A/NA/N: Heya. So Ser Serendipity and I have had this kicking around in our head for a while, and we finally decided to work together to get it down on metaphorical paper. This is a collab fic, so the two of us will be alternating posting the chapters.

Anyways, without further ado, we present "How Sasuke Uchiha Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mangekyo Sharingan". Hope you enjoy it.

How Sasuke Uchiha Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mangekyo Sharingan

Prologue: How Dandruff Ended the World

Madara Uchiha was rather ticked.

He had groggily awakened that morning to hear Hashirama screaming at him outside of his window. Something about "Incredibly urgent matters" and "How could you have overslept today of all days, you idiot!?"

As if such plebian matters actually concerned the Uchiha patriarch.

Pulling himself out of bed despite having only slept for two hours the night before, the man had rubbed his head, trying to clear the splitting pain that had run through it as soon as he had opened his eyes.

Figured. The first real sleep he had gotten in a week, and it had to be interrupted by his so-called "best friend".

And then, he had gone to the bathroom only to find something that made him let out a high-pitched shriek.

His hair! His beautiful, beautiful hair! The pride of the Uchiha clan!

It was covered in dandruff!

The horrified man had immediately leapt into the bathtub, attempting to rinse out the offending particles, but it was all in vain. They had come, and they were here to stay.

Thus, resigning himself to the fact that he would need ask Hashirama's help in order to gently cleanse his scalp of the offending infection, the man dried himself off, and got dressed, walking out of his apartment.

Where Hashirama was still screaming at him to come down.

"Hashirama, I need your he-" the Uchiha started before being abruptly cut off.

"Madara! Great news!"

"Hashirama." Annoyance fairly flooded from Madara, "don't interr-"

"The clans! We chose a leader just now!"

Madara blinked. Well, perhaps his hair could wait.

"So?" he asked drily. This was hardly unexpected after all. A centralized institution like what the two of them had planned to make required a strong head of government to lead. "I assume that they chose y-"

"And here's the best part! I nominated you!"

Madara's brain came to an abrupt halt.

"What."

"And they agreed!" Hashirama continued as if Madara had not even spoken, "There were a few protests at first, but then, I threatened to leave the village and they agreed!"

Madara felt his mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Like he was some sort of fish. He had threatened-

"Well, anyways! That's all I needed to tell you! See ya, Madara!"

And Hashirama turned around and skipped off into the distance.

It was only after his friend had disappeared that Madara realized that he had not had an opportunity to fix his dandruff problem.

XXX

Tobirama Senju was an intelligent man.

This was one of those things he had known about himself from an extremely young age.

For example, it was he who had formed the "Uchiha evil brain chakra theory", which he lovingly called the "UEBCT" whenever he found himself thinking about it (which was nearly all the time). Even if Hashirama laughed at him whenever he brought it up.

He had always desisted in the past when his brother had asked him to.

But this was too much. Tobirama knew, now, that he was correct!

Madara looked confused when Tobirama approached, that look of mixed annoyance and shock perfectly crafted on his face.

But Tobirama knew that it was a lie!

Madara was evil! Evil, he told them!

Only Danzo understood. Only Danzo listened… but that didn't matter! Tobirama knew he was right, and thus, he most certainly was right.

"Tobirama…" Madara asked slowly as he walked up, "What…"

Tobirama stuck his finger into the center of Madara's chest. However, his tongue betrayed him, and what was supposed to be a serious accusation came out a bit… less serious.

"You! I know you're fooling onii-chan! I'll stop you, you big, stupid... meany!"

Madara looked shocked. And offended. But mostly shocked.

"What? Me? I haven't done anyt-"

Tobirama tried to ignore Madara's hair. That luscious beautiful hair. That hair that he always pictured when he looked in the mir-

Tobirama shook his head. No! He wasn't jealous of the hair of the Uchiha! Never. Why would he want it anyways? It was all… black. And soft. And pretty. And fashionably spiked. And-

No! This was about something else! What was it again? Right! The Hokage!

