Tris

I feel numb. My mind is hazy and my body disconnected. I try to remember what has happened. I took Caleb's place, sacrificed myself for the love I have for my brother. I think I always knew I would do it. I blew up the door and unleashed the death serum. It hung over me like lead. Everything inside of me told me to stop; to give in. I had to keep going. I willed myself to push past the heavy weight of the serum and move forward through the blown out door. That's when I saw him. David. Sitting in his wheelchair, gun aimed at me. I had no remorse for him. He was the man responsible for so many deaths. My father. My mother. He shot at me as I flung myself at the memory serum near the side wall. I felt the bullets hit me but none of them could affect me anymore than my determination. The serum filled the room in minutes and I slouched down the wall. I suddenly began feeling the sharp pain of my wounds and I was losing blood fast. I don't know where she came from but she ran over to me. Still in her bloodied Abnegation clothing from when she was shot to death. My mother put her arms around me and told me I had done well. Her reassurance helped keep me calm and I felt at peace as I began to slip away. Death.

"Tris." It is my name as a whisper. I feel as light as air. I must be heading to whatever comes after death. I am being carried off to the afterlife. I almost laugh. Even in death, I am aware of myself.

I think of my mother and father and I smile. I imagine them smiling back at me with their arms outstretched to me, calling me to them. "Tris."

I hear the consistent sound of my heart beating in the background. Ba dum ba dum ba dum – a smooth, relaxing rhythm. My smile falters. Wait, but how could I have a heartbeat if I am dead? And my mother, she was holding me in the lab, where did she go?

"Tris." It calls again, a little more insistent. I feel compelled to find out where it is coming from. I struggle to open my eyes, not realizing they had been closed to begin with. A startling white light hits my eyes and I squint at the brightness of the room around me. I'm in a bed, in a hospital. My eyes begin to adjust to the light and I see faces surrounding me. They are blurry at first but soon begin to sharpen. Cara, Matthew, Christina and a set of deep blue eyes. Tobias.

I can't do anything but stare at him. His face is pale and weary. A closer look at his eyes and I see that they are blood shot and swollen. His mouth is a hard line and his eyes stare back into mine, searching them. "Oh Tris," he sighs with a strained voice as he takes my hand. "Thank God."

I try to sit up to see them all better but regret it immediately. Searing pain shoots up the sides of my body and I let out a cry before I can contain myself.

"Don't try to move Tris," Matthew says. "You've been through quite a lot. Your body absorbed a fair but of that death serum and you were shot several times. It was hit and miss a few times there... We thought we'd lost you. You lost a lot of blood."

"We had to give you a blood transfusion," pipes Cara. "Who would've thought that you and I are compatible blood types? Must be that Erudite in you."

I keep my eyes on Tobias. "I'm sorry," I croak. My voice sounds like someone else's, stiff and hoarse. "I promised you I wouldn't do this."

He smiles and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. He puts his hand on my face, stroking my cheek. "Caleb told me what you said to him before you left."

"Tris," says Christina, looking down at me from the other side of the bed. Her dark skin looks paler than normal. "You did it. You saved them. You saved all of us."

Matthew takes a seat at the end of my bed. "When you let the memory serum loose, it took effect right away. David…." He stops speaking for a moment as he and everyone else await my reaction to his name. When I remain indifferent, he continues. "David has no idea who he is anymore. None of them do. They have been watching the slideshows of the pictures from before the Purity War for a few days now. They have so many questions. They are curious and innocent. They don't understand how anyone could have possibly discriminated people based on their genetics. Caleb and Cara have taken a lead in teaching them the basics of their new lives. Their fresh start."

"Caleb…" I start. For a while, I had so much hate towards my brother and his decisions. He left me to die in the Erudite headquarters for, in his mind, the greater purpose of controlling the truth and allowing Jeanine to persuade him into doing her biding. When it came down to him sacrificing his life to prove his self-worth, his love, his repentance… I couldn't let him do it. I couldn't stand by and watch my brother, the only person who has been with me my entire life, throw his life away for me.

"He's okay," says Tobias, his voice sounding terse. "He was pretty distraught when we found him. He hasn't been able to come see you yet. He blames himself for letting you go... I can't say I disagree with him."

I furrow my eyebrows. "Tobias, I didn't give him a choice. I couldn't let him do it. There was a greater chance I could make it past the death serum. Besides, we had no idea David would be there. He wouldn't have stood a chance."

I feel exhausted from the rush of words but I needed to defend my motives. "I know," Tobias says. He shakes his head and shifts his eyes down. "There's no stopping you when you are determined to do something. This time was too close though." He looks up at me again. "You were dead on the table, Tris. If it wasn't for Matthew's knowledge and Cara's skill, you might not have woken up. I really thought you were gone."

I feel terrible for putting Tobias through so much; for putting all of them through this. They are the people I love. I would give up everything for them, even my life… but they would never allow that. My throat is tight but I fend off the tears.

"Not to ruin the moment here," Matthew begins. "But Tris, how did you overcome the death serum. That's unheard of."

