In the Wrong Universe
I.
His breath smelled heavy with cigarettes and alcohol and Draco knew that this was going to be quick. He himself hadn't a lot to drink but definitely felt the effect of the wine inside his veins. He would've typically picked something stronger, like Firewhiskey, but tonight he felt posh and planned to keep his cool even under the weight of this burly, long-bearded man with thick hands and thick arms.
It hadn't been five minutes into their conversation at the bar when Draco had followed him outside to apparate to the stranger's flat.
He was scared and excited all at once.
He was pushed onto his back on top of the bed that was only half-covered with wrinkled, grey sheets. The husky male grabbed both sides of Draco's head, almost covering it entirely, and crashed his lips hard against his. It was warm and wet and Draco suffocated under the heavy, sour breath. He struggled to breathe and let out a desperate moan in his throat. The man pulled up and stared intently into Draco's eyes.
"Are you hard?" As he reached down between his legs, Draco quickly grabbed his arm.
"Wait. I need to tell you something first."
The man sighed impatiently. "I don't like talking."
"I understand," Draco quickly replied before any of them changed their minds. "We agreed. Less talk, more fucking. But this is important and it's something I tell all my partners." It was half a lie as Draco hadn't had a sexual partner in a very long time. He'd never admit that to a man like this one.
"What is it, do you have a contagious disease?"
"No!" Again, Draco cut him off quickly. "No. Not at all. I'm just...I'm...I'm born..."
The man enveloped his giant hand on Draco's crotch, cutting off his words along with his dignity.
"Get off me!" Draco yelled, pulling himself higher onto the mattress as the man's face dropped from pleasure to shock.
"What the fuck! Where the fuck is your cock?!" Draco remained silent, his heart beating frantically inside his chest. The man grabbed him again; this time with an intention to hurt him.
"Where the fuck is your fucking cock you freak?!"
"Get your filthy hand off me!" Draco's voice was shrill and desperate. As he struggled, the man's other hand pushed down his chest, pinning him to the bed, while he continued fondling him with the other.
"What are you, you fucking freak?!"
"Stop it, get off me you savage! You fucking monster!" The man let go of Draco's genitals and punched him hard, blackening his vision. Draco was terrified and wasn't able to move. He willed himself to apparate, to do anything to get out of this. He wanted to scream and cry but knew that nobody would hear him. In the darkness, he felt his body being cut and slashed and finally screamed with all his might at the very top of his lungs.
II.
The loud sirens of the emergency ward pulled Harry out of his thoughts and quickly out of his chair; knocking over a large coffee mug and a box of old case files. He almost slipped and fell running over the folders before grabbing the doorknob to steady himself.
"Room 108! Clear out room 108!" He heard the ward manager, Healer Modley, yell across the corridor. Harry ran toward the room, took out his wand and cleared everything to it's proper place. He'd only had a small handful of emergency situations since being asked to cover the night shifts at this ward.
"All cleared!" He yelled back toward Modley and the other healer wheeling in a patient who was unconscious and almost entirely covered in blood. Harry swallowed, took a deep breath, and let himself feel the courage that was needed to help save this person's life. When they got inside the room, Harry's mouth dropped in his discovery of the patient's identity.
Draco Malfoy's blond hair was messier than Harry had ever seen, and his left eye was swollen in a deep purple bruise.
"Mr. Potter, he's losing blood, we need to work immediately," Modley said as he locked the door after setting Draco's body on the table. Draco had deep, six-inch gashes all across his thighs and lower abdomen, and blood had soaked his entire lower region, darkening his trousers and shoes in deep crimson wetness.
"I need to remove his clothes, Modley. The cuts have to get mended. Please get some dittany." Modley directed the other healer for the potion, took out his wand, and pointed it at Draco's waist. "Quickly, Potter." Modley's urgent and panicked voice instantly ended Harry's hesitation at stripping down his former enemy. Draco's belt was cut as they both worked down his trousers all the way to his ankles.
"I'm sorry mate, those looked expensive but your life matters more." Modley sounded genuinely regretful as Harry carefully peeled off the fabric from Draco's legs. His pants came off with them, the spell cutting through all they layers of fabric but sparing his skin. Modley started to unbutton Draco's shirt, saying, "We should check the rest of his body."
Remain calm. Remain professional. Harry kept telling himself as he prepared to see Draco Malfoy in the nude. Both guilt and embarrassment crept inside of him. Malfoy had no idea what was happening and this bothered Harry immensely. Keep working. Save his life. He told himself.
This time, Harry's mouth sank even lower at what he saw: Draco had a triangle of light brown pubic hair between his legs that lead to what was clearly female genitalia. His slightly open knees and thighs were just wide enough to show the outer labia, which was pink and shaven. A larger-than-average clitoris was also visible between them. Blood had stained the entire area and more trickled down from his stomach when his shirt was finally lifted. Harry looked up to see Draco's pale and hairless chest. There was no sign of damage here expect for the two pink straight lines below his pectorals. The thick scars were clearly old; even if the color and tenderness made it seem otherwise. His nipples were a darker pink and perked out of his inch-wide areolas.
