A/N: This is pure, unadulterated KakuSaku crack. Love it, but don't settle in for a long-term relationship. This is dedicated to KorinaCaffeine and IvyAdrena, because they never made for me a KakuSaku with multiple babeez in it. So I made one for them instead. In the end, we all get our crack fair and square.
The Price of Life
Kakuzu blinked. "You're fucking kidding me."
"Nope!" Sakura grinned brightly from her hospital bed. "Having these babies just cost you thirty thousand dollars. And I think that one might have sneezed, so all the tests they'll run on her will cost more, and then we have to pay the doctors and pay for the room...so we're looking at something around thirty-five thousand, at least."
Kakuzu's hands tightened around one of the incubators, glaring at the tiny baby girl inside. Look at you, he thought to himself wistfully. Just sitting there all fucking innocent like you don't cost more than three acres of land. An entire three fucking acres.
"We." He growled at the beaming woman, currently reading her grocery store sale features magazine with uncanny interest. "Since when do I have to pay for this shit? You had the damn kids."
"Well, you had the super sperm to override my pills and impregnate me with triplets, Mr. Sweetie-Pie." Sakura licked her finger and turned another page. Kakuzu sighed and resumed his one-sided staring match with his reluctant offspring.
"I told you to quit calling me that."
"So you're paying for it?"
"No."
"Come on...not even for sexual favors?"
"You're not supposed to fuck for six whole weeks."
"Think you can make it? I'll bet you thirty-five thousand dollars you won't make it."
"It would be a waste of money, obviously."
"Yeah, what'll you ever do without that thirty-five grand?"
Kakuzu stared reproachfully at the giggling kunoichi, but decided to remain silent on account of his remaining--emaciated and mostly unused--good graces. Oh, she just thought she was so cute. What the hell was he doing here, anyway? No one was making him stay here with her. Was there even a damn good reason?
"Kakuzu," her voice rang out sweetly from across the room. "Come sit with me and help me cut out coupons." He looked, and she just had the most adoring, loving expression on her face, the one person who ever granted him that in the whole world.
Oh, right. That was the reason. Suppressing the urge to sarcastically question the existence of discounts for childbirth in the fruit and vegetable section, Kakuzu ambled over to the raised bed and sat on the edge moodily, at least until Sakura forced him under the covers with her. It was just too good, and it made him feel guilty, a rarity to his person that he despised.
Hell and damnation to his child abandonment issues. They made it impossible for him to leave this source of care and kindness. Fuck them. Fuck them straight to hell.
"Will you cut out those detergent ones? Here, I'll tear the pages out for you. And here's the scissors."
Kakuzu took the scissors and the papers and began to cut, stealing glances at the kunoichi, looking away when she looked at him in question. He wasn't emotionally attached, of course, it was an entirely physical relationship. She just needed assistance and he decided to help her out. They were just coupons. What was the big deal?
There was just...nothing else to do, is all.
