Bored Edward meets refreshingly honest Bella. A frustrating day of moving house turns into a night at a birthday party, where bare chests, ouzo and strippers become a recipe for falling in love - a short bit of fluff as a birthday present for Heather Maven. E&B AH Humor/Romance

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Chapter 1 – Convenience

EPOV

I shut the lights off in the lab. Once again, I'm the last to leave, having said goodnight to each of the team as they left to go home to their partners and families, for home cooked food and regular sex. The mistake I've made is starting to numb my brain and it's time to do something constructive about it while I still have choices.

I think about tonight's choices. I can go home with take-out, go home and microwave something unappetizing or since it's Wednesday, I can skip dinner and go fuck my girlfriend, or rather my non-exclusive, pseudo-girlfriend who doesn't cook and who doesn't particularly inspire me to make things more permanent. However, I always get Wednesdays – and I usually take 'em.

Tanya is incredibly beautiful and boring. Like many other trophy women I've been involved with, she cares more about her appearance than the news headlines. I don't even think she realizes how bored I am, that I feel like I'm on a treadmill. The guys I work with think I'm the luckiest man alive to be tapping her and frankly, I'm not interested enough to discuss it when it's not that great – they think I'm keeping the details to myself.

The most exciting thing in my life is the move coming up this weekend. Tanya is moving into a large apartment with two other friends. I've already met one of them and she is also beautiful but I don't know her well enough to gauge if she's boring. Rosalie Hale seems friendly enough but she keeps her distance for some reason. I guess she's shy, so she's probably boring. Ho hum – it's embarrassing what I do for good-looking pussy.

The third one is already in town somewhere, a friend from college and a schoolteacher, an English schoolteacher to be exact, called Bella. I bet she's the most boring of the three. Will she live up to the name? Perhaps she's an Italian beauty, a sublime creature worthy of a precious sculptor's attention? I seriously doubt it. I'm imagining the plaid skirt and the shirt buttoned-right-up-to-the-collar – sensible shoes – Christ I can feel the yawns starting already.

Not that Tanya and I were ever particularly spontaneous, but I can see this weekend being the end of us. The prospect of having to make polite conversation with two women I don't know for who knows how long while maneuvering their roommate into bed with me is going to be demoralizing. I can't bear the thought of one of them saying, "See you next Wednesday!"

Just... no.

I'm doing the right thing, however, moving Tanya into the apartment, and then I think I'll leave her to it. I need to face the fact that I'm wasting my time.

Tanya batted her false eyelashes at my brother, Emmett, so he's also been roped in to moving her stuff. Thank God. Otherwise I'll be doing it myself, or with one of Tanya's other acquaintances – I'd rather pull my shoulder out than meet one of her other "friends". It would do my head in, what's left of it.

Early on Saturday morning, Tanya wakes me to go pick up the truck and I groan. She was all over me last night, in payment no doubt for the hell that's before me – not a bad blowjob really – she's quite talented when she makes an effort and thinks about me for a change. The thing is, she won't swallow so she makes me put on a condom so I can fuck her to finish. I asked her if she'd consider blowing me with the condom on and she looked at me like I had two heads. It was worth a try. Believe me, there is nothing worse than trying to estimate how long you've got to go before you need to pull out, get covered and get back in somewhere else. It takes all the enjoyment away from the deed when there's a good chance you'll end up blowing in a condom not buried in something. You may as well jack off and let it rip – a prospect that's become more attractive every week I've spent with Tanya.

Emmett and I knock out the heavy stuff by lunchtime and we do a last trip to Tanya's; emptying it completely. Rosalie had the good sense to get a professional team to do her move. When we get back, the girls are arguing over the configuration of the living room furniture, seemingly unable to carry anything in from the truck until they make this vital decision.

"Is there any cold beer?" Emmett calls out to them just as I think the same thing.

"Not unless you brought it!" Rosalie replies sarcastically as she struggles with a couch. This is fucking ridiculous and I'm over it. No blowjob is worth this shemozzle.