Fumbling with his wand and going back to his lower region, he nervously spelled the wounds back together, stopping the bleeding. Modley joined him, saying nothing about Draco's body or gender. He applied the dittany to the closed cuts and Harry gently covered him with a clean, white sheet. Modley nodded to him as he usually did in a job well done. He turned around as he got to the door, saying, "You might also want to check her for rape. Just in case."
Harry stood in his place for a long time, processing everything that had just happened.
III.
Draco slowly opened his eyes to a bright room that smelled like metal and bleach. His brain felt numb but his entire body was in pain. He was able to somewhat cope because of the dazed sensation inside his head. His blurry vision came almost to focus when he saw a dark-haired man enter from the door right across the bed he was lying in.
"Draco."
As he walked closer, Draco's heart pounded faster and he struggled to get off the bed.
"Draco wait. Please don't move."
"Ow...fuck..." Draco moaned in a hoarse voice as his head fell back on the pillow, moving side to side in an attempt to lessen the discomfort and misery he felt being stuck on his back.
"Where am I? Where am I?! Let me go, let me go!"
"Draco, its ok. You're at St. Mungo's. You're safe."
Draco looked down at his body. He was wearing a loose, light blue cotton shirt and trousers. Panic started to form in his stomach and his chest. He had been stripped naked with no memory of it. He looked up at the man standing over and him and recognized him straight away. It had been eleven years since he had seen Harry Potter but the lightening bolt scar, round glasses, and messy black hair were unmistakeable. He grabbed and pulled two fistfuls of his own hair, covering his eyes with both arms in extreme humiliation. This had been his worst nightmare: to be exposed, defenseless, and vulnerable in a medical environment where complete strangers would touch, stare, probe, and judge his naked body. To be discovered and outed in all of wizarding society because they would tell others, even just one person, that ex-death eater, Draco Malfoy, was really a "woman." And to his luck, the "hero" of that world, who was his school enemy, now happened to be a healer who would witness his mortifying condition.
He heard a chair being dragged against the floor near him, and knew Potter was sitting down. It was much less threatening than having him stand. It was also less threatening that he was using his first name, having called each other by their surnames all throughout Hogwarts. It didn't make him feel any less abashed and he continued to keep his face hidden.
"How are you feeling?" Potter asked.
It took Draco a good thirty seconds to move from his position. His head was still bent over, looking down at his lap.
"How did I get here? Where are my clothes?" His voice was raspy; his throat dry and sore.
"You were found at the emergency entrance behind the hospital. You were cut in fourteen different places all over your upper legs and lower torso in what was likely the Diffindo spell. You were bleeding very heavily and could've died. Another healer and I had to take off your clothes to mend the cuts, stop the bleeding, and check for all other damages."
Draco rubbed his eyes with the bottom of his palms. He wanted to be swallowed up into the floor, disappearing from everyone and everything.
"What do you remember? We're going to report this..." Potter continued.
"No, don't." Draco stopped him. "I don't want anyone to know."
"Alright," was all Potter said, and Draco slowly looked up at him for the first time.
"Maybe when you're ready," Potter tried. Draco shook his head and swallowed.
"I want to leave," he said, eyes watering as he fought back tears.
"We're going to take you to Spell Damage, where I normally work. You'll need to practice walking again and I'd like to make sure you heal correctly."
Draco was silent. He willed himself to not feel, to not cry, to not push Potter off his chair and run out the door. Even if he had to crawl.
"What other damages..." he started to speak but couldn't finish.
"Besides the cuts, nothing else, thankfully. You'll just need time to recover, practice working those muscles again, and gain strength. I'd give it about a week before you'll be able to leave."
It seemed like Potter did need more information about his attacker.
"Before he attacked me, he grabbed me inappropriately and called me a freak," he said quickly and quietly. He saw Potter visibly swallow at this. "Did he do anything else?" He asked cautiously.
Draco felt frustration rise in his chest. "I don't know! You tell me! You took off my clothes and saw everything! Did he fucking rape me?!" His voice was loud and desperate, the tears finally falling.
"No Draco, he didn't. There was no evidence of rape. I'm so sorry you went through this. I'd like it if the aurors caught him. He needs to be in Azkaban..."
"I don't want to talk about it!" Draco snapped. "Who examined me? You?"
"For rape? Yes. The other healer helped me with your wounds..."
"So you both know?" Draco's tears continued to fall. From pain and from anger.
"Yes. Healers have sworn to keep all patient information a secret. Its like an unbreakable vow. Please know that no one else will know or has to know for that matter. I will be the one who will continue to see you until you leave."
"And the paperwork? Will it say female?" Draco asked, feeling anxious and exhausted at the same time.
"No, it will say male. I will be sure of that."
"Why?"
Harry looked genuinely shocked at his question.