He meant to say something angry and serious again. Unfortunately, what he said felt a bit more petulant than he had meant.

"You! You tricked my brother! You tricked him and stole that awesome hat that I totally wasn't looking forward to wearing!" Tobirama blinked heavily. "And now your hair is going to taint it!" He could feel the angry tears coming to his eyes even as he spoke, and tried to wipe them away ineffectually.

Madara's face went white with shock.

"You…" he whispered, sounding suddenly horrified, "you know?"

Tobirama tried to ignore how pr- disgusting that face was. "Yes! You monster! You did everything just for this, didn't you? Just to get back at me!"

Madara's brought up his hands in a placating gesture. "Now, now, Tobirama. There's no need to tell anyone, is the-"

"Ha!" Tobirama attempted a noble, booming laugh, the kind his brother let out so easily, but coming from him it sounded more like a puppy being stepped on. "Well, I'm going to tell everyone, you... red-eyed, foul-breathed, bushy-haired jerk! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

And then, Hashirama's brother turned and bolted, screaming about the evils of the Uchiha.

XXX

Madara continued staring, horrified at Tobirama's actions.

How could he have known that Madara had dandruff that day?

How? It wasn't possible!

Unless…

Madara stiffened. The pieces came together in a flash of brilliance.

Of course!

Tobirama had instigated it! He had obviously sprinkled dandruff into Madara's hair when he was asleep, simply so that he would have something to hold over the mighty Uchiha!

Madara's fist clenched.

Damn that Senju genius! He had warned Hashirama! He had told him that his brother would destroy the Uchiha, but the man had just laughed!

Well this time, Tobirama had gone too far.

Madara's fist unclenched, and he began walking away at a rapid pace, muttering to himself. His Sharingan spiralled out, rotating madly.

He'd show him. He'd show all of them!

XXX

Madara bit Hashirama, ripping a piece of flesh off of his arm.

"Hey! What was that for?!" the clan head yelped, pulling away even as his arm healed almost instantly.

Madara gave him an imperious look, leveling a thumb at his fabulous new hat, its white color stark against the hair that Tobirama had ruined.

"I'm the Hokage. I can do what I want," he mumbled, shifting the piece of Hashirama's arm around in his mouth.

His best friend stared at him. "You're not going to make a habit of that, right?" he asked warily.

Madara just shrugged, and walked off briskly to enact the next stage of his plan.

Hashirama, left behind, rubbed the back of his head and shrugged.

"Well, I'm sure he had a perfectly good reason for that."

XXX

The Rinnegan was nice, but even it could not give Madara back his perfect hair. Even now, years later, the single inch of it that he had been forced to cut off felt like one inch too many.

But that was fine. Soon, soon, revenge would be his!

XXX

Madara stood, looking across the world, as the Juubi's power pulsed through him.

It was here! His revenge would be complete, and this hellish reality replaced!

The black stain of that thingy that had tried to possess him lay underneath a rock. Madara laughed at it. Did that foolish creature truly believe if had stood a chance against the hair of the Uchiha?

But now…

Now, it was time.

He formed a seal, and weaved the illusion at the same time.

Shin: Jukai Kouton

"Erm…" the black smudge asked, voice still muffled by the rock, "what sort of illusion did you put them in?"

Madara laughed. "The worst hell! I put them into an illusion… which is identical to reality." He scratched his chin. "Except that my hair is perfect again, of course."

"... What."

"Yes!" Madara crowed. "For reality is hell itself! So I placed them in hell! Can you taste the irony?!"

He was certain that not even Tobirama would have been able to conjure such a devious plan.

And he cackled in glee, gloating over the world which now was his.

One of the pods lining the world tree fell off with a plop. Madara watched semi-curiously as the inhabitant, a bony geriatric, flopped out. He struggled for a moment, and then promptly died of heart failure.

