For what it's worth
The letter of loss
A/N: Hello there! I wrote in 'You, me and us' that I had an idea in mind for a new story. Well, this is the first chapter, still working on where to go to with the story but I got the main idea.
Please read and review!
Dear Hawke,
I have the relic, and am gone. I'm sorry it has to be this way. You've been a loyal ally, but this is best for us both. You promised me the relic, and I know you'll fight Castillon for me, but I don't want this. I've dragged you too far into this mess already.
You don't have to forgive me, but I hope you understand.
Isabela'
"She left!" Aveline was the first to react to the letter that was found on the body. Isabela left the group. She got the relic, as Marian Hawke promised her, but instead of staying with the group, she left.
And all Hawke could feel at that moment was loss.
Not because she lost a friend, for some reason Hawke saw this coming from miles away. It was not because she couldn't return to the Qunari what was theirs, because she knew she would find a way to make them move out of Kirkwall.
It was simply because of the look Fenris gave to the letter when he read it.
Sure, there were signs here and there that told her he and Isabela were more than just friends, but to actually see him hurt over the departure of the pirate friend was something that just tore Marian apart.
The one she loves, loves someone else. It was as simple as that. She had no chance to get his affection, simply because his affection was with someone else. Their one night together would never be repeated.
She moved on, went to the Qunari to talk to them and make them leave one way or the other, all the while wearing a mask to hide her emotions.
The talk Aveline tried to have with the Arishok didn't go as planned, and even more chaos broke out.
And if it wasn't bad enough that she just had her heart broken, the one man she would always love had suggested a fight to the death between the Arishok and herself. Does she really mean that little to him? Of course she agrees, because she wants to please Fenris and show her worth in a very wicked way, but she couldn't possibly win this, right?
It was heart over mind, emotions over logic. The Arishok was quite big and strong and had one very large weapon with a large reach.
She was quite small and not that strong. She was flexible and had two small daggers on her, she was a rogue, not a god damned soldier like Fenris! She wasn't a mage either. She needed to be close to her enemy if she wanted to do any damage.
And how would she ever get close to that freaking Arishok if he had reach?
It was too late to go back now, she was already standing in fighting position and saw the Arishok heading her way fast.
She was slammed into the wall and then slammed against the ground. She hardly had time to stand up before he slammed her back again. It took her a few second to be able to roll away from the next slam. And while he was trying to search for her as she was hiding behind the pillar, she was sneaking a peak at Fenris, who was concentrating on the fight as well. He saw her but showed no emotions, even though she was already quite beaten.
'Who am I kidding? Isabela is sexy, persuasive, funny, smart and knows what she does under the sheets. I am none of the above and I lack the knowledge of sex. Why would he ever be interested in me?'
Anger shot through her at that thought and she ran towards the Arishok, making sure to hold her dagger tightly, then jumped onto his back and slid his throat before stabbing her dagger into the back of his neck.
He was dead, another title gained and another threat less, yet it could have been avoided if Isabela hadn't left.
That was it. She was done for today. Her limbs were hardly moving from the several hits she got, but she moved on, only accepting the support of Aveline.
The looks she got from Fenris were unbearable, as if he was blaming her for Isabela's decision to leave.
'What do you expect? That letter was for you, it had YOUR name on it, not his. He didn't even get a goodbye. Of course he blames you, your ARE to blame. YOU did this!'
She shook her head, trying to clear her mind and trying her best to avoid Fenris's gaze.
The moment she got home she moved to sit on her bed. Her head rested in her hands and her fingers went through her hair as she tried to forget the night of passion she had with Fenris. She tried to forget the looks she received from him, the looks she thought were looks of lust but were probably looks of disgust or hate.
She tried to forget the way she trusted her friends, the comments they made about sharing the bed together, the jokes made and the threats spoken between Fenris and Anders. Anders… would he still be interested in her?
Would she be interested in him? He was good looking. But just as Fenris, Anders also thought in black and white.
Fenris hated Anders's guts, and visa versa. And Fenris already hated her guts, so why even think of trying to get his attention? It was over. It is done.
Marian looked at the ceiling as a sigh escaped her lips, then felt her lips start to quiver as tears rolled down her cheeks in silence. She lost him. She always had the hope, the wish, the dream that Fenris would come her way and apologise for leaving, explain the reason for his departure before they would make up and move on together. Of course that was a fantasy, a dream that would never come true.
It was clear to her now why he left, she wasn't good enough. She would never be good enough. Not for him. Not for anyone. She made the wrong decisions and that had an impact on the whole group.
She lay down on her bed and looked at the fireplace, the spot where he stood before he left. She curled up, holding her knees to her chest to try and ease the feeling of her heart breaking while she drifted off into a restless sleep.