I try to intervene and get someone to help. "Girls, girls, girls, we have a truck to unpack in the driveway."

"Not my stuff!" Miss Hale has a large stick up her ass with a bitch flag on the end.

"Well thanks very much!" Emmett calls out and leaves, hopefully to bring in some boxes and not drive off on me. I swear I wouldn't blame him with the attitude in this room.

"Tanya!" I raise my voice one decibel below blowing a fuse.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute!"

I storm out and thankfully come upon Emmett with three boxes on a trolley. "We get this shit inside the door and then we leave them to it."

"Agreed - I'll owe you one, Em."

"You'll owe me more than one, little brother. Why are you with her again?"

"Just shoot me."

Tanya makes it outside for one trip and we soon realize we're better off without her because she wants to bring the boxes inside according to some harebrained system she concocted back at her apartment. Emmett shuts her down by saying this is not a fucking multi-storey office move and we'll bring them in as we find them. She huffs off and doesn't pester us again. The shit-eating grin on Em's face when she takes off makes me double over in laughter, the first enjoyment I've had so far today. I really shouldn't laugh at a woman I sleep with, but unfortunately, that time has arrived.

After that, everything is funny. We start speculating on the contents of the boxes based on their weight and come up with some hilarious possibilities. Then we start taking bets on the actual contents of the ones we can get into and amazingly, I lose fifty bucks – it says a lot really.

I'm still laughing as I hand him the note from my wallet when a girl comes up to us wheeling two huge glossy red suitcases and asks us if we're having fun. I nod at her thinking she looks the exact opposite of the two women inside as she's lugging her own stuff and managing very well. She looks around and then turns in the direction of their apartment, I suppose to get in the elevator and go up to a level where chaos hasn't taken over; but soon there's a whole lot of screaming coming out of their ground floor apartment, the kind that means this is the third roommate, the English schoolteacher roommate.

After a few minutes, we hear raised voices and suddenly the three of them come out, Rosalie and Tanya looking like they've been whipped, and they offer to take a box each. The newcomer apologizes profusely, saying she thought we were just hot moving guys when she spoke to us before and didn't realize we were here to help out.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by this pocket powerhouse and the girls trotting off with their boxes so I only hear Emmett when he clicks his fingers in my face. "Did you hear that? She said hot moving guys. The lady has taste."

"And good manners, Em."

"And sensational ta-ta's, Ed."

"Has she?"

"Tell me you noticed the rack, Edward."

"I thought she looked quite small, petite actually."

He just snorts and shakes his head at me. I really didn't notice what she looked like. I must be shutting down the draw of the anatomy of good-looking chicks. The three of them come straight back out and I hand Tanya one of the lighter boxes to take in. I realize now what Em was talking about, like I must have been fucking blind to miss that swell poking out of the top of the tank top, but it's got me now. I can barely keep my eyes off it. She is petite but taller than I thought. I can't tell what her hair is like because it's twisted up on her head but she's staring at me for some reason and soon I catch on that she's waiting for me to hand her a box to carry in. The smirk on her face tells me she knows I've been checking her out and she responds by running her beautiful brown eyes over me in a full body scan. She seems to like what she sees.

"You're Edward, right?" she says, still smirking and tempting me to make a decision about whether there's a bra under that tank top or not. Fucking Emmett – he got me into this state by pointing them out. When I nod stupidly, she turns around and I hear her giggle as she walks inside. I notice the rear end is not bad either. I shake myself out of my funk and look directly into my brother's broad grin.

He says to me, "You better be careful you perve because you just watched a shit-storm of trouble walk into that apartment where your girlfriend lives."

"Yep, she's got my interest. What girlfriend?"

He starts to laugh and says, "I might have to visit you over here and get front row seats for this one. What's your regular night again?"

"Wednesdays."

