A/n: OKAY SO IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTFELT KAKAIRU FANFIC I WROTE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I WROTE THAT WHEN I WAS COMING OUT OF A DARK TIME IN MY LIFE, SO WHATEVS. ALL THE HATERS CAN SUCK IT. ANYWAY, I HAVE COME UP WITH SOME MORE WONDERFUL FANFIC FOR ALL OF Y'ALL. R&R!!!!!!! \o/

In the Shape of a Peen

RYUK ALWAYS TENDED TO DISAPPEAR WHEN LIGHT STARTING WANKING HIMSELF OFF. THE FIRST TIME LIGHT HAD JUST TOLD HIM TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE NEEDED TO 'TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING'. AFTER RYUK HAD COME BACK TOO SOON AND SEEN LIGHT COMING ALL OVER A RASTERBATED IMAGE OF A GIANT OLD ENGLISH STYLE 'L', HE VOWED TO GIVE LIGHT MORE THAN TWO HOURS OF ALONE TIME.

YEARS HAD GONE BY WITHOUT INCIDENT UNTIL ONE DAY AFTER AN EXCITING VISIT TO AN APPLE ORCHARD, HE FOUND MISA TIED UP AND NAKED ON LIGHT'S BED SQUIRMING AND CRYING WHILE LIGHT SAT AT HIS COMPUTER TYPING AWAY.

RYUK'S INITIAL REACTION WAS TO JUST WALK THE FUCK AWAY BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING...ODD. THERE WAS SOMETHING IN MISA THAT WASN'T A SEX TOY. AT LEAST NOT IN THE NORMAL SENSE.

"RAITO - IS THAT...A HUMAN PENIS?" HE POINTED WITH HIS CLAW-LIKE FINGER.

LIGHT CONTINUED TO TYPE WITHOUT SPARING HIM A GLANCE. "YES, IT'S MY DETACHABLE PENIS. IT WAS VERY SIMPLE TO MAKE. I JUST MADE A POTION AND GREW ANOTHER ONE SO IT COULD TAKE CARE OF MISA WHILE I WENT ABOUT MY BUSINESS. SUPER CONVENIENT, REALLY. I ONLY WISH I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF IT WHEN L WAS STILL ALIVE. WOULD HAVE SAVED ME FROM COUNTLESS TIME CONSTRAINTS."

RYUK WAS BEGINNING TO THINK HUMANS WERE VERY STRANGE.