"Because that's what you are. What would you like me to put in your papers?"
"Male." Draco responded quickly and firmly. He felt the need to cut through whatever face Potter was trying to put on.
"Why are you being so kind and civilized, Potter?"
"Because I believe myself to be those things, Malfoy."
The use of his surname brought back some of the animosity they shared years ago. Draco realized he didn't like it, no matter how safe and familiar. He couldn't bring himself to use Potter's first name though. Even when he was clearly using his.
"I just can't trust medical people, Potter. I'm not sure you'd understand. Thank you for finding me and saving my life, but besides the few muggle doctors who did my chest surgery and helped me with hormone replacement therapy, I've had very bad experiences with everyone else. I can't even have a broken bone or the flu, things that have nothing to do with my private junk, without them making a big deal and somehow relating it to gender identity. Very few people know that I'm a transsexual. And I intend to keep it that way."
"Maybe I don't understand completely, but I empathize. I worked at London Friend, an LGBT center, before coming back to the wizarding world a couple of years ago. I met and talked with all sorts of people."
Draco was shocked to hear this. Potter had been away from wizarding society? "What's LGBT mean?"
"Oh, it stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender."
Draco raised his brows. "What made you decide to work there?"
"I'm gay. I decided to help my own people."
Draco tried his hardest not to change the calm expression of his face.
"I thought you were with Ginny Weasley."
"I was, yes. A long time ago."
Draco hated that he cared and that he was curious. All the gay wizards he met at bars were nobody he knew from school or grew up with. He wanted to know more about Potter, but as friendly as Potter was to him all these years later, it was still under a very professional exterior and he was sure his job had a lot to do with it.
"I'm gay too. I met this savage at a gay bar. I stupidly went to his home, and like almost every man I meet, he got angry and called me a freak at what he discovered. Didn't give me a chance to explain."
"You didn't do anything wrong and you're not a freak! You don't owe anyone an explanation either. Ever. In any situation. And non of what happened was your fault." Potter's voice changed at this. He sounded like he himself was offended.
"Thanks Potter." Draco sighed. He had nothing else to say. Harry Potter wasn't going to betray him and it didn't seem like he was the first transgender person he had met. This was a relief but Draco still felt embarrassed. He kept his head bent but eyed Potter from the side, who was looking at him intently. His bright, green eyes pierced into Draco's heart. He hadn't experienced an ounce of compassion from a wizard before. Potter's strong jaw and full lips were what Draco turned to next. He wondered if Potter had a boyfriend. He wondered if this boyfriend knew what a man he had. He wondered if the potions in his system were making him delirious as he was thinking about how perfect Potter was. Perfect men didn't exist and this man was once his enemy. He turned his head back, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and was glad that he was somehow able to escape a potential rapist and killer tonight.
IV.
Harry was packing the potion bottles and salves inside his case when Modley stepped in his office. "I'm going to take Miss Malfoy upstairs, Harry."
"Mister," Harry corrected him. "He's transgender, Modley. We need to use he, him, and his. Masculine pronouns." Modely was silent for longer than Harry's liking.
"Oh. Alright. That's fine," he commented civilly.
"I know we've sworn an oath but we have to make sure to keep his identity between us. Nobody else at the hospital could know. He's very anxious about it."
"I understand."
"Thank you. I'll see you upstairs."
Harry took out the shopping bag from under his desk after Modley left. He set it aside the potion case and mentally prepared himself to see Draco again. He heard Hermione's voice in his head. He was a death eater, Harry. How do we know that he won't side with the next Dark Lord if given the opportunity? The prejudice of purebloods run very deep.
Was he doing this out of sympathy? Helping his former enemy because he faced discrimination and got sexually assaulted? He supposed another would think this was some sort of justice, given Malfoy's bullying during school and involvement in the war. But Harry knew his strength was in his empathy for others. Draco was a kid like he was during Hogwarts and greatly influenced by his family. Maybe he felt like he had no other choice. He remembered him lowering his wand when attempting to kill Dumbledore and not outing him to his aunt after his capture by the Snatchers. Still, their differences in upbringing and attitude may be too great for any sort of friendship. Harry took a deep breath and sighed. He had to remain professional. He would help Malfoy for the rest of his recovery and not get any more involved than that.
Harry slowly pushed open the door and saw Modley's arms beneath Draco's armpits, helping him sit on the bed. He felt a strong sense of possessiveness in the pit of his stomach and fought the urge to run close and push Modley aside.
Calm down, Harry. He told himself. Remain professional. Modley adjusted Draco's legs onto the bed; holding each ankle with each hand. He looked to Harry and smiled. Harry smiled back. He was grateful Modley was so caring and genteel. He knew he could've ended up working with someone much less agreeable. Modley walked toward him, gently slapped him on the back whispering, "good luck" and left, locking the door behind him. Harry took the chair beside the bed, brought it closer to Draco and sat down. He set the bag and the case he was holding on the side-table.