I jump in the back of the truck to get the last of the boxes out, wishing I could drag this out a little longer so I can watch her arrive and depart a couple more times. Just one more load is all it takes and Tanya announces the truck has to go back before four - that's where my car is. I'll have to think fast to get myself invited back.

I look out the window and see Bella pulling another two huge suitcases and I rush out to help her. At first, she says she's fine, but I insist on helping and she tells me she's lucky that Tanya and Rosalie have everything because all she has are clothes and books. She doesn't offer any more information and now I'm intrigued as to why.

I stand around looking at my watch, waiting for one of them to offer me something, but nothing is forthcoming so I say I'm going to drop off the truck. They barely notice as Tanya tries to sort her boxes into the correct rooms, huffing and pushing them around the apartment with her foot. I suppose at least she's doing something constructive now and the arguing has ceased.

I give up, call out goodbye and leave when I get no response. Just as I start the truck, Bella comes racing out and asks me if she can join me, telling me she's going to spring for dinner and beers to thank us for our help. At least someone cares. I'm surprised Emmett's still there because I thought he disappeared but she tells me he's asleep on the couch now that the moving is done. They can rattle pots and pans all they want and he'll never wake up.

"So, Edward, Tanya told me you two are not exclusive. How exactly does that work?" That's an interesting question from someone I've just met. She's obviously not shy.

"Truth?" She nods and waits. "It means we don't like each other enough to commit to a real relationship. It's probably another way of saying it's convenient."

"No, I should have said how could that possibly work? I mean you're…" She fans out her hand over me.

"Old? Boring? Confused? Incapacitated?" I have no idea what she'll choose for an answer.

She laughs to herself and says, "Hot, incredibly hot. How can she share you?"

I try to ignore the compliment and tell myself she's just being nice, but my pulse rate has other ideas. "She knows I'm not seeing anyone else."

She actually huffs at me. "Well, fuck me. I know she's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I never figured she was an idiot."

I frown at her, momentarily confused. "Why did you agree to move in with her if you don't like her?" I can't wait for this answer.

She chuckles before thinking about what she wants to say. Then her expression changes and she looks kind of sad. "Well the guy I was living with broke up with me over the phone and when I came home, the apartment was empty... of furniture. He took everything we owned, leaving me with my books and clothes."

"Oh, that sucks." My heart goes out to her. She has an actual story and it's not pretty.

"So you see, Edward, it's convenient for me to be with Tanya as well."

I'm quiet, thinking about convenience and how dull it is when something about this strikes me as funny and I start to laugh. She joins me with a belly laugh that is real and very sexy and I feel it - there's something interesting going on here between me and this unusually honest girl. It's refreshing and incredibly attractive.

Bella's idea of springing for dinner is not pizza or Chinese but groceries. She tells me how bad fast food is for you so I go along, half agreeing with her, but shit, I hope she doesn't want me to cook any of it because that would be a pointless exercise. When I tell her my arms are too weak to cut through a carrot, she grips my upper arm and tells me to stop lying. I'm not lying - everything feels shaky and strained. We pick up some wine and beer and she wants at least one six pack to be light because she has to be somewhere tonight. I must have had a disappointed look on my face because she asks me if I want to come with her. I seriously struggle to answer the question because that tiny innuendo causes my cock to twitch and I have to concentrate on not getting a boner in a grocery store where the woman at the cash register might accuse me of… trying to steal something.

I ask her where she's going and she says a birthday party. I tell her it sounds too personal for me to be crashing someone's birthday party with a girl I've only met today and she shrugs, saying I can stay home on a Saturday night if I want but that she's sure I'll get a kick out of this one because her friend, Heather, knows how to throw a party. She does that full body scan thing again and the way she says it makes me interested so I agree. The truth is she's interesting. Everything we've done is pretty mundane but I'm enjoying myself and I think it's because she's with me. She's been open about the fact that she finds me attractive but she doesn't babble on with a lot of mindless questions and she hasn't probed any further about Tanya, innately knowing that there's nothing intelligent to discuss on that subject.