Madara blinked. That wasn't supposed to happen. The Infinite Tsukuyomi was an infinite illusion, after all. The people within were supposed to be kept alive, and in hell for all eternity.

"What…?"

"You messed up one of the handseals."

Madara spun to face the black smudge. "I messed up one of the what?"

"The handseals. For the Infinite Tsukuyomi. You messed them up." One of the black things eyes, a flat, bright orange, was watching him curiously from beneath the rock.

Madara brought a hand up to his chin for a moment. After a second, his eyes lit up in understanding.

"Ah! You mean one of the weird finger-contortions! I just remembered what those were!" he exclaimed.

Black Zetsu blinked.

"You… forgot what handseals were," he replied in a flat monotone.

"Hey!" Madara cried out defensively. "I haven't used those things in a while, you know? Not in years!" Before the pile of black sludge could respond, he turned away. "Well obviously, I need to undo the jutsu for just a moment…"

He moved through the requisite finger-contortions and channeled his chakra.

Nothing.

"Huh?"

Quickly, he did the finger-contortions again.

Again, nothing.

"It seems that you've really managed to screw it up," Black Zetsu observed. "You can't even reverse it now."

Madara blinked, then frowned deeply. This was bad. It was deeply troubling, even. How was he supposed to get his eternal revenge if the people in the illusion were just going to escape?

"It looks like anyone who dies within the Infinite Tsukuyomi is released from the tree," the black sludge added helpfully. After another glance, he murmured. "Though it seems like most of them can't escape their seed pods anyways."

Madara brought his hand up to his chin once more, mired in deep thought.

The interior of the Infinite Tsukuyomi mirrored real life. Thus, the people in the illusion could die, and the ones who did escaped the illusion.

"So obviously," he shouted out, coming to a conclusion, "to keep everyone alive, I simply have to enter the illusion myself and use the Infinite Tsukuyomi again!"

Black Zetsu blinked again. Just as he was about to open his mouth in a question, though, a massive tendril of the tree reached out, grabbing Madara, and pulled him into one of the pods lining the world tree.

The sludge blinked again, then turned its eyes towards the sky. Which is, to say, he was now staring at the bottom of a massive rock crushing him into the ground.

"Mother… humans are truly strange."

XXX

Madara awoke in a darkened chamber.

He rose to his feet and looked up. In front of him was an immense, tan-colored structure, one which he immediately recognized as the Gedo Mazo.

Madara smiled, an evil cackle rising from his stomach, even as he looked at the massive weapon, though that quickly gave way to a hacking cough which had him doubled over and heaving.

A moment later, the Uchiha picked himself up off of the floor, wiping away the thin line of spittle now tracing its way down his lip.

Well, either way, the Gedo Mazo could wait.

There was something more important to tend to first.

Slowly, feeling the buzz of anticipation in his veins, Madara looked around the surrounding chamber, trying to spot what he was looking for. When he finally did, he broke out into another smile.

Slowly, the man hobbled forward to it, his anticipation growing with every step.

However, as he grew closer and closer, his steps sped up, and his smile fled.

No. It was impossible.

Arriving before the mirror, Madara took in his own reflection.

What struck him were not the myriad wrinkles lining his cheeks and forehead, nor even the fact that he had only one eye.

It was his hair.

His once, dark, black, luscious hair. The hair that had been voted the most awesome hair in the Uchiha clan, fifteen years running, the hair he had fought so hard to restore to its original, awesome length.

His hair was coarse, and streaked with silver. The hair of an old man.

Madara wondered, for the briefest of moments, the barest of nanoseconds, what had happened. Why was he an old man? Had he messed up the jutsu again? What could have-

And then, it came to him in a flash of blinding light, much as the plan itself had in the first place.

The obvious answer.

He knew whose machinations had ruined his beautiful hair once more.

Opening his mouth, the Uchiha patriarch let out a screech of impotent rage, fury and unbridled hatred against the man who had tricked him all those years ago.

"DAMN YOU TOBIRAMAAAAAAAAAA!"