Sodor Christmas Carol
Marley was dead to begin with, as dead as Edward's love life.
Edward: HEY!
Sorry about that Edward. I was kidding. Now in life, Marley had been business a partner with a drunken money lender named Ebedisel Scrooge the 10th. But People call him either Scrooge or D10. Scrooge and Marley had been partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was his There was no doubt that poor Marley was dead. This HAS to be remembered or nothing that follows will seem mysterious. Now he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge. A squeezing, wrentching, grasping, clutching, cuvitous jerk. As hard and sharp as flint. Secret and self-contained. As soliatry as an oyster. He was in control of the counting house he shared with Marley. In it, Scrooge had his own clerk Tom (or Thomas) Cratchit, who he has cruely mistreated. The building was cold and the only coal Cratchit got was a single lump while Scrooge kept the whole box in his office .
D10: 4067, 4068. Only said about the seasons is people feeling obligated to paying their debts. Old Jacob Marley would be so pround of all this beautiful money! *Singing time.
D10: Ringle, Ringle coins when they jingle make such a lovely sound. Through Quarters and Nickels and Pennies and Dimes, make my ears tingle and keep my heart dropping! Crowns and coppers, little eye poppers can make my pulses pound! Coins in a column are simply so dazzling, and denomonatious or alphabetical. Ringle, Ringle coins when they jingle make such a lovely sound! (sees Thomas going to the coal box with a little bin) CRATCHIT!
Thomas: (Drops bin in surprise). Uh, yes Mr. Scrooge?
D10: You had your coal for today, and you'll be getting no more!
Thomas: Uh, yes sir. I know you would say that. Since it is Christmas Eve…
D10: (Mockingly Thomas voice) Since it is Christmas Eve. It would be a disaster for you Cratchit, to find yourself without a job! Now get back to work!
Thomas: No sir, I mean YES, yes sir.
D10: If you would spend more time tending to your job, you wouldn't have time to feel cold. Next thing you know, he'll be asking for a raise and a Christmas bonus. Now where were we? Ah yes, money. 4069, 4070…
D10: Ringle, Ringle coins when they jingle make such a lovely sound.
(Thomas: It's cold, It's cold, It's frightfully cold!)
Through Quarters and Nickels and Pennies and Dimes.
(Please! Please, Mr. Scrooge.)
Make my ears tingle and keep my heart dropping.
(Please! One piece of coal Mr. Scrooge.)
Crowns and coppers, little eye poppers can make my pulses pound.
(It's cold, so cold, so frightfully cold!)
Humbug is Humbug! This giving to Charity. Orphans are pesky. And Christmas is silly!
Ringle, Ringle coins when they jingle make such a lovely sound!
(Please Mr., Please Mr., Please Mr. Scrooge, It's cold. It's cold. It's cold!)
Just then, there was a noise at the door. It was the sound of Carolers.
D10: BE GONE! Be gone you miseable little beggers before I give you something to sing about!
Just then, D10's great claw Pinchy came up and chomped up one of the kids.
Stan: Holy Crap. He killed Kenny!
Kyle: You monster!
So they all ran away.
D10: Nothing to eat and yet they sing of Christmas. Bah Humbug!
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
D10: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Stupid Carolers! Why won't they leave me…
But it wasn't the carolers. It was his nephew Geoff.
Geoff: Uncle Ebidiesel! It's great to see you.
D10: (Displeased) Oh great. It's you.
Geoff: Merry Christmas Uncle!
D10: Christmas, Bah Humbug!
Geoff: Christmas a Humbug Uncle? Surely you don't mean it.
D10: Of course I mean it! What right have you to be merry? You're poor enough.
Geoff: What right have you to be mean? You're rich enough.
D10: Tell me nephew. What's Christmas to you? Just a time for paying bills without money. A time for finding yourself another year older, but not a cent richer. If I had my way, every moron who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a steak of Holy through his heart!
Geoff: Uncle!
D10: Nephew, you keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine!
Geoff: But you don't keep it.
D10: Then let me leave it alone! Christmas has done ME no good, and it'll do YOU no good!
Geoff: I don't think any of that's true. But I know that Christmas is a kind, forgiving, charitable time of the year. A time of year when men and women alike feel that they can open their shut-up hearts freely. Though Christmas hasn't put a piece of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe it HAS done me good and WILL do me good, and I say God Bless it!
Thomas: *Claps loudly.
D10: CRATCHIT! Are you trying to get yourself fired? BACK TO WORK!
Thomas: Yes sir. Sorry sir.
D10: Another word out of you Cratchit, and you'll be spending your Christmas without a job! *Turns to Geoff. You're quite a powerful speaker nephew. Wonder why you don't go into politics. Now then, if you're quite done…
Geoff: Oh but I'm not done yet Uncle. I want to invite you to Christmas dinner with me and Bridgette tomorrow.
D10: No.
Geoff: Why not?
D10: Because I said so! Why'd you marry that pennyless girl in the first place?
Geoff: Why? Because I fell in love.
D10: LOVE!?! That's more rediculous that Merry Christmas! Good Afternoon nephew.
Geoff: Please Uncle, dine with us. I want nothing from you.
D10: I SAID GOOD AFTERNOON!
Geoff: Why can't we be friends?
D10: I already have friends! (holds up each coin after saying its name). Meet Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, Franklin and some guy on the Dime I never heard of before.
Thomas: Merry Christmas Geoff.
Geoff: Merry Christmas Thomas. And the same for your family.
Thomas: Same to you and your wife. And Happy New Year!
And Geoff left. Soon entered a pair of Scotish Twins.
Donald: Ach ye! Have we the pleasure of adressing Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley?
D10: Mr. Marley has been dead for these past 7 years. 7 years ago this very night he died.
Douglas: We have no doubt that his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner.
D10: Well, what do you want?
Donald: At this festive season of the year Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provisions for the poor and homeless. Many thousands suffer greatly from lack of comfort and common necessaries.
D10: Are there no prisons?
Donald: Plenty of prisions.
D10: And the workhouses? Are they in fine working order?
Douglas: They are. Still I wish they were not.
D10: Ah good! For a minute I thought something had stopped them for doing what they were meant to do.
Donald: Well, Dougie and I were raising a fund to buy them some meet and drink and warmth and maybe some home.
Douglas: Aye. What can we put you down for sir?
D10: Nothing.
Donald: You wish to be anonymous?
D10: I WISH TO BE LEFT ALONE! I don't make merry myself these days and I don't feel like making idle people merry! I support the establishments I have mentioned earlier. The cost enough; those who are badly off must go there!
Douglas: But many can't go there. And many would rather die.
D10: If they'd rather die then they'd better do it! And decrease the surpluse population! Now I'm very busy gentlemen. I BID YOU GOOD AFTERNOON! AND BE GONE! OUT!
And the twins left. Half an hour late, it was closing time. Thomas then asked for his wages.
D10: You'll be wanting the day off tomorrow I suppose Cratchit?
Thomas: Well, if quite convenient, Sir.
D10: It's not convenient. And it's not fair! If I were to stop your pay you'd think yourself ill-used, I'll be bound? But you don't think MEill-used, when I pay a day's wages for no work.
Thomas: It's only once a year sir.
D10: It's a poor excuss for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December! But if you must, take the day off.
Thomas: Oh thank you sir! Thank you!
D10: But be here all the earlier next morning!
Thomas: I will sir. Merry Christmas!
And with that, Scrooge watched his clerk leave.
D10: That's another one. $5 a week, a wife and 3 kids and he still talks of a Merry Christmas. Bah Humbug!
And Scrooge set off for home.
