Nerves of the Warrior Bride

Their day had been overwhelming and joyous and frightening. Both of them had extricated themselves from the crowd of well-wishers taunting them all the way to the nuptial chamber. The door shut, laughter dwindling as the people they knew left them to each other in an ever-growing silence. She was avoiding looking straight into his eyes and had instead walked around the room thoughtfully, her eyes tracing the low-burning candles and piles of presents-sweets, beautiful fabrics, books, even weapons.

One of their bed-wranglers was a fellow soldier from Wu Zhong. He had a blacksmith father who had crafted an intricate silver dagger for her, complete with a tiny scene of a snow-laden battlefield and avalanche cut into the blade. He had another sword crafted for the captain, this one featuring plant motifs, beautiful reeds and trees wreathing its helm. He told them the plants were native to the valley where the camp was situated.

The newlyweds looked at each other, awed by his kindness and attention to them, and spent some time comparing and swapping them. Mulan felt Shang's arm snake around her waist as he admired his new weapon and listened to their former comrade.

'Of course. I, for one, could not be happier about this whole thing. Our most rambunctious soldier wed to our commander! If we had known this was to happen on our first day at camp! And that the Ping we were trying to kill in the mess camp was indeed such a pretty vase hiding under those man clothes.' He nudged Shang in the ribs before laughing uproariously.

'Aya, Xian, stop it.', said Mulan, rolling her eyes. But she was grinning. 'But this is so kind of you. I don't know when I'll get to use it…'

She looked down at the knife again. Shang eyed the soldier's cup, his brow arched. Xian downed the wine he had, eagerly looking around for more. He made to leave, stumbling a few steps before mischievously piping up:

'Of course, I know you can wield a sword bigger than that, Mulan, but I thought a little one might be better for now as you'll have your hands full tonight!'

Her blood ran cold as she tried to compose herself. She glared at him. If that ass had said that to her in private she would have laughed it off as a bawdy joke and maybe smacked him. While she and Shang were close, that wasn't discussed. They had never gotten within an inch of the subject. And they were supposedly meant to start tonight…she still wasn't calm about it.

She concentrated furiously on sheathing and pocketing the small present before chancing a look at her husband. He was leaning against one of the courtyard's columns, and his amused gaze jumped from the drunken soldier gleefully intoxicating himself in the background to her without missing a beat.

His eyes were knowing and warm as he held his free arm out to her. She moved quickly into his embrace, gently butting her head once on his chest for good measure. He contentedly rested his cheek on her head.

They were allowed all the warmth and closeness they wanted now. This day was for them. And she loved this bit. She had never felt so comfortable and loved in her life as she did when he clutched her to him.

In the bedchamber though, she was back to that feeling of icy fear and confusion. How were they just expected to go from nothing to full on…lovemaking overnight? The women she knew had not been generous with her either, quite as bad as Xian had been, in fact.

A few weeks ago they had come to visit Mulan at her home while arrangements were being made. Tables were draped with silk and garlands as her family bustled about, happily busying themselves. They drank tea and ate cakes outside on the porch, exchanging stories and good wishes. But when she confessed her nervousness they began to tease her mercilessly. They reminded her that they hadn't known their husbands for more than a few hours before being expected to bed them. Lin was a kinder friend and had more sympathy.

'It is scary, I know. And maybe it's harder to undertake when you've actually gotten to know each other beforehand. But you should realize, you're part of a love match. That's always in your favor. It seems like you'll never understand it until you do it and then it can actually be the most fun to come of being married.'

A vision Mulan had been trying to wipe from her mind flashed across her eyes, of the pair of them rolling heatedly around a bed. It gave her stomach an odd lurch.

She looked at Lin miserably. 'I can't imagine doing it with him. Or getting it right.'

'The fact that we're talking about this now means you have imagined it. As would any girl set to marry, without taking into account the fact that he's ferociously handsome. He loves you. He probably wants to please you. Let him!'

