A/N: This ficlet was written for a request for an Ed/Roy/Al fic at the fic on demand LJ community. The story is definitely more humorous than smutty though.
If Al had been human, he would have been blushing furiously at this point. Of course, if he had been human, he was pretty certain he wouldn't have two full-grown men (or mostly grown, in Ed's case) writhing around inside of him.
It really was funny how Ed's bad ideas could spiral out of control so quickly. Col. Mustang had been in the process of stopping Ed from feeding Black Hayate a chocolate bar when Lt. Hawkeye had returned to the office. She immediately assumed that the two of them were trying to poison her dog, and all hell had broken loose.
Of course, they couldn't do the logical thing and stick around to explain. No, Ed had to grab his arm and drag him out of the office, with Roy inches behind them, as they ran away from the infuriated woman. Roy claimed it would be better this way.
They quickly locked themselves in a nearby room before Riza could catch up. Personally, Al thought that should be enough, but they insisted that they needed a better place to hide…and apparently, inside his armor had been the best option at the time.
Granted, Riza did manage to break into the room just moments after Al had finished reattaching his helmet. But he personally thought he did a stellar job of convincing Lt. Hawkeye that the two culprits had climbed out the window and run away. What he hadn't counted on was the two of them getting stuck inside.
Ask anyone, and they could have told you that trapping Roy Mustang and Ed Elric in a tiny space for too long would have explosive results. And you couldn't get much closer than two people jammed inside a suit of armor meant for one.
First, there had been shouting: (This is all your fault! What!? It's not my fault we're stuck in here…it was your hare-brained idea!)
Then there had been name calling: (You'd think a little guy like you would be able to wriggle out of here. Are you calling me short!? Don't you dare call me short you pompous dog of the military!)
But all that squirming and struggling to get out must have caused something to snap, because now Al was quite certain that for the past ten minutes, he'd been hearing the distinct sounds of kissing and little gasps and moans coming from inside his armor. It didn't bother him so much that his brother liked Col. Mustang in that way…anyone with eyes could see the chemistry between them. But doing things like that while inside him…even if he was just a big, hollow piece of armor…was downright invasive. He could still hear, after all.
He was just about to suggest that maybe Ed should just transmute his armor so that he and Col. Mustang could find somewhere more private to go when Lt. Hawkeye came back into the room. Without so much as a 'by your leave', she climbed onto a chair and tore off Al's helmet. Leaning over the neck hole, she rapidly began taking pictures of the two men stuck inside, both of them in various states of undress and sporting several hickeys and scratch marks.
Hmm…maybe he hadn't been so convincing after all.
"If you ever try to hurt my dog again, I will print these out and distribute them to everyone you know," Riza said in a cold, angry voice. Then, with a mock salute to her superior officer, she quickly turned and left the room.
Oh, great. Now they were giggling.
Without warning, Al flipped over and stood on his hands, pumping his arms up and down until his brother and Col. Mustang finally came tumbling out. With a 'hmmph', he reattached his head and stormed out of the room.
He'd had enough Sex Ed for one day.
