I know everyone's doing it but I need to get my thoughts out after that episode. It was good but the ending really puzzled me. If you haven't seen the 100th episode yet stop reading- beyond lies spoilers!!
Why would he just give up like that? He loves her! I know he'll give it another shot but I just couldn't believe he would quit so easily after keeping his feelings pent up for so long. I know she's scared but he can help her through it. Anyways, here's my continuation on the episode. The beginning is the dialog from the show. I don't own Bones- just wished I did.
"I can't change. I can't."
All Booth could think as Bones broke his heart is that he had pushed her too far. She was terrified of what he was offering and she couldn't handle it. She wouldn't handle it. Booth had been waiting for Brennan to be ready for years. He thought if he just waited, showed her he'd always be there that she would understand but now he didn't know if that was true. She wasn't willing to try. He wanted someone that he could share his life with and if Brennan couldn't then he had to find someone else. He wanted it to be her.
"Okay."
"Don't look so sad. Can we still work together?"
"Yeah." Booth could never turn her down. Even when she was breaking his heart he couldn't just abandon her. He promised her he wouldn't.
"Thank you."
"But I have to move on. I have to find someone who will love me in 30, 40, 50 years." Can't she see how much Booth wants that to be her?
"I know." Why was she so willing to give up? She started walking away but like always he caught up with her. She bumped him like he had done so often and then leaned her head on his shoulder looking for comfort. Wanting to know she hadn't ruined it between them. He wanted so badly to give her that comfort but the gambler in him wouldn't let him this time. He knew she felt something. She just needed to learn how to trust it and he was tired of being patient. If he loved her so much how could he just move on? He tried one time out loud. He couldn't just leave it at that.
"Temperance stop. We can't pretend this didn't happen. We've been pretending for years that there's no attraction. That you don't know how I feel about you. But we can't keep doing that. I've told you I want to try. That changes thing."
"It doesn't have to."
"How can it not? We can't put the feelings back. Just tell me why you can't try. What you feel you can't change."
"Stop. You can't do this." Bones protested clearing panicking about what was happening. She had hoped booth would let it go but it didn't seem that would happen. "You always stayed on your side of the line and now you're coming over and you can't do that. I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to love someone and trust they'll stay around for me. I drive people away and you saying how you feel gets us one step closer to that happening. You are my best friend, the only person who gets me and I need you just like this. I can't risk losing that. I can't change the way you need me to and I don't want to lose what we have right now. You deserve better than me in a romantic sense. So I need to just stay your partner and that needs to be okay."
"You are wrong. I don't deserve you at all. You are more than I ever dreamed I would have and the way I feel about you is more than I could ever imagine it being."
"You'll find someone else. If you let yourself you'll find someone better than me."
"No one else is going to be you. I want to believe that I can move on because it would be a lot easier but I don't think I can do it. I can try but it may not be possible, ever. I have been waiting for you to be ready for this for awhile now and I think you know that. I think you've know for awhile how I feel about you. I believe we can have something great but if you don't let us try then we'll never know and we really will miss our moment just like Sweets said. I'm not willing to do that. I want that greatness in my life. I want someone to grow old with." He knew he was rambling but he had to get it all out.
"I can't give you that." Brennan choked out pleading with him to let this be. To let it go.
"I don't accept that. You are the bravest person I know. You survived your parents leaving you. You survived foster care and you became the best of the best. You can do this. I know you can. I don't need you to change I just need you to try. For us."
"I don't know how. I don't know how to love someone and expect them to keep loving me." Booth knew she was scared and he could understand that but he had proven himself to her over and over again.
"If you were in trouble, would I ever leave you?"
"No." Brennan answered with no hesitance at all. She didn't listen to her gut often but she knew her gut was telling her he never would.
"Have I ever not been there when you needed me to? Even when we didn't really like each other at the beginning." Booth asked with a smile.
"No."
"Then why do you think that will change?"
"Because I'll do something wrong. I'll push you away. I won't be enough for you anymoore. Just like with everyone else." Booth grabbed his shoulders at that statement desperate to get her to undertand.
"That's not possible. If you haven't pushed me away yet nothing will and you will always be enough for me. Always." He said in the fiercest voice she had ever heard form him. "I just want to be able to love you. I want to be able to share my whole life with you not just parts like we do now. That's all I want."
"I can't give that to you."
"Stop saying that. I'll show you how. I'll teach you. I just need you to want it. I just need some idea that you feel the same way about me."
Brennan closed her eyes at that statement. She never had really understood love but the feelings that she felt for Booth couldn't be explained any either way. "You are the only person who has ever stayed. You are the only person since my parents I have ever truly trusted and wanted to be with. And I think I do love you but it won't last. It never does." She said as a tear slid down her cheek.
"Damnit Bones. Don't say that. Trust me. Trust us. I have done nothing for you to believe that I will let you down. Look at the evidence. I hold you when you cry. I spend most of my time with you already. I took a bullet for you. The evidence points to me being here for you always. There's nothing you could do that would push me away. Except this. Except refusing to try Bones. I just need a wink, a maybe, something to say I'm not hoping in vain."
"I don't want to lose what we have."
You won't Bones but this isn't enough for me anymore. I need all of you. It's too hard to just have a little bit. I've known since the beginning we could have more."
"How have you known?"
"I just do. We are it for each other. We complement each other just like Sweets said. Brains and heart. I love you and I've loved you for a long time now."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why would you love me?" She whispered unable to believe that this man could every truly love her. She wanted it to be true but she didn't know how it could be possible.
"Because you're Bones. You need facts before you'll believe anything. You have no idea about any pop culture references that I say. You are fiercely loyal. You are terrified that people will see how scared you are sometimes. You became the best in your field to prove yourself." Booth said on a roll that he was finally being honest with her. "I love that you get a little crinkle in your forehead when you're looking at me like I'm from another planet. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your scent on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. To paraphrase the rest of the movie I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want that life to start now. So let us. Take the gamble."
"I've never seen that movie."
"And I love that you've never seen it but that's not the point here. Just jump Bones. Put the brain in park. Or look at the facts and see that we are supposed to be together." Booth said done pleading his case. Praying that it would be enough. She didn't say anything for a long time and he closed his eyes knowing that it wasn't going to work.
"I do trust you. I'm scared because I know what my heart wants and I don't know how to listen to it."
"I'll show you. Just take the first step. We need to give this a shot and I know that if we do we'll be that couple in 50 years."
"You can't know that."
"I do." She stared at him for a few minutes and he willed her to believe him. She searched his eyes for the answer and finally she got it.
"Okay."
"Okay what?" Booth asked not daring to believe it until she said it herself.
"I think we should give it a try, too."
"Yeah?" Booth said as his face broke into the biggest smile he had ever had.
"Yeah. But you have to help me." She said finally looking him in the eye.
"The great Temperance Brennan asking for help?" Booth joked hoping that she wouldn't get spooked.
"Don't push it."
"Believe me I won't. You have just made me the happiest person on this planet." He said as he enveloped her in a hug.
"There's no way to know that-"
"Bones stop talking." He said pulling back. "I'm going to kiss you now. Unless you don't want me to."
"I definitely want you to. I don't think the physical part of this relationship is going to be the problem."
"No?"
"No. I find you very appealing."
"I find you very appealing to." Booth said before making her his promise. "We can do this. We will do this."
"I'm scared."
"I know you are."
"I trust you Booth." Bones said hoping that he understood all the meaning behind her words.
"I love you Bones." Booth said as he closed the gap between them both pouring themselves into that kiss and ready for whatever was coming next.