The other ladies giggled into their cups and agreed.

'She's right, such a lucky bride!' one piped up. 'Think of all those difficult exercises he does, what his body can do…you're going to get it!'

She stared at them incredulously, these charming visions in multicolored dresses daintily sipping their tea while uttering such filthy things. It just proved what she already knew-men and women were no different in almost every way that mattered. In hushed tones under fans, girls from her town could talk as dirty as her campmates.

And to be fair, she was no porcelain doll either. She had stared at Shang's chest unabashedly when he first trained them. She had also, of course, known how to pleasure herself for some time now, and knew how good that felt…but this was the problem! That was all well and good, but she could do that on her own. Allowing someone else to bring you pleasure, being comfortable enough to trust them with it…now that was a totally alien concept. No matter how deliciously masculine that someone was.

'I don't have to let him if I don't want to…'

Lin sighed. 'That's not what I meant and you know it. Just-look maybe talk to him! It's about interaction, he's caring and he'll want to make sure you're content. Don't shut down and shut him out.'

Eying her friend meaningfully, she slipped away to get more tea.

Mei, whom she had known since childhood, craned around a post, a glint in her eyes.

'Definitely make sure to bite his neck and ears if you don't want to gaze into his eyes yet.'

Shang was also rather nervous, and for that reason had paced himself with his wine. However, more than anything he felt joy. Joy in having her in his home, knowing she didn't have to leave, watching her laughing with their friends and settling into a new life they shared.

Well, he wasn't being honest with himself, he had had more than a bit of wine, but it had done its work in soothing nerves. He walked over to a nearby chair and draped his most elaborate layer of robes over it, stretching. But he was studying her too, how she walked carefully around the room, pushing her hair behind her ears, not making eye contact.

She was anxious too. He felt another rush of emotion, this time in wanting to soothe her. It felt good to give her all his concern. He walked towards her and drew her to him as he neared a door open to the night air.

'Come see the terrace, you can see the lanterns going all the way to the end of the estate.'

She followed, smiling at him as he held the door open for her. He then moved to stand behind her, hugging her and pressing an exaggerated kiss to her hair, knowing it would amuse her.

'How are you feeling, my bride?'

Hidden from view, a broad smile grew across her face. She took his hand.

'I'm…alright, just…'

She hesitated before taking one of his hands and placing it at the top of her chest- it was the crux of her ribcage, the point that parted the incline of her breasts. It was meant for him to feel her wild heartbeat, but it was still the most daring thing she had ever done with a man, save the time she had leapt onto Shang's back once in her garden to scare him.

His fingers were unsure at first, then returned the pressure on her chest with deft steadiness. She wasn't aware of how much his own pulse had quickened, nor how his desire for her had intensified. But he knew her, and that this move was not made simply in order to arouse him.

'You're nervous?'

She turned a little bit in his hold, glancing up at him hesitantly.

'Yes…'

'Don't be. I mean, if you can help it. I'm nervous too. Never been married before.'

Her lips turned up a little. She began to play with a decorative clasp on his chest.

'I should hope not', she purred.

He drew her even closer and leant his head down to kiss her.

new chapter?

She lay in bed watching her new husband's eyelids gently flutter as he slept, his dark angular brows at ease. She smiled gently, concentrating on the warmth of his arm still wrapped around her shoulder. They had never been allowed to touch more freely than this, while they were courting.

Their bed was a thousand layers of gentle crimson cushions and fabric, cradling and insulating them away from everything outside- a rare, precious barrier in an unyielding society. Here they could do whatever they chose.

But her heart was heavier now than it had been before…and she couldn't rest as easily as he could.

He had taken it well when she admitted how reluctant she was to go anywhere near bed with him. She had stopped on the threshold, her heart heavy, but eyes watching intently as the only person whose opinion on the subject truly mattered was informed of her worries. He blinked in surprise, but from the outside at least, seemed quite composed. His hands still encircled her elbows, stopped in motion as he had been leading her away from the terrace.

