Abandonment
Author's Note: This story contains boy/boy situations, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, don't read. Otherwise, enjoy the story and R&R.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or of the Rockman Exe. Series, nor do I own "Give It Up" sung by Midtown.
Pairing: Netto x Tohru
Summary:
Always watching from afar, wishes never fulfilled, Hikawa Tohru muses about his pointless existence and the absence of another in his life.
…
"Good morning."
The boy looked up from underneath his brown locks. The voice had come from across the street, but the gesture had not been addressed to him.
It was bright and energetic, full of joy and carefree melodiousness. The mere sound of the words could make anyone forget the tragedies of living and descend into a state of pure happiness…Everyone, except for him.
Hearing it only made him sad and depressed. His head ached, but it was nothing compared to the striking feeling in his chest. Each beat from his heart throbbed with the sorrows of a thousand untold secrets. The useless blood that ran through his body, the life that he didn't need…It flashed before his eyes.
He hung his head low, staring silently at the cold concrete below his feet. He leaned closer to the equally cold wall for comfort, which it did not give him…just as he would not give him. He would never grant him what he sought.
Emptiness filled him. It crept into him like an apparition from beyond. He could not weep for it showed weakness. He could not say anything for the answer would crush his spirit. Yet how could it crush it, when it no longer remained?
The thought had crossed his mind before, undeniably more than once. The thought of what could be. The thought of what he wanted it to be. But he pushed away, not allowing it to come to him again.
…
The
silence kills the calm…
Of the night
I force an anxious
patience
Counting every beat and waiting for my turn to die
…
He slumped to the ground, not minding the chills that slithered up through his knees. It did not matter. Such a meaningless existence his was. His wasted flesh and blessed vitality meant nothing, only eternal punishment…But why did he deserve it?
Closing his eyes, he let his fingers trace their way along the wall. They fell, following the unwilling example of his deflated emotions. Would it be so much to submit to his hunger? It beckoned him forward, yet he ignored.
He did not want it to be like this…He wished it was as simple as three words, but it wasn't…It wasn't to him.
…
Give
it up, give it up
Don't fall for the same things
Give it up,
give it up
Don't fall for the mistakes that I've made
Don't
turn away
I
understand your ways
Won't give it up
…
His face loomed endlessly in the confines of the boy's psyche. It had been there from the beginning, and once it had rooted itself, it never left. He brought him pain, but it was justified.
It was his choice to feel it, to concede to misery. If he was going to continue living the remainder of his accursed being, he might as well keep the searing introspection as a constant reminder of what he missed.
In a heartbeat, it could be his. In the seconds it takes to reveal everything, the suffering would be lifted. But he let go of it…Released the dream of being with him.
"I'm sorry Netto-kun…I give up."
…
It's
not me you're waiting for
All right, stop waiting
It's not me
you're waiting for
This is where it ends
It's not me you're
waiting for
It's time to let go, time to let go
And if you
promise to forget…
I'll try to find a way to make the same
mistakes
And
when…
You become
All you've lost
Wandering the streets and
searching for a place to die
…
So long he'd wandered alone…and that was how it would always be, so he just sat there, without a soul.
…
-Owari-