Draco's bruise looked much lighter in color but still very swollen. Both his eyes looked tender and red. Harry's thoughts went to how heartbroken he had felt watching him cry yesterday. He wanted to give him a tissue but Malfoy kept using his sleeves to dry his tears. He figured that the tears along with the rubbing was the reason why he looked sad and exhausted. He opened his case and took out a few ointments. He twisted the cap on one of them and put his middle and ring fingers in the light yellow oil. Draco looked at him quietly, not saying a word and sitting very still. Harry gently dabbed his wet fingers on the bruise and Draco twisted his head back.
"This one's safe for the eye area," Harry softly told him.
"Your fingers are cold."
"Oh sorry about that," Harry laughed.
He took out a cotton wad from the drawer of the side-table and continued smearing the oil around Draco's eye. He put some on the other as well.
"There. It'll help with the redness and swelling."
Draco looked toward the closed door. "Is he your type?"
"Huh? Who? Modley?"
"Yeah. I think he was flirting," Draco smirked.
"Uh, no, I don't think so. There's a rule against dating people you work with. And he's straight," Harry laughed quietly.
"He's still allowed to find you attractive," Draco replied.
Harry sighed. "He's not my type. I want to check your legs and stomach. I know we destroyed your clothes last night, so here," he said, taking the orange paper bag from the table and handing it to Draco.
Draco looked genuinely surprised. "What's this?!"
"Just got some things to replace the ones you had," he said as Draco unwrapped the brown tissue paper off of a pair of navy blue velvet trousers.
"I looked for the tag inside your old ones to check your size," Harry said bashfully.
"Potter, I...I mean, thank you. Where did you find them?"
"Gladrags in Hogsmeade. They didn't have green but these are at least the same fabric."
"I didn't expect this." Draco continued unwrapping the rest of the packaged tissue paper and unfolded three pairs of boxer-brief pants. A grey one with green stripes, a black one, and a white one with yellow golden snitches embroidered all over them.
Draco smiled. "Really?"
Harry laughed. "That one's just for fun. Wasn't sure if you still played quidditch."
"How much do I owe you for these?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I'll get very angry if you even attempted."
"Thanks Potter. Its a relief knowing I won't be going home naked."
"Did you want me to contact anyone? Your mum-"
"No. Please. No one. I live alone."
"Your friends?"
"No Potter. There's no one. Long story."
"I'm sorry. Its non of my business. Put on one of those and I'll see you in a bit," Harry said walking away to a small adjacent room.
Draco's hands were shaking as a struggled to pull the black pants up to his waist. His legs felt like there was lightening going through them. Fucking Potter. He loved and hated him for this at the same time. No man had ever gifted him anything, much less something so thoughtful. He had tried to replace what he had, going all the way to Hogsmeade in his busy hospital schedule. He hated that he couldn't say more. He wanted to say more than 'thank you' but it wasn't going to come out right. Potter made him feel weak and strong at the same time. He was afraid of the vulnerability lurking right beneath his tongue if he spoke too much.
He was sitting up and looking down when Potter came back inside. He had light pink scars all over his thighs and lower stomach.
"How much pain are you in?" He asked.
"Its not unbearable but it hurts a lot when I move. Will the scars heal?"
"I'm hoping they will with time and more dittany." He picked up one of Draco's legs and slowly bent it back toward his stomach. "Let me know if it hurts too much and I'll stop."
Draco took a deep breath. "Its fine I can take it."
Harry repeated the same with his other leg. He took out a bottle of dittany from his case and poured some of the brown liquid onto his hand. He took his wand with his other hand and cast a warming charm on it. Draco smiled; remembering his comment about the coldness of his fingers. He rubbed the dittany individually on each scar, taking time and making sure that every one of them got covered.
"Here, take some for your stomach," he said, handing Draco a bottle.
"Did you use your own money or the hospital's money for the clothes?"
Harry looked up at him, feigning annoyance. "The hospital's."
"Liar."
"Draco, enough. Its done and over with. Please accept them as gifts, alright?"
Draco looked down at his body. He wanted Potter's touch. What the fuck is wrong with you?! Of course, he couldn't tell him this. He could not tell him this. Remember who you are, Slytherin. He tried pulling himself up in a sitting position and groaned in pain and shock of how strong it hit through his lower body. "FUCK."
"Draco. What are you doing?"
"I want to sit up, Potter," he said, breathlessly.
"Then say so, don't move like that so soon, you're not ready."
"Don't talk down to me!" He yelled, and immediately felt guilty for his outburst.
"I'm sorry," Harry said, through the shocked looked on his face. "That was a bit patronizing. You're not a child, you're a grown man."
Draco felt worst. He angrily took off his shirt, almost ripping it as he pulled it over his head.
"I over-reacted. I apologize," Draco said, still looking down. He was too embarrassed to face Potter. You're pathetic. He's been so kind to you.
"Draco, look, I know healers come off really condescending sometimes, and you haven't been treated right, so I understand ok?"
"I don't want to get angry at you, Potter."
