Broken Vows
Rivetra
He was never heartless.
Many people depict him as that. His comrades do. Hanji does that to. He always hears them saying that he's heartless that even he began to believe that he was. But she proved them wrong.
Petra Ral reminded him that he wasn't.
She gave him something to own. Something to treasure. That something was her. She gave all her love to him. Now she's gone.
She's gone.
And the dress he had Hanji make was rendered useless. He had meant to have her wear it on their wedding day. He remembers how Hanji used to complain about pricking her finger on the needles. He would just brush off these complaints. She owed him one, anyway. Now the dress is complete.
The dress is complete.
He remembered Hanji's very triumphant smile when she had finished the dress. For the first time, he smiled. He would give it to her later as a surprise gift, he knew that Petra would love it. He had described it to Hanji as Petra had wanted it to be; simple but elegant, made with white satin cloth. Petra had wanted ruffles below, and Hanji appears to have done a good job to make it. But he never knew the future.
He didn't know the future.
Or at least he didn't know what could happen next. Before they left for the walls, he had told her that he loves her. They do that every time there was an expedition. They wanted to make sure that they had at least said that to each other before they die, if they would die. He never expected it to be their last.
It was their last.
That was their last goodbye. When he heard the familiar roar from the distance, he already had braced himself to find his squad dead. That she was dead. He flew past the other bodies with his eyes downcast. Then he saw her. Her beautiful self pinned in an awkward angle on the tree. Her beautiful face splattered with blood. Her smooth hair now caked with blood. She's gone.
She's gone.
And he will never be complete. Taking revenge on the female titan would not make him complete. Nothing could make him complete. He was a lost cause. The only thing he ever had was gone. Now he is heartless.
Now he is heartless.
Because she took his heart with her. When she died, his heart died with her. He stares at the dress and grips the bodice until his knuckles are as white as the dress. How pitiful does he look, sitting on the floor with tears in his eyes, broken and without a soul. He had to let go.
He had to let go.
And when he did, there was a stain. A red stain of blood that came from his hand. He realizes that he had gripped the dress too hard that his nails bit down on his skin. The stain is just like her, he thought. The stain shall never be removed; faded but will always be there. She would always be there.
She would always be there.
By his side. In his heart. In his mind. In his dreams. In his everything. She would always be there, just like she had promised. And she never breaks her promises. He looks at the dress once again, but this time it had someone to wear them. She was beautiful.
She was beautiful.
Wearing the white gown that Hanji had hand-sewn. She looks so blooming and pure and beautiful. He imagined her walking down the aisle, and he was at the other end of it. Nothing so beautiful and so pure would last for too long, not in this world, he thought. The image disappears, It was never meant to happen.
It was never meant to happen.
Living a happy and peaceful life with her was never meant to happen. Maybe in another life, it would've been possible. But not here, not now. Not when this world is cruel. He cries harder. He rips the dress apart. It was never complete.
It was never complete.
It never was. Not without her wearing it, anyway. So he rips it apart. Hanji hears strange ripping noises coming from the room so she takes a peek. She saw Levi, with bloodied hands, standing above the torn-apart dress. Her heart breaks, not because Levi had wasted what she worked hard for, but because she is sad for her friend who still couldn't move on. She silently closes the door and cries. The dress is now complete.
The dress is now complete.
For him, at least it was. His body wracks harder as he sobs even more. He didn't care if someone heard him. They had to know that he is human, right? He looks at his bloodied hands, and he swears he had heard her sweet voice saying, "I am here, Captain. I'll never leave you.". But he knew some vows were meant to be broken. He knew that they were lies, but he believed.
He believed.
He believed because he loves her. He believes because he trusts her. Petra knew it was hard to promise that to Levi, especially now that she is nothing but a wisp in the air. She saw everything. She saw him cry and rip the dress apart. She felt guilty. She was causing him pain.
She was causing him pain.
And the pain felt so right. He wanted to feel the pain because it's the only reminder that he lives. The pain is the reason why he lives. Because that pain is her. She will be and would always be his everything. And he would live on, knowing that she will forever be there; by his side, in his heart, in his mind, and in his dreams.
END.
