself. My body just kept walking and went to the medicine cabinet I kept in the bathroom. She opened the door and pulled out the pain pills; taking them with her she went to the living room and set the yellow bottle down on the glass coffee table. Her body turned to face me and her evergreen eyes held only hollow emptiness. She went to a cabinet in the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of booze. Setting it down next to the pain pills I felt myself go back to my body as I rested myself down onto my uncomfortable couch and wrapped myself into a ball. Tomorrow the death of Yuki Tori would come. Inside of me was an empty pit, I had been digging it for the longest time and now I couldn't find a way to pull myself out. There wasn't a reason to go and chase down Kira…what would I gain with revenge? The Shinigami, Rem, had died after killing L and Kira would just be dead if I found him. Dead by a bullet from my gun going through his head. But it wouldn't bring back L. I wrapped my arms around myself even tighter and closed my eyes. Tomorrow…it will all end.

Next Day:

I walked to the station not feeling like taking my car, dressed in the same clothes I wore the night before. Why change? I was going to die tonight anyways. I didn't have my gun on me; I flashed my FBI badge over to the secretary for the police station. Walking through I got a few smiles, nods, pats on the back all of which I did not return. I didn't have any more energy, I was hollow. What was there to live for?

Today was my last day, for everything…who could stop me? No one, everyone would understand why. Wouldn't they? It didn't matter to me either way. I sat the cardboard box on my desk and slowly started to fill it up with my stuff.

"Finally going to leave us?"

I looked up to see Soichiro as he stared down at me sadly. It probably seemed like everyone was leaving him. His son disappearing, his daughter Sayu murdered from a hit and run, and his wife divorcing him. And without any hesitations I nodded going back to the task at hand.

"Yes."

Though I don't think he understood which kind of leaving I was going to do. Soichiro and I over the year grew very close, I was like his second daughter and he was like the father I never had. I wasn't going to tell him I was going to kill myself. He would find out when someone finally called in the fact that I was missing, or the neighbors complaining about a rotting smell coming from my house. But he would understand…right? I don't care! Soichiro…I could feel his stare on my face. He coughed and I stopped my packing.

"Yuki there's a call we just received and-"

"I'll go with you."

Soichiro in a few seconds had his arms around me, hugging me. I hugged back slowly willing my arms to wrap around him.

"It's going to be different with you gone from the team."

"What's the call we just got?"

I said trying to ignore the words Soichiro had just spoken.

"Well the call is by a woman who claims to have been assaulted."

"Do you mind us taking your car, I walked here."

"That's fine, come on lets get out of here."

The drive was silent and it actually felt uncomfortable. My fingers twitched at my sides and I kept myself facing the window looking out at what the world had become. Was it because I wont tell Soichiro im leaving for good? Am I…feeling guilty? Yes I know what feeling guilty is like but never in my life have I felt it to such a degree, that it was crushing me and making me feel paranoid. I shouldn't feel this way; I shouldn't care what he thinks!

"Were here."

Soichiro's gruff voice snapped me back to attention and I looked over to him. My body felt cold, very cold. Like my conscious body was trying to tell me something. What would that be though? Something isn't going to happen is it? I got out of the car and looked at the area around us. Around was just a large alleyway and for a moment I believe Soichiro told me where we were. As we walked down the alleyway, doors lead into probably small shacks of houses.

"So what kind of woman is the one that called?"

"Im not sure, Matsuda had gotten the call and-"

"Well why didn't he just take it?"

I grumbled and Soichiro chuckled, in that moment it brought back old times. But also in that moment Soichiro became serious again.

"Actually, the woman asked for your name specifically."

Those words made me stop walking.

"W-what?"

Someone asked for me? Why would someone ask for me? How could someone ask for me?

"I don't even understand myself, Matsuda didn't really say much."

"Well that's not so surprising. Matsuda was never good at gathering information."

"Alright lets go."

Soichiro rapped his fist against a big black door that had a goats head as a knocker.

"Look at this."

I touched the knocker and Soichiro looked confused.

"It's a goat…the devil. Some people say goats are associated with the devil. I think were being told that someone believes in him."