"Did you sleep well last night?"
"I slept like shit."
"Then let's continue later tonight. Take a nap for as long as you want. Are you hungry?"
"I can eat."
"I'll get you something then. Meanwhile, if there's anything else you need, no matter how silly you think it is, there's a buzzer here next to your bed," Harry said, pointing at a red button on the bedpost. "It will send an alert to my wand, and I won't be far away."
Harry walked out of the room. Draco took some potion out of the bottle and rubbed it all over his lower stomach, with non of the loving, careful attention that he had felt from Harry. You don't deserve him. You never did. He threw the bottle on the floor and curled into a foetal position. He felt warm and hot and took deep, long breaths to calm his restless heart.
V.
Harry locked the door behind the small office. He leaned over the desk and touched his groin. He was internally sweating the entire time while rubbing the potion onto Draco's legs. He knew he'd gotten very hard and it took all the power in him to keep a calm, undisturbed face. Draco had well-toned lightly muscular legs with soft blond hair that covered them moderately. Then when he took his shirt off, he thought he would have to run out. His broad shoulders, round biceps, and forearms covered with the same blond hair kept Harry staring. His eyes had gone to his nipples once more, hard again and the same shade of pink as his lips. Draco looked very upset and Harry sensed his guilt. He felt ridiculously protective and felt like he would do anything to stop his grief. What the fuck is wrong with you? He's your patient for Merlin's sake! Are you some sort of a pervert? You have to be stronger than this. You can't let Malfoy ruin your job and your reputation. Get it together.
At least the hideous, lime-green St. Mungo's healers' robes were outrageously loose and covered his erection. He was sure Malfoy hadn't noticed. He never felt sexy nor comfortable in clothes like these. He threw off his coat, grabbed his wand, and decided to take a shower.
Draco slowly stretched as he opened his eyes to the dimly lit room. He heard footsteps coming close toward him and saw the outline of Harry Potter turning on the lights just a bit brighter. He smiled, saying, "How are you feeling?"
Potter was dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt that were much, much tighter than those hospital scrubs.
"What are you wearing?" He said, still sleepy.
"My own clothes. Have you heard of 'white coat anxiety?'"
"Uh...no?"
"Well, at St. Mungo's it would be 'ugly lime-green coat anxiety.'"
Draco still looked confused.
"Its a muggle term. Muggle healers, doctors as you already know, wear white coats. Some patients get anxious, even get higher blood pressure in a clinical setting. So I decided to not look like a healer. If you're ok with with."
Draco thought about this. "It, uh, actually makes sense. I prefer you looking like this." Fuck you Potter, I hate you. You look so fuckable, I can kill you. "Ready when you are. I'd like to try walking." So I can get the fuck out of here before I commit a horrible crime.
Harry grabbed Draco's elbow and gently pulled him up as Draco grabbed him back; gripping his upper arm. Potter smelled divine. Like pine and vanilla and the fresh morning after a rainy night. Draco closed his eyes and breathed him in while trying to find his balance through the pain.
"Here, take some of this." Harry handed him a pain potion. "Its not a strong dose, just enough to take the edge off. I don't want you too drowsy," he laughed.
"Thanks," Draco said, swallowing the whole thing.
"Hold both my wrists and take small steps. Let go when you feel like you won't fall."
Draco walked about ten feet with Potter's help.
"Does it hurt?"
"Just a little. I'm fine."
He loosened his hold on Potter's wrists saying, "I'm going to let go."
Harry positioned himself behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked at Malfoy's bare feet and felt the blood rush to his groin again. His nails were trimmed very short and his toes were long with knobby knuckles. His elegant yet masculine feet moved on the floor with careful determination. Harry let him go completely.
Draco felt defenseless at the absence of Potter's body. They were about the same height and weight but Potter's protective and gracious nature had made him feel so safe and secure. You've got to do this on your own. You're on your own. You'll be on your own again when you leave. He turned around and walked toward his bed. His steps were a little faster this time and Harry watched him carefully. Draco felt strong, electric pain across his legs and abdomen, and grabbed the edge of the side-table with both hands; letting himself fall slowly on both knees. He felt Harry's body behind him again.
"Draco," he whispered, softly rubbing his lower back. Draco's eyes were closed as he willed himself to get back up again. Pushing on his palms, he slowly stood up and Harry stepped away. He sat on the bed, took a deep breath, and looked up at Potter.
Harry was smiling. "Good job."
"I'm worried about the scars," Draco spoke gloomily.
"Let's look at them," Harry said as Draco put both his legs up on the bed and languidly started pulling down on the loose hospital trousers he was wearing.
"Here, let me help," Harry said, gently taking the top of his trousers and pulling them down his legs. Draco had changed into the white pants with the golden snitches. Harry grinned, exposing his bright teeth and soft wrinkles around his eyes. Potter was unfairly attractive and Draco had to look away.
"Well, I'm glad you don't hate them," he laughed.
