Olivia Benson crossed the threshold of the Upper East Side apartment, shut the door gently and then tiredly leaned on it. Her gun holster was heavy on her hip and the badge dangling from the chain around her neck weighed a ton. She ran her hand through her hair frustrated by fate in general.
She and Stabler were having lunch when a nut job with a hard on for killing cops had stepped through the door and started shooting. The diner, just around the corner from the 1-6 had been filled with uniforms, a few firefighters, two plain-clothes detectives and by the grace of God six paramedics.
Beyond the bullets, shattering glass and manic laughter there had been blood everywhere. Olivia could still smell it, taste it. She had gotten most of it from her hands and arms and she had changed from the blood soaked clothing but she could still feel it.
She was still leaning on the door, eyes closed, when she felt Alexandra Cabot approached quietly. Alex gently removed the badge receiving no resistance from the detective. Alex asked softly, "What can I do?"
"I… I need a shower," Olivia answered. She paused then opened her eyes to see her lover before her. Alex had changed from her power suit into the comfort of jeans and a sweater. Her face had also changed from that morning. Alex looked as if she had aged fifteen years in the past fifteen hours.
Olivia gave her a light peck on the lips and then stepped around her. She couldn't give Alex any more than that until she washed the day off of her body. Olivia went straight to the oversized shower and set the jets on gentle and the water on hot. She left her clothing on the bathroom floor and stepped into the scalding spray.
Olivia was washing her short dark hair for the second time when she felt the telling cool breeze enter the stall and then Alex pushing her gently face first into the tile wall. A few seconds later the water temperature sank to a reasonable level and Alex was pressed up against her.
Olivia didn't speak, she couldn't. Alex carefully positioned the shower nozzle to allow the water to rain down on the detective. Olivia let herself use the wall for support and allowed Alex to finish rinsing her hair. Then Alex, mindful of the abrasions and bruises, carefully washed the rest of Olivia. After she hung the washcloth over the rack Alex turned back to the soap covered detective and stepped closer. Olivia slid into her embrace and they stood there letting the warm water crash down.
Olivia's mind was replaying the horrible scene. She and Elliot had been two tables from the door when the shooting started. It had taken her about three seconds to duck under the table. Moments later they were returning fire from behind the shabby booth.
The gunman had been covered in body armor and she shuddered remembering his look of joy as he littered the diner with shell casings and bullets from his AR-15. When the machine gun was empty he pulled out a sawed off 12 gage and started actually aiming at people. It was yet to be determined who actually managed the headshot that took the bastard down. Olivia just knew that she and Elliot were both firing, as were three other officers, when his face exploded. She had been almost through her third clip when he dropped.
Then the Hell of helping the wounded began.
As she held onto Olivia under the hot spray Alex's mind drifted back to the cold panic she had experienced when news of the shooting reached the courthouse. She had been in the middle of questioning a lab tech about the results of a DNA sample when she had caught sight of Detective Fin crouching in the gallery directly behind the prosecution table. He was pale and even worse his hands were trembling. Judge Petrovsky must have also noticed Fin's unusual state because she had no objection to allowing the prosecutor a moment to speak to the detective.
"What's go…" she began but Fin shook his head. He rolled over the barrier and pushed Alex into her seat. She was about to object to his manhandling when he spoke.
"They're okay, alright? Just remember she's okay," he told her.
"Who… Olivia. What happened?" She demanded suddenly terrified of his shaking hands. Her legendary courtroom calm shattered instantly.
"Gunman opened fire at Mollies. Benson and Stabler are okay but a lot of cops ain't. Really bad shit."
Alex's hands went to her mouth as she fought down the nausea. Fin said she was okay. They were okay. Repeating the thoughts over and over had no effect on the dread that had taken up residency in her stomach.
"Benson said she'll call the second she can and that you better fry this asshole," he said nodding his head to the defense table.
Olivia expected her to concentrate?
"Counselor are you ready to proceed?" Petrovsky asked.
"I apologize for the interruption your honor," Fin told her in a most solemn tone. Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then another.
"Counselor?"
"Yes, your Honor. I'm ready," Alexandra said sounding not really sure but resolute none the same. If Olivia wanted her to focus and she would. Fin, slinking out of the courtroom, knew that Alex would be okay until she had time to stop and think.
The second Petrovsky called them adjourned for the day Alex dug her cell phone out of her briefcase and dialed Olivia. She was unable to reach anyone at the 1-6 in desperation she had called Kathy Stabler. Elliot's wife had spoken to Munch much as she had spoken to Fin.