"Witch craft?"

"Not necessarily, the devil doesn't always consist with witch craft…"

I stepped away from the door and looked at the door mat. No one else had one. I squatted down lifting up the door mat.

"But in this case, I guess it does."

I lifted the mat up to expose a star that was in a circle.

"See this, this is a pentagram. It does represent witch craft, some call it Wicca. Two different things though."

"And you know this how?"

"An old cousin of mine converted herself to Wicca, she's dead now though."

I could feel Soichiro's eyes on me. And I even knew why. My voice was a void, empty and cold. Like how I felt, and I didn't even feel like getting up from my crouching position. It reminded me of L.

Now that I think about it L if here, would've noticed way before that something was wrong with me. But that's the thing is L were here right now I wouldn't be committing suicide tonight! I wanted to cry; cry and tell Soichiro my plan on leaving once and for all. As I opened my mouth just to do that, the door swung open.

I was still in my crouching position when the door opened and instead of quickly standing up like Soichiro I just looked up. The woman standing in front of me had definitely been assaulted. She was at least in in her mid-forties, brown short, choppy hair, blue eyes and around her left eye she had a large black eye; it looked fresh. Her arms had bruises crawling all over and it was same with her legs. Quickly getting up before Soichiro could speak I lightly took the woman's hand.

"Hello, my name is Sasha Kimiko and this is Soichiro my captain."

"I-I asked for Yuki."

I could already see the woman clutching the door knob and I quickly stopped the door from closing, not using much strength to push it back open.

"Yes we understand, ma'am Yuki will be coming its just she hit some traffic. May we come it?"

Doubts were obvious in the victim's eyes and also fear from my monotone voice, but she let us in. Very quickly I may add.

"What's your name?"

Soichiro asked politely taking control of the situation as a captain would. This is what I did, I pretended to be the lower ranked partner. I would look around and watch everything from the sidelines. Just so I could get what I needed.

"M-my name is C-Cameron."

Both Soichiro and Cameron sat down at a small glass coffee table and a dark, musty green couch. I started to walk around the room letting Soichiro ask questions. The room was obviously small, the walls were a faded black; paint starting to chip off. Black cabinets with stones, books, stage makeup and pictures were scattered over the shelves causally. I stopped on a few pictures and tuned into the questioning.

"I-I really cant answer any of your questions."

I quickly sat down next to Cameron and stared, getting very close to her.

"And why is that Cameron?"

"B-because I need to talk to Yuki."

"Really that's surprising you would know about Yuki."

I already figured it all out.

"You see Cameron I almost believed you. When I first saw you and your bruises. I must say im quite impressed with the handy work. But none of its your own is it?"

Cameron shook her head frantically while saying, 'I don't understand.'

"Of course you do. See it all started when you answered the door the bruises looked a little off to me. And then when you only asked for Yuki that set off some serious alarms. Yuki is a special unit of FBI agents, only someone who had gone into top secret files would know about her. Also about your bruises its all stage makeup, I wouldn't have figured that out unless the stage makeup over on that shelf hadn't pointed it out. Lets not forget that you didn't set any of this up."

Soichiro was staring wide-eyed with a large smirk on his mouth. While the Cameron girl had her mouth hanging open.

"So Cameron tell me who is actually running this show, because if my guess is right its not you. And that whoever did set this up wanted you to get caught."

Cameron shook her head a slow smile starting to spread on her face as she laughed. As her laugh grew louder she clapped happily.

"Oh you are just as good as they say!"

I looked around and noticed that Soichiro looked just as confused as I did. Then Cameron disappeared and in front of me sat a man. Or something close to a man. He had pale white slightly blue skin like a dead person, fingers long , on the tall side. His face had a nice structure with black hair framing it. Horns were coming out of his head that were also black, his eyes were a deep red and I instantly knew what he was.

"A shinigami."

Soichiro and I glared -no this wasn't the shinigami that killed L- but it was hard not to get angry.

"Why yes I am the names Lucipher. And you are the lovely Yuki Tori."

"And why are you here?"