"It's for fun. Like you said." Draco said coyly and forced himself to look back at Potter.
Harry's face turned serious as he got closer to examine his thighs.
"They look much better, Draco. We can put some more," he said, taking out another bottle of dittany from the drawer. "I think they'll fade away completely, given the time."
Potter massaged the liquid into Draco's legs. He was pressing harder this time, but with the same detailed attention to every tender line. Draco closed his eyes and enjoyed every single second of it. He had decided that Potter's hands were his new favourite thing. Potter took out something else from the drawer and continued working.
"What's that?"
"Rose-infused jojoba oil. It helps with scarring too. Let me see your stomach."
Draco froze. Potter hadn't touched his stomach yesterday. And he was hoping he wasn't going to hand him the potions and leave again. He let out the breath he was holding. He slowly pushed down his pants, stopping just above his pubic hairline. He also took off his shirt, feeling hot all of a sudden, and exposed his bare chest again in front of Potter. Potter examined his skin, purposely avoiding his chest, with the same serious look on his face.
"These look a little darker."
"I didn't apply the potion as good as you do," Draco said, a little too sadly for Harry's ears.
"I didn't want to cross any lines," Harry said, nervously.
"I don't mind. You do a good job. I don't want to see these lines. They're always going to remind me of what happened and I don't want that."
"I understand. I'll take care of it."
Harry rubbed the dittany to the thick scars on Draco's stomach. His skin felt warm and smooth, doing nothing to calm Harry's growing arousal. He switched to the rose oil and finally looked at Draco's chest.
"What did you use for those scars?"
Draco looked down to the thick lines. "Nothing. Those scars, I wanted."
"I know the wizarding world hates talking about these issues. And you're the first transgender magical person I've come across so far. Are you friends with any others?"
"Even if I were, I wouldn't out them to you, Potter."
Harry withdrew his hands from Draco's body. "I didn't want names. Sorry, Draco. That came out very wrong. I just know it gets lonely when you know no one else like yourself. I've been through that more than once. I was trying to empathize-"
"I'm sorry too, Potter. You've showed nothing but kindness since I've been here, and I've snapped at you twice already. I'm sorry, I'm on edge, I can't think straight."
"Forget it. Its fine," Harry replied, quite civilly.
"I don't know anyone trans, no. I don't know anyone gay either. I meet strangers every week, and non of them stick around long enough for any meaning relationship. Friendship or otherwise.
"What's your type?" Harry asked, smiling.
"Non of your business," Draco replied, smiling back. "Tell me yours first."
"I don't have one. Well, I mean, I guess I've noticed a pattern, but that has to do more with me than with the people I'm attracted to."
"Elaborate."
"No, I can't. I'd give too much of myself away and even my closest friends don't know. Its not that important. Plus, we have a patient/healer relationship now and it would be very awkward."
"I'll remember to owl you when I leave then."
Harry smiled. "Tell me your type now."
"I don't have one either. I haven't had the chance to develop any sort of attraction pattern. Most of the time, it never gets far enough. Either I get nervous and back out, or when they know about, you know, my 'identity,' they back out themselves."
"Sorry Draco."
"Its fine. They weren't meant to be."
"I admire that confidence. Its hard to accept something about yourself that the world judges you for. It takes courage. Trans people are incredibly courageous. To live everyday of their lives in a body they feel is wrong for them."
"I'm not born in the wrong body. I'm born in the wrong universe."
Harry looked deeply into Draco's silver eyes. He wished he had met him under different circumstances. Instead they were here, in a hospital room, playing healer and patient, and struggling to keep their distance. Still, this was a job. A job he had to finish. He took the oil and went back to Draco's stomach.
"Are my hands too cold?" He kept his tone as calm and collected as possible.
Draco sensed his apprehension. "No. Its fine." He laid back on his pillow and covered his eyes with his arm. He'll soon leave and Potter will be the past – just like the rest of the men he's been meeting. He was no fool to just fall in love with the very first person who showed kindness to him. Be the confidant man Potter thinks you are.
Harry's hands stopped moving and Draco uncovered his eyes, looking up.
"Sorry Draco, is there uh...more beneath?"
"Uh, yeah." Draco pulled down his pants halfway across his crotch, exposing almost all pubic hair and the scars around them. Harry gently smoothed the light pink lines with the dittany and oil, swallowing as he felt his pounding heart inside his chest. He looked up at Draco's flushed face. He was breathing hard and blinking incredibly slow. He spread his legs just a bit and pushed his pelvis off the bed.
"Am I hurting you?" Harry said, breathlessly.
"No...don't stop."
"Draco..."
"Potter..."
Draco was breathing heavily and desperately looked at Harry. "Keep touching me."
"Draco...I'm...this is wrong, I...I'm going to get in trouble."
"They won't know." Draco took Potter's wand off the table and pointed it at the door.
"Its already locked," Harry said.
"Good." Draco pushed his hips toward Harry's hands. Harry slipped his oily fingers further down, touching the tip of Draco's large clitoris.