I look at his incredulous expression. I'm unsure how to answer. I didn't know if it would work or not. I just had to trust that I knew myself and my abilities. Just like with the truth serum, I pushed the serum down. I forced it to succumb to my will. The temptation of letting it take over was overpowering at times but I was stronger. I knew I could stop it. I had a purpose. I was willing to live.

"She's divergent," Cara says. "And a damn good one at that."

Suddenly I think of Uriah.

"Is Uriah…" I trail off, unable to complete the sentence. They all look away.

"His family said goodbye to him yesterday while you were still asleep." Christina's voice is soft and she keeps her eyes on her hands. "I've been spending time with Zeke and his mom. Uriah and I were close before the accident. I wanted them to know how genuine he was until the end. Still the same goofy boy he was at home."

The thought of Uriah's smile is engraved in my mind. He had a light to him that could brighten anyone's day. He was a divergent as well but that couldn't save him. I should've died a thousand times and yet here I am. I am somber to the thought. So many friends, gone.

I feel my eyelids begin to droop. Apparently my will to keep myself from falling asleep again doesn't seem to be as strong as keeping a death serum at bay. I struggle against the feeling, trying to remain alert.

"She's on some pretty strong medication." I hear Matthew say, though his image has become blurred. "Best to let her rest some more."

I hear shuffling as he gets up off the edge of my bed. "Tobias," I murmur. I try to focus my eyes on his face.

"I'm here," he says as he kisses my forehead. His hand strokes my hair. "I always will be."

I drift off to sleep again. I feel warm and whole. I am alive.

It takes months for me to recover. When I was shot in the shoulder, I didn't stop to let it heal. I didn't have the time to stop. Everything depended on moving forward. Now, there is some peace. There is no Bureau of brainwashed scientists looming over the city about to wash away everything in it. There is a treaty between the Allegiant and the Factionless in the city. Johanna of the Amity is overseeing the governing actions along with a council of voted members. So far, both parties have obeyed the terms and are living semi-harmoniously. Evelyn is living outside of the city as is Marcus. They keep their distance from one another, avoiding quarrels.

The people of the city are able to go where they want and choose who they want to be. They are free. Even the people from the fringe are allowed to come and go as they please as long as they keep the peace.

I can take the time to heal properly. I am so used to living day by day, always on the go. The calmness of life now takes some getting used to it but it is surprisingly nice. Tobias has been by my side each and every day of it. We are getting to know the lighter sides of each other.

Today he is taking me somewhere. A surprise. We climb up to the train platform to catch the train. When we see it coming, we start to run. It chugs along beside us as I reach up to grab the handle first and pull myself into the train car. I look out the side door to watch Tobias lift himself up after me with ease. It always excites me to watch him do it. He sees the look in my eyes and leans his face down to mine. He pauses just to tease me before allowing me a kiss, a small one. Another tease. He holds my hand as we both look out the door at the city. Somehow it looks clearer, like a fog has been lifted. It has never looked more beautiful. I see a familiar roof approaching.

"Are you ready?" Tobias asks as the distance between the train and the roof begins to dwindle.

"Always."

We leap off the train, our hands still intertwined, onto the roof of the Dauntless headquarters. When we reach the ledge that looks down into the giant hole in the building, I feel Tobias stiffen. His fear of heights will always affect him in some way even though he knows there is a net to catch him.

"We'll jump together, okay?" I look at his face. His eyes remain focused on the hole in the roof but he nods.

We step on to the ledge. I am about to count to three when Tobias steps forward, pulling me with him. We fall through the air fast. We are a heavy as we plummet to the ground. The fall feels never ending as if we would spend our lives falling. Finally, we hit the net with a thud. It bounces us up into the air again once more and I giggle at the feeling. Tobias lets out a sharp breath and slowly breaths in and out.

I roll over to look at him. He turns his head towards mine. He kisses me. Slowly at first and then harder. His hands roam through my hair, my face, down my body. I am exhilarated. He pulls away for a moment to stare into my eyes.

"This is where I wanted to take you," he breathes.

"To Dauntless?"

"To where I first truly saw you. A part of me knew when you came flying down that hole on the Choosing Day that there was something special about you. This small girl dressed in grey Abnegation clothing. Tris, the first jumper. The girl that would change my life forever."

I pull him down to kiss him again. He lingers for a moment and then kisses my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. Soft kisses and hard, desperate kisses mixed together. A moan escapes my lips. "Tobias."

He pulls up my shirt and kisses my stomach. It feels so good, I don't want him to stop. Something lingers in my mind. Always aware. "Tobias, what about the cameras?"

He speaks between kisses. "I disabled them. Maintenance and what not."

I laugh and pull him up to meet my lips again. I feel his smile in his kiss. I pull his shirt over his head and let my hands explore the muscles in his back. I trace the tattoos from memory with my fingers. He shivers under my touch.

He is selfless. He is brave. He is kind. He is smart. He is honest. He is mine and I am his.

The net holds us close to each other and I give myself to him. Body and mind.