Conversations: pt. 1

By: The Confused One

Rating: PG, at worst

A/N: For some reason, a phone call wasn't enough for me. LOL I had to go into the day after, and show the three interact. Enjoy, and don't forget to review.

Disclaimer: As always, I sadly don't own anything you recognize.

God, this is boring. I'm sitting up in this hospital bed. I have to get out of here soon. I hope Bobby gets back soon with that coffee.

Thank God someone is knocking at the door. I really need a distraction. I call out to them, "Come in."

It's Bishop. OK, for her to be here, something's wrong. She keeps her voice low as she greets me, "Hi."

She closes the door behind her. I greet, "Hi. How's it going?"

She bites her lip and sits down. I don't think I'm going to like this. She answers, "That was going to be my question."

I give her a small smile and reply, "I'll be fine, just a little pain. Out of curiosity, is there a reason you're here?"

I'm expecting her to take forever with her answer, but it comes almost immediately, "Goren. He's, he's just been missing you, and I'm worried about him. I'm sure he hasn't told you about the case we were just working on."

Ok, now she's got my attention, and I'm even more worried. I arch my eyebrows a little because I know she's right. He vaguely referred to the case. The fact that he misses me isn't a shocker, but I want to know what this has to do with the case. I urge her to continue, "No, he hasn't really told me that much. What happened?"

She answers, "We were working on a case about a computer tech. who was killed. We were looking at this computer game she was into, knowing someone she knew from there was the killer."

I nod. He told me this much, and I'm getting impatient. With a bit of that impatience shining through, I nudge her along, "I know this part. Skip ahead to the problem."

When she nods, I let the sentence dangle. She continues, "He found a pattern in a sort of alibi creating bot thing. Then we found an Easter egg in the game that gave us a name. The guy happened to be behind on his child support."

I'm guessing my eyes have probably grown about three sizes. I cut in, "Oh God. Not again. I knew something was wrong. He was too quiet. I should have guessed. He only gets that quiet when he's thinking about his family."

She looks at me, and I can tell that she's completely confused. It figures. She hasn't been around him long enough. She doesn't know anything but the bare essentials about his family and childhood. She stammers, "You, you know?"

Now I'm confused too. Isn't the fact that it brought back memories all there is to it? Looking up at her, I want to know what she knows. I prod, "Know what? What else is there?"

It's obvious that she's afraid of my reaction to what she's going to say next. She continues to stammer, "We, we arrested the guy, MacVee. I've, I've never seen anyone act like Goren did in that interrogation room."

Boiling anger, resentment, fear, and panic threaten to spew. I yell, "You let him bring the guy in? You let him question him?"

She jumps slightly, obviously not expecting my reaction. After a moment, she calms and explains, "I didn't know he was going to yell at the guy like he did."

Rolling my eyes, I throw my hands into the air for emphasis. I yell some more, "You read a paper in the past year? You read up on him when you came in? You know anything about his childhood?"

I watch as she immediately stiffens. She tries to explain herself again, "I, I'm sorry. I, I just didn't know."

I close my eyes, wishing with everything I am that I could go back in time and stop him from talking to this guy. I even out my voice. It's low as I continue to question her, "Please tell me he caught himself, at least. He can't handle another Croyden."

Loosening up a little, she lowers her head. She answers, "I, I don't know anything about Croyden. I just know that MacVee told us that he had paid up. The papers just hadn't run through the court system. I've never seen anyone go as pale as Goren did in that instant. He honestly looked like a ghost of some sort. He took off out of the room. It wasn't exactly easy trying to keep up with him, and even attempt to try and decipher his rambling. He kept mentioning that Croyden person and a guy named Wally. I didn't understand. He just kept getting worse and worse, and finally just said that you would have understood. He told me to go send him home and apologize for him. I turned around to make sure he wasn't doing something crazy, and he threw a paper wad at your desk. It landed in your chair."

If I could hit something in that instant, I would. I'm just so frustrated and angry. I should have been there. I want to cry now. I can't believe this. I let him down. I wasn't there for him when he needed and wanted me around. What kind of a partner am I? In a total daze now, and far from the animated outraged woman of a few moments ago, I respond, "Thank you. I, I'm sorry. I, I've got to find a way to make things right."

