Defenseless Bakugou
(AN: So this is Episode 45-46 in Bakugou's perspective. I just wanted to explore how he must've been feeling when he got trapped in that glass ball. I like the headcanon that he might have anxiety from being trapped all the time, so he probably didn't have a good time in that ball. It's a little bit BakuDeku, but not explicitly so, I just think Deku has a pretty big impact on Bakugou's life, and wanted to portray that too. Not my fault if it has romantic-undertones; it could also be seen as childhood friendship as well :)
This is just a one-shot.
Warning for depiction of a slight panic attack.
Disclaimer: I do not own BNHA.)
Bakugou didn't know what happened. If there was one thing he hated it was not knowing what was going on. It made him feel exposed, weak. And he was not fucking weak. So why the fuck did this keep happening to him? One second he was in the forest following Deku, Half-n-Half, Round face and whoever else, and then he…wasn't?
"What the fuck! Where the fuck am I!" Bakugou looked around frantically, hands now pressed against cool glass. Glass, glass, glass, everywhere he looked. He stepped back and almost tripped on the curved ground under his foot. Glass. He was in a glass… ball?
"What the FUCK!" his voice pitched, making him wince at how weak he sounded. He was trapped. He was trapped again! "No, fucking not again!" Bakugou smashed his hand against the glass, wishing, not for the first time, that he had his gloves.
"Fuck! Fuck! FUUUCK!" Each curse emphasised by an even stronger punch. Bakugou couldn't feel his hand, but he didn't care. He needed to get out. He couldn't be caught again. He wasn't a fucking damsel in distress, dammit!
But he was in distress. His breathing grew labored as he clenched his fists on the glass. His heart fluttered in his chest like a trapped bird. He knew this feeling. His palms were sweaty, and it took every ounce of control to not ignite them in a desperate attempt to break the glass. He was desperate, but he wasn't an idiot. He knew even he wouldn't survive an explosion that contained, that close. Bakugou gritted his teeth and furiously wiped his hands on his pants, ignoring the fact that they were trembling. Fuck. He couldn't breathe. Where the fuck was the oxygen in this thing? Were they trying to suffocate him? Bakugou fell to his knees, fist clutching his chest as he wheezed frantically. He began to feel dizzy and all he could think about was when he was trapped in that sludge monster. It's happening all over again. I can't do anything, why the fuck can't I do anything! I can't… breathe. I…
"KACCHAN!"
Bakugou's eyes shot open and he gasped as air finally started moving through his lungs. He looked around, but all he could see was the frosted blue of the glass, no one else was here. Deku wasn't here. But he could breathe; he felt his heart slow as he forced himself to take deep breaths. He noted vaguely that he probably just had a panic attack, but if he had ignored it when the doctor warned him about it, he damn well would ignore it now.
He needed to get out of here. He wasn't about to let Deku and the others save him again. He'd rather fucking die. Not that Deku was any shape to save him anyway. Fucking hell, he'd looked like shit. Why did he always do that, his body was obviously too weak to handle his quirk, so why the fuck did he push it all the time. Idiot Deku. Learn some self-preservation, you shitty nerd.
A sharp pain throbbed in his hand and he looked down to see his knuckles sporting a deep shade of purple.
"Tch," Bakugou hissed, trying to ignore the irony. The most annoying thing was that the glass hadn't even cracked from when he punched it. So he had a fucked up hand for nothing. He was still trapped, he had no way of using his quirk without blowing himself up, and he couldn't even see what was going on outside.
Weak.
"Shut up," he growled, knowing he wasn't talking to anyone.
You're still weak.
After all this time. After all the big words, you're still not number one.
"I said shut up!"
You're always getting captured. The slime monster, the award ceremony, and now this. Are you sure you can even call yourself a hero anymore? You're better at playing the victim.
"Fuck! Shut the fuck up!" Bakugou fisted his hair, trying to push the words out of his head. Of course he couldn't physically push out his own self-doubt. But that didn't stop him from trying.
Even Deku, defenseless little Deku, has surpassed you.
"Don't bring him into this! I don't want to hear that asshole's name!" he realized how absolutely insane he must've looked at that moment, but no one was there to see it so he didn't care. He was by himself. Trapped with himself.
You don't hate him. You can fool everyone, but you can't fool yourself. You're jealous of him. Jealous that Deku is more of a hero than you'll ever be, regardless of power. He's warm and kind and everything you're not. And maybe you hate yourself for wanting to be near him, to absorb some of that warmth. But you don't hate him, you never did.
"I. Fucking. Don't. Care! I'm going to be number one! I'm going to be the best fucking hero, and nothing is going to stop me! Not All Might, not Half-n-Half and definitely NOT DEKU!" He punched the glass again, pain reverberating up his arm. He was going to get out of here and he was going to do it himself. He didn't need anyone. He didn't.
He felt the glass beneath his feet give way in a cloud of black smoke. Bakugou was suddenly back in the forest but a rough hand was gripping the back of his neck. And then he saw Deku. He vaguely registered being pulled back by the hand, black smoke engulfing him from behind. But all he could see was Deku. He was running toward him, broken arms dangling at his sides, face contorted in desperation.
"KACCHAN!" he screamed, tears streaming down his bloodied face as he tried desperately to run faster. To catch up to Bakugou. To save Bakugou.
An awful sense of déjà vu washed over Bakugou as the darkness began creeping along the edges of his vision. Stop Deku. Don't try to save me. I don't want you… I don't want you to save me. You'll die. You'll fucking die! Bakugou furrowed his brows into the best glare he could muster, eyes locked on Deku's.
"Don't come, Deku," he managed to let out, hating how scared he sounded. Of course Deku ignored him, kept running, kept yelling, kept trying. He got so close; Bakugou could feel his breath on his face for a second. A split second for Bakugou's heart to stop, dread filling his body- no don't come Deku. The second was over and the smoke finally covered him completely. And Deku was gone.
No it wasn't Deku that was gone.
Bakugou was gone.