Soichiro didn't even try hiding the malice in his voice and the shinigami smiled exposing his shark like teeth.

"To talk to Yuki of course! I find it tragic that she is going to take her own life this evening and I decided it was time to act as a savior and help this poor woman."

Lucipher's voice rang around the room in a sarcastic manner. Everything stayed quiet after his words stopped bouncing off the walls and I could practically hear Soichiro's mind processing everything Lucipher had just spoken. In a quick moment Soichiro had a grip on my shoulders and was shaking me.

"Is that true Yuki!"

Even when I didn't want too, I stared up at Soichiro. Eye to eye.

"Yes."

"Wow what good closure going on! But im afraid im going to be cutting this short."

Lucipher took a hold of my arm and pulled me up to my feet . I faced Lucipher and took the time to really look at him. And even with the creepy unnatural additions to his body he was undeniably handsome. And would you really expect a death god to look good…not likely.

"Now listen well Yuki because I don't like repeating myself. I know a very big secret, one that may help get the love of your life back."

"Why are you telling me this, what's the catch?"

"Isn't it obvious I want you, well your soul more or less. Now you can make the deal and if you do I can make everything rewind. We can go back to the past, and you can try and save L."

"What do you mean by try?"

"Well there isn't a guaranty that you will be able to save him. But its worth a shot right? Even if you don't at least you can confess your love before he dies."

I stayed silent; Soichiro looked helpless as he stared up at me. There was a possibility that I could save L. That I could have the second chance I wished for. And the only thing I have to give is my soul…well I was going to kill myself today so-

"Do we have a deal?"

Lucipher's question bounced around my head. Did I want to trust a shinigami?

"Deal."

Lucipher smiled and shook my hand.

"Alright, but first there are a few rules."

Faster than the eyes could see Lucipher smashed his hand through my stomach and up to where my heart was. Only he stopped reaching once he got to the middle of my collarbone or in-between my breast.

"Rule one, you cant tell anyone about me or the deal. Rule two, no one can be told about what may happen in the future. Rule three, I don't give anyone a retry. Either you get it right the first time or you deal with the mistake for the rest of your miserable life."

I was in complete shock at what was happening. Lucipher pulled his hand out and my own blood was starting to pool around my feet. Even with black spots in my vision I could see exactly what Lucipher was holding…my soul. Now truthfully I had no idea if I believed in a soul or not but seeing what looked like a flame in Lucipher's hand stopped all my doubts. The flame was as big as a human heart only it was a variety of different colors, some I cant even describe. But as the blood slipped out from my mouth and I fell to my knees the flame turned all white than black before it was absorbed into Lucipher's palm.

"And my last rule, rule number four, now that your soul belongs to me you will do what I say when I give you a command. Soon we'll be one of the same."

Everything went black.

People started to shove me as they were watching the sidewalks of Japan. Did that really just happen? I blinked and started to walk myself though I felt in a daze. I guess it- it was all a dream. L's still dead…

My mood suddenly dropped and the weight of his death was crushing me. I looked through a window stopping for a moment, and it took me a few seconds to realize I looked different. My eyes instead of evergreen were now silver. Around the pupil and iris expanded black circles. My figure seemed slightly thinner and the clothes I was wearing was…what I wore when I first met L. For some strange reason I had a feeling to look up and when I did I…I felt confused.

"The ice cream parlor."

Where I had arranged to first meet L. And then when I looked back into the window, I froze. Heart pounding in my ears I could see him in the reflection.

"L-L?"

My voice came out weak against my trembling lips. I quickly spun around and I watched him slowly walk with the crowd over to the parlor always having his shoulders hunched over. His musty eyes with deep large pupils made contact with my own strange eyes. It was him he was alive which meant…I actually sold my soul to a Shinigami…

End of the new Chapter One! Yay, I hope everyone likes this and please if there is a mistake or you just want to comment please do by reviewing it would be greatly appreciated! I know, not a lot of L in this one but now that I put him in at the end there should be a lot more in the up coming chapters! But please review and I hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter! Again thanks for putting up with my awkward self!

Love ~ Heartmakerpuppeteer