I stop when Bishop interrupts my revelry, "Eames, he, he just misses you, a lot. I guess in a way it bothers me. I can't even come close. When I came back, he was staring at your desk. After a couple of minutes he turned to me, and he had it. He solved the case. The creator of the game felt like his partner was abandoning him for this girl, the gamer. He, he killed her hoping to get his partner back. When he told me there, there are no words to explain the look on his face, besides heartbreak. No matter what I do or don't do, he always wants you. Please, please just talk to him."

I think I'm still just in utter shock over all of this, and how I could possibly not been there for him. God, she's right. I have to talk to him, the moment he comes back. He has to know. He has to know. I'd never abandon him. I could never abandon him. God only knows how much I've missed him. Looking Bishop directly in the eye, I assure her, "Trust me. I'll talk to him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your responsibility. It's mine. It was my fault. I should have been there. I should have stopped him."

I can see a quick flash of anger cross her face now. She asks, "How was this your fault?"

Looking at her again, I clarify, "I'm his partner. I should have been there. I know how he is. I know what sets him off."

She jumps out of the chair now. Looking down at me, she's the one yelling now, "It's no one's fault. Besides, look at yourself. You just gave birth, what, twelve hours ago?"

I hate it when people use common sense, and are right. It's just not any fun. Logic shouldn't figure into this. The only thing that matters is that I let him down. He needed me, and I wasn't there. I explain, "He needed someone who understands. I'm always there for him. I want to be. With, with this maternity leave, I, I have just about abandoned him. He's fending for himself."

All right, I have to admit; the last part was a bit harsh, especially since it's far from true really. I mean, he had Deakins and her mainly at work. Not to mention the time we've spent together. I've tried to help him unwind, so to speak, but I know how he is. He gets so worked up. He just can't let it go, and he takes everything so seriously. But it doesn't even seem like our lunches and dinners have been enough lately. Bishop's bellowing brings me out of my thoughts, "And what I am? I'm trying to help, but he doesn't talk to me about anything. He's closed off, and wants to keep that way, apparently. No one is telling me anything and then blaming themselves when he does something crazy, that I didn't know how to or why I should stop him."

Looking away, I know that I can't deny her point. She's right. We haven't been fair to her or ourselves. It's just been one big mess. Looking back at her, I attempt to explain, so that she can understand, "There's a woman named Nicole Wallace. She's one of the few who got away, the first time she met up with Goren. About a year ago now she came after him. She smuggled anthrax, and had all the evidence point to a guy who had, years before, run out on his family. In case you didn't know, Bobby's father did the same when he was eleven. Anyway, Goren hounded this guy, Croyden. He was sure Croyden was involved somehow. Even after I questioned him on it, he wouldn't let it go. He couldn't let him go. Nicole killed Croyden and made it look like a suicide. She even had a fake suicide note, blaming Goren for pushing him over the edge. Nicole basically flaunted her alias and life in Goren's face. We proved she was Nicole, and she's now rotting in jail for the rest of her miserable life. But Goren still blames himself. He can't let the whole experience go anymore than he could let Croyden go when we were investigating it. Nothing even I can say can really truly help. I don't know if he could handle it if it happened again. Wally was an expert in insurance fraud. We needed his expertise during a case we were working. Goren was sure that there was a pattern to the killings. It turned out that there were several patterns involved, and that Wally had Asperiger's, and was knee deep into the murders and fraud himself. Goren just has a history, a pattern with patterns, I guess you could say."

I'm not sure how long I can take her sitting there staring at me with that blank stare. I think I shocked her, or at the very least I seem to have sobered her up to the truth that is Bobby Goren. I should have had this conversation with her when I was first put on desk duty. After a long pause, she looks away from me and speaks, "I'm sorry. I didn't know to keep him out of it."

I'm tired of that. She needs to stop saying, over and over that's she's sorry. It's not helping the situation at all. I think my patience is starting to thin again. With a sigh, I reply, "Just be careful next time. Anyway, you should go. I want to talk to him alone. He'll be back any second. He just went to find some coffee."

She stands up. With a smile, she replies, "I made sure it took him a while. I don't want him to know I was here either. Tell your sister congratulations for me. Get better soon. I don't know how much longer he can take being apart from you."

I can't help but smile. The poor guy. I can just imagine how he's having to wander the building looking for coffee, for me. She turns around and walks out, closing the door behind her. Maybe there is hope for her yet.