"Fuck..." Draco rubbed against it, yearning for more.
Harry grabbed it between his fingers, stroking him, as his other hand went up to one of his nipples. "This is ok?"
"Yes, fuck yes."
"Can I go further down? You're so wet, Draco. I want to taste you so badly."
This had never happened to him before. "Do it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure.
Harry pulled off Draco's pants completely and put his mouth on his penis. It was two inches long and felt so perfect between Harry's lips. He licked underneath it and heard Draco moan loudly. He wanted to see him orgasm. He wanted to witness his vulnerability.
"Go inside, Potter. Slowly."
Harry rubbed his index finger up and down Draco's inner labia, enjoying his warm, slick wetness and it spilled down his hand. He brought his hand up to his mouth and licked his fingers. Draco watched him, getting very turned on by it, and rubbed his dick, wanting more.
"You taste amazing. You're so fucking gorgeous." Harry spread Draco's inner thighs carefully with both hands and worked his tongue inside.
"Oh FUCK! That feels amazing. Harry..."
This was the first time Harry heard his name on Draco's lips. His arousal went straight to his head and he took a finger and slowly put it inside Draco. He wanted to feel him deeper.
"Fuck, Harry...fuck me."
"Let me kiss you."
He kept his finger inside as we made his way up Draco's body. He used his other hand, rubbing Draco's cheek with his thumb and gently pressed his lips to his. Draco deepened the kiss, shoving his tongue inside Harry's mouth. Both moaned loudly and Draco spread his legs further to feel him better, deeper, harder.
"Another one."
"What?"
"Another finger."
Harry pushed in two fingers and looked into Draco's eyes for any sign of discomfort. Draco crashed his lips back to Harry's, kissing him hard. Harry moved his fingers in and out, speeding up with Draco's movements, both moaning into each others' mouths.
"I don't want you to stop, Harry, but I want you to take off your clothes."
Harry quickly undressed, and Draco rubbed his hands all over his toned and tanned arms and chest. He was gorgeous and Draco wanted all of him. When his jeans came off, Draco grabbed his pants and pulled them down, freeing his desperate erection. Harry's penis was already leaking.
"Come up further," Draco directed him, taking his penis inside his mouth as Harry continued to fuck him with his fingers.
"Oh fuck, Merlin!" Harry moaned. "Your mouth feels amazing. I'll come too soon."
Draco stopped. "Inside me. I want you inside me."
Harry touched his nose to Draco's, kissing him and saying, "You stop me anytime, alright? Anytime you want." Draco kissed him in acknowledgment.
Harry placed the tip of his penis against Draco's opening and pushed in, very slowly, enjoying every second of his entry into Draco's beautiful body.
"Ow...shit," Draco bit his lip.
"Are you ok? Should I pull out?"
"No...just...go slow, you're fine."
Harry pushed in further. Draco was painfully tight. "I'm halfway in, Draco. How does it feel?"
"Like your fist is inside. Don't pull out. Give me time."
Harry came up and starting kissing him, not moving his penis at all, giving Draco time to adjust. He played with his nipples, softly twisting them, and getting sounds of pleasure from Draco's throat.
"That feels so good."
"Can I push in the rest of the way?"
"Yes."
Harry kept his eyes on Draco's as he completely went inside him. They were both breathing hard and Draco swallowed, saying, "Move. Move slowly."
Harry backed up just a bit and went in all the way again, watching Draco close his eyes from pleasure. "You feel amazing, Potter, keep moving."
"You feel incredible, Draco, you have no idea. You're so tight and warm and wet and I'm afraid I'm not going to last long."
"Fuck me harder. I'm not fragile, fuck me harder."
Harry quickened his pace while rubbing Draco's penis with his thumb.
"Oh fuck! Merlin fuck!" Draco yelled loudly and felt his orgasm coming closer. "Harry, I'm...I'm so close..."
"Scream for me, Draco. Let it all go. I put up a silencing charm, no one can hear."
Draco tightened himself around Harry's cock, and Harry groaned loudly in ecstasy. "Fuck...I'm coming...Draco, fuck..."
Their orgasms came to a hilt at the same time, both men groaning and panting loudly, Harry's head falling onto Draco's chest. Harry kissed Draco again, carding his fingers through his hair. "You're so fucking gorgeous. That was amazing."
"Harry," Draco whispered with watery eyes. "I'll be leaving soon, won't I?"
VI.
Harry stepped inside Draco's room in the morning with two cups of tea and toast. He noticed the bed was empty and perfectly made with no sign of anyone being there recently. As he set down the tray on the side-table, his mind went to last night. Looking at this highly polished and sterile piece of hospital furniture that Draco slept in for the past few days, one would not think that it had provided a place of such passion, lust, and even...love between two people.
Modley entered the room with a patient file in his hands. Harry's heart sank. Something wasn't right.
"Modley, where's Draco?"