We get back to the house and the amount of unpacking completed is miniscule. Bella starts opening doors and drawers, investigating where she can put her groceries and huffing when she realizes Tanya and Rosalie have failed to unpack any cooking utensils or pots. I can see she's boiling and I help her to unpack what we've bought by placing items on the counter, not trying to organize anything but giving her an overview of what we've got. She seems to understand my process of helping and smiles at me, asking me if I'd like an ice cream. I find myself nodding because as soon as she says it, something cool and creamy sounds really appealing. She doesn't call the others who are rattling around in their bedrooms and we know from the snoring that Emmett is still on the couch, so it's just the two of us, sitting on stools, ready to enjoy our ice cream.

I soon find out that is one of Bella's favorite things. She moans as she licks and sucks with her eyes closed, and I'm wondering if she's doing it on purpose to get a rise out of me. It's working. I keep stopping to watch her and the filth that fills my head is disgusting. She's been sweet and honest and nothing but nice to me and all I can think of is her icy tongue on me…

In my dreamy state, I start to lean closer to her with every lick and suddenly I'm not holding my ice cream upright. It drips on her chest, not her top, but right onto her skin, to the side, on the swell of her tits. She realizes and looks down with a squeak as the drips start sliding down her breast towards the cleavage and then disappear. I hold my breath and pull back my fingers from creeping forward towards what remains of the trail of melted ice cream. I have an overwhelming urge to put my tongue into her cleavage and lap up the damage but that would lead to a slapped face, an erection in public and no invitation back, ever. Jesus.

Her eyes bug out at me as she licks the ice cream stick clean and then holds it in her mouth while she jumps up to walk around to the sink, checking between her tits. She runs water on a cloth, pulls the front of the tank down slightly and then pushes the cloth deep down into the cleavage. I get my answer from before – the bra is lacy and hot pink. While she's busy, I adjust myself and look around to see if I've been caught. A little delayed, I apologize and she tells me not to worry about it. She throws the stick in the trash and goes back to looking for things to cook with. I'm left in shock; absolutely certain she has no idea what she just did to me.

Soon, she has everything she needs and starts browning some beef, asking me if I like Mexican. I tell her I love it and she hits me with a big beaming smile that seriously melts me. Previously unable to cook anything, I find myself standing next to her, stirring minced beef and sprinkling in assorted spices according to her instructions, hoping I don't mess this up. She seems very grateful for my help until she asks me to open a can of beans she purchased and I start to laugh. I'm finding the smallest things are amusing today and one of them is my brother full of Mexican food with beans. She wants me to explain and I just can't go there. She even tries to poke me in the ribs and I don't cave.

In frustration, she asks me to stir the beans in, then add a can of tomatoes and turn the stove down to low. She then inspects the oven with a groan and it takes me ages to open the two cans, mainly because I'm watching her ass shimmy as she scrubs the oven out with gusto. My head starts to spin with fantasies again, this time I'm holding her hips gently before me as she fucks back onto my cock, watching it enter her over and over again.

I have to excuse myself to go the bathroom and I sit down with my head in my hands, wondering what the fuck is happening to me. I'm not that sex starved and she hasn't given me any encouragement except for a few interested looks and one – well two – comments about my being hot. I'm used to that and it doesn't normally effect me like this. I'm so totally out of my depth and know Tanya is going to notice soon enough. It's a wonder she hasn't been out already wondering what I've been doing all this time with her new roommate, so I think the writing is on the wall - she's as uninterested in me as I am in her. She's always given me a green light to see other people and I've finally found someone I want, no need, to pursue. There are just too many things to like about her to ignore it, especially since she seems to be single – speaking of which, I had better clear that up. I have no idea how long ago she got cleaned out by the ex. She could have been with someone else since, someone who could be there tonight. I decide there's only one way to find out.