He looked down for a moment, swallowing. But then his focus was on her again, her face an arabesque of golden light and shadows from dancing candle flames, imploring brown eyes and full red lips pressed together in a distressed pout.

The suspense was killing her. What was he thinking? It was unbearable. She could tell how uneasy he was himself with the concept, and she felt worse and worse as she brought it to light, every mention of the thing digging a deeper and more embarrassing mental trench between them.

All of a sudden, his eyes gleamed with warmth, his mouth curving slightly upward as he pushed back his sleeve to grasp at his topknot.

Her eyebrow arched as he pulled at the carved pin keeping his hair in place and yanked it out. A curled lock of black hair unraveled into his face before he shook out his jet-black mane and pushed it from his eyes.

'Better'.

She was smiling at him, her eyes relaxed and inquisitive as she admired him. Already she could feel her rib cage flooding with light as she exchanged loving glances with her groom. The contrast was incredible, the man used to terrify her at camp. The lightness he projected now as he interacted with her was delightful. He was still a little intimidating though, no matter how many times stray hair found its way into his eyes.

He drew nearer to her, delicately placing one of his hands at the small of her back and raising both of her hands to his lips with the other.

'I am already so full, Mulan, just from your being here. I can't believe I can spend as much time with you as I want. I don't know if it will ever be enough.

His eyes grew slightly more serious, and he lowered her hands slightly.

'We can-we will do whatever we want. I know-' he faltered slightly, I know it's a lot to take in, I feel it too. But please don't be afraid, of me, of our…situation.'

Her heart sank a little. That lessened the magnificence of the celebration somewhat. She didn't want to look at the start of their life together as some situation, something to get through.

'I swear, I will never ask anything of you that is compromising or uncomfortable. I understand your reservations, since the army we haven't spent more than a day at a time in each other's company.' He smirked. 'And of course before then I wasn't aware that you were a woman…'

She gave him a challenging look.

'Well if you're still under any illusions...I could change back into Ping if you'd like.'

He smiled.

'Thank you, but to be honest, of all your identities, as soldier, or Hun-destroyer, or heroine of China, I prefer you this way.'

She could hear some pride coming through in his voice. Her heart skipped a little.

Two could play.

'I am still all of those things. And you forgotmy other titles-lowest recruit of the entire camp, Imperial traitor, and concubine.'

He stirred a little at the latter, stifling a grin. 'My apologies.'

The eyes peering over the white curve of her hand were calm, but they pierced her.

'You are not regretful… I hope?' His voice was confident but his spine felt icy. He hoped to high heaven that wasn't it.

Her eyes were pained, horrified, and she clutched his arm meaningfully.

'No! Never. I'm sorry to bring this up, everything has been so perfect and…'

She almost couldn't remember what the hell they had started talking about, but the idea of him, her extraordinary suitor, thinking she wasn't interested in him was almost too much to bear. All she could register now was a rush of total adoration.

But he was gently shaking his head at her, as though to silence these amends, trying to soothe her-he had naturally felt disappointed about the woman he loved not wanting to bed him. But he could see now that she was really just anxious, and at present displeased with her actions.

'Everything is still perfect. And don't distress yourself, the point of our marrying isn't for that sole purpose. You are much more than that to me.'

She blushed slightly but didn't leave his eyes, nodding gently.

He seemed so steady and yet she could sense that this had blindsided him, that she had taken away his bearings. He was trying to divert her, but she could see he wasn't quite sure where to go from here. His eyes flickered towards the big bed.

'You fight good', rang in her mind.

She stepped forward and gave him her first proper hug, tiptoeing so as to wrap her arms around his neck. He buried his face in her hair, dodging the ornaments layered into it, eyes squeezing shut with relief as he heard her speak.

'I love you so, Li Shang.'