Modley raised his eyebrows in surprise. "He didn't tell you? He left a few hours ago, it was barely sunrise."
Harry swallowed in heartbreak and disappointment but feigned indifference when asking, "I didn't release him. He was under my care. Isn't that the rule?"
"Yes, it normally is. But he said he had an emergency and really had to leave. I checked him over, and though he was still walking very slowly, he was able to apparate. I didn't want to force him to stay, Potter, he was very distraught. You were sleeping in the quarters and I didn't want to bother you, either. I checked over his file and read all your notes. My judgment was also largely based on what you had written."
"Its fine, Modley, thank you. I'm glad he was well enough to leave so quickly. Hopefully he won't get into trouble again." Harry hoped that his sadness didn't lurk beneath his fake, cool exterior.
He left the room; needing a private space to think.
He felt sick to his stomach. Draco must've panicked about something. Harry was naïve to think that this was going to be the start of a new relationship. He hated that he would even entertain a conclusion like that. Besides that, there was something else. He had broken a very, very serious ethical code in his field: getting involved with a patient. Having sex with a patient. You're a perverted freak, Potter. Were you even attracted to Malfoy before this? In all the years that you've known him? You saw him nude, bleeding to death, and popped a boner over that?
"FUCK!" Harry yelled, knocking over a potion bottle off his desk, the dark red liquid staining the floor. He had to leave. He couldn't trust himself. He felt wrong lying to the people he worked for, the hospital, and his future patients. Who'd want him as their healer after this? And every inch of this place was going to remind him of Draco. What he looked like, his voice, his body, his face, his eyes. He was going to constantly remember the things they spoke, the feel of his skin, his soft blond hair, his scars, his tears, his moans, and his screams. He was going to obsess over what they did, how much he loved it, how much he wanted it, how much he wanted Draco, how much he cared for him, how much he was angry at him, and how much he was missing him.
Modley walked in a few hours later. "Harry, I thought we were going to have lunch- what are you doing?"
"I'm going to resign, Modley." Harry was packing his books, potions, clothes, and a few personal items into a small trunk, shrinking each item to fit everything. He used a scouring charm to clean the room. Modley still stood there shocked, not saying anything for a long time.
"But why? Just out of nowhere like this?"
"No, I've been thinking about it for a while now," Harry lied. "I was going to do it earlier this week, actually, but then Malfoy needed my help, so I decided that he'd be my last patient here."
"Wow...I didn't know, Harry. Well, I'll miss you, mate. Hope you visit us sometime."
"I will," Harry smiled genuinely. He didn't think he'd ever step inside the hospital again though.
Harry walked to the main office on the first floor to give his official resignation. 'Personal reasons' was all they needed to hear.
He also walked through the emergency ward one last time before exiting the building. He stood right in front of Room 108, his heart heavy with pain and with yearning.
"Take care, Draco." He whispered to himself and made his way toward the apparation point at the end of the hospital.
"Harry," Draco whispered with watery eyes. "I'll be leaving soon, won't I?"
Harry kissed Draco's forehead. "Maybe I'll have to make other arrangements," he said seductively. Draco didn't take his eyes off him, staring sharply yet nervously. Harry saw fear and worry emanate all over his face.
"What's the matter?" He gently asked, running his hand through Draco's hair while squeezing his fingers with the other.
"I think I ruined your career," he said hopelessly. "What did we do? What did I do?" His voice shook with reluctant tears.
"Draco, no. No one will know. It'll be a secret. Our secret." Harry sounded adamant.
"A secret," Draco whispered, barely audible, pressing down his eyelids as tears ran down the sides of his face. Harry took out a flannel from the drawer and lovingly dried his face.
"It'll be alright. We'll figure it out," he said, kissing his temple and resting his head on the pillow, right next to Draco's. "I wish we met in a different circumstance, but I don't regret this." Harry spoke right against Draco's ear. Draco felt Harry's warm breath on his skin, wanting to enjoy every moment and every sensation.
There was a long silence.
"You would've never talked to me in a different circumstance, Harry."
Harry sat up slowly, looking down at Draco. He wondered if this was true.
He took Draco's hand with both of his, brought it up to his lips, and kissed each knuckle affectionately. "I like you, I really do."
Draco grabbed Harry's head with both hands, pulled him down beside him again, and pressed his lips to his. "I'm crazy about you, Potter. I'm fucking mental."
Harry smiled, with his perfect teeth and the glimmer in his bright, green eyes that Draco loved so much.
"I want to fall asleep with you and wake up with you, but I have a midnight shift at the emergency ward tonight," he said sadly.
"Will you rest at all?" Draco asked, concerned.
"I'll take a nap early in the morning. Then I'll come see you. How does that sound?"
"You'll bring breakfast?" Draco asked, smiling back to him.
"Yes. We'll have tea together. Sleep well, you beautiful man. I won't stop thinking about you."
They kissed once more, Draco gently licking the inside of Harry's mouth, wanting to remember his taste. Wanting to remember all of him, forever.