The dinner is excellent and everyone is relaxed. We've all decided to give the party a go and I see a moment of vulnerability in Rosalie when she asks Emmett if he'll make sure he arrives with her so she doesn't have to go in alone. I never think of arriving at a party from the perspective of a beautiful woman when every schmuck in the room eyes her up, thinking he has a chance with her. It must be daunting. It's nice to see a different side of Rosalie, one where she has blood in her veins. Emmett doesn't hesitate either so he must have had some interaction with her that I didn't see because all I heard was a lot of snoring this afternoon. I offer to take everyone in my car. It's a squeeze but the party's not far.

"No, I have to take my car," Bella answers, and I momentarily look at her, wondering why she's suddenly creating distance when the group thing was just starting to become friendly. She shrugs at me and says, "I don't have a bed here. They're not delivering it until Monday, so I'll probably stay at Heather's."

It wouldn't be appropriate at this point to blurt out that she could stay with me so I look down at my empty plate and when I look up at her again, she's smiling at me, turning her head slightly. I smile back and start collecting plates.

My brother turns out to be a genius. "Edward, you go with Bella. I'll take the two gorgeous blondes with me," he says wiggling his eyebrows. The two blondes in question start to giggle and both nod. That's twenty-fucking-million I owe you big brother.

This is the point where things get awkward. The girls have a bathroom each and there's a spare in the hallway that Emmett's already parked himself in. I guess I'm expected to go with Tanya and get dressed, especially since my spare clothes are packed in one of the boxes in her bedroom. She's sensing the change as much as I am, like she doesn't want me to get too comfortable in the new place. She hands me a box with my name on it, half-full of my clothes, while she steps into her bathroom. It's like she's saying, "See ya later." That's how I take it anyway. I'm so ready to embrace the idea of a break.

I grab a beer from the fridge and check the view from the front door when I hear the click of shoes on the tiles. I turn round to see Bella, coming up the hallway, ready to go. She's looks incredible in a sexy black dress that clings to every curve on her body.

Her legs are long, shapely and fantastic, especially in heels.

Her hair is down, smooth and glossy, the kind of hair you could lose yourself in.

Her eyes are subtly smoky and her full lips greet me by turning up in a smile.

I feel myself sigh.

As if I'm not already blown away, she walks right up to me and kisses me on the cheek, thanking me for helping today. My hands touch her silky hair and suddenly I'm lost for words. What eventually spews out of my mouth is, "You look… beautiful, especially the backpack. Glad it's the same color as the dress." She looks down and then I hear that belly laugh again. I resist the urge to grab her and hug her.

"It's my overnight bag. Are you looking for a bathroom? Mine's free."

I thank her and take my box up to the end on the left. Thank God, it's not next to Tanya's room because I already want to keep my distance from her. I pull off my t-shirt and look around for something to use to shave with when I hear Bella's voice calling my name. For a moment she stands there like she's stunned, then she crouches on the floor at one of those huge suitcases, pulls out a towel and a large cosmetic bag, finds me a razor, stands and looks over my face.

"You're going to shave aren't you?" she asks innocently. It comes out sounding more like a request than a question - it's a very personal thing to say to me if she's not interested. If I just read that right, she just told me she likes smooth shaven men and there's a good chance she'll let me get close enough for her to touch my face tonight.

Then she smiles at me as if she's waiting for me to say something. I look down at the razor and realize she's still expecting an answer. Nervously, I chuckle and nod, then head for the bathroom and just as I go through the door I chance a last glimpse of her. She's leaning back, holding onto the door frame and when she realizes I've caught her, she raises a foot behind her, rolls her eyes and says, "Damn shoe." She gives me a slightly embarrassed smile before heading down the hallway and I'm sure I hear her whisper, "Fuck," through a big puff of air.

I'm grinning as I close the door of the bathroom, ready to do the best damn shave job I can.

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A/N

Maybe one or two more chapters, Heather, just so you know we didn't forget you.

This fluff was beta'd by Edwards Beachlover who knocked it into shape at the very last minute.