Detectives Benson and Stabler would not be allowed anywhere near the investigation of the gunman and his motives. That didn't stop them from accompanying Captain Cragen to notify the families of the dead from their house. A number of the dead were uniformed officers from Cragen's squad. Alex had been furious when she learned that Olivia was helping with notifications. Then she realized that Olivia had to do something. Olivia had been put on administrative leave, her gun taken for analysis and told to make an appointment with a department shrink.
Like Alex, the moment Olivia stopped moving she almost collapsed. Now they clung to each other letting the water wash the physical part of the day off. When the water began to turn colder Alex shut it off and then carefully towel dried Olivia. It wasn't long before Olivia was bundled in a thick robe on the couch with a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup and a thick slice of French bread on the coffee table in front of her. The bread had butter and jam; just the way she liked it.
"Did you make this?" She asked Alex, stirring the soup. Alex blinked and worried for a second that Olivia had a head injury.
"I opened the can just for you. Eat. I need to get dressed," Alex replied after realizing that Olivia was making a feeble joke. Olivia picked up the bread and then sat it down after Alex left the room. She didn't want to eat. The last time she was eating… Olivia closed her eyes and forced herself to not think about it.
The cell phone on the coffee table began to dance across the polished surface and Olivia checked the caller ID. It was Alex's mother. Olivia liked Jane but she could be a chore to deal with. Jane Cabot was definitely a better option than trying to eat.
"Alexandra Cabot's phone," she answered.
"Oh thank god, Olivia. Are you alright dear?"
"A little banged up but I'll be okay," she lied.
"Such a horrible thing. You and Alexandra come up here this weekend and get out of the city," Jane offered.
A weekend of questions about when and how they would start a family. Olivia wasn't sure it was such a bad idea.
"I'll speak to Alex about it and have her call you," she said as Alex came back in to the room. Alex frowned at the food and then the phone.
"I've left you several messages," Jane told her and Olivia could feel her frowning matching her daughters' expression.
"I'm sorry. My phone was broken." If broken was what the shattered piece of plastic and electronics could be called. She had landed on her ass hard and the phone had been in her back pocket.
"I'm not… I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm not chastising you. I just… Alexandra thinks the world of you and it has rubbed off. You're family," Jane told her firmly.
"That…" Olivia cleared her throat. "Thank you. That means more than I could ever tell you. I should go. Alex made me dinner and it's getting cold."
"Alexandra made dinner? Do you need me to ring you up a delivery boy?" Jane asked lightly before they signed off.
"Eat," Alex ordered taking the phone from her.
"Your Mom said Hi," Olivia replied picking the bread up again. She nibbled a corner to test her stomach.
"I've spoken to her several times today," Alex replied.
"Oh. She said… Told me I was family."
"Yes, well I've known that from the moment that Gus looked up at you and was struck dumb," Alex said of her young nephew who was enthralled by Olivia Benson. She pointed at the food and the look on her face told Olivia that arguing would be moot. It mostly was with Alex who, after all, argued for a living.
Olivia finished half the bread and five bites of soup before it came back up. Alex held her head as she vomited and then held her as she cried. When she had calmed Alex helped her to her feet and handed her the toothpaste. Olivia scrubbed her mouth three times and then threw the toothbrush in the trash. When she came back into the living room she found Alex on the couch with the first aide kit open on the table. All signs of dinner were gone.
There were no jokes about Alex being a doctor as she cleaned the abrasions on Olivia's hip and the outer part of her thigh. Alex covered the gash that had required seven stitches with a waterproof bandage. She realized she wouldn't be grabbing Olivia's ass anytime soon as the one side was covered with a massive bruise.
She didn't ask how the bruises and cuts had happened. That would come with time. She just held on to the fact that Olivia was still alive for her to care for.
She finished and then had Olivia lay on her almost unblemished side with her head in Alex's lap. Alex broke a cold pack and slipped it onto Olivia's backside. Olivia adjusted it to where the bruise hurt the worst but Alex held it in place. After twenty minutes Alex tossed it on the table and walked Olivia to the bedroom.
After Olivia put some clothes on, they crawled in to bed, on the opposite side that they normally slept. The detective slid into the embrace that Alex offered and felt herself relaxing. She grimaced slightly as she pulled away momentarily and kissed Alex gently.
"I love you," Olivia told her softly.
"And I love you," Alex replied aware that there were spouses of cops all over the city would never hear or say those words to their loved one again.
Olivia laid back down using Alex's shoulder as a pillow. Olivia loved it when Alex would play with her hair. Tonight though it was relaxing to have the blonde stroking her head as she drifted to